第 38 节
作者:
花旗 更新:2021-02-18 23:52 字数:9322
〃No; indeed! You were right; because you really expected perfection of
him。 You expected the ideal。 And that's what makes all the trouble; in
married life: we expect too much of each otherwe each expect more of
the other than we are willing to give or can give。 If I had to begin
over again; I should not expect anything at all; and then I should be
sure of being radiantly happy。 But all this talking and all this writing
about love seems to turn our brains; we know that men are not perfect;
even at our craziest; because women are not; but we expect perfection of
them; and they seem to expect it of us; poor things! If we could keep on
after we are in love just as we were before we were in love; and take
nice things as favors and surprises; as we did in the beginning! But we
get more and more greedy and exacting〃
〃Do you think I was too exacting in wanting him to tell me everything
after we were engaged?〃
〃No; I don't say that。 But suppose he had put it off till you were
married?〃 Agatha blushed a little; but not painfully; 〃Would it have
been so bad? Then you might have thought that his flirting up to the
last moment in his desperation was a very good joke。 You would have
understood better just how it was; and it might even have made you fonder
of him。 You might have seen that he had flirted with some one else
because he was so heart…broken about you。〃
〃Then you believe that if I could have waited tilltill but when I had
found out; don't you see I couldn't wait? It would have been all very
well if I hadn't known it till then。 But as I did know it。 Don't you
see?〃
〃Yes; that certainly complicated it;〃 Mrs。 March admitted。 〃But I don't
think; if he'd been a false nature; he'd have owned up as he did。 You
see; he didn't try to deny it; and that's a great point gained。〃
〃Yes; that is true;〃 said Agatha; with conviction。 〃I saw that
afterwards。 But you don't think; Mrs。 March; that I was unjust oror
hasty?〃
〃No; indeed! You couldn't have done differently under the circumstances。
You may be sure he felt thathe is so unselfish and generous〃 Agatha
began to weep into her handkerchief again; Mrs。 March caressed her hand。
〃And it will certainly come right if you feel as you do。〃
〃No;〃 the girl protested。 〃He can never forgive me; it's all over;
everything is over。 It would make very little difference to me; what
happened nowif the steamer broke her shaft; or anything。 But if I can
only believe I wasn't unjust〃
Mrs。 March assured her once more that she had behaved with absolute
impartiality; and she proved to her by a process of reasoning quite
irrefragable that it was only a question of time; with which place had
nothing to do; when she and Burnamy should come together again; and all
should be made right between them。 The fact that she did not know where
he was; any more than Mrs。 March herself; had nothing to do with the
result; that was a mere detail; which would settle itself。 She clinched
her argument by confessing that her own engagement had been broken off;
and that it had simply renewed itself。 All you had to do was to keep
willing it; and waiting。 There was something very mysterious in it。
〃And how long was it till〃 Agatha faltered。
〃Well; in our ease it was two years。〃
〃Oh!〃 said the girl; but Mrs。 March hastened to reassure her。
〃But our case was very peculiar。 I could see afterwards that it needn't
have been two months; if I had been willing to acknowledge at once that I
was in the wrong。 I waited till we met。〃
〃If I felt that I was in the wrong; I should write;〃 said Agatha。
〃I shouldn't care what he thought of my doing it。〃
〃Yes; the great thing is to make sure that you were wrong。〃
They remained talking so long; that March and the general had exhausted
all the topics of common interest; and had even gone through those they
did not care for。 At last the general said; 〃I'm afraid my daughter will
tire Mrs。 March。〃
〃Oh; I don't think she'll tire my wife。 But do you want her?〃
〃Well; when you're going down。〃
〃I think I'll take a turn about the deck; and start my circulation;〃 said
March; and he did so before he went below。
He found his wife up and dressed; and waiting provisionally on the sofa。
〃I thought I might as well go to lunch;〃 she said; and then she told him
about Agatha and Burnamy; and the means she had employed to comfort and
encourage the girl。 〃And now; dearest; I want you to find out where
Burnamy is; and give him a hint。 You will; won't you! If you could have
seen how unhappy she was!〃
