第 33 节
作者:想聊      更新:2021-02-19 00:37      字数:9322
  household as she had done。           She told him her argument; and he accepted
  it as a revelation。
  〃Thank God you could keep your senses and see that; ma'am!                       Tell
  the master the same; and make him drink a drop of spirits and get into his
  clothes。     He's shook cruel!〃
  He had already brought the brandy; which was his panacea for all ills;
  and now left Mary and her father together。             She found him collapsed; and
  forgot    the   cause   for  a  few   moments      in  her  present   concern    for  him。
  Indeed;   she   always   thought;   and   often   said   afterwards;   that   but   for   the
  minor needs for  action that intervened   in this series   of terrible   moments
  she   must    herself   have   gone   out   of  her   mind。    But   something      always
  happened; as in this case; to demand her full attention; and so arrest and
  deflect the strain almost at the moment of its impact。
  She found that the ideas she had just employed to pacify the servants'
  hall were also in her father's thoughts。          From them; however; he won no
  consolation; though he stood convinced。             But the fact that Septimus May
  should have failed; and paid for his failure with his life; now assumed its
  true   significance   for   Sir   Walter。   He   was   self…absorbed;   prostrate;   and
  desperate。      In such a condition one is not master of oneself; and may say
  and do anything。        The old man's armor was off; and in the course of his
  next few speeches; by a selfish forgetfulness that he would have been the
  first to condemn in another; he revealed a thing that was destined to cause
  the young widow bitter and needless pain。             First; however; he pointed out
  what she already grasped and made clear to others。
  〃This upsets all May's theories and gives the lie to me as well。 Why
  did   I   believe   him!   Why   did   I   let   him   convince   me   against   my   better
  judgment?〃
  〃Do not fret about that now。〃
  〃You might say; 'I told you so!' but you will not do that。 Nevertheless;
  you were right to seek to stop this unfortunate man last night; and he was
  terribly mistaken。       No being from another world had anything to do with
  his death。     If we granted that; there is an end of religious faith。〃
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  〃We can be sure of it; father。          Evil spirits would have had no power
  over Mr。 May; if there is a just God in heaven。〃
  〃Then   it   is   something   else。    If   not   a   spirit;   then   a   living   man   …   a
  human   devil   …  and   the police   will   discover  him。      In   this house;   one   we
  have known and trusted; for all are known and trusted。                  They will blame
  me; with good reason; for sacrificing another life。             The irony of fate that I;
  of   all   men;   one   so   much   alive   to   the   meaning   of   mercy   …   that   I;   out   of
  superstitious folly …      But how will it look in the eyes of justice?             Black …
  black!     I   am    well   prepared     to  suffer   what    I  have    deserved;    Mary。
  Nothing that man can do to me equals the shame and dismay I feel when I
  consider what I have done to myself!〃
  〃You   must   not   talk   so;   it   is unworthy  of   you。  You   know  it;   father;
  while you speak。         Nobody has a right to question you or your opinions。
  Many would have been convinced by Mr。 May last night。 They may still
  think that he was right; and that; far from receiving evil treatment; he was
  blessed by  being taken   away  into the next   world   without pain or   shock。
  We must feel for him as we try to feel for dear Tom。                 And I do not mean
  that I am sorry for him; I am only sorry for us; because of the difficulty of
  explaining。      Yet to tell the truth will not be difficult。         They must do the
  best they can。      It doesn't matter as much as you think。 Indeed; how should
  they blame you at all until they themselves find out the truth?〃
  〃They will … they must!          They will discover the reason。            They will
  hunt down the murderer; and they will inevitably attach utmost blame to
  me for listening to a man possessed。            May was possessed; I tell you!〃
  〃He was exceedingly convincing。               When I listened to him he shook
  me; too。〃
  〃I should have supported you; instead of going over to him。〃
  〃He knows the truth now。           He is with Tom now。          We must remember
  that。    We   know   they   are   happy;   and   that   makes   the   opinion   of   living
  people matter very little。〃
  Then;   out   of   his   weakness;   he   smote   her;   and   thrust   upon   her   some
  hours   of   agony;   very   horrible   in   their   nature;   which   there   was   no   good
  reason that Mary should have suffered。
  〃Who is alive and who is dead?〃 he asked。              〃We don't even know that。
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  The   police   demanded   to   make   their   own   inquiries;   and   Peter   Hardcastle
  may at this moment be a living and breathing man; if they are right。〃
  She stared at him and feared for his reason。
  〃What do you mean?〃
  〃I mean that they were not prepared to grant that he was dead。 Henry
  and   Mannering   took   him   up   on   that   assumption。       He   may   have   been
  restored to animation and his vital forces recovered。               Why not?       There
  was   nothing   visible   to   indicate   dissolution。   We   have   heard   of   trances;
  catalepsies;    which    simulate    death   so  closely    that  even   physicians    are
  deceived。      Have not men been buried alive? Tom's father at this moment
  might be restored to life; if we only knew how to act。〃
  〃Then … 〃 she said; with horrified eyes; and stopped。
  He saw what he had done。
  〃God   forgive     me!   No;    no;   not  that;  Mary!    It's  all  madness     and
  moonshine!       This is delirium; it will kill me!       Don't think I believe them;
  any more than Mannering did; or Henry did。              Henry has seen much death;
  he could not have been deceived。           Tom was dead; and your heart told you
  he   was   dead。    One   cannot   truly   make   any   mistake   in   the   presence   of
  death; I know that。〃
  Mary     was   marvellously      restrained;   despite    the  fact  that   she  had
  received this appalling blow and vividly suffered all that it implied。
  〃I will try to put it out of my mind; father;〃 she said quietly。 〃But if Mr。
  Hardcastle is alive; I shall go mad!〃
  〃He is not。     Mannering was positive。〃
  〃Nevertheless; he may be。         And if he is; then Mr。 May probably is。〃
  〃Grotesque; horrible; worse than death even!              Keep your mind away
  from it; my darling; for the love of God!〃
  〃Who knows what we can suffer till we are called to find out?                  No; I
  shall not go mad。       But I must know to…day。          I cannot eat or sleep until I
  know。     I shall not live long if they don't tell me quickly。〃
  Her father trembled and grew very white。
  〃This is the worst of all;〃 he said。       〃These things will leave a burning
  brand。     I am ruined by them; and my life thrown down。               I; that thought I
  was strong; prove so weak that I can forget my own daughter; and out of
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  cowardly   misery   speak   of   a   thing   she   should   never   have   known。        You
  have   your   revenge;   Mary;   for   I   shall   go   a   broken   man   from   this   hour。
  Nothing   can   ever   be   the   same   again。   My   self…respect   is   gone。    I   could
  have endured everything else … the things that I dreaded。                All I could have
  suffered and survived; but to have forgotten and stabbed you … 〃
  〃Don't; don't … come … we have got each other; father … we have still got
  each other。      The dead understand everything。               Who else   matters?        Go
  to   your   room;   and   let   your   dear   mind   rest。   I   am   not   suffering。    We
  cannot alter the past; and who would wish it; if they believe in eternal life?
  I would not call Tom back if I had the power to do so。                Be sure of that。〃
  She spoke comfortable words to him; and supported him to his room。
  She knew the police would soon arrive; and though they could not report
  concerning   the   life;   or   death;   of   Peter   Hardcastle;   she   doubted   not   that
  definite   inform