第 47 节
作者:南方网      更新:2021-02-19 00:20      字数:9322
  had helped her in many ways; and she still felt an
  interest in her welfare。  It appeared now to be assured。
  Antonia found her camping in a little grove of mulberry trees。
  She had recovered her health; her children were noisy and
  happy; and her husband; a tall; athletic man; with a
  determined eye and very courteous manners; was unharnessing
  the mules from a fine Mexican wagon; part of the lawful spoils
  of war。  They; too; were going home: 〃back to the Brazos;〃
  said the woman affectionately; and we're in a considerable
  hurry;〃 she added; because it's about time to get the corn in。
  Jake lays out to plant fifty acres this year。  He says he can
  go to planting now with an easy conscience; he 'lows he has
  killed enough Mexicans to keep him quiet a spell。〃
  They talked a short time together; and then Antonia walked
  slowly into the deeper shadows of the wood。  She found a wide
  rock; under trees softly dimpling; pendulous; and tenderly
  green; and she sat down in the sweet gloom; to think of the
  beloved dead。  She had often longed for some quiet spot;
  where; alone with God and nature; she could; just for once;
  give to her sorrow and her love a free expression。
  Now the opportunity seemed to be hers。  She began to recall
  her whole acquaintance with Daretheir hours of pleasant
  studytheir sails upon the rivertheir intercourse by the
  firesidethe most happy Sundays; when they walked in the
  house of God together。  In those days; what a blessed future
  was before them!  She recalled also the time of hope and
  anxiety after the storming of the Alamo; and then the last
  heroic act of his stainless life。  She had felt sure that in
  such a session with her own soul she would find the relief of
  unrestrained and unchecked weeping。  But we cannot kindle when
  we will either the fire or the sensibility of the soul。  She
  could not weep; tears were far from her。  Nay; more; she began
  to feel as if tears were not needed for one who had found out
  so beautiful; so unselfish; so divine a road to the grave。
  Ought she not rather to rejoice that he had been so early
  called and blest?  To be glad for herself; too; that all her
  life long she could keep the exquisite memory of a love so
  noble?
  In the drift of such thoughts; her white; handsome face
  grew almost angelic。  She sat motionless and let them come to
  her; as if she were listening to the comforting angels。
  For God has many ways of saying to the troubled soul:  〃Be at
  peace〃; and; certainly; Antonia had not anticipated the
  calmness and resignation which forbid her the tears she had
  bespoken。
  At length; in that sweet melancholy which such a mental
  condition induces; she rose to return to the camp。  A few
  yards nearer to it she saw Lopez sitting in a reverie as
  profound as her own had been。  He stood up to meet her。  The
  patience; the pathos; the exaltation in her face touched his
  heart as no words could have done。  He said; only:  〃Senorita;
  if I knew how to comfort you!〃
  〃I went away to think of the dead; Senor。〃
  〃I comprehendbut then; I wonder if the dead remember the
  living!〃
  〃In whatever dwelling…place of eternity the dear ones who died
  at Goliad are; I am sure that they remember。  Will the
  emancipated soul be less faithful than the souls still
  earthbound?  Good souls could not even wish to forgetand
  they were good。〃
  〃It will never be permitted me to know two souls more pure;
  more faithful; more brave; Juan was as a brother to me;
  and; BY MY SANTIGUADA!'6'  I count it among God's blessings
  to have known a man like Senor Grant。  A white soul he had
  indeed; full of great nobilities!〃
  '6' Sign of the Cross。
  Antonia looked at him gratefully。  Tears uncalled…for sprang
  into the eyes of both; they clasped hands and walked mutely
  back to the camp together。  For the sentiment which attends
  the realization that all is over; is gathered silently into
  the heart; it is too deep for words。
  They found the camp already in that flurry of excitement
  always attendant upon its rest and rising; and the Senora was
  impatiently inquiring for her eldest daughter。
  〃GRACIOUS MARIA!  Is that you; Antonia?  At this hour we
  are all your servants; I think。  I; at least; have been
  waiting upon your pleasure〃; then perceiving the traces of
  sorrow and emotion on her face; she added; with an
  unreasonable querulousness:  〃I bless God when I see how He
  has provided for women; giving them tears; when they have no
  other employment for their time。〃
  〃Dearest mother; I am sorry to have kept you waiting。  I hope
  that you have forgotten nothing。  Where is your mantilla?  And
