you　can　answer　it；　as　no　doubt　you　canlucky　are　you
  and　lucky　the　respected　Herr　Papa；　and　lucky　the　three
  handsome　young　gentlemen　who　are　about　to　become　each
  others'　brothers…in…law。'
  （1）　The　introduction　of　Grandpapa；　is　I　fear；　Snobbish。
  （2）　That　is；　as　you　like。　　I　don't　object　to　buttons　in
  moderation。
  （3）　Quite　right。
  （4）　Bless　you！
  （5）　Snobbish；　and　I　doubt　whether　you　ought　to　dine　as
  well　alone　as　with　company。　　You　will　be　getting　too　good
  dinners。
  （6）　We　like　to　be　teased；　but　tell　Papa。
  （7）　O　garters　and　stars！　what　will　Captain　Gordon　and
  Exeter　Hall　say　to　this？
  （8）　Dear　little　enthusiast！
  （9）　You　were　never　more　mistaken；　miss；　in　your　life。
  CHAPTER　XXXIII
  SNOBS　AND　MARRIAGE
  Everybody　of　the　middle　rank　who　walks　through　this　life
  with　a　sympathy　for　his　companions　on　the　same　journey
  at　any　rate；　every　man　who　has　been　jostling　in　the　world
  for　some　three　or　four　lustresmust　make　no　end　of
  melancholy　reflections　upon　the　fate　of　those　victims
  whom　Society；　that　is；　Snobbishness；　is　immolating　every
  day。　　With　love　and　simplicity　and　natural　kindness
  Snobbishness　is　perpetually　at　war。　　People　dare　not　be
  happy　for　fear　of　Snobs。　　People　dare　not　love　for　fear
  of　Snobs。　　People　pine　away　lonely　under　the　tyranny　of
  Snobs。　　Honest　kindly　hearts　dry　up　and　die。　　Gallant
  generous　lads；　blooming　with　hearty　youth；　swell　into
  bloated　old…bachelorhood；　and　burst　and　tumble　over。
  Tender　girls　wither　into　shrunken　decay；　and　perish
  solitary；　from　whom　Snobbishness　has　cut　off　the　common
  claim　to　happiness　and　affection　with　which　Nature
  endowed　us　all。　　My　heart　grows　sad　as　I　see　the
  blundering　tyrant's　handiwork。　　As　I　behold　it　I　swell
  with　cheap　rage；　and　glow　with　fury　against　the　Snob。
  Come　down；　I　say；　thou　skulking　dulness！　　Come　down；　thou
  stupid　bully；　and　give　up　thy　brutal　ghost！　　And　I　arm
  myself　with　the　sword　and　spear；　and　taking　leave　of　my
  family；　go　forth　to　do　battle　with　that　hideous　ogre　and
  giant；　that　brutal　despot　in　Snob　Castle；　who　holds　so
  many　gentle　hearts　in　torture　and　thrall。
  When　PUNCH　is　king；　I　declare　there　shall　be　no　such
  thing　as　old　maids　and　old　bachelors。　　The　Reverend　Mr。
  Malthus　shall　be　burned　annually；　instead　of　Guy　Fawkes。
  Those　who　don't　marry　shall　go　into　the　workhouse。　　It
  shall　be　a　sin　for　the　poorest　not　to　have　a　pretty　girl
  to　love　him。
  The　above　reflections　came　to　mind　after　taking　a　walk
  with　an　old　comrade；　Jack　Spiggot　by　name；　who　is　just
  passing　into　the　state　of　old…bachelorhood；　after　the
  manly　and　blooming　youth　in　which　I　remember　him。　　Jack
  was　one　of　the　handsomest　fellows　in　England　when　we
  entered　together　in　the　Highland　Buffs；　but　I　quitted　the
  Cuttykilts　early；　and　lost　sight　of　him　for　many　years。
  Ah！　how　changed　he　is　from　those　days！　　He　wears　a
  waistband　now；　and　has　begun　to　dye　his　whiskers。　　His
  cheeks；　which　were　red；　are　now　mottled；　his　eyes；　once
