第 3 节
作者:
打倒一切 更新:2021-02-18 22:30 字数:9322
〃Oh; yes; do; run away before you are beaten;〃 said Miss
Cavendish; scornfully。 〃Why; you can't go now。 Everybody will
be back in town soon; and there are a lot of new plays coming on;
and some of them are sure to be failures; and that's our chance。
You rush in with your piece and somebody may take it sooner than
close the theatre。〃
〃I'm thinking of closing the theatre myself;〃 said Carroll。
〃What's the use of my hanging on here?〃 he exclaimed。 〃It
distresses Helen to know I am in London; feeling about her as I
doand the Lord only knows how it distresses me。 And; maybe; if
I went away;〃 he said; consciously; 〃she might miss me。 She
might see the difference。〃
Miss Cavendish held herself erect and pressed her lips together
with a severe smile。 〃If Helen Cabot doesn't see the difference
between you and the other men she knows now;〃 she said; 〃I doubt
if she ever will。 Besides〃 she continued; and then hesitated。
〃Well; go on;〃 urged Carroll。
〃Well; I was only going to say;〃 she explained; 〃that leaving the
girl alone never did the man any good unless he left her alone
willingly。 If she's sure he still cares; it's just the same to
her where he is。 He might as well stay on in London as go to
South Africa。 It won't help him any。 The difference comes when
she finds he has stopped caring。 Why; look at Reggie。 He tried
that。 He went away for ever so long; but he kept writing me from
wherever he went; so that he was perfectly miserableand I went
on enjoying myself。 Then when he came back; he tried going about
with his old friends again。 He used to come to the theatre with
themoh; with such nice girlsbut he always stood in the back
of the box and yawned and scowledso I knew。 And; anyway; he'd
always spoil it all by leaving them and waiting at the stage
entrance for me。 But one day he got tired of the way I treated
him and went off on a bicycle tour with Lady Hacksher's girls and
some men from his regiment; and he was gone three weeks and never
sent me even a line; and I got so scared; I couldn't sleep; and
I stood it for three days more; and then I wired him to come
back or I'd jump off London Bridge; and he came back that very
night from Edinburgh on the express; and I was so glad to see him
that I got confused; and in the general excitement I promised to
marry him; so that's how it was with us。〃
〃Yes;〃 said the American; without enthusiasm; 〃but then I still
care; and Helen knows I care。〃
〃Doesn't she ever fancy that you might care for some one else?
You have a lot of friends; you know。〃
〃Yes; but she knows they are just thatfriends;〃 said the
American。
Miss Cavendish stood up to go; and arranged her veil before the
mirror above the fireplace。
〃I come here very often to tea;〃 she said。
〃It's very kind of you;〃 said Carroll。 He was at the open
window; looking down into the street for a cab。
〃Well; no one knows I am engaged to Reggie;〃 continued Miss
Cavendish; 〃except you and Reggie; and he isn't so sure。 SHE
doesn't know it。〃
〃Well?〃 said Carroll。
Miss Cavendish smiled a mischievous kindly smile at him from the
mirror。
〃Well?〃 she repeated; mockingly。 Carroll stared at her and
laughed。 After a pause he said: 〃It's like a plot in a comedy。
But I'm afraid I'm too serious for play…acting。〃
〃Yes; it is serious;〃 said Miss Cavendish。 She seated herself
again and regarded the American thoughtfully。 〃You are too good
a man to be treated the way that girl is treating you; and no one
knows it better than she does。 She'll change in time; but just
now she thinks she wants to be independent。 She's in love with
this picture…painting idea; and with the people she meets。 It's
all new to herthe fuss they make over her and the titles; and
the way she is asked about。 We know she can't paint。 We know
they only give her commissions because she's so young and pretty;
and American。 She amuses them; that's all。 Well; that cannot
last; she'll find it out。 She's too clever a girl; and she is
too fine a girl to be content with that long。 Thenthen she'll
come back to you。 She feels now that she has both you and the
others; and she's making you wait: so wait and be cheerful。
She's worth waiting for; she's young; that's all。 She'll see the
difference in time。 But; in the meanwhile; it would hurry
matters a bit if she thought she had to choose between the new
friends and you。〃
〃She could still keep her friends; and marry me;〃 said Carroll;
〃I have told her that a hundred times。 She could still paint
miniatures and marry me。 But she won't marry me。〃
