第 138 节
作者:
左思右想 更新:2021-02-19 19:48 字数:9322
says one。 〃Be off;〃 says another fiercely。 Three…and…sixpence
has been spent in vainthe screens retire to Miss
Clapp's bedroom; who persists in thinking them lovely。
She writes out a little card in her neatest hand; and
after long thought and labour of composition; in which the
public is informed that 〃A Lady who has some time at
her disposal; wishes to undertake the education of some
little girls; whom she would instruct in English; in French;
in Geography; in History; and in Musicaddress A。 O。;
at Mr。 Brown's〃; and she confides the card to the gentleman
of the Fine Art Repository; who consents to allow
it to lie upon the counter; where it grows dingy and
fly…blown。 Amelia passes the door wistfully many a time;
in hopes that Mr。 Brown will have some news to give
her; but he never beckons her in。 When she goes to
make little purchases; there is no news for her。 Poor
simple lady; tender and weakhow are you to battle
with the struggling violent world?
She grows daily more care…worn and sad; fixing upon
her child alarmed eyes; whereof the little boy cannot
interpret the expression。 She starts up of a night and
peeps into his room stealthily; to see that he is sleeping
and not stolen away。 She sleeps but little now。 A
constant thought and terror is haunting her。 How she
weeps and prays in the long silent nightshow she tries
to hide from herself the thought which will return to her;
that she ought to part with the boy; that she is the only
barrier between him and prosperity。 She can't; she can't。
Not now; at least。 Some other day。 Oh! it is too hard to
think of and to bear。
A thought comes over her which makes her blush and
turn from herselfher parents might keep the annuity
the curate would marry her and give a home to her
and the boy。 But George's picture and dearest memory
are there to rebuke her。 Shame and love say no to the
sacrifice。 She shrinks from it as from something unholy;
and such thoughts never found a resting…place in that
pure and gentle bosom。
The combat; which we describe in a sentence or two;
lasted for many weeks in poor Amelia's heart; during
which she had no confidante; indeed; she could never
have one; as she would not allow to herself the
possibility of yielding; though she was giving way daily
before the enemy with whom she had to battle。 One truth
after another was marshalling itself silently against her
and keeping its ground。 Poverty and misery for all; want
and degradation for her parents; injustice to the boy
one by one the outworks of the little citadel were taken;
in which the poor soul passionately guarded her only
love and treasure。
At the beginning of the struggle; she had written off a
letter of tender supplication to her brother at Calcutta;
imploring him not to withdraw the support which he had
granted to their parents and painting in terms of artless
pathos their lonely and hapless condition。 She did not
know the truth of the matter。 The payment of Jos's
annuity was still regular; but it was a money…lender in the
City who was receiving it: old Sedley had sold it for a
sum of money wherewith to prosecute his bootless
schemes。 Emmy was calculating eagerly the time that
would elapse before the letter would arrive and be
answered。 She had written down the date in her pocket…
book of the day when she dispatched it。 To her son's
guardian; the good Major at Madras; she had not
communicated any of her griefs and perplexities。 She had
not written to him since she wrote to congratulate him on
his approaching marriage。 She thought with sickening
despondency; that that friendthe only one; the one
who had felt such a regard for herwas fallen away。
One day; when things had come to a very bad pass
when the creditors were pressing; the mother in
hysteric grief; the father in more than usual gloom; the
inmates of the family avoiding each other; each secretly
oppressed with his private unhappiness and notion of
wrongthe father and daughter happened to be left
alone together; and Amelia thought to comfort her father
by telling him what she had done。 She had written to
Josephan answer must come in three or four months。
He was always generous; though careless。 He could not
refuse; when he knew how straitened were the
circumstances of his parents。
Then the poor old gentleman revealed the whole truth
to herthat his son was still paying the annuity; which
his own imprudence had flung away。 He had not dared
to tell it sooner。 He thought Amelia's ghastly and terrified
look; when; with a trembling; miserable voice he made
