第 49 节
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南方网 更新:2021-02-19 19:55 字数:9256
to Marianne; whom she found attempting to rise from the bed; and
whom she reached just in time to prevent her from falling on the
floor; faint and giddy from a long want of proper rest and food; for
it was many days since she had any appetite; and many nights
since she had really slept; and now; when her mind was no longer
supported by the fever of suspense; the consequence of all this was
felt in an aching head; a weakened stomach; and a general nervous
faintness。 A glass of wine; which Elinor procured for her directly;
made her more comfortable; and she was at last able to express
some sense of her kindness; by saying;
“Poor Elinor! how unhappy I make you!”
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“I only wish;” replied her sister; “there were any thing I could
do; which might be of comfort to you。”
This; as every thing else would have been; was too much for
Marianne; who could only exclaim; in the anguish of her heart;
“Oh! Elinor; I am miserable; indeed;” before her voice was entirely
lost in sobs。
Elinor could no longer witness this torrent of unresisted grief in
silence。
“Exert yourself; dear Marianne;” she cried; “if you would not
kill yourself and all who love you。 Think of your mother; think of
her misery while you suffer; for her sake you must exert yourself。”
“I cannot; I cannot;” cried Marianne; “leave me; leave me; if I
distress you; leave me; hate me; forget me! but do not torture me
so。 Oh! how easy for those who have no sorrow of their own to talk
of exertion! Happy; happy Elinor; you cannot have an idea of what
I suffer。”
“Do you call me happy; Marianne? Ah! if you knew!—And can
you believe me to be so; while I see you so wretched!”
“Forgive me; forgive me;” throwing her arms round her sister’s
neck; “I know you feel for me; I know what a heart you have; but
yet you are—you must be happy; Edward loves you—what; oh
what; can do away such happiness as that?”
“Many; many circumstances;” said Elinor; solemnly。
“No; no; no;” cried Marianne wildly; “he loves you; and only
you。 You can have no grief。”
“I can have no pleasure while I see you in this state。”
“And you will never see me otherwise。 Mine is a misery which
nothing can do away。”
“You must not talk so; Marianne。 Have you no comforts? no
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friends? Is your loss such as leaves no opening for consolation?
Much as you suffer now; think of what you would have suffered if
the discovery of his character had been delayed to a later period—
if your engagement had been carried on for months and months;
as it might have been; before he chose to put an end to it。 Every
additional day of unhappy confidence; on your side; would have
made the blow more dreadful。”
“Engagement!” cried Marianne; “there has been no
engagement。”
“No engagement!”
“No; he is not so unworthy as you believe him。 He has broken
no faith with me。”
“But he told you that he loved you。”
“Yes—no—never absolutely。 It was every day implied; but
never professedly declared。 Sometimes I thought it had been—but
it never was。”
“Yet you wrote to him?”—
“Yes—could that be wrong after all that had passed?—But I
cannot talk。”
Elinor said no more; and turning again to the three letters
which now raised a much stronger curiosity than before; directly
ran over the contents of all。 The first; which was what her sister
had sent him on their arrival in town; was to this effect。
Berkeley…street; January。
How surprised you will be; Willoughby; on receiving this; and I
think you will feel something more than surprise; when you know
that I am in town。 An opportunity of coming hither; though with
Mrs。 Jennings; was a temptation we could not resist。 I wish you
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may receive this in time to come here to…night; but I will not
depend on it。 At any rate I shall expect you to…morrow。 For the
present; adieu。
M。D。
Her second note; which had been written on the morning after
the dance at the Middletons’; was in these words:—
I cannot express my disappointment in having missed you the
day before yesterday; nor my astonishment at not having received
any answer to a note which I sent you above a week ago。 I have
been expecting to hear from you; and still more to see you; every
hour of the day。 Pray call again as soon as possible; and explain
the reason of my having expected this in vain。 You had better
come earlier another time; because we are generally out by one。
We were last night at Lady Middleton’s; where there was a dance。
I have been told that you were asked to be of the party。 But could
it be so? You must be very much altered indeed since we parted; if
that could be the case; and you not there。 But I will not suppose
this possible; and I hope very soon to receive your personal
assurance of its being otherwise。
M。D。
The contents of her last note to him were these:—
What am I to imagine; Willoughby; by your behaviour last
night? Again I demand an explanation of it。 I was prepared to
meet you with the pleasure which our separation naturally
produced; with the familiarity which our intimacy at Barton
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appeared to me to justify。 I was repulsed indeed! I have passed a
wretched night in endeavouring to excuse a conduct which can
scarcely be called less than insulting; but though I have not yet
been able to form any reasonable apology for your behaviour; I am
perfectly ready to hear your justification of it。 You have perhaps
been misinformed; or purposely deceived; in something
concerning me; which may have lowered me in your opinion。 Tell
me what it is; explain the grounds on which you acted; and I shall
be satisfied; in being able to satisfy you。 It would grieve me indeed
to be obliged to think ill of you; but if I am to do it; if I am to learn
that you are not what we have hitherto believed you; that your
regard for us all was insincere; that your behaviour to me was
intended only to deceive; let it be told as soon as possible。 My
feelings are at present in a state of dreadful indecision; I wish to
acquit you; but certainty on either side will be ease to what I now
suffer。 If your sentiments are no longer what they were; you will
return my notes; and the lock of my hair which is in your
possession。
M。D。
That such letters; so full of affection and confidence; could have
been so answered; Elinor; for Willoughby’s sake; would have been
unwilling to believe。 But her condemnation of him did not blind
her to the impropriety of their having been written at all; and she
was silently grieving over the imprudence which had hazarded
such unsolicited proofs of tenderness; not warranted by anything
preceding; and most severely condemned by the event; when
Marianne; perceiving that she had finished the letters; observed to
her that they contained nothing but what any one would have
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