dumpy　legs　in　black　worsted　stockings。　　The　sideboard
  was　covered　with　glistening　old　plateold　cups；　both
  gold　and　silver；　old　salvers　and　cruet…stands；　like
  Rundell　and　Bridge's　shop。　　Everything　on　the　table　was　in
  silver　too；　and　two　footmen；　with　red　hair　and　canary…
  coloured　liveries；　stood　on　either　side　of　the　sideboard。
  Mr。　Crawley　said　a　long　grace；　and　Sir　Pitt　said　amen；
  and　the　great　silver　dish…covers　were　removed。
  〃What　have　we　for　dinner；　Betsy？'　said　the　Baronet。
  〃Mutton　broth；　I　believe；　Sir　Pitt；〃　answered　Lady
  Crawley。
  〃Mouton　aux　navets；〃　added　the　butler　gravely
  （pronounce；　if　you　please；　moutongonavvy）；　〃and　the
  soup　is　potage　de　mouton　a　l'Ecossaise。　　The　side…dishes
  contain　pommes　de　terre　au　naturel；　and　choufleur　a　l'eau。〃
  〃Mutton's　mutton；〃　said　the　Baronet；　〃and　a　devilish
  good　thing。　　What　SHIP　was　it；　Horrocks；　and　when　did
  you　kill？〃
  〃One　of　the　black…faced　Scotch；　Sir　Pitt：　we　killed　on　Thursday。
  〃Who　took　any？〃
  〃Steel；　of　Mudbury；　took　the　saddle　and　two　legs；　Sir
  Pitt；　but　he　says　the　last　was　too　young　and　confounded
  woolly；　Sir　Pitt。〃
  〃Will　you　take　some　potage；　Miss　ahMiss　Blunt？
  said　Mr。　Crawley。
  〃Capital　Scotch　broth；　my　dear；〃　said　Sir　Pitt；　〃though
  they　call　it　by　a　French　name。〃
  〃I　believe　it　is　the　custom；　sir；　in　decent　society；〃　said
  Mr。　Crawley；　haughtily；　〃to　call　the　dish　as　I　have　called
  it〃；　and　it　was　served　to　us　on　silver　soup　plates　by　the
  footmen　in　the　canary　coats；　with　the　mouton　aux
  navets。　　Then　〃ale　and　water〃　were　brought；　and　served
  to　us　young　ladies　in　wine…glasses。　　I　am　not　a　judge　of
  ale；　but　I　can　say　with　a　clear　conscience　I　prefer　water。
  While　we　were　enjoying　our　repast；　Sir　Pitt　took
  occasion　to　ask　what　had　become　of　the　shoulders　of
  the　mutton。
  〃I　believe　they　were　eaten　in　the　servants'　hall；〃　said
  my　lady；　humbly。
  〃They　was；　my　lady；〃　said　Horrocks；　〃and　precious
  little　else　we　get　there　neither。〃
  Sir　Pitt　burst　into　a　horse…laugh；　and　continued　his
  conversation　with　Mr。　Horrocks。　　〃That　there　little　black
  pig　of　the　Kent　sow's　breed　must　be　uncommon　fat
  now。〃
  〃It's　not　quite　busting；　Sir　Pitt；〃　said　the　butler　with
  the　gravest　air；　at　which　Sir　Pitt；　and　with　him　the　young
  ladies；　this　time；　began　to　laugh　violently。
  〃Miss　Crawley；　Miss　Rose　Crawley；〃　said　Mr。　Crawley；
  〃your　laughter　strikes　me　as　being　exceedingly　out
  of　place。〃
  〃Never　mind；　my　lord；〃　said　the　Baronet；　〃we'll　try
  the　porker　on　Saturday。　　Kill　un　on　Saturday　morning；
  John　Horrocks。　　Miss　Sharp　adores　pork；　don't　you；　Miss
  Sharp？〃
  And　I　think　this　is　all　the　conversation　that　I　remember
  at　dinner。　　When　the　repast　was　concluded　a　jug　of
  hot　water　was　placed　before　Sir　Pitt；　with　a　case…bottle
  containing；　I　believe；　rum。　　Mr。　Horrocks　served　myself
  and　my　pupils　with　three　little　glasses　of　wine；　and　a
  bumper　was　poured　out　for　my　lady。　　When　we　retired；
  she　took　from　her　work…drawer　an　enormous　interminable
  piece　of　knitting；　the　young　ladies　began　to　play　at
  cribbage　with　a　dirty　pack　of　cards。　　We　had　but　one
  candle　lighted；　but　it　was　in　a　magnificent　old　silver
