fine　view　of　the　backs　of　the　young　ladies　who　were
  performing　the　musical　entertainment。　　Very　broad　backs
  they　were　too；　strictly　according　to　the　present　mode；
  for　crinoline　or　its　substitutes　is　not　an　expensive
  luxury；　and　young　people　in　the　country　can　afford　to　be
  in　the　fashion　at　very　trifling　charges。　　Miss　Emily
  Ponto　at　the　piano；　and　her　sister　Maria　at　that　somewhat
  exploded　instrument；　the　harp；　were　in　light　blue　dresses
  that　looked　all　flounce；　and　spread　out　like　Mr。　Green's
  balloon　when　inflated。
  'Brilliant　touch　Emily　haswhat　a　fine　arm　Maria's　is；'
  Mrs。　Ponto　remarked　good…naturedly；　pointing　out　the
  merits　of　her　daughters；　and　waving　her　own　arm　in　such　a
  way　as　to　show　that　she　was　not　a　little　satisfied　with
  the　beauty　of　that　member。　　I　observed　she　had　about　nine
  bracelets　and　bangles；　consisting　of　chains　and　padlocks；
  the　Major's　miniature；　and　a　variety　of　brass　serpents
  with　fiery　ruby　or　tender　turquoise　eyes；　writhing　up　to
  her　elbow　almost；　in　the　most　profuse　contortions。
  'You　recognize　those　polkas？　　They　were　played　at
  Devonshire　House　on　the　23rd　of　July；　the　day　of　the
  grand　f？te。'　　So　I　said　yesI　knew　'em　quite　intimately；
  and　began　wagging　my　head　as　if　in　acknowledgment　of
  those　old　friends。
  When　the　performance　was　concluded；　I　had　the　felicity　of
  a　presentation　and　conversation　with　the　two　tall　and
  scraggy　Miss　Pontos；　and　Miss　Wirt；　the　governess；　sat
  down　to　entertain　us　with　variations　on　'Sich　a　gettin'
  up　Stairs。'　　They　were　determined　to　be　in　the　fashion。
  For　the　performance　of　the　'Gettin'　up　Stairs；'　I　have　no
  other　name　but　that　it　was　a　STUNNER。　　First　Miss　Wirt；
  with　great　deliberation；　played　the　original　and
  beautiful　melody；　cutting　it；　as　it　were；　out　of　the
  instrument；　and　firing　off　each　note　so　loud；　clear；　and
  sharp；　that　I　am　sure　Stripes　must　have　heard　it　in　the
  stable。
  'What　a　finger！'　says　Mrs。　Ponto；　and　indeed　it　WAS　a
  finger；　as　knotted　as　a　turkey's　drumstick；　and　splaying
  all　over　the　piano。　　When　she　had　banged　out　the　tune
  slowly；　she　began　a　different　manner　of　'Gettin'　up
  Stairs；'　and　did　so　with　a　fury　and　swiftness　quite
  incredible。　　She　spun　up　stairs；　she　whirled　up　stairs：
  she　galloped　up　stairs；　she　rattled　up　stairs；　and　then
  having　got　the　tune　to　the　top　landing；　as　it　were；　she
  hurled　it　down　again　shrieking　to　the　bottom　floor；　where
  it　sank　in　a　crash　as　if　exhausted　by　the　breathless
  rapidity　of　the　descent。　　Then　Miss　Wirt　played　the
  'Gettin'　up　Stairs'　with　the　most　pathetic　and　ravishing
  solemnity：　plaintive　moans　and　sobs　issued　from　the　keys…
  …you　wept　and　trembled　as　you　were　gettin'　up　stairs。
  Miss　Wirt's　hands　seemed　to　faint　and　wail　and　die　in
  variations：　again；　and　she　went　up　with　a　savage　clang
  and　rush　of　trumpets；　as　if　Miss　Wirt　was　storming　a
  breach；　and　although　I　knew　nothing　of　music；　as　I　sat
  and　listened　with　my　mouth　open　to　this　wonderful
  display；　my　CAFFY　grew　cold；　and　I　wondered　the　windows
  did　not　crack　and　the　chandelier　start　out　of　the　beam　at
  the　sound　of　this　earthquake　of　a　piece　of　music。
  'Glorious　creature！　　Isn't　she？'　said　Mrs。　Ponto。
  'Squirtz's　favourite　pupilinestimable　to　have　such　a
  creature。　　Lady　Carabas　would　give　her　eyes　for　her！　　A
  prodigy　of　accomplishments！　　Thank　you；　Miss　Wirt'and
  the　young　ladies　gave　a　heave　and　a　gasp　of　admirationa
