porter　was　frothy　and　cool；　and　the　port…wine　was　worthy
  of　the　gills　of　a　bishop。　　I　speak　with　ulterior　views；
  for　there　is　more　in　Gray's　cellar。
  'Well；'　says　Goldmore；　after　a　pause；　during　which　he
  took　time　to　consider　the　momentous　question　Gray　put　to
  him'　'Pon　my　wordnow　you　say　soII　haveI　really
  have　had　a　monsous　good　dinnah　monsous　good；　upon　my
  ward！　　Here's　your　health；　Gray　my　boy；　and　your　amiable
  lady；　and　when　Mrs。　Goldmore　comes　back；　I　hope　we　shall
  see　you　more　in　Portland　Place。'　　And　with　this　the　time
  came　for　the　play；　and　we　went　to　see　Mr。　Phelps　at
  Sadler's　Wells。　　The　best　of　this　story　（for　the　truth　of
  every　word　of　which　I　pledge　my　honour）　is；　that　after
  this　banquet；　which　Goldmore　enjoyed　so；　the　honest
  fellow　felt　a　prodigious　compassion　and　regard　for　the
  starving　and　miserable　giver　of　the　feast；　and　determined
  to　help　him　in　his　profession。　　And　being　a　Director　of
  the　newly…established　Antibilious　Life　Assurance　Company；
  he　has　had　Gray　appointed　Standing　Counsel；　with　a　pretty
  annual　fee；　and　only　yesterday；　in　an　appeal　from　Bombay
  （Buckmuckjee　Bobbachee　v。　Ramchowder…Bahawder）　in　the
  Privy　Council；　Lord　Brougham　complimented　Mr。　Gray；　who
  was　in　the　case；　on　his　curious　and　exact　knowledge　of
  the　Sanscrit　language。
  Whether　he　knows　Sanscrit　or　not；　I　can't　say；　but
  Goldmore　got　him　the　business；　and　so　I　cannot　help
  having　a　lurking　regard　for　that　pompous　old　Bigwig。
  CHAPTER　XXXVI
  SNOBS　AND　MARRIAGE
  'We　Bachelors　in　Clubs　are　very　much　obliged　to　you；〃
  says　my　old　school　and　college　companion；　Essex　Temple；
  'for　the　opinion　which　you　hold　of　us。　　You　call　us
  selfish；　purple…faced；　bloated；　and　other　pretty　names。
  You　state；　in　the　simplest　possible　terms；　that　we　shall
  go　to　the　deuce。　　You　bid　us　rot　in　loneliness；　and　deny
  us　all　claims　to　honesty；　conduct；　decent　Christian　life。
  Who　are　you；　Mr。　Snob；　to　judge　us。　　Who　are　you；　with
  your　infernal　benevolent　smirk　and　grin；　that　laugh　at
  all　our　generation？
  'I　will　tell　you　my　case；'　says　Essex　Temple；　'mine　and
  my　sister　Polly's；　and　you　may　make　what　you　like　of　it；
  and　sneer　at　old　maids；　and　bully　old　bachelors；　if　you
  will。
  'I　will　whisper　to　you　confidentially　that　my　sister　was
  engaged　to　Serjeant　Shirkera　fellow　whose　talents　one
  cannot　deny；　and　be　hanged　to　them；　but　whomwhom　I　have
  always　known　to　be　mean；　selfish；　and　a　prig。　　However；
  women　don't　see　these　faults　in　the　men　whom　Love　throws
  in　their　way。　　Shirker；　who　has　about　as　much　warmth　as
  an　eel；　made　up　to　Polly　years　and　years　ago；　and　was　no
  bad　match　for　a　briefless　barrister；　as　he　was　then。
  Have　you　ever　read　Lord　Eldon's　Life？　　Do　you　remember
  how　the　sordid　old　Snob　narrates　his　going　out　to
  purchase　twopence…worth　of　sprats；　which　he　and　Mrs。
  Scott　fried　between　them？　　And　how　he　parades　his
  humility；　and　exhibits　his　miserable　povertyhe　who；　at
  that　time；　must　have　been　making　a　thousand　pounds　a
