第 187 节
作者:左思右想      更新:2021-02-19 19:48      字数:9322
  unaware of all the treason that was in store for him; walked
  about the town wildly until he fell upon the Secretary of
  Legation; Tapeworm; who invited him to dinner。  As they
  were discussing that meal; he took occasion to ask the
  Secretary whether he knew anything about a certain
  Mrs。 Rawdon Crawley; who had; he believed; made
  some noise in London; and then Tapeworm; who of
  course knew all the London gossip; and was besides a
  relative of Lady Gaunt; poured out into the astonished
  Major's ears such a history about Becky and her husband
  as astonished the querist; and supplied all the points of
  this narrative; for it was at that very table years ago
  that the present writer had the pleasure of hearing the
  tale。  Tufto; Steyne; the Crawleys; and their history
  everything connected with Becky and her previous life
  passed under the record of the bitter diplomatist。  He knew
  everything and a great deal besides; about all the world
  in a word; he made the most astounding revelations to
  the simple…hearted Major。  When Dobbin said that Mrs。
  Osborne and Mr。 Sedley had taken her into their house;
  Tapeworm burst into a peal of laughter which shocked
  the Major; and asked if they had not better send into the
  prison and take in one or two of the gentlemen in shaved
  heads and yellow jackets who swept the streets of
  Pumpernickel; chained in pairs; to board and lodge; and act
  as tutor to that little scapegrace Georgy。
  This information astonished and horrified the Major not
  a little。  It had been agreed in the morning (before meeting
  with Rebecca) that Amelia should go to the Court
  ball that night。  There would be the place where he should
  tell her。  The Major went home; and dressed himself in his
  uniform; and repaired to Court; in hopes to see Mrs。
  Osborne。  She never came。  When he returned to his
  lodgings all the lights in the Sedley tenement were put
  out。  He could not see her till the morning。  I don't know
  what sort of a night's rest he had with this frightful
  secret in bed with him。
  At the earliest convenient hour in the morning he sent
  his servant across the way with a note; saying that he
  wished very particularly to speak with her。  A message
  came back to say that Mrs。 Osborne was exceedingly
  unwell and was keeping her room。
  She; too; had been awake all that night。  She had been
  thinking of a thing which had agitated her mind a
  hundred times before。  A hundred times on the point of yielding;
  she had shrunk back from a sacrifice which she felt
  was too much for her。  She couldn't; in spite of his love
  and constancy and her own acknowledged regard;
  respect; and gratitude。  What are benefits; what is
  constancy; or merit? One curl of a girl's ringlet; one hair of a
  whisker; will turn the scale against them all in a minute。
  They did not weigh with Emmy more than with other
  women。  She had tried them; wanted to make them pass;
  could not; and the pitiless little woman had found a
  pretext; and determined to be free。
  When at length; in the afternoon; the Major gained
  admission to Amelia; instead of the cordial and
  affectionate greeting; to which he had been accustomed now
  for many a long day; he received the salutation of a
  curtsey; and of a little gloved hand; retracted the moment
  after it was accorded to him。
  Rebecca; too; was in the room; and advanced to meet
  him with a smile and an extended hand。  Dobbin drew
  back rather confusedly; 〃II beg your pardon; m'am;〃
  he said; 〃but I am bound to tell you that it is not as your
  friend that I am come here now。〃
  〃Pooh!  damn; don't let us have this sort of thing!〃
  Jos cried out; alarmed; and anxious to get rid of a scene。
  〃I wonder what Major Dobbin has to say against
  Rebecca?〃 Amelia said in a low; clear voice with a slight
  quiver in it; and a very determined look about the eyes。
  〃I will not have this sort of thing in my house;〃 Jos
  again interposed。  〃I say I will not have it; and Dobbin; I
  beg; sir; you'll stop it。〃 And he looked round; trembling
  and turning very red; and gave a great puff; and
  made for his door。
  〃Dear friend!〃 Rebecca said with angelic sweetness;
  〃do hear what Major Dobbin has to say against me。〃
  〃I will not hear it; I say;〃 squeaked out Jos at the
  top of his voice; and; gathering up his dressing…gown; he
  was gone。
  〃We are only two women;〃 Amelia said。  〃You can
  speak now; sir。〃
  〃This manner towards me is one which scarcely
  becomes you; Amelia;〃 the Major answered haughtily; 〃nor
  I believe am I guilty of habitual harshness to women。  It
  is not a pleasure to me to do the duty which I am come
  to do。〃
