第 37 节
作者:南方网      更新:2021-02-19 19:55      字数:9313
  regain tranquillity; but he; what had he to look forward to? Could
  he   ever   be   tolerably   happy   with   Lucy   Steele;   could   he;   were   his
  affection     for   herself   out   of   the  question;   with   his   integrity;   his
  delicacy;   and     well…informed       mind;    be   satisfied   with   a  wife   like
  her—illiterate; artful; and selfish?
  The youthful infatuation of nineteen would naturally blind him
  to   every    thing   but   her    beauty    and    good    nature;    but   the   four
  succeeding        years—years;       which     if  rationally    spent;   give    such
  improvement to the understanding; must have opened his eyes to
  her defects of education; while the same period of time; spent on
  her    side   in   inferior   society    and    more     frivolous    pursuits;    had
  perhaps      robbed     her   of  that   simplicity    which     might    once    have
  given an interesting character to her beauty。
  If   in  the   supposition      of  his   seeking     to  marry     herself;    his
  difficulties from his mother had seemed great; how much greater
  were they now likely to be; when the object of his engagement was
  undoubtedly        inferior    in  connections;      and    probably      inferior   in
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  fortune     to   herself。   These     difficulties;   indeed;    with    a  heart    so
  alienated from Lucy; might not press very hard upon his patience;
  but     melancholy       was    the   state   of   the   person     by    whom      the
  expectation of family opposition and unkindness; could be felt as a
  relief!
  As   these   considerations   occurred   to  her   in   painful   succession;
  she    wept     for  him;    more     than    for  herself。    Supported       by   the
  conviction       of   having      done     nothing      to   merit     her    present
  unhappiness;   and   consoled   by   the   belief   that   Edward   had   done
  nothing   to   forfeit   her   esteem;   she   thought   she   could   even   now;
  under the first smart of the heavy blow; command herself enough
  to guard every suspicion of the truth from her mother and sisters。
  And   so   well   was   she   able   to   answer   her   own   expectations;   that
  when she joined them at dinner only two hours after she had first
  suffered the extinction of all her dearest hopes; no one would have
  supposed       from    the   appearance       of  the   sisters;  that   Elinor    was
  mourning in secret over obstacles which must divide her for ever
  from     the  object    of  her   love;  and    that   Marianne      was   internally
  dwelling on the perfections of a man; of whose whole heart she felt
  thoroughly   possessed;         and   whom      she   expected     to  see   in  every
  carriage which drove near their house。
  The   necessity   of   concealing   from   her   mother   and   Marianne;
  what     had    been    entrusted      in  confidence      to  herself;    though     it
  obliged her to unceasing exertion; was no aggravation of Elinor’s
  distress。   On   the   contrary   it   was   a   relief   to   her;   to   be   spared   the
  communication of what would give such affliction to them; and to
  be    saved    likewise   from    hearing     that   condemnation        of  Edward;
  which      would     probably     flow    from    the   excess     of  their   partial
  affection   for   herself;   and   which   was   more   than   she   felt   equal   to
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  support。
  From their counsel; or their conversation; she knew  she  could
  receive no assistance; their tenderness and sorrow must add to her
  distress;      while     her     self…command         would      neither      receive
  encouragement from their example nor from their praise。 She was
  stronger   alone;   and   her   own   good   sense   so   well   supported   her;
  that     her    firmness      was     as   unshaken;       her     appearance        of
  cheerfulness       as  invariable;    as   with   regrets   so   poignant     and   so
  fresh; it was possible for them to be。
  Much as she had suffered from her first conversation with Lucy
  on   the  subject; she  soon   felt  an   earnest  wish   of   renewing   it;  and
  this    for  more     reasons     than    one。   She    wanted     to   hear    many
  particulars of their engagement repeated again; she wanted more
  clearly   to   understand   what   Lucy   really   felt   for   Edward;   whether
  there   were   any   sincerity   in   her   declaration   of   tender   regard   for
  him;     and    she   particularly     wanted     to   convince     Lucy;    by    her
  readiness      to  enter    on   the  matter     again;   and    her   calmness     in
  conversing on it; that she was no otherwise interested in it than as
  a friend; which she very much feared her involuntary agitation; in
  their   morning   discourse;   must   have   left   at   least   doubtful。       That
  Lucy was disposed to be jealous of her; appeared very probable; it
  was plain that Edward had always spoken highly in her praise; not
  merely from Lucy’s assertion; but from her venturing to trust her
  on so short a personal acquaintance; with a secret so confessedly
  and  evidently  important。 And   even Sir  John’s   joking   intelligence
  must have had some weight。 But indeed; while Elinor remained so
  well assured within   herself  of being  really  beloved by  Edward; it
  required no other consideration of probabilities to make it natural
  that    Lucy    should     be   jealous;   and    that   she   was    so;  her   very
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  confidence was a proof。 What other reason for the disclosure of the
  affair   could   there   be;   but   that   Elinor   might   be   informed   by   it   of
  Lucy’s superior claims on Edward; and be taught to avoid him in
  future? She had little difficulty in understanding thus much of her
  rival’s intentions; and while she was firmly resolved to act by her
  as every principle of honour and honesty directed; to combat her
  own affection for Edward and to see him as little as possible; she
  could   not   deny   herself   the   comfort   of   endeavouring   to   convince
  Lucy that her heart was unwounded。 And as she could now have
  nothing more painful to hear on the subject than had already been
  told;   she    did  not   mistrust     her   own    ability  of  going    through     a
  repetition of particulars with composure。
  But   it   was   not   immediately   that   an     opportunity   of     doing   so
  could be commanded; though Lucy was as well disposed as herself
  to  take   advantage   of  any   that   occurred;   for   the   weather   was   not
  often   fine   enough  to  allow  of   their   joining   in   a   walk;   where   they
  might      most    easily   separate     themselves       from    the   others;    and
  though they met at least every other evening either at the park or
  cottage; and chiefly at the former; they could   not be   supposed   to
  meet   for   the   sake   of   conversation。   Such   a   thought   would   never
  enter   either   Sir   John   or   Lady   Middleton’s        head;    and   therefore
  very little leisure was ever given for a general chat; and none at all
  for particular discourse。 They met for the sake of eating; drinking;
  and laughing together;   playing  at  cards;   or  consequences;   or any
  other game that was sufficiently noisy。
  One     or  two   meetings      of  this  kind   had    taken    place;   without
  affording Elinor any chance of engaging Lucy in private; when Sir
  John   called   at   the   cottage   one   morning;   to   beg   in   the   name   of
  charity; that they would all dine with Lady Middleton that day; as
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  he    was    obliged    to  attend    the   club   at   Exeter;    and    she   would
  otherwise   be   quite   alone;   except   her   mother   and   the         two   Miss
  Steeles。 Elinor; who foresaw a fairer opening for the point she had
  in   view;   in   such   a   party   as   this   was   likely   to   be;   more   at   liberty
  among   themselves   under   the   tranquil   and   well…bred   direction   of
  Lady Middleton