第 55 节
作者:南方网      更新:2021-02-19 19:55      字数:9290
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  only   to   sink   deeper   in   a   life   of   sin。   Her   legal   allowance   was   not
  adequate        to   her    fortune;     nor    sufficient     for   her    comfortable
  maintenance;         and    I  learnt   from    my    brother     that   the   power     of
  receiving  it  had   been made   over  some   months   before   to   another
  person。   He   imagined;   and   calmly   could   he   imagine   it;   that   her
  extravagance; and consequent distress; had obliged her to dispose
  of  it  for  some   immediate   relief。   At last;   however;   and   after   I   had
  been six months   in   England;   I  did  find   her。   Regard   for   a   former
  servant of my own; who had since  fallen into  misfortune;   carried
  me   to   visit   him   in   a   spunging…house;   where   he   was   confined   for
  debt; and there; the same house; under a similar confinement; was
  my unfortunate sister。 So altered—so faded—worn down by acute
  suffering of every kind! hardly could I believe the melancholy and
  sickly figure before me; to be the remains of the lovely; blooming;
  healthful   girl;   on   whom   I   had   once   doted。   What   I   endured   in   so
  beholding   her—but   I          have    no   right   to   wound     your   feelings   by
  attempting   to   describe   it—I   have   pained   you   too   much   already。
  That she was; to all appearance; in the last stage of a consumption;
  was—yes;        in  such    a  situation     it  was   my    greatest    comfort。     Life
  could      do   nothing      for   her;    beyond      giving     time    for   a   better
  preparation   for   death;   and   that   was   given。   I   saw   her   placed   in
  comfortable  lodgings; and   under   proper   attendants;   I   visited   her
  every  day  during  the  rest  of  her  short  life;   I   was   with  her  in   her
  last moments。”
  Again     he   stopped      to  recover     himself;     and   Elinor     spoke    her
  feelings   in   an   exclamation   of   tender   concern;   at   the   fate   of   his
  unfortunate friend。
  “Your      sister;   I  hope;    cannot    be   offended;”      said   he;   “by    the
  resemblance   I   have   fancied   between   her   and   my  poor   disgraced
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  relation。 Their fates; their fortunes; cannot be the same; and had
  the natural sweet disposition of the one been guarded by a firmer
  mind; or a happier marriage; she might have been all that you will
  live to see the other be。 But to what does all this lead? I seem to
  have     been   distressing     you   for  nothing。     Ah!   Miss   Dashwood—a
  subject      such     as   this—untouched          for   fourteen      years—it      is
  dangerous       to  handle     it  at  all!  I will  be   more    collected—more
  concise。     She    left  to  my    care   her   only   child;   a  little  girl;  the
  offspring of her first guilty connection; who was then about three
  years old。 She loved the child; and had always kept it with her。 It
  was   a   valued;   a   precious   trust   to   me;   and   gladly   would   I   have
  discharged it in the strictest sense; by watching over her education
  myself;   had   the   nature   of   our   situations   allowed   it;   but   I   had   no
  family; no home; and my little Eliza was therefore placed at school。
  I   saw   her   there   whenever      I  could;   and    after  the   death    of  my
  brother; (which happened about five years ago; and which  left  to
  me     the   possession     of  the   family    property;)    she    visited   me   at
  Delaford。 I called her a distant relation; but I am well aware that I
  have in general been suspected of a much nearer connection with
  her。 It is now three years ago (she had just reached her fourteenth
  year;) that I removed her from school; to place her under the care
  of a very respectable woman; residing in Dorsetshire; who had the
  charge of four or five other girls of about the same time of life; and
  for two years I had every reason to be pleased with her situation。
  But     last  February;     almost     a  twelvemonth       back;    she   suddenly
  disappeared。       I  had    allowed    her;   (imprudently;      as   it  has  since
  turned   out;)  at   her   earnest   desire;   to   go   to   Bath   with   one   of   her
  young friends; who was attending her father there for his health。 I
  knew him to be a very good sort of man; and I thought well of his
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  daughter—better   than   she   deserved;   for;   with   a         most   obstinate
  and ill…judged secrecy; she would tell nothing; would give no clue;
  though she certainly knew all。 He; her father; a well…meaning; but
  not     a   quick…sighted       man;    could     really;   I   believe;    give    no
  information;       for  he  had    been    generally    confined     to  the   house;
  while     the  girls  were    ranging     over   the   town    and   making     what
  acquaintance        they    chose;    and    he    tried   to   convince     me;    as
  thoroughly   as   he   was   convinced   himself;   of   his   daughter’s   being
  entirely     unconcerned       in   the  business。     In  short;    I  could   learn
  nothing but that she was gone; all the rest; for eight long months;
  was    left   to   conjecture。   What   I   thought;    what    I  feared;   may    be
  imagined; and what I suffered too。”
  “Good        heavens!”       cried      Elinor;     “could      it    be—could
  Willoughby!”—
  “The first news that reached me of her;” he continued; “came in
  a   letter   from   herself;   last   October。   It   was   forwarded   to   me   from
  Delaford;   and   I   received   it   on   the   very   morning   of   our   intended
  party to Whitwell; and this was the reason of my leaving Barton so
  suddenly; which I am sure must at the time have appeared strange
  to every body; and which I believe gave offence to some。 Little did
  Mr。   Willoughby  imagine;  I   suppose;   when   his looks   censured   me
  for incivility in breaking up the party; that I was called away to the
  relief of one whom he had made  poor  and miserable;   but had  he
  known   it;   what   would   it   have   availed?   Would   he   have   been   less
  gay or less happy in the smiles of your sister? No; he had already
  done   that;   which no  man   who can  feel   for  another  would do。  He
  had left the girl whose youth and innocence he had seduced; in a
  situation of the utmost distress; with no creditable home; no help;
  no friends; ignorant of his address! He had left her; promising  to
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  return; he neither returned; nor wrote; nor relieved her。”
  “This is beyond every thing!” exclaimed Elinor。
  “His   character   is   now   before   you;   expensive;   dissipated;   and
  worse than both。 Knowing all this; as I have now known it many
  weeks; guess what I must have felt on seeing your sister as fond of
  him   as   ever;   and   on   being   assured   that   she   was   to   marry   him;
  guess what I must have felt for all your sakes。 When I came to you
  last   week   and   found   you   alone;   I   came   determined   to   know   the
  truth;     though     irresolute     what    to   do   when     it was     known。     My
  behaviour   must   have   seemed   strange   to   you   then;   but   now   you
  will comprehend it。 To suffer you all to be so deceived; to see your
  sister—but   what   could   I   do?   I   had   no   hope   of   interfering   with
  success; and sometimes I thought your sister’s influence might yet
  reclaim   him。   But   now;   after   such   dishonourable   usage;   who   can
  tell what were his designs on her。 Whatever they may have been;
  however;       she   may   now;     and    hereafter   doubtless  will   turn        with
  gratitude towards her own condition;  when   she   compares   it  with
  that    of  my    poor    Eliza;   when      she   considers     the   wretched       and
  hopeless   situation   of   this   poor   girl;   and   pictures   her   to   herself;
  with an affection for him so strong; still as strong as her own; and
  with   a   mind   tormented   by