the confession; conveyed reproaches to him for his
concealment。 〃Ah!〃 said he with quivering lips and turning
away; 〃you despise your old father now!〃
〃Oh; papal it is not that;〃 Amelia cried out; falling
on his neck and kissing him many times。 〃You are
always good and kind。 You did it for the best。 It is not
for the moneyit ismy God! my God! have mercy
upon me; and give me strength to bear this trial〃; and
she kissed him again wildly and went away。
Still the father did not know what that explanation
meant; and the burst of anguish with which the poor
girl left him。 It was that she was conquered。 The sentence
was passed。 The child must go from herto othersto
forget her。 Her heart and her treasureher joy; hope;
love; worshipher God; almost! She must give him up;
and thenand then she would go to George; and they
would watch over the child and wait for him until he
came to them in Heaven。
She put on her bonnet; scarcely knowing what she did;
and went out to walk in the lanes by which George used
to come back from school; and where she was in the
habit of going on his return to meet the boy。 It was
May; a half…holiday。 The leaves were all coming out;
the weather was brilliant; the boy came running to her
flushed with health; singing; his bundle of school…books
hanging by a thong。 There he was。 Both her arms were
round him。 No; it was impossible。 They could not be
going to part。 〃What is the matter; Mother?〃 said he;
〃you look very pale。〃
〃Nothing; my child;〃 she said and stooped down and
kissed him。
That night Amelia made the boy read the story of
Samuel to her; and how Hannah; his mother; having
weaned him; brought him to Eli the High Priest to
minister before the Lord。 And he read the song of gratitude
which Hannah sang; and which says; who it is who
maketh poor and maketh rich; and bringeth low and
exaltethhow the poor shall be raised up out of the
dust; and how; in his own might; no man shall be strong。
Then he read how Samuel's mother made him a little
coat and brought it to him from year to year when she
came up to offer the yearly sacrifice。 And then; in her
sweet simple way; George's mother made commentaries
to the boy upon this affecting story。 How Hannah; though
she loved her son so much; yet gave him up because
of her vow。 And how she must always have thought of
him as she sat at home; far away; making the little
coat; and Samuel; she was sure; never forgot his mother;
and how happy she must have been as the time came
(and the years pass away very quick) when she should
see her boy and how good and wise he had grown。 This
little sermon she spoke with a gentle solemn voice; and
dry eyes; until she came to the account of their
meetingthen the discourse broke off suddenly; the tender
heart overflowed; and taking the boy to her breast; she
rocked him in her arms and wept silently over him in
a sainted agony of tears。
Her mind being made up; the widow began to take
such measures as seemed right to her for advancing the
end which she proposed。 One day; Miss Osborne; in
Russell Square (Amelia had not written the name or number
of the house for ten yearsher youth; her early story
came back to her as she wrote the superscription) one
day Miss Osborne got a letter from Amelia which made
her blush very much and look towards her father; sitting
glooming in his place at the other end of the table。
In simple terms; Amelia told her the reasons which
had induced her to change her mind respecting her boy。
Her father had met with fresh misfortunes which had
entirely ruined him。 Her own pittance was so small that
it would barely enable her to support her parents and
would not suffice to give George the advantages which
were his due。 Great as her sufferings would be at parting
with him she would; by God's help; endure them for the
boy's sake。 She knew that those to whom he was going
would do all in their power to make him happy。 She
described his disposition; such as she fancied itquick
and impatient of control or harshness; easily to be moved
by love and kindness。 In a postscript; she stipulated that
she should have a written agreement; that she should
see the child as often as she wishedshe could not
part with him under any other terms。
〃What? Mrs。 Pride has come down; has she?〃 old
Osborne said; when with a tremulous eager voice Miss
Osborne read him the letter。 〃Reg'lar starved out; hey?
Ha; ha! I knew she would。〃 He tried to keep his dignity
and to read his paper as usualbut he could not follow
it。 He chuckled and swore to himself behind the sheet。
At last he flung it down and; scowling at hi