  so　bright　and　steadfast；　are　the　colour　of　peeled
  plovers'　eggs。
  'Are　you　married；　Jack？'　says　I；　remembering　how
  consumedly　in　love　he　was　with　his　cousin　Letty　Lovelace；
  when　the　Cuttykilts　were　quartered　at　Strathbungo　some
  twenty　years　ago。
  'Married？　no；'　says　he。　　'Not　money　enough。　　Hard　enough
  to　keep　myself；　much　more　a　family；　on　five　hundred　a
  year。　　Come　to　Dickinson's；　there's　some　of　the　best
  Madeira　in　London　there；　my　boy。'　　So　we　went　and　talked
  over　old　times。　　The　bill　for　dinner　and　wine　consumed
  was　prodigious；　and　the　quantity　of　brandy…and…water　that
  Jack　took　showed　what　a　regular　boozer　he　was。　　'A　guinea
  or　two　guineas。　　What　the　devil　do　I　care　what　I　spend
  for　my　dinner？'　says　he。
  'And　Letty　Lovelace？'　says　I。
  Jack's　countenance　fell。　　However；　he　burst　into　a　loud
  laugh　presently。　　'Letty　Lovelace！'　says　he。　　'She's
  Letty　Lovelace　still；　but　Gad；　such　a　wizened　old　woman！
  She's　as　thin　as　a　thread…paper；　（you　remember　what　a
  figure　she　had：）　her　nose　has　got　red；　and　her　teeth
  blue。　　She's　always　ill；　always　quarrelling　with　the　rest
  of　the　family；　always　psalm…singing；　and　always　taking
  pills。　　Gad；　I　had　a　rare　escape　THERE。　　Push　round　the
  grog；　old　boy。'
  Straightway　memory　went　back　to　the　days　when　Letty　was
  the　loveliest　of　blooming　young　creatures：　when　to　hear
  her　sing　was　to　make　the　heart　jump　into　your　throat；
  when　to　see　her　dance；　was　better　than　Montessu　or　Noblet
  （they　were　the　Ballet　Queens　of　those　days）；　when　Jack
  used　to　wear　a　locket　of　her　hair；　with　a　little　gold
  chain　round　his　neck；　and；　exhilarated　with　toddy；　after
  a　sederunt　of　the　Cuttykilt　mess；　used　to　pull　out　this
  token；　and　kiss　it；　and　howl　about　it；　to　the　great
  amusement　of　the　bottle…nosed　old　Major　and　the　rest　of
  the　table。
  'My　father　and　hers　couldn't　put　their　horses　together；'
  Jack　said。　　'The　General　wouldn't　come　down　with　more
  than　six　thousand。　　My　governor　said　it　shouldn't　be　done
  under　eight。　　Lovelace　told　him　to　go　and　be　hanged；　and
  so　we　parted　company。　　They　said　she　was　in　a　decline。
  Gammon！　　She's　forty；　and　as　tough　and　as　sour　as　this
  bit　of　lemon…peel。　　Don't　put　much　into　your　punch；　Snob
  my　boy。　　No　man　CAN　stand　punch　after　wine。'
  'And　what　are　your　pursuits；　Jack？'　says　I。
  'Sold　out　when　the　governor　died。　　Mother　lives　at　Bath。
  Go　down　there　once　a　year　for　a　week。　　Dreadful　slow。
  Shilling　whist。　　Four　sisters　all　unmarried　except　the
  youngestawful　work。　　Scotland　in　August。　　Italy　in　the
  winter。　　Cursed　rheumatism。　　Come　to　London　in　March；　and
  toddle　about　at　the　Club；　old　boy；　and　we　won't　go　home
  till　maw…aw…rning　till　daylight　does　appear。
  'And　here's　the　wreck　of　two　lives！'　mused　the　present
  Snobographer；　after　taking　leave　of　Jack　Spiggot。
  'Pretty　merry　Letty　Lovelace's　rudder　lost　and　she　cast
  away；　and　handsome　Jack　Spiggot　stranded　on　the　shore
  like　a　drunken　Trinculo。'
