第 3 节
作者:打倒一切      更新:2021-02-18 22:30      字数:9322
  〃Oh; yes; do; run away before you are beaten;〃 said Miss
  Cavendish; scornfully。  〃Why; you can't go now。  Everybody will
  be back in town soon; and there are a lot of new plays coming on;
  and some of them are sure to be failures; and that's our chance。
  You rush in with your piece and somebody may take it sooner than
  close the theatre。〃
  〃I'm thinking of closing the theatre myself;〃 said Carroll。
  〃What's the use of my hanging on here?〃 he exclaimed。  〃It
  distresses Helen to know I am in London; feeling about her as I
  doand the Lord only knows how it distresses me。  And; maybe; if
  I went away;〃 he said; consciously; 〃she might miss me。  She
  might see the difference。〃
  Miss Cavendish held herself erect and pressed her lips together
  with a severe smile。  〃If Helen Cabot doesn't see the difference
  between you and the other men she knows now;〃 she said; 〃I doubt
  if she ever will。  Besides〃 she continued; and then hesitated。
  〃Well; go on;〃 urged Carroll。
  〃Well; I was only going to say;〃 she explained; 〃that leaving the
  girl alone never did the man any good unless he left her alone
  willingly。  If she's sure he still cares; it's just the same to
  her where he is。  He might as well stay on in London as go to
  South Africa。  It won't help him any。  The difference comes when
  she finds he has stopped caring。  Why; look at Reggie。  He tried
  that。  He went away for ever so long; but he kept writing me from
  wherever he went; so that he was perfectly miserableand I went
  on enjoying myself。  Then when he came back; he tried going about
  with his old friends again。  He used to come to the theatre with
  themoh; with such nice girlsbut he always stood in the back
  of the box and yawned and scowledso I knew。  And; anyway; he'd
  always spoil it all by leaving them and waiting at the stage
  entrance for me。  But one day he got tired of the way I treated
  him and went off on a bicycle tour with Lady Hacksher's girls and
  some men from his regiment; and he was gone three weeks and never
  sent me even a line; and I got so scared; I couldn't sleep; and
  I stood it for three days more; and then I wired him to come
  back or I'd jump off London Bridge; and he came back that very
  night from Edinburgh on the express; and I was so glad to see him
  that I got confused; and in the general excitement I promised to
  marry him; so that's how it was with us。〃
  〃Yes;〃 said the American; without enthusiasm; 〃but then I still
  care; and Helen knows I care。〃
  〃Doesn't she ever fancy that you might care for some one else?
  You have a lot of friends; you know。〃
  〃Yes; but she knows they are just thatfriends;〃 said the
  American。
  Miss Cavendish stood up to go; and arranged her veil before the
  mirror above the fireplace。
  〃I come here very often to tea;〃 she said。
  〃It's very kind of you;〃 said Carroll。  He was at the open
  window; looking down into the street for a cab。
  〃Well; no one knows I am engaged to Reggie;〃 continued Miss
  Cavendish; 〃except you and Reggie; and he isn't so sure。  SHE
  doesn't know it。〃
  〃Well?〃 said Carroll。
  Miss Cavendish smiled a mischievous kindly smile at him from the
  mirror。
  〃Well?〃 she repeated; mockingly。  Carroll stared at her and
  laughed。  After a pause he said:  〃It's like a plot in a comedy。
  But I'm afraid I'm too serious for play…acting。〃
  〃Yes; it is serious;〃 said Miss Cavendish。  She seated herself
  again and regarded the American thoughtfully。  〃You are too good
  a man to be treated the way that girl is treating you; and no one
  knows it better than she does。  She'll change in time; but just
  now she thinks she wants to be independent。  She's in love with
  this picture…painting idea; and with the people she meets。  It's
  all new to herthe fuss they make over her and the titles; and
  the way she is asked about。  We know she can't paint。  We know
  they only give her commissions because she's so young and pretty;
  and American。  She amuses them; that's all。  Well; that cannot
  last; she'll find it out。  She's too clever a girl; and she is
  too fine a girl to be content with that long。  Thenthen she'll
  come back to you。  She feels now that she has both you and the
  others; and she's making you wait: so wait and be cheerful。
  She's worth waiting for; she's young; that's all。  She'll see the
  difference in time。  But; in the meanwhile; it would hurry
  matters a bit if she thought she had to choose between the new
  friends and you。〃
  〃She could still keep her friends; and marry me;〃 said Carroll;
  〃I have told her that a hundred times。  She could still paint
  miniatures and marry me。  But she won't marry me。〃