  candlestick；　and　after　a　very　few　questions　from　my　lady；
  I　had　my　choice　of　amusement　between　a　volume　of
  sermons；　and　a　pamphlet　on　the　corn…laws；　which　Mr。
  Crawley　had　been　reading　before　dinner。
  So　we　sat　for　an　hour　until　steps　were　heard。
  〃Put　away　the　cards；　girls；〃　cried　my　lady；　in　a　great
  tremor；　〃put　down　Mr。　Crawley's　books；　Miss　Sharp〃；
  and　these　orders　had　been　scarcely　obeyed；　when　Mr。
  Crawley　entered　the　room。
  〃We　will　resume　yesterday's　discourse；　young　ladies；〃
  said　he；　〃and　you　shall　each　read　a　page　by　turns；　so
  that　Miss　aMiss　Short　may　have　an　opportunity　of
  hearing　you〃；　and　the　poor　girls　began　to　spell　a　long
  dismal　sermon　delivered　at　Bethesda　Chapel；　Liverpool；
  on　behalf　of　the　mission　for　the　Chickasaw　Indians。
  Was　it　not　a　charming　evening？
  At　ten　the　servants　were　told　to　call　Sir　Pitt　and　the
  household　to　prayers。　　Sir　Pitt　came　in　first；　very　much
  flushed；　and　rather　unsteady　in　his　gait；　and　after　him
  the　butler；　the　canaries；　Mr。　Crawley's　man；　three　other
  men；　smelling　very　much　of　the　stable；　and　four　women；
  one　of　whom；　I　remarked；　was　very　much　overdressed；
  and　who　flung　me　a　look　of　great　scorn　as　she　plumped
  down　on　her　knees。
  After　Mr。　Crawley　had　done　haranguing　and
  expounding；　we　received　our　candles；　and　then　we
  went　to　bed；　and　then　I　was　disturbed　in　my　writing；　as
  I　have　described　to　my　dearest　sweetest　Amelia。
  Good　night。　　A　thousand；　thousand；　thousand　kisses！
  Saturday。This　morning；　at　five；　I　heard　the
  shrieking　of　the　little　black　pig。　　Rose　and　Violet　introduced
  me　to　it　yesterday；　and　to　the　stables；　and　to　the　kennel；
  and　to　the　gardener；　who　was　picking　fruit　to　send　to
  market；　and　from　whom　they　begged　hard　a　bunch　of
  hot…house　grapes；　but　he　said　that　Sir　Pitt　had　numbered
  every　〃Man　Jack〃　of　them；　and　it　would　be　as　much　as
  his　place　was　worth　to　give　any　away。　　The　darling　girls
  caught　a　colt　in　a　paddock；　and　asked　me　if　I　would
  ride；　and　began　to　ride　themselves；　when　the　groom；
  coming　with　horrid　oaths；　drove　them　away。
  Lady　Crawley　is　always　knitting　the　worsted。　　Sir　Pitt
  is　always　tipsy；　every　night；　and；　I　believe；　sits　with
  Horrocks；　the　butler。　　Mr。　Crawley　always　reads　sermons
  in　the　evening；　and　in　the　morning　is　locked　up　in　his
  study；　or　else　rides　to　Mudbury；　on　county　business；
  or　to　Squashmore；　where　he　preaches；　on　Wednesdays
  and　Fridays；　to　the　tenants　there。
  A　hundred　thousand　grateful　loves　to　your　dear　papa
  and　mamma。　　Is　your　poor　brother　recovered　of　his　rack…
  punch？　Oh；　dear！　Oh；　dear！　How　men　should　beware　of
  wicked　punch！
  Ever　and　ever　thine　own
  REBECCA
  Everything　considered；　I　think　it　is　quite　as　well　for
  our　dear　Amelia　Sedley；　in　Russell　Square；　that　Miss
  Sharp　and　she　are　parted。　　Rebecca　is　a　droll　funny
  creature；　to　be　sure；　and　those　descriptions　of　the　poor　lady
  weeping　for　the　loss　of　her　beauty；　and　the　gentleman
  〃with　hay…coloured　whiskers　and　straw…coloured　hair；〃
  are　very　smart；　doubtless；　and　show　a　great　knowledge
  of　the　world。　　That　she　might；　when　on　her　knees；　have