〃I don't think I should have cared; and I'm certainly not going to
meddle。 I think Burnamy has got no more than he deserved; and that he's
well rid of her。 I can't imagine a broken engagement that would more
completely meet my approval。 As the case stands; they have my blessing。〃
〃Don't say that; dearest! You know you don't mean it。〃
〃I do; and I advise you to keep your hands off。 You've done all and more
than you ought to propitiate Miss Triscoe。 You've offered yourself up;
and you've offered me up〃
〃No; no; Basil! I merely used you as an illustration of what men were
the best of them。〃
〃And I can't observe;〃 he continued; 〃that any one else has been
considered in the matter。 Is Miss Triscoe the sole sufferer by Burnamy's
flirtation? What is the matter with a little compassion for the pivotal
girl?〃
〃Now; you know you're not serious;〃 said his wife; and though he would
not admit this; he could not be seriously sorry for the new interest
which she took in the affair。 There was no longer any question of
changing their state…room。 Under the tonic influence of the excitement
she did not go back to her berth after lunch; and she was up later after
dinner than he could have advised。 She was absorbed in Agatha; but in
her liberation from her hypochondria; she began also to make a
comparative study of the American swells; in the light of her late
experience with the German highhotes。 It is true that none of the swells
gave her the opportunity of examining them at close range; as the
highhotes had done。 They kept to their; state…rooms mostly; where; after
he thought she could bear it; March told her how near he had come to
making her their equal by an outlay of six hundred dollars。 She now
shuddered at the thought; but she contended that in their magnificent
exclusiveness they could give points to European princes; and that this
showed again how when Americans did try to do a thing; they beat the
world。 Agatha Triscoe knew who they were; but she did not know them;
they belonged to another kind of set; she spoke of them as 〃rich people;〃
and she seemed content to keep away from them with Mrs。 March and with
the shy; silent old wife of Major Eltwin; to whom March sometimes found
her talking。
He never found her father talking with Major Eltwin。 General Triscoe had
his own friends in the smoking…room; where he held forth in a certain
corner on the chances of the approaching election in New York; and mocked
their incredulity when he prophesied the success of Tammany and the
return of the King。 March himself much preferred Major Eltwin to the
general and his friends; he lived back in the talk of the Ohioan into his
own younger years in Indiana; and he was amused and touched to find how
much the mid…Western life seemed still the same as he had known。 The
conditions had changed; but not so much as they had changed in the East
and the farther West。 The picture that the major drew of them in his own
region was alluring; it made March homesick; though he knew that he
should never go back to his native section。 There was the comfort of
kind in the major; and he had a vein of philosophy; spare but sweet;
which March liked; he liked also the meekness which had come through
sorrow upon a spirit which had once been proud。
They had both the elderly man's habit of early rising; and they usually
found themselves together waiting impatiently for the cup of coffee;
ingenuously bad; which they served on the Cupania not earlier than half
past six; in strict observance of a rule of the line discouraging to
people of their habits。 March admired the vileness of the decoction;
which he said could not be got anywhere out of the British Empire; and he
asked Eltwin the first morning if he had noticed how instantly on the
Channel boat they had dropped to it and to the sour; heavy; sodden
British bread; from the spirited and airy Continental tradition of coffee
and rolls。
The major confessed that he was no great hand to notice such things; and
he said he supposed that if the line had never lost a passenger; and got
you to New York in six days it had a right to feed you as it pleased; he
surmised that if they could get their airing outside before they took
their coffee; it would give the coffee a chance to taste better; and this
was what they afterwards did。 They met; well buttoned and well mined up;
on the promenade when it was yet so early that they were not at once sure
of each other in the twilight; and watched the morning planets pale east
and west before the sun rose。 Sometimes there were no paling planets and
no rising sun; an