  year？　　Well；　Shirker　was　just　as　proud　of　his　prudence
  just　as　thankful　for　his　own　meanness；　and　of　course
  would　not　marry　without　a　competency。　　Who　so　honourable？
  Polly　waited；　and　waited　faintly；　from　year　to　year。　　HE
  wasn't　sick　at　heart；　HIS　passion　never　disturbed　his　six
  hours'　sleep；　or　kept　his　ambition　out　of　mind。　　He　would
  rather　have　hugged　an　attorney　any　day　than　have　kissed
  Polly；　though　she　was　one　of　the　prettiest　creatures　in
  the　world；　and　while　she　was　pining　alone　upstairs；
  reading　over　the　stock　of　half…a…dozen　frigid　letters
  that　the　confounded　prig　had　condescended　to　write　to
  her；　HE；　be　sure；　was　never　busy　with　anything　but　his
  briefs　in　chambersalways　frigid；　rigid；　self…satisfied；
  and　at　his　duty。　　The　marriage　trailed　on　year　after
  year；　while　Mr。　Serjeant　Shirker　grew　to　be　the　famous
  lawyer　he　is。
  'Meanwhile；　my　younger　brother；　Pump　Temple；　who　was　in
  the　120th　Hussars；　and　had　the　same　little　patrimony
  which　fell　to　the　lot　of　myself　and　Polly；　must　fall　in
  love　with　our　cousin；　Fanny　Figtree；　and　marry　her　out　of
  hand。　　You　should　have　seen　the　wedding！　　Six　bridesmaids
  in　pink；　to　hold　the　fan；　bouquet；　gloves；　scent…bottle；
  and　pocket…handkerchief　of　the　bride；　basketfuls　of　white
  favours　in　the　vestry；　to　be　pinned　on　to　the　footmen　and
  horses；　a　genteel　congregation　of　curious　acquaintance　in
  the　pews；　a　shabby　one　of　poor　on　the　steps；　all　the
  carriages　of　all　our　acquaintance；　whom　Aunt　Figtree　had
  levied　for　the　occasion；　and　of　course　four　horses　for
  Mr。　Pump's　bridal　vehicle。
  'Then　comes　the　breakfast；　or　DEJEUNER；　if　you　please；
  with　a　brass　band　in　the　street；　and　policemen　to　keep
  order。　　The　happy　bridegroom　spends　about　a　year's　income
  in　dresses　for　the　bridesmaids　and　pretty　presents；　and
  the　bride　must　have　a　TROUSSEAU　of　laces；　satins；　jewel…
  boxes　and　tomfoolery；　to　make　her　fit　to　be　a
  lieutenant's　wife。　　There　was　no　hesitation　about　Pump。
  He　flung　about　his　money　as　if　it　had　been　dross；　and
  Mrs。　P。　Temple；　on　the　horse　Tom　Tiddler；　which　her
  husband　gave　her；　was　the　most　dashing　of　military　women
  at　Brighton　or　Dublin。
  How　old　Mrs。　Figtree　used　to　bore　me　and　Polly　with
  stories　of　Pump's　grandeur　and　the　noble　company　he　kept！
  Polly　lives　with　the　Figtrees；　as　I　am　not　rich　enough　to
  keep　a　home　for　her。
  'Pump　and　I　have　always　been　rather　distant。　　Not　having
  the　slightest　notions　about　horseflesh；　he　has　a　natural
  contempt　for　me；　and　in　our　mother's　lifetime；　when　the
  good　old　lady　was　always　paying　his　debts　and　petting
  him；　I'm　not　sure　there　was　not　a　little　jealousy。　　It
  used　to　be　Polly　that　kept　the　peace　between　us。
  'She　went　to　Dublin　to　visit　Pump；　and　brought　back　grand
  accounts　of　his　doingsgayest　man　about　townAide…de…
  Camp　to　the　Lord…LieutenantFanny　admired　everywhere
  Her　Excellency　godmother　to　the　second　boy：　the　eldest
  with　a　string　of　aristocratic　Christian…names　that　made