〃She won't marry you because she knows she can whenever she wants
to;〃 cried Marion。 〃Can't you see that? But if she thought you
were going to marry some one else now?〃
〃She would be the first to congratulate me;〃 said Carroll。 He
rose and walked to the fireplace; where he leaned with his arm on
the mantel。 There was a photograph of Helen Cabot near his hand;
and he turned this toward him and stood for some time staring at
it。 〃My dear Marion;〃 he said at last; 〃I've known Helen ever
since she was as young as that。 Every year I've loved her more;
and found new things in her to care for; now I love her more
than any other man ever loved any other woman。〃
Miss Cavendish shook her head sympathetically。
〃Yes; I know;〃 she said; 〃that's the way Reggie loves me; too。〃
Carroll went on as though he had not heard her。
〃There's a bench in St。 James's Park;〃 he said; 〃where we used to
sit when she first came here; when she didn't know so many
people。 We used to go there in the morning and throw penny buns
to the ducks。 That's been my amusement this summer since you've
all been awaysitting on that bench; feeding penny buns to the
silly ducksespecially the black one; the one she used to like
best。 And I make pilgrimages to all the other places we ever
visited together; and try to pretend she is with me。 And I
support the crossing sweeper at Lansdowne Passage because she
once said she felt sorry for him。 I do all the other absurd
things that a man in love tortures himself by doing。 But to what
end? She knows how I care; and yet she won't see why we
can't go on being friends as we once were。 What's the use of it
all? 〃
〃She is young; I tell you;〃 repeated Miss Cavendish; 〃and she's
too sure of you。 You've told her you care; now try making her
think you don't care。〃
Carroll shook his head impatiently。
〃I will not stoop to such tricks and pretence; Marion;〃 he cried
impatiently。 〃All I have is my love for her; if I have to cheat
and to trap her into caring; the whole thing would be degraded。〃
Miss Cavendish shrugged her shoulders and walked to the door。
〃Such amateurs!〃 she exclaimed; and banged the door after her。
Carroll never quite knew how he had come to make a confidante of
Miss Cavendish。 Helen and he had met her when they first arrived
in London; and as she had acted for a season in the United
States; she adopted the two Americansand told Helen where to go
for boots and hats; and advised Carroll about placing his plays。
Helen soon made other friends; and deserted the artists; with
whom her work had first thrown her。 She seemed to prefer the
society of the people who bought her paintings; and who
admired and made much of the painter。 As she was very beautiful
and at an age when she enjoyed everything in life keenly and
eagerly; to give her pleasure was in itself a distinct
pleasure; and the worldly tired people she met were considering
their own entertainment quite as much as hers when they asked her
to their dinners and dances; or to spend a week with them in the
country。 In her way; she was as independent as was Carroll in
his; and as she was not in love; as he was; her life was not
narrowed down to but one ideal。 But she was not so young as to
consider herself infallible; and she had one excellent friend on
whom she was dependent for advice and to whose directions she
submitted implicitly。 This was Lady Gower; the only person to
whom Helen had spoken of Carroll and of his great feeling for
her。 Lady Gower; immediately after her marriage; had been a
conspicuous and brilliant figure in that set in London which
works eighteen hours a day to keep itself amused; but after the
death of her husband she had disappeared into the country as
completely as though she had entered a convent; and after
several years had then re…entered the world as a professional
philanthropist。 Her name was now associated entirely with
Women's Leagues; with committees that presented petitions to
Parliament; and with public meetings; at which she spoke with
marvellous ease and effect。 Her old friends said she had taken
up this new pose as an outlet for her nervous energies; and as an
effort to forget the man who alone had made life serious to her。
Others knew her as an earnest woman; acting honestly for what she
thought was right。 Her success; all admitted; was due to her
knowledge of the world and to her sense of humor; which taught
her with whom to use her wealth and position; and when to demand
what she wanted solely on the ground that the cause was just。
She had taken more than a fancy for