and　reasoned　that　he　might　get　burned。　Why　is　it　that　a　horse　will　like
  one　person　more　than　another？　Because　he　is　capable　of　reasoning　and
  knows　who　is　the　best　to　him。〃　I　went　on　in　this　homely　style　and　spoke
  with　a　vehemence　which　said：　〃I　will　make　my　point；〃　which　I　did
  amidst　the　cheers　of　the　school。　I　was　eighteen　at　this　time　and　you
  would　say：　〃You　must　have　been　rather　green。〃　So　I　was　in　some
  things。
  I　believe　I　have　always　failed　in　everything　I　undertook　to　do　the
  first　time；　but　I　learned　only　by　experience；　paid　dearly　for　it；　and　valued
  it　afterwards。　My　failures　have　been　my　best　teachers。　I　see　no　one
  more　awkward　than　I　once　was；　but　I　had　determined　to　conquer。　My
  defects　were　the　great　incentives　to　perseverance；　when　I　felt　I　was　right。
  I　shall　not　in　this　book　speak　much　of　my　love　affairs；　but　they　were；
  nevertheless；　an　important　part　of　my　life。　I　was　a　great　lover。　I　used
  to　think　a　person　never　could　love　but　once　in　this　life；　but　I　often　now
  say；　I　would　not　want　a　heart　that　could　hold　but　one　love。　It　was　not
  the　beauty　of　face　or　form　that　was　the　most　attractive　to　me　in　young
  gentlemen；　or　ladies；　but　that　of　the　mind。　Seeing　this　the　case　with　myself；
  I　tried　to　acquire　knowledge　to　make　my　company　agreeable。　I　see
  young　ladies；　and　gentlemen；　who　entertain　each　other　with　their　silly
  jokes　and　gigglings　that　are　disgusting。　When　I　had　company　I　always
  directed　the　conversation　so　that　my　friend　would　teach　me　something；　or
  I　would　teach　him。　I　would　read　the　poets；　and　Scott's　writings　and　history。
  Read　Josephus；　mythology　and　the　Bible　together；　and　never　read　a　course
  that　taught　me　as　much。　I　would　go　to　the　country　dances　and　sometimes
  to　balls　in　the　City。　The　church　did　not　object　to　this：　I　would
  teach　Sunday　school　at　the　same　time。　No　one　taught　me　that　this　was
  wrong。　One　thing　was　a　tower　of　defense　to　me。　I　always；　when　possible；
  read　the　Bible　and　would　pray。　After　retiring　would　get　up　and　kneel；
  feeling　that　to　pray　in　bed　only；　was　disrespectful　to　God。　If　the　angels　in
  heaven　would　prostrate　themselves　before　Him；　I　a　poor　sinner　should。
  And　right　here；　I　believe　in　〃advancing　on　your　knees。〃　Abraham　prostrated
  himself；　so　did　David　and　Solomon；　Elijah；　Daniel；　Paul；　and　even
  our　sinless　Advocate。　Why　did　the　Holy　Ghost　state　the　position　so　often？
  For　our　example；　of　course。　There　are　no　space　writers　in　the　Scriptures。
  I　often　had　doubts　as　to　whether　the　Bible　was　the　work　of　God　or　man。
  I　kept　these　doubts　to　myself；　for　I　thought　infidelity　a　disgrace。　I
  wanted　to　believe　the　Bible　the　word　of　God。　I　early　saw　that　to　close
  the　Bible　was　to　shut　out　all　knowledge　of　the　purpose　of　life。　Without
  its　revelations　one　does　not　know　why　we　are　born；　why　we　live；　or
  where　we　go　after　death。　We　can　see　the　purpose　of　all　nature；　but　not
  of　this　life　of　ours；　and　God　had；　by　revelation；　to　make　this　known。
  The　Bible　was　a　mystery　to　me。　It　often　seemed　to　be　a　contradiction。
  I　did　not　love　to　read　it；　but　above　all　things；　I　did　not　want　to　be　a