  〃She won't marry you because she knows she can whenever she wants
  to;〃 cried Marion。  〃Can't you see that?  But if she thought you
  were going to marry some one else now?〃
  〃She would be the first to congratulate me;〃 said Carroll。  He
  rose and walked to the fireplace; where he leaned with his arm on
  the mantel。  There was a photograph of Helen Cabot near his hand;
  and he turned this toward him and stood for some time staring at
  it。  〃My dear Marion;〃 he said at last; 〃I've known Helen ever
  since she was as young as that。  Every year I've loved her more;
  and found new things in her to care for; now I love her more
  than any other man ever loved any other woman。〃
  Miss Cavendish shook her head sympathetically。
  〃Yes; I know;〃 she said; 〃that's the way Reggie loves me; too。〃
  Carroll went on as though he had not heard her。
  〃There's a bench in St。 James's Park;〃 he said; 〃where we used to
  sit when she first came here; when she didn't know so many
  people。  We used to go there in the morning and throw penny buns
  to the ducks。  That's been my amusement this summer since you've
  all been awaysitting on that bench; feeding penny buns to the
  silly ducksespecially the black one; the one she used to like
  best。  And I make pilgrimages to all the other places we ever
  visited together; and try to pretend she is with me。  And I
  support the crossing sweeper at Lansdowne Passage because she
  once said she felt sorry for him。  I do all the other absurd
  things that a man in love tortures himself by doing。  But to what
  end?  She knows how I care; and yet she won't see why we
  can't go on being friends as we once were。  What's the use of it
  all? 〃
  〃She is young; I tell you;〃 repeated Miss Cavendish; 〃and she's
  too sure of you。  You've told her you care; now try making her
  think you don't care。〃
  Carroll shook his head impatiently。
  〃I will not stoop to such tricks and pretence; Marion;〃 he cried
  impatiently。  〃All I have is my love for her; if I have to cheat
  and to trap her into caring; the whole thing would be degraded。〃
  Miss Cavendish shrugged her shoulders and walked to the door。
  〃Such amateurs!〃 she exclaimed; and banged the door after her。
  Carroll never quite knew how he had come to make a confidante of
  Miss Cavendish。  Helen and he had met her when they first arrived
  in London; and as she had acted for a season in the United
  States; she adopted the two Americansand told Helen where to go
  for boots and hats; and advised Carroll about placing his plays。
  Helen soon made other friends; and deserted the artists; with
  whom her work had first thrown her。  She seemed to prefer the
  society of the people who bought her paintings; and who
  admired and made much of the painter。  As she was very beautiful
  and at an age when she enjoyed everything in life keenly and
  eagerly; to give her pleasure was in itself a distinct
  pleasure; and the worldly tired people she met were considering
  their own entertainment quite as much as hers when they asked her
  to their dinners and dances; or to spend a week with them in the
  country。  In her way; she was as independent as was Carroll in
  his; and as she was not in love; as he was; her life was not
  narrowed down to but one ideal。  But she was not so young as to
  consider herself infallible; and she had one excellent friend on
  whom she was dependent for advice and to whose directions she
  submitted implicitly。  This was Lady Gower; the only person to
  whom Helen had spoken of Carroll and of his great feeling for
  her。  Lady Gower; immediately after her marriage; had been a
  conspicuous and brilliant figure in that set in London which
  works eighteen hours a day to keep itself amused; but after the
  death of her husband she had disappeared into the country as
  completely as though she had entered a convent; and after
  several years had then re…entered the world as a professional
  philanthropist。  Her name was now associated entirely with
  Women's Leagues; with committees that presented petitions to
  Parliament; and with public meetings; at which she spoke with
  marvellous ease and effect。  Her old friends said she had taken
  up this new pose as an outlet for her nervous energies; and as an
  effort to forget the man who alone had made life serious to her。
  Others knew her as an earnest woman; acting honestly for what she
  thought was right。  Her success; all admitted; was due to her
  knowledge of the world and to her sense of humor; which taught
  her with whom to use her wealth and position; and when to demand
  what she wanted solely on the ground that the cause was just。
  She had taken more than a fancy for