  What　was　it　that　insulted　Nature　（to　use　no　higher　name）；
  and　perverted　her　kindly　intentions　towards　them？　　What
  cursed　frost　was　it　that　nipped　the　love　that　both　were
  bearing；　and　condemned　the　girl　to　sour　sterility；　and
  the　lad　to　selfish　old…bachelorhood？　　It　was　the　infernal
  Snob　tyrant　who　governs　us　all；　who
  says；　'Thou　shalt　not　love　without　a　lady's　maid；　thou
  shalt　not　marry　without　a　carriage　and　horses；　thou　shalt
  have　no　wife　in　thy　heart；　and　no　children　on　thy　knee；
  without　a　page　in　buttons　and　a　French　BONNE；　thou　shalt
  go　to　the　devil　unless　thou　hast　a　brougham；　marry　poor；
  and　society　shall　forsake　thee；　thy　kinsmen　shall　avoid
  thee　as　a　criminal；　thy　aunts　and　uncles　shall　turn　up
  their　eyes　and　bemoan　the　sad；　sad　manner　in　which　Tom　or
  Harry　has　thrown　himself　away。'　　You；　young　woman；　may
  sell　yourself　without　shame；　and　marry　old　Croesus；　you；
  young　man；　may　lie　away　your　heart　and　your　life　for　a
  jointure。　　But　if　'you　are　poor；　woe　be　to　you！　　Society；
  the　brutal　Snob　autocrat；　consigns　you　to　solitary
  perdition。　　Wither；　poor　girl；　in　your　garret；　rot；　poor
  bachelor；　in　your　Club。
  When　I　see　those　graceless　reclusesthose　unnatural
  monks　and　nuns　of　the　order　of　St。　Beelzebub；　（1）　my
  hatred　for　Snobs；　and　their　worship；　and　their　idols；
  passes　all　continence。　　Let　us　hew　down　that　man…eating
  Juggernaut；　I　say；　that　hideous　Dagon；　and　I　glow　with
  the　heroic　courage　of　Tom　Thumb；　and　join　battle　with　the
  giant　Snob。
  （1）　This；　of　course；　is　understood　to　apply　only　to　those
  unmarried　persons　whom　a　mean　and　Snobbish　fear　about
  money　has　kept　from　fulfilling　their　natural　destiny。
  Many　persons　there　are　devoted　to　celibacy　because　they
  cannot　help　it。　　Of　these　a　man　would　be　a　brute　who
  spoke　roughly。　　Indeed；　after　Miss　O'Toole's　conduct　to
  the　writer；　he　would　be　the　last　to　condemn。　　But　never
  mind；　these　are　personal　matters。
  CHAPTER　XXXIV
  SNOBS　AND　MARRIAGE
  In　that　noble　romance　called　'Ten　Thousand　a　Year；'　I
  remember　a　profoundly　pathetic　description　of　the
  Christian　manner　in　which　the　hero；　Mr。　Aubrey；　bore　his
  misfortunes。　　After　making　a　display　of　the　most　florid
  and　grandiloquent　resignation；　and　quitting　his　country
  mansion；　the　writer　supposes　Aubrey　to　come　to　town　in　a
  post…chaise　and　pair；　sitting　bodkin　probably　between　his
  wife　and　sister。　　It　is　about　seven　o'clock；　carriages
  are　rattling　about；　knockers　are　thundering；　and　tears
  bedim　the　fine　eyes　of　Kate　and　Mrs。　Aubrey　as　they　think
  that　in　happier　times　at　this　hourtheir　Aubrey　used
  formerly　to　go　out　to　dinner　to　the　houses　of　the
  aristocracy　his　friends。　　This　is　the　gist　of　the
  passagethe　elegant　words　I　forget。　　But　the　noble；
  noble　sentiment　I　shall　always　cherish　and　remember。
  What　can　be　more　sublime　than　the　notion　of　a　great　man's
  relatives　in　tears　about　…his　dinner？　　With　a　few
  touches；　what　author　ever　more　happily　described　A