第 13 节
作者:      更新:2021-02-18 23:14      字数:9322
  sthesia。
  〃GOOSE GREECE!〃 barked Sampson; loud; clear; and sharp as an irritated watch…dog; but this one bow…wow vented; he was silent as abruptly。
  Mrs。 Dodd smiled; and proceeded to Hyperaemia; and thence to the Antiphlogistic Regimen;
  At that unhappy adjective; Sampson jumped up; cast away his patient's hand; forgot her existenceshe was but a charming individualand galloped into his native region; Generalities。
  〃Antiphlogistic! Maidearmad'm; that one long fragmint of ass's jaw has slain a million。 Adapted to the weakness of human nature; which receives with rivirince ideas however childish; that come draped in long…tailed and exotic words; that aasimine polysyllable has riconciled the modern mind to the chimeras of th' ancients; and outbutchered the guillotine; the musket; and the sword: ay; and but for me
  Had barred the door      For cinturies more
  on the great coming sceince; the sceince of healing diseases; instead of defining and dividing 'em and lengthening their names and their durashin; and shortening nothing but the pashint。 Th' Antiphlogistic Therey is this: That disease is fiery; and that any artificial exhaustion of vital force must cool the system; and reduce the morbid fire; called; in their donkey Latin 'flamma;' and in their compound donkey Latin 'inflammation;' and in their Goose Greece; 'phlogosis;' 'phlegmon;' &c。 And accordingly th' Antiphlogistic Practice is; to cool the sick man by bleeding him; and; when blid; either to rebleed him with a change of instrument; bites and stabs instid of gashes; or else to rake the blid; and then blister the blid and raked; and then push mercury till the teeth of the blid; raked; and blistered shake in their sockets; and to starve the blid; purged; salivated; blistered wretch from first to last。 This is the Antiphlogistic system。 It is seldom carried out entire; because the pashint; at the first or second link in their rimedial chain; expires; or else gives such plain signs of sinking; that even these ass…ass…ins take fright; and try t' undo their own work; not disease's; by tonics an' turtle; and stimulants: which things given at the right time instead of the wrong; given when the pashint was merely weakened by his disorder; and not enfeebled by their didly rinmedies; would have cut th' ailment down in a few hours。〃
  〃Dear me;〃 said Mrs。 Dodd; 〃and now; my good friend; with respect to _my daughter_
  〃N' list _me!_〃 clashed Sampson; 〃ye're goen to fathom th' antiphlogistics; since they still survive an' slay in holes and corners like Barkton and d'Itly; I've driven the vamperes out o' the cintres o' civilisation。 Begin with their coolers! Exhaustion is not a cooler; it is a feverer; and they know it; the way parrots know sentences。 Why are we all more or less feverish at night? Because we are weaker。 Starvation is no cooler; it is an inflamer; and they know itas parrots know truths; but can't apply them: for they know that burning fever rages in ivery town; street; camp; where Famine is。 As for blood…letting; their prime cooler; it is inflammatory; and they know it (parrot…wise); for the thumping heart and bounding pulse of pashints blid by butchers in black; and bullocks blid by butchers in blue; prove it; and they have recorded this in all their books: yet stabbed; and bit; and starved; and mercuried; and murdered on。 But mind ye; all their sham coolers are real weakeners (I wonder they didn't inventory Satin and his brimstin lake among their refrijrators); and this is the point whence t' appreciate their imbecility; and the sairvice I have rendered mankind in been the first t' attack their banded school; at a time it seemed imprignable。〃
  〃Ah! this promises to be very interesting;〃 sighed Mrs。 Dodd; 〃and before you enter on so large a field; perhaps it would be as well to dispose of a little matter which lies at my heart。 Here is _my poor daughter_〃
  〃NLISSMEE! A human Bean is in a constant state of flux and reflux; his component particles move; change; disappear; and are renewed; his life is a round of exhaustion and repair。 Of this repair the brain is the sovereign ajint by night and day; and the blood the great living material; and digestible food th' indispensible supply。 And this balance of exhaustion and repair is too nice to tamper with: disn't a single sleepless night; or dinnerless day; write some pallor on the face; and tell against the buddy? So does a single excessive perspiration; a trifling diary; or a cut finger; though it takes but half an ounce of blood out of the system。 And what is the cause of that rare ivintwhich occurs only to pashmints that can't afford dockingDith from old age? Think ye the man really succumms under years; or is mowed down by Time? Nay; yon's just Potry an' Bosh。 Nashins have been thinned by the lancet; but niver by the scythe; and years are not forces; but misures of events。 No; Centenarius decays and dies bekase his bodil' expindituire goes on; and his bodil' income falls off by failure of the reparative and reproductive forces。 And now suppose bodil' exhaustion and repair were a mere matter of pecuniary; instead of vital; economy: what would you say to the steward or housekeeper; who; to balance your accounts and keep you solvent; should open every known channel of expinse with one hand; and with the otherstop the supplies? Yet this is how the Dockers for thirty cinturies have burned th' human candle at both ends; yet wondered the light of life expired under their hands。〃
  〃It seems irrational。 Then in _my daughter's_ case you would〃
  〃Looksee! A pashint falls sick。 What haps directly? Why the balance is troubled; and exhaustion exceeds repair。 For proof obsairve the buddy when Disease is fresh!