  hypocrite。　I　was　determined　to　try　to　do　my　part。　I　would　pray　for　the　same
  thing　over　and　over　again；　so　as　to　be　in　earnest；　and　think　of　what　I　was
  asking。　My　mind　was　distracted　by　thoughts　of　the　world。　I　said；　if
  there　is　a　God；　he　will　not　hear　the　prayer　of　those；　so　disrespectful　as
  not　to　think　of　what　they　ask。　I　never　seemed　to　get　rid　of　this；　unless　at
  times；　when　I　would　have　some　sorrow　of　heart。　〃By　the　sadness　of　the
  countenance；　the　heart　is　made　better。〃
  I　do　not　believe　the　Bible　because　I　understand　it；　for　there　are　few
  things　of　revelation　that　I　do　understand。　Creation　is　a　mystery；　still
  we　know　everything　had　a　beginning。　I　do　not　know　why　things　grow
  out　of　the　earth。　Why　they　are　green。　Why　grass　makes　wool　on　a
  sheep　and　hair　on　a　cow；　but　I　know　these　are　facts。　I　cannot　understand
  why　or　how　the　blood　of　Jesus　Christ　cleanses　from　sin；　neither
  do　I　understand　that　greatest　of　all　mysteries；　the　new　birth；　but　nothing
  more　positively　a　fact　in　my　experience。
  God　is　not　perceived　by　the　five　senses。　The　things　that　are　seen
  are　temporal；　but　those　that　are　unseen　are　eternal。　What　a　sin　of　presumption
  to　question　God　in　any　of　His　providences。　What　God　says
  and　does　is　wisdom；　righteousness　and　power。
  The　book　of　Psalms　condemned　me。　I　said；　I　never　felt　like　David。
  I　cannot　rejoice。　Still　I　felt　that　I　ought　to；　but　instead；　a　constant
  feeling
  of　condemnation　and　conviction。　This　was　torture　to　me。　I　would
  often　have　been　willing　to　have　died；　if　I　thought　it　would　have　been　an
  eternal　sleep。　My　childhood　and　girlhood　were　not　happy；　had　so　many
  disappointments。　I　was　called　〃hard　headed〃　by　my　parents。　I　never　was
  free　to　have　what　I　wished；　something　would　come　between　me　and　what
  I　wanted。　No　one　understood　me　so　well　as　my　darling　aunt　Hope　Hill；
  my　mother's　sister。　She　seemed　to　read　me　and　would　talk　to　me　of　persons
  and　things；　answering　the　very　cry　of　my　heart。　My　mother　would
  often　let　me　stay　with　her　for　months。　She　had　five　sons；　but　no　daughters
  and　she　was　very　fond　of　me。　This　lesson　she　taught　me：　A　party
  of　ladies　came　out　from　Independence　to　spend　the　day　with　her。　Mrs。
  Woodson　and　a　Mrs。　Porter；　wife　of　Dr。　Porter；　I　remember　the　latter；　one
  of　the　handsomest　women　I　ever　saw；　beautiful　feet；　hands；　hair；　and　a
  woman　who　knew　it；　and；　it　was　a　mater　of　the　greatest　pride　with　her；
  these　charms。　I　was　very　much　captivated　by　her　splendid　appearance
  and　could　not　keep　my　eyes　from　her。　Next　day　Mrs。　John　Staton；　a
  country　neighbor　of　my　aunts；　came　in　to　make　a　visit；　She　was　very
  plain；　wore　a　calico　dress；　waist…apron；　and　she　was　knitting　a　sock。
  After　she　left　aunt　said　to　me：　〃Carry；　you　did　not　seem　to　like　Mrs。
  Staton's　society　as　you　did　Mrs。　Porter's；　but　one　sentence　of　Mrs。
  Staton's　is　worth　all　Mrs。　Porter　said。　Mrs。　Porter　lives　for　this　world；
  Mrs。　Staton　lives　for　God。〃　This　Lesson　I　did　not　learn　then；　but　have
  since。　Oh！　for　the　old…fashioned　women。
  MY　EXPERIENCE　WITH　SPIRITUALISM。
  Just　at　the　close　of　the　war　when　we　were　on　a　farm　in　Cass　County；
