第 36 节
作者:南方网      更新:2021-02-19 19:55      字数:9264
  I   was    in   the   greatest    fright   in   the   world     t’other   day;    when
  Edward’s   name   was   mentioned   by   Sir   John;   lest   she   should   out
  with   it   all。   You   can’t   think   how   much   I   go   through   in   my   mind
  from it altogether。 I only wonder that I am alive after what I have
  suffered   for   Edward’s   sake   these   last   four   years。   Every   thing   in
  such   suspense   and   uncertainty;   and   seeing   him   so   seldom—we
  can hardly meet above twice a…year。 I am sure I wonder my heart
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  is not quite broke。”
  Here she took out her handkerchief; but Elinor did not feel very
  compassionate。
  “Sometimes。”   continued   Lucy;   after   wiping   her   eyes;   “I   think
  whether it would not be better for us both to break off the matter
  entirely。” As she said   this; she   looked   directly  at  her  companion。
  “But   then   at   other   times   I   have   not   resolution   enough   for   it。—I
  cannot bear the thoughts of making him   so miserable; as   I know
  the    very   mention     of  such   a   thing   would    do。  And    on   my   own
  account too—so dear as he is to me—I don’t think I could be equal
  to   it。  What    would    you   advise    me   to  do   in  such    a  case;   Miss
  Dashwood? What would you do yourself?”
  “Pardon   me;”   replied   Elinor;   startled   by   the   question;   “but   I
  can    give   you   no   advice    under    such    circumstances。      Your    own
  judgment must direct you。”
  “To   be   sure;”   continued   Lucy;   after   a   few   minutes   silence   on
  both sides; “his mother must provide for him  sometime   or  other;
  but   poor   Edward   is   so   cast   down   by   it!   Did   you   not   think   him
  dreadful low…spirited when he was at Barton? He was so miserable
  when he left us at Longstaple; to go to you; that I was afraid you
  would think him quite ill。”
  “Did he come from your uncle’s; then; when he visited us?”
  “Oh; yes; he had been staying a fortnight with us。 Did you think
  he came directly from town?”
  “No;”     replied   Elinor;    most   feelingly    sensible    of  every   fresh
  circumstance in favour of Lucy’s veracity; “I remember he told us;
  that    he   had   been    staying    a  fortnight    with   some    friends    near
  Plymouth。” She remembered too; her own surprise at the time; at
  his mentioning nothing farther of those friends; at his total silence
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  with respect even to their names。
  “Did not you think him sadly out of spirits?” repeated Lucy。
  “We did; indeed; particularly so when he first arrived。”
  “I begged him to exert himself for fear you should suspect what
  was the matter; but it made him so melancholy; not being able to
  stay    more    than    a  fortnight    with   us;  and    seeing    me   so   much
  affected。—Poor   fellow!—I   am   afraid   it  is   just   the   same   with   him
  now; for he writes in wretched spirits。 I heard from him just before
  I   left  Exeter;”    taking   a   letter  from    her   pocket    and   carelessly
  showing the direction to Elinor。 “You know his hand; I dare say; a
  charming   one   it   is;   but   that   is   not   written   so   well   as   usual。—He
  was tired; I dare say; for he had just filled the sheet to me as full as
  possible。”
  Elinor saw that it was his hand; and she could doubt no longer。
  This picture; she had allowed herself to believe; might have been
  accidentally obtained; it might not have been Edward’s gift; but a
  correspondence between them by letter; could subsist only under
  a positive engagement; could be authorised by nothing else; for a
  few   moments;   she   was   almost   overcome—her   heart   sunk   within
  her;   and   she   could   hardly   stand;   but   exertion   was   indispensably
  necessary; and she struggled so resolutely against the oppression
  of   her   feelings;   that   her   success   was   speedy;    and    for  the  time
  complete。
  “Writing to each other;” said Lucy; returning the letter into her
  pocket; “is the only comfort we have in such long separations。 Yes;
  I have one other comfort in his picture; but poor Edward has not
  even that。 If he had   but my  picture;   he   says   he   should   be  easy。   I
  gave him a lock of my hair set in a ring when he was at Longstaple
  last; and that was some comfort to him; he said; but not equal to a
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  picture。 Perhaps you might notice the ring when you saw him?”
  “I   did;”   said   Elinor;   with   a   composure   of   voice;   under   which
  was concealed an emotion and distress beyond any thing she had
  ever felt before。 She was mortified; shocked; confounded。
  Fortunately for her; they had now reached the cottage; and the
  conversation       could    be   continued     no   farther。   After   sitting   with
  them   a   few   minutes;   the   Miss   Steeles   returned   to   the   Park;   and
  Elinor was then at liberty to think and be wretched。
  End of Volume I
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  VOLUME II
  CHAPTER I
  owever     small    Elinor’s   general    dependence       on   Lucy’s
  veracity  might  be;   it  was   impossible   for   her   on   serious
  H
  reflection   to   suspect   it   in   the   present   case;   where   no
  temptation       could    be   answerable      to   the   folly  of  inventing     a
  falsehood   of   such   a   description。   What   Lucy   had   asserted   to   be
  true;    therefore;     Elinor    could    not;   dared     not   longer     doubt;
  supported   as   it   was   too   on   every   side   by   such   probabilities   and
  proofs;   and   contradicted   by   nothing   but   her   own   wishes。   Their
  opportunity       of  acquaintance      in  the   house    of  Mr。   Pratt   was   a
  foundation   for   the   rest;   at   once   indisputable   and   alarming;   and
  Edward’s   visit   near   Plymouth;   his   melancholy   state   of   mind;   his
  dissatisfaction      at  his   own    prospects;     his  uncertain     behaviour
  towards herself; the intimate knowledge of the Miss Steeles as to
  Norland and their family connections; which  had  often   surprised
  her; the picture; the letter; the ring; formed altogether such a body
  of evidence; as overcame   every  fear  of   condemning  him   unfairly;
  and  established as a   fact;   which  no partiality  could  set  aside;   his
  ill…treatment   of   herself。—Her   resentment   of   such   behaviour;   her
  indignation at having been its dupe; for a short time made her feel
  only for herself; but other ideas; other considerations; soon arose。
  Had Edward been intentionally  deceiving  her?  Had   he   feigned a
  regard for her which he did not feel? Was his engagement to Lucy
  an   engagement   of   the   heart?   No;   whatever   it   might   once   have
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  been; she could not believe it such at present。 His affection was all
  her  own。   She  could   not be  deceived   in   that。   Her   mother;   sisters;
  Fanny; all had been conscious of his regard for her at Norland; it
  was not an illusion of her own vanity。 He certainly loved her。 What
  a softener of the heart was this persuasion! How much could it not
  tempt her to forgive! He had been blameable; highly blameable; in
  remaining at Norland after he first felt her influence over him  to
  be more than it ought to be。 In that; he could not be defended; but
  if he had injured   her;   how  much more  had   he injured   himself;   if
  her    case   were    pitiable;   his  was    hopeless。     His   imprudence       had
  made  her   miserable   for   a   while;   but   it  seemed   to   have   deprived
  himself  of  all   chance   of   ever   being   otherwise。   She   might   in   time
  regain tranquillity; but he; what had he to look forward