  And you will always find a loss of flesh
  to put it economikly; and then you must understand it; bein a housekeeper
  Whativer the Disease; its form or essence;     Expinditure goes on; and income lessens。
  But to this sick and therefore weak man; comes a Docker purblind with cinturies of Cant; Pricidint; Blood; and Goose Greece; imagines him a fiery pervalid; though the common sense of mankind through its interpreter common language; pronounces him an 'invalid;' gashes him with a lancet; spills out the great liquid material of all repair by the gallon; and fells this weak man; wounded now; and pale; and fainting; with Dith stamped on his face; to th' earth; like a bayoneted soldier or a slaughtered ox。 If the weak man; wounded thus; and weakened; survives; then the chartered Thugs who have drained him by the bung…hole; turn to and drain him by the spigot; they blister him; and then calomel him: and lest Nature should have the ghost of a chance to conterbalance these frightful outgoings; they keep strong meat and drink out of his system emptied by their stabs; bites; purges; mercury; and blisters; damdijjits! And that; Asia excipted; was profissional Midicine from Hippocrates to Sampsin。 Antiphlogistic is but a modern name for an ass…ass…inating rouutine which has niver varied a hair since scholastic midicine; the silliest and didliest of all the hundred forms of Quackery; first roseunlike Seeince; Art; Religion; and all true Sunsin the West; to wound the sick; to weaken the weak; and mutilate the hurt; and thin mankind。〃
  The voluble impugner of his own profession delivered these two last words in thunder so sudden and effective as to strike Julia's work out of her hands。 But here; as in Nature; a moment's pause followed the thunderclap; so Mrs。 Dodd; who had long been patiently watching her opportunity; smothered a shriek; and edged in a word: 〃This is irresistible; you have confuted everybody; to their heart's content; and now the question is; what course shall we substitute?〃 She meant; 〃in the great case; which occupies me。〃 But Sampson attached a nobler; wider; sense to her query。 〃What course? Why the great Chronothairmal practice; based on the remittent and febrile character of all disease; above all; on
  The law of Perriodicity; a law      Midicine yet has wells of light to draw。
  By Remittency; I mean th' ebb of Disease; by Perriodicity; th' ebb and also the flow; the paroxysm and the remission。 These remit and recur; and keep tune like the tides; not in ague and remittent fever only; as the Profission imagines to this day; but in all diseases from a Scirrhus in the Pylorus t' a toothache。 And I discovered this; and the new path to cure of all diseases it opens。 Alone I did it; and what my reward? Hooted; insulted; belied; and called a quack by the banded school of profissional assassins; who; in their day hooted Harvey and Jinnerauthors too of great discoveries; but discoveries narrow in their consequences compared with mine。 T' appreciate Chronothairmalism; ye must begin at the beginning; so just answer meWhat is man?〃
  At this huge inquiry whirring tip all in a moment; like a cock…pheasant in a wood; Mrs。 Dodd sank back in her chair despondent。 Seeing her _hors de combat;_ Sampson turned to Julia and demanded; twice as loud; 〃WHAT IS MAN?〃 Julia opened two violet eyes at him; and then looked at her mother for a hint how to proceed。
  〃How can that child answer such a question?〃 sighed Mrs。 Dodd。 〃Let us return to the point。〃
  〃I have never strayed an inch from it。 It