  Missouri；　a　colony　of　spiritualists　were　near　us；　Mrs。　Hawkins；　the
  medium　was　about　60　years　old；　very　peculiar；　and　finely　educated。
  My　father　had　some　farms　he　was　selling　for　other　people。　He　took
  Mrs。　Hawkins　and　several　of　her　company　to　look　at　a　farm　with　a　view
  of　selling　it。　When　she　saw　it　from　a　hill　some　distance　off　she　said：
  〃That　is　the　place　I　saw　in　Connecticut。〃　She　bought　it　for　a　town　site。
  In　writing　to　Washington　to　give　it　a　name；　the　word　〃Peculiar〃　was
  selected；　and　so　it　has　ever　been　called。　Mrs。　Hawkins　took　a　great
  fancy　to　me。　She　would　tell　me　of　great　things　she　had　done；　then　say：
  〃Could　Jesus　Christ　have　done　more？〃　I　had　never　heard　of　Spiritualism
  that　I　knew　of；　up　to　this　time。　This　colony　brought　mechanics；　merchants
  and　musicians　with　them。　I　was　in　great　confusion　about　this　matter；　not
  knowing　what　to　think；　for　she　did　some　superhuman　things。　Up　stairs
  we　had　a　large　safe　full　of　old　books。　I　was　looking　over　them　one　day；
  came　to　a　little　book　called　〃Spiritualism　Exposed〃。　I　immediately　went
  to　the　orchard；　sat　under　a　tree；　as　my　custom　was；　when　I　wished　to　read；
  for　there　I　could　be　quiet。　I　read　the　little　book　through；　before　I　stopped。
  This　blessed　lesson　showed　me　to　my　entire　satisfaction；　that　modern
  spiritualism　is　witchcraft。　The　writer　took　the　instances　in　the　Bible。
  God　told　Moses：　〃You　must　not　suffer　a　witch　to　live；〃　see　it　at　the
  court　of　Pharoah；　and　that　they　have　〃superhuman　power。〃　There　are
  two　kingdoms。　One　of　darkness；　and　one　of　light。　God　rules　in　the　latter；
  The　Devil　in　the　former。　Both　have　powers　above　the　power　of　man。
  The　magicians　at　Pharoah's　court　were　wizards；　and　the　woman　of　Endor
  was　a　witch。　The　Bible　speaks　of　dealing　with　〃familiar　spirits。〃　Manasseh；
  Saul；　and　other　Kings；　were　cursed　for　such。　Gal。　5th　has　it　as
  one　of　the　〃mortal　sins。〃　The　Devil　can　do　lying　miracles　to　deceive。　He
  will　heal　the　body；　or　appear　to　do　it；　to　damn　the　soul。　I　find　this　in
  〃Christian　Science。〃　This　is　the　mark　of　the　〃Beast〃　or　carnal　mind。　Man
  is　but　a　beast　without　the　new　birth；　or　spirit　of　God。　Carnality　always
  seeks　to　elevate　itself。　Grace　is　humble；　and　sees　nothing　good　outside　of
  God。　The　mark　of　the　beast；　is　the　number；　or　mark　of　a　man；　that　is
  carnality　or　the　Beast。　Rev。　13：18。
  CHAPTER　IV。
  MY　FIRST　MARRIAGE。A　BITTER　DISAPPOINTMENT。MOTHER　GLOYD。MY
  DRUGGED　AND　WHISKEY　MURDERED　HUSBAND。LOSING　MY　POSITION　AS
  TEACHER。SECOND　MARRIAGE。LOSS　OF　PROPERTY。KEEPING　HOTEL。
  STRUGGLES　FOR　DAILY　FOOD。THE　AFFLICTIONS　OF　MY　CHILD。ANSWER
  TO　PRAYER。
  In　the　fall　of　1865；　Dr。　Gloyd；　a　young　physician；　called　to　see　my
  father　to　secure　the　country　school；　saying　he　wished　to　locate　in　our
  section　of　the　country；　and　wanted　to　take　a　school　that　winter；　and　then
  he　could　decide　where　he　would　like　to　practice　his　profession。
  This　man　was　a　thorough　student；　spoke；　and　read；　several　different
  languages；　he　boarded　with。　I　liked　him；　and　stood　in　awe　of　him　because
  of　his　superior　education；　never　thinking　tha