第 55 节
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only to sink deeper in a life of sin。 Her legal allowance was not
adequate to her fortune; nor sufficient for her comfortable
maintenance; and I learnt from my brother that the power of
receiving it had been made over some months before to another
person。 He imagined; and calmly could he imagine it; that her
extravagance; and consequent distress; had obliged her to dispose
of it for some immediate relief。 At last; however; and after I had
been six months in England; I did find her。 Regard for a former
servant of my own; who had since fallen into misfortune; carried
me to visit him in a spunging…house; where he was confined for
debt; and there; the same house; under a similar confinement; was
my unfortunate sister。 So altered—so faded—worn down by acute
suffering of every kind! hardly could I believe the melancholy and
sickly figure before me; to be the remains of the lovely; blooming;
healthful girl; on whom I had once doted。 What I endured in so
beholding her—but I have no right to wound your feelings by
attempting to describe it—I have pained you too much already。
That she was; to all appearance; in the last stage of a consumption;
was—yes; in such a situation it was my greatest comfort。 Life
could do nothing for her; beyond giving time for a better
preparation for death; and that was given。 I saw her placed in
comfortable lodgings; and under proper attendants; I visited her
every day during the rest of her short life; I was with her in her
last moments。”
Again he stopped to recover himself; and Elinor spoke her
feelings in an exclamation of tender concern; at the fate of his
unfortunate friend。
“Your sister; I hope; cannot be offended;” said he; “by the
resemblance I have fancied between her and my poor disgraced
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relation。 Their fates; their fortunes; cannot be the same; and had
the natural sweet disposition of the one been guarded by a firmer
mind; or a happier marriage; she might have been all that you will
live to see the other be。 But to what does all this lead? I seem to
have been distressing you for nothing。 Ah! Miss Dashwood—a
subject such as this—untouched for fourteen years—it is
dangerous to handle it at all! I will be more collected—more
concise。 She left to my care her only child; a little girl; the
offspring of her first guilty connection; who was then about three
years old。 She loved the child; and had always kept it with her。 It
was a valued; a precious trust to me; and gladly would I have
discharged it in the strictest sense; by watching over her education
myself; had the nature of our situations allowed it; but I had no
family; no home; and my little Eliza was therefore placed at school。
I saw her there whenever I could; and after the death of my
brother; (which happened about five years ago; and which left to
me the possession of the family property;) she visited me at
Delaford。 I called her a distant relation; but I am well aware that I
have in general been suspected of a much nearer connection with
her。 It is now three years ago (she had just reached her fourteenth
year;) that I removed her from school; to place her under the care
of a very respectable woman; residing in Dorsetshire; who had the
charge of four or five other girls of about the same time of life; and
for two years I had every reason to be pleased with her situation。
But last February; almost a twelvemonth back; she suddenly
disappeared。 I had allowed her; (imprudently; as it has since
turned out;) at her earnest desire; to go to Bath with one of her
young friends; who was attending her father there for his health。 I
knew him to be a very good sort of man; and I thought well of his
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daughter—better than she deserved; for; with a most obstinate
and ill…judged secrecy; she would tell nothing; would give no clue;
though she certainly knew all。 He; her father; a well…meaning; but
not a quick…sighted man; could really; I believe; give no
information; for he had been generally confined to the house;
while the girls were ranging over the town and making what
acquaintance they chose; and he tried to convince me; as
thoroughly as he was convinced himself; of his daughter’s being
entirely unconcerned in the business。 In short; I could learn
nothing but that she was gone; all the rest; for eight long months;
was left to conjecture。 What I thought; what I feared; may be
imagined; and what I suffered too。”
“Good heavens!” cried Elinor; “could it be—could
Willoughby!”—
“The first news that reached me of her;” he continued; “came in
a letter from herself; last October。 It was forwarded to me from
Delaford; and I received it on the very morning of our intended
party to Whitwell; and this was the reason of my leaving Barton so
suddenly; which I am sure must at the time have appeared strange
to every body; and which I believe gave offence to some。 Little did
Mr。 Willoughby imagine; I suppose; when his looks censured me
for incivility in breaking up the party; that I was called away to the
relief of one whom he had made poor and miserable; but had he
known it; what would it have availed? Would he have been less
gay or less happy in the smiles of your sister? No; he had already
done that; which no man who can feel for another would do。 He
had left the girl whose youth and innocence he had seduced; in a
situation of the utmost distress; with no creditable home; no help;
no friends; ignorant of his address! He had left her; promising to
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return; he neither returned; nor wrote; nor relieved her。”
“This is beyond every thing!” exclaimed Elinor。
“His character is now before you; expensive; dissipated; and
worse than both。 Knowing all this; as I have now known it many
weeks; guess what I must have felt on seeing your sister as fond of
him as ever; and on being assured that she was to marry him;
guess what I must have felt for all your sakes。 When I came to you
last week and found you alone; I came determined to know the
truth; though irresolute what to do when it was known。 My
behaviour must have seemed strange to you then; but now you
will comprehend it。 To suffer you all to be so deceived; to see your
sister—but what could I do? I had no hope of interfering with
success; and sometimes I thought your sister’s influence might yet
reclaim him。 But now; after such dishonourable usage; who can
tell what were his designs on her。 Whatever they may have been;
however; she may now; and hereafter doubtless will turn with
gratitude towards her own condition; when she compares it with
that of my poor Eliza; when she considers the wretched and
hopeless situation of this poor girl; and pictures her to herself;
with an affection for him so strong; still as strong as her own; and
with a mind tormented by