第 49 节
作者:南方网      更新:2021-02-19 19:55      字数:9256
  to Marianne; whom she found attempting to rise from the bed; and
  whom she reached just in time to prevent her from falling on the
  floor; faint and giddy from a long want of proper rest and food; for
  it   was   many   days   since   she   had   any   appetite;   and   many   nights
  since she had really slept; and now; when her mind was no longer
  supported by the fever of suspense; the consequence of all this was
  felt in an aching head; a weakened stomach; and a general nervous
  faintness。 A glass of wine; which Elinor procured for her directly;
  made   her   more   comfortable;   and   she   was   at  last  able   to   express
  some sense of her kindness; by saying;
  “Poor Elinor! how unhappy I make you!”
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  “I only wish;” replied her sister; “there were any thing I could
  do; which might be of comfort to you。”
  This;   as   every   thing   else   would   have   been;   was   too   much   for
  Marianne;   who   could   only   exclaim;   in   the   anguish   of   her   heart;
  “Oh! Elinor; I am miserable; indeed;” before her voice was entirely
  lost in sobs。
  Elinor could no longer witness this torrent of unresisted grief in
  silence。
  “Exert   yourself;   dear   Marianne;”   she   cried;   “if   you   would   not
  kill yourself and all who love you。 Think of your mother; think of
  her misery while you suffer; for her sake you must exert yourself。”
  “I cannot; I cannot;” cried Marianne;  “leave   me; leave me;   if I
  distress you; leave me; hate me; forget me! but do not torture me
  so。 Oh! how easy for those who have no sorrow of their own to talk
  of exertion! Happy; happy Elinor; you cannot have an idea of what
  I suffer。”
  “Do you call me happy; Marianne? Ah! if you knew!—And can
  you believe me to be so; while I see you so wretched!”
  “Forgive me; forgive me;” throwing her arms round her sister’s
  neck; “I know you feel for me; I know what a heart you have; but
  yet   you   are—you   must   be      happy;    Edward   loves     you—what;       oh
  what; can do away such happiness as that?”
  “Many; many circumstances;” said Elinor; solemnly。
  “No;   no;   no;”   cried   Marianne   wildly;   “he   loves   you;   and   only
  you。 You can have no grief。”
  “I can have no pleasure while I see you in this state。”
  “And you will never see me otherwise。 Mine is a misery which
  nothing can do away。”
  “You   must   not   talk   so;   Marianne。   Have   you   no   comforts?   no
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  friends?   Is   your   loss   such   as   leaves   no   opening   for   consolation?
  Much as you suffer now; think of what you would have suffered if
  the discovery of his character had been delayed to a later period—
  if your engagement had been carried on for months and months;
  as it might have been; before he chose to put an end   to  it。   Every
  additional   day   of   unhappy   confidence;   on   your   side;   would   have
  made the blow more dreadful。”
  “Engagement!”           cried    Marianne;       “there      has    been      no
  engagement。”
  “No engagement!”
  “No; he is not so unworthy as you believe him。 He has broken
  no faith with me。”
  “But he told you that he loved you。”
  “Yes—no—never           absolutely。    It  was    every   day    implied;    but
  never professedly declared。 Sometimes I thought it had been—but
  it never was。”
  “Yet you wrote to him?”—
  “Yes—could   that   be   wrong   after   all   that   had   passed?—But   I
  cannot talk。”
  Elinor    said   no   more;   and   turning   again    to  the   three   letters
  which now raised a much stronger curiosity than before; directly
  ran over the   contents   of all。   The   first;   which  was   what  her  sister
  had sent him on their arrival in town; was to this effect。
  Berkeley…street; January。
  How surprised you will be; Willoughby; on receiving this; and I
  think you will feel something more than surprise; when you know
  that I am in town。 An  opportunity  of  coming  hither;   though  with
  Mrs。   Jennings;   was   a   temptation   we   could   not   resist。   I   wish   you
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  may   receive      this  in  time   to   come   here    to…night;   but   I  will  not
  depend   on   it。   At   any   rate   I   shall   expect   you   to…morrow。   For   the
  present; adieu。
  M。D。
  Her second note; which had been written on the morning after
  the dance at the Middletons’; was in these words:—
  I cannot express my disappointment in having missed you  the
  day before yesterday; nor my astonishment at not having received
  any answer to  a note   which  I   sent  you  above   a   week   ago。   I   have
  been expecting to hear from you; and still more to see you; every
  hour  of  the   day。   Pray  call   again  as  soon as   possible;   and   explain
  the   reason   of   my   having   expected   this   in   vain。   You   had   better
  come   earlier  another  time;   because  we  are   generally   out   by   one。
  We were last night at Lady Middleton’s; where there was a dance。
  I have been told that you were asked to be of the party。 But could
  it be so? You must be very much altered indeed since we parted; if
  that could be the case; and you not there。 But I   will   not  suppose
  this    possible;   and    I  hope    very   soon    to  receive    your    personal
  assurance of its being otherwise。
  M。D。
  The contents of her last note to him were these:—
  What     am    I  to  imagine;    Willoughby;      by   your    behaviour     last
  night?   Again   I   demand   an   explanation   of   it。   I   was   prepared   to
  meet     you    with    the   pleasure     which     our    separation     naturally
  produced;       with   the   familiarity     which    our   intimacy      at  Barton
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  appeared to me to justify。 I was repulsed indeed! I have passed a
  wretched   night   in   endeavouring   to   excuse   a   conduct   which   can
  scarcely   be   called   less   than   insulting;   but   though   I   have   not   yet
  been able to form any reasonable apology for your behaviour; I am
  perfectly  ready  to  hear  your  justification  of  it。   You   have   perhaps
  been       misinformed;        or    purposely       deceived;       in   something
  concerning me; which may have lowered me in your opinion。 Tell
  me what it is; explain the grounds on which you acted; and I shall
  be satisfied; in being able to satisfy you。 It would grieve me indeed
  to be obliged to think ill of you; but if I am to do it; if I am to learn
  that   you   are   not   what   we   have   hitherto   believed   you;   that   your
  regard   for   us   all   was   insincere;   that   your   behaviour   to   me   was
  intended   only   to   deceive;   let   it   be   told   as   soon   as   possible。   My
  feelings are at present in a state of dreadful indecision;   I   wish  to
  acquit you; but certainty on either side will be ease to what I now
  suffer。 If your sentiments are no  longer  what  they  were;   you   will
  return     my    notes;    and    the  lock    of  my    hair   which     is  in  your
  possession。
  M。D。
  That such letters; so full of affection and confidence; could have
  been so answered; Elinor; for Willoughby’s sake; would have been
  unwilling  to believe。   But  her  condemnation   of   him   did   not   blind
  her to the impropriety of their having been written at all; and she
  was   silently   grieving   over   the   imprudence   which   had   hazarded
  such unsolicited proofs of tenderness; not warranted by anything
  preceding;       and   most    severely    condemned        by   the   event;    when
  Marianne; perceiving that she had finished the letters; observed to
  her   that   they   contained   nothing   but   what   any   one   would   have
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