  the　grandmother　wild　with　delight。　　Presently　Fanny　and
  Pump　obligingly　came　to　London；　where　the　third　was　born。
  'Polly　was　godmother　to　this；　and　who　so　loving　as　she
  and　Pump　now？　　〃Oh；　Essex；〃　says　she　to　me；　〃he　is　so
  good；　so　generous；　so　fond　of　his　family；　so
  handsome；　who　can　help　loving　him；　and　pardoning　his
  little　errors？〃　　One　day；　while　Mrs。　Pump　was　yet　in　the
  upper　regions；　and　Doctor　Fingerfee's　brougham
  at　her　door　every　day；　having　business　at　Guildhall；　whom
  should　I　meet　in　Cheapside　but　Pump　and　Polly？　　The　poor
  girl　looked　more　happy　and　rosy
  than　I　have　seen　her　these　twelve　years。　　Pump；　on　the
  contrary；　was　rather　blushing　and　embarrassed。
  'I　couldn't　be　mistaken　in　her　face　and　its　look　of
  mischief　and　triumph。　　She　had　been　committing　some　act
  of　sacrifice。　　I　went　to　the　family　stockbroker。　　She　had
  sold　out　two　thousand　pounds　that　morning　and　given　them
  to　Pump。　　Quarrelling　was　uselessPump　had　the　money；　he
  was　off　to　Dublin　by　the　time　I　reached　his　mother's；　and
  Polly　radiant　still。　　He　was　going　to　make　his　fortune；
  he　was　going　to　embark　the　money　in　the　Bog　of　AllenI
  don't　know　what。　　The　fact　is；　he　was　going　to　pay　his
  losses　upon　the　last　Manchester　steeple…chase；　and　I
  leave　you　to　imagine　how　much　principal　or　interest　poor
  Polly　ever　saw　back　again。
  'It　was　more　than　half　her　fortune；　and　he　has　had
  another　thousand　since　from　her。　　Then　came　efforts　to
  stave　off　ruin　and　prevent　exposure；　struggles　on　all　our
  parts；　and　sacrifices；　that'　（here　Mr。　Essex　Temple　began
  to　hesitate）'that　needn't　be　talked　of；　but　they　are　of
  no　more　use　than　such　sacrifices　ever　are。　　Pump　and　his
  wife　are　abroadI　don't　like　to　ask　where；　Polly　has　the
  three　children；　and　Mr。　Serjeant　Shirker　has　formally
  written　to　break　off　an　engagement；　on　the　conclusion　of
  which　Miss　Temple　must　herself　have　speculated；　when　she
  alienated　the　greater　part　of　her　fortune。
  'And　here's　your　famous　theory　of　poor　marriages！'　Essex
  Temple　cries；　concluding　the　above　history。　　'How　do　you
  know　that　I　don't　want　to　marry　myself？　　How　do　you　dare
  sneer　at　my　poor　sister？　　What　are　we　but　martyrs　of　the
  reckless　marriage　system　which　Mr。　Snob；　forsooth；
  chooses　to　advocate？'　　And　he　thought　he　had　the　better
  of　the　argument；　which；　strange　to　say；　is　not　my
  opinion。
  But　for　the　infernal　Snob…worship；　might　not　every　one　of
  these　people　be　happy？　　If　poor　Polly's　happiness　lay　in
  linking　her　tender　arms　round　such　a　heartless　prig　as
  the　sneak　who　has　deceived　her；　she　might　have　been　happy
  nowas　happy　as　Raymond　Raymond　in　the　ballad；　with　the
  stone　statue　by　his　side。　　She　is　wretched　because　Mr。
  Serjeant　Shirker　worships　money　and　ambition；　and　is　a
  Snob　and　a　coward。
  If　the　unfortunate　Pump　Temple　and　his　giddy　hussy　of　a
  wife　have　ruined　themselves；　and　dragged　down　others　into
  their　calamity；　it　is　because　they　loved　rank；　and
  horses；　and