  been　thinking　of　something　better　than　Miss　Horrocks's
  ribbons；　has　possibly　struck　both　of　us。　　But　my　kind
  reader　will　please　to　remember　that　this　history　has
  〃Vanity　Fair〃　for　a　title；　and　that　Vanity　Fair　is　a
  very　vain；　wicked；　foolish　place；　full　of　all　sorts　of
  humbugs　and　falsenesses　and　pretensions。　　And　while　the
  moralist；　who　is　holding　forth　on　the　cover　（　an　accurate
  portrait　of　your　humble　servant）；　professes　to　wear
  neither　gown　nor　bands；　but　only　the　very　same　long…
  eared　livery　in　which　his　congregation　is　arrayed：　yet；
  look　you；　one　is　bound　to　speak　the　truth　as　far　as　one
  knows　it；　whether　one　mounts　a　cap　and　bells　or　a　shovel
  hat；　and　a　deal　of　disagreeable　matter　must　come　out
  in　the　course　of　such　an　undertaking。
  I　have　heard　a　brother　of　the　story…telling　trade；　at
  Naples；　preaching　to　a　pack　of　good…for…nothing　honest
  lazy　fellows　by　the　sea…shore；　work　himself　up　into　such　a
  rage　and　passion　with　some　of　the　villains　whose　wicked
  deeds　he　was　describing　and　inventing；　that　the　audience
  could　not　resist　it；　and　they　and　the　poet　together　would
  burst　out　into　a　roar　of　oaths　and　execrations　against
  the　fictitious　monster　of　the　tale；　so　that　the　hat　went
  round；　and　the　bajocchi　tumbled　into　it；　in　the　midst　of
  a　perfect　storm　of　sympathy。
  At　the　little　Paris　theatres；　on　the　other　hand；　you　will
  not　only　hear　the　people　yelling　out　〃Ah　gredin！　Ah
  monstre：〃　and　cursing　the　tyrant　of　the　play　from　the
  boxes；　but　the　actors　themselves　positively　refuse　to　play
  the　wicked　parts；　such　as　those　of　infames　Anglais；
  brutal　Cossacks；　and　what　not；　and　prefer　to　appear
  at　a　smaller　salary；　in　their　real　characters　as　loyal
  Frenchmen。　　I　set　the　two　stories　one　against　the　other；
  so　that　you　may　see　that　it　is　not　from　mere　mercenary
  motives　that　the　present　performer　is　desirous　to　show
  up　and　trounce　his　villains；　but　because　he　has　a　sincere
  hatred　of　them；　which　he　cannot　keep　down；　and　which
  must　find　a　vent　in　suitable　abuse　and　bad　language。
  I　warn　my　〃kyind　friends；〃　then；　that　I　am　going　to
  tell　a　story　of　harrowing　villainy　and　complicatedbut；
  as　I　trust；　intensely　interestingcrime。　　My　rascals　are
  no　milk…and…water　rascals；　I　promise　you。　　When　we　come
  to　the　proper　places　we　won't　spare　fine　languageNo；
  no！　But　when　we　are　going　over　the　quiet　country　we
  must　perforce　be　calm。　　A　tempest　in　a　slop…basin　is
  absurd。　　We　will　reserve　that　sort　of　thing　for　the　mighty
  ocean　and　the　lonely　midnight。　　The　present　Chapter　is
  very　mild。　　OthersBut　we　will　not　anticipate　THOSE。
  And；　as　we　bring　our　characters　forward；　I　will　ask
  leave；　as　a　man　and　a　brother；　not　only　to　introduce
  them；　but　occasionally　to　step　down　from　the　platform；
  and　talk　about　them：　if　they　are　good　and　kindly；　to
  love　them　and　shake　them　by　the　hand：　if　they　are　silly；
  to　laugh　at　them　confidentially　in　the　reader's　sleeve：
  if　they　are　wicked　and　heartless；　to　abuse　them　in　the
  strongest　terms　which　politeness　admits　of。
  Otherwise　you　might　fancy　it　was　I　who　was　sneering
  at　the　practice　of　devotion；