  〃Pray proceed with it quickly; if you please; Major
  Dobbin;〃 said Amelia; who was more and more in a pet。  The
  expression of Dobbin's face; as she spoke in this
  imperious manner; was not pleasant。
  〃I came to sayand as you stay; Mrs。 Crawley; I must
  say it in your presencethat I think youyou ought
  not to form a member of the family of my friends。  A
  lady who is separated from her husband; who travels not
  under her own name; who frequents public gaming…
  tables〃
  〃It was to the ball I went;〃 cried out Becky。
  〃is not a fit companion for Mrs。 Osborne and her
  son;〃 Dobbin went on:  〃and I may add that there are
  people here who know you; and who profess to know
  that regarding your conduct about which I don't even
  wish to speak beforebefore Mrs。 Osborne。〃
  〃Yours is a very modest and convenient sort of calumny;
  Major Dobbin;〃 Rebecca said。  〃You leave me under
  the weight of an accusation which; after all; is unsaid。
  What is it? Is it unfaithfulness to my husband? I scorn it
  and defy anybody to prove itI defy you; I say。  My
  honour is as untouched as that of the bitterest enemy
  who ever maligned me。  Is it of being poor; forsaken;
  wretched; that you accuse me? Yes; I am guilty of those
  faults; and punished for them every day。  Let me go;
  Emmy。  It is only to suppose that I have not met you;
  and I am no worse to…day than I was yesterday。  It is
  only to suppose that the night is over and the poor
  wanderer is on her way。  Don't you remember the song
  we used to sing in old; dear old days? I have been
  wandering ever since thena poor castaway; scorned for
  being miserable; and insulted because I am alone。  Let me
  go:  my stay here interferes with the plans of this
  gentleman。〃
  〃Indeed it does; madam;〃 said the Major。  〃If I have
  any authority in this house〃
  〃Authority; none!〃 broke out Amelia 〃Rebecca;
  you stay with me。  I won't desert you because you have
  been persecuted; or insult you becausebecause Major
  Dobbin chooses to do so。  Come away; dear。〃 And the
  two women made towards the door。
  William opened it。  As they were going out; however; he
  took Amelia's hand and said〃Will you stay a moment
  and speak to me?〃
  〃He wishes to speak to you away from me;〃 said
  Becky; looking like a martyr。  Amelia gripped her hand in
  reply。
  〃Upon my honour it is not about you that I am going
  to speak;〃 Dobbin said。  〃Come back; Amelia;〃 and she
  came。  Dobbin bowed to Mrs。 Crawley; as he shut the
  door upon her。  Amelia looked at him; leaning against the
  glass:  her face and her lips were quite white。
  〃I was confused when I spoke just now;〃 the Major
  said after a pause; 〃and I misused the word authority。〃
  〃You did;〃 said Amelia with her teeth chattering。
  〃At least I have claims to be heard;〃 Dobbin
  continued。
  〃It is generous to remind me of our obligations to you;〃
  the woman answered。
  〃The claims I mean are those left me by George's
  father;〃 William said。
  〃Yes; and you insulted his memory。  You did yesterday。
  You know you did。  And I will never forgive you。  Never!〃
  said Amelia。  She shot out each little sentence in a tremor
  of anger and emotion。
  〃You don't mean that; Amelia?〃 William said sadly。
  〃You don't mean that these words; uttered in a hurried
  moment; are to weigh against a whole life's devotion? I
  think that George's memory has not been injured by the
  way in which I have dealt with it; and if we are come to
  bandying reproaches; I at least merit none from his
  widow and the mother of his son。  Reflect; afterwards when
  when you are at leisure; and your conscience will
  withdraw this accusation。  It does even now。〃 Amelia held
  down her head。
  〃It is not that speech of yesterday;〃 he continued;
  〃which moves you。  That is but the pretext; Amelia; or I
  have loved you and watched you for fifteen years in vain。
  Have I not learned in that time to read all your feelings
  and look into your thoughts? I know what your heart
  is capable of:  it can cling faithfully to a recollection and
  cherish a fancy; but it can't feel such an attachment as
  mine deserves to mate with; and such as I would have
  won from a woman more generous than you。  No; you
  are not worthy of the love which I have devoted to you。
  I knew all along that the prize I had set my life on was
  not worth the winning; that I was a fool; with fond
  fancies; too; bartering away my all of truth and ardour
  against your little feeble remnant of love。  I will bargain
  no more:  I withdraw。  I find no fault with you。  You are
  very good…natured; and have done your best; but you
  couldn'tyou couldn't reach up to the height of the
  attachment which I bore you; and which a loftier soul than
  yours might have been proud to share。  G