  have you replenished your cigarito case?  Is there water in
  the wagon?〃
  〃Nothing has been provided。  Things most necessary are
  forgotten; no doubt。  When you neglect such matters; what less
  could happen?〃
  But such little breezes of temper were soon over。  The
  influences surrounding; the prospects in advance; were too
  exhilarating to permit of anything but passing shadows; and
  after an easy; delightful journey; they reached at length the
  charming vicinity of the romantic city of the sword。  They had
  but another five miles ride; and it was the Senora's pleasure
  to take it at the hour of midnight。  She did not wish her
  return to be observed and talked about; she was in reality
  very much mortified by the condition of her own and her
  daughters' wardrobe。
  Consequently; though they made their noon camp so near to
  their journey's end; they rested there until San Antonio was
  asleep and dreaming。  It was the happiest rest of all the
  delightful ones they had known。  The knowledge that it
  was the last stage of a journey so remarkable; made every one
  attach a certain tender value to the hours never to come back
  to the experiences never to be repeated。
  The Senora was gay as a child; Isabel shared and accentuated
  her enthusiasms; Luis was expressing his happiness in a
  variety of songs; now glorifying his love in some pretty
  romance or serenade; again musically assuring liberty; or
  Texas; that he would be delighted at any moment to lay down
  his life for their sakes。  Antonia was quite as much excited
  in her own way; which was naturally a much quieter way; and
  Lopez sat under a great pecan…tree; smoking his cigarito with
  placid smiles and admiring glances at every one。
  As the sun set; the full moon rose as it rises nowhere but
  over Texan or Asian plains; golden; glorious; seeming to fill
  the whole heaven and the whole earth with an unspeakable
  radiance; softly glowing; exquisitely; magically beautifying。
  The commonest thing under it was transfigured into something
  lovely; fantastic; fairylike。  And the dullest souls swelled
  and rose like the tides under its influence。
  Antonia took from their stores the best they had; and a
  luxurious supper was spread upon the grass。  The meal might
  have been one of ten courses; it occupied so long; it provoked
  so much mirth; such a rippling stream of reminiscence;
  finally; such a sweetly solemn retrospect of the sorrows and
  mercies and triumphs of the campaign they had shared together。
  This latter feeling soon dominated all others。
  The delicious light; the sensuous atmosphere; the white
  turrets and towers of the city; shining on the horizon like
  some mystical; heavenly city in dreamsthe murmur of its far…
  off life; more audible to the spiritual than the natural
  earsthe dark figures of the camp servants; lying in groups
  or quietly shuffling their cards; were all elements conducive
  to a grave yet happy seriousness。
  No one intended to sleep。  They were to rest in the moonlight
  until the hour of eleven; and then make their last stage。
  This night they instinctively kept close together。  The Senora
  had mentally reached that point where it was not unpleasant to
  talk over troubles; and to amplify especially her own share of
  them。
  〃But; Holy Maria!〃 she said; 〃how unnecessary are such
  sorrows!  I am never; in the least; any better for them。  When
  the Divine Majesty condescends to give me the sunshine of
  prosperity; I am always exceedingly religious。  On the
  contrary when I am in sorrow; I do not feel inclined to pray。
  That is precisely natural。  Can the blessed Mother expect
  thanks; when she gives her children only suffering and tears?〃
  〃God gives us whatever is best for us; dear mother。〃
  〃Speak; when you have learned wisdom; Antonia。  I shall always
  believe that trouble comes from the devil; indeed; Fray
  Ignatius once told me of a holy man that had one grief upon
  the heels of the other; and it was the devil who was sent with
  all of them。  I have myself no doubt that he opened the gates
  of hell for Santa Anna to return to earth and do a little work
  for him。〃
  〃This thought makes me tremble;〃 said Lopez; 〃souls that have
  become angelic; can become evil。  The degraded seraphim; whom
  we call the devil; was once the companion of archangels; and
  stood with Michael; and Raphael; and Gabriel; in the presence
  of the Holy One。  Is there sin in heaven?  Can we be
  tempted even there?〃
  The inquiry went in different ways to each heart; but no one
  answered it。  There were even a few moments of constrained;
  conscious silence; which Luis happily ended; by chanting
  softly a vers