  deep…breathing　gushing　sound；　such　as　you　hear　at　church
  when　the　sermon　comes　to　a　full　stop。
  Miss　Wirt　put　her　two　great　double…knuckled　hands　round　a
  waist　of　her　two　pupils；　and　said；　'My　dear　children；　I
  hope　you　will　be　able　to　play　it　soon　as　well　as　your
  poor　little　governess。　　When　I　lived　with　the　Dunsinanes；
  it　was　the　dear　Duchess's　favourite；　and　Lady　Barbara　and
  Lady　Jane　McBeth　learned　it。　　It　was　while　hearing　Jane
  play　that；　I　remember；　that　dear　Lord　Castletoddy　first
  fell　in　love　with　her；　and　though　he　is　but　an　Irish
  Peer；　with　not　more　than　fifteen　thousand　a　year；　I
  persuaded　Jane　to　have　him。　　Do　you　know　Castletoddy；　Mr。
  Snob？round　towerssweet　place…County　Mayo。　　Old　Lord
  Castletoddy　（the　present　Lord　was　then　Lord　Inishowan）
  was　a　most　eccentric　old　manthey　say　he　was　mad。　　I
  heard　his　Royal　Highness　the　poor　dear　Duke　of　Sussex
  （SUCH　a　man；　my　dears；　but　alas！　addicted　to　smoking！）I
  heard　his　Royal　Highness　say　to　the　Marquis　of　Anglesey；
  〃I　am　sure　Castletoddy　is　mad！〃　but　Inishowan　wasn't　in
  marrying　my　sweet　Jane；　though　the　dear　child　had　but　her
  ten　thousand　pounds　POUR　TOUT　POTAGE！'
  'Most　invaluable　person；'　whispered　Mrs。　Major　Ponto　to
  me。　　'Has　lived　in　the　very　highest　society：'　and　I；　who
  have　been　accustomed　to　see　governesses　bullied　in　the
  world；　was　delighted　to　find　this　one　ruling　the　roast；
  and　to　think　that　even　the　majestic　Mrs。　Ponto　bent
  before　her。
  As　for　my　pipe；　so　to　speak；　it　went　out　at　once。　　I
  hadn't　a　word　to　say　against　a　woman　who　was　intimate
  with　every　Duchess　in　the　Red　Book。　　She　wasn't　the
  rosebud；　but　she　had　been　near　it。　　She　had　rubbed
  shoulders　with　the　great；　and　about　these　we　talked　all
  the　evening　incessantly；　and　about　the　fashions；　and
  about　the　Court；　until　bed…time　came。
  'And　are　there　Snobs　in　this　Elysium？'　I　exclaimed；
  jumping　into　the　lavender…perfumed　bed。　　Ponto's　snoring
  boomed　from　the　neighbouring　bed…room　in　reply。
  CHAPTER　XXVI
  ON　SOME　COUNTRY　SNOBS
  Something　like　a　journal　of　the　proceedings　at　the
  Evergreens　may　be　interesting　to　those　foreign　readers　of
  PUNCH　who　want　to　know　the　customs　of　an　English
  gentleman's　family　and　household。　　There's　plenty　of　time
  to　keep　the　Journal。　　Piano…strumming　begins　at　six
  o'clock　in　the　morning；　it　lasts　till　breakfast；　with　but
  a　minute's　intermission；　when　the　instrument　changes
  hands；　and　Miss　Emily　practises　in　place　of　her　sister
  Miss　Maria。
  In　fact；　the　confounded　instrument　never　stops　when　the
  young　ladies　are　at　their　lessons；　Miss　Wirt　hammers　away
  at　those　stunning　variations；　and　keeps　her　magnificent
  finger　in　exercise。
  I　asked　this　great　creature　in　what　other　branches　of
  education　she　instructed　her　pupils？　　'The　modern
  languages；'　says　she　modestly：　'French；　German；　Spanish；
  and　Italian；　Latin　and　the　rudiments　of　Greek　if　desired。
  English　of　course；　the　practice　of　Elocution；　Geography；
  and　Astronomy；　and　the　Use　of　the　Globes；　Algebra　（but
  only　as　far　as　quadratic　equations）；　for　a　poor　ignorant
  female；　you　know；　Mr。　Snob；　cannot　be　expected　to　know
  everything。　　Ancient　and　Modern　History　no　young　woman
  can　be　without；　and　of　these　I　make　my　beloved　pupils
  PERFECT　MISTRESSES。　　Botany；　Geology；　and　Mineralogy；　I
  consider　as　amusements。　　And　with　these　I　assure　you　we
  manage　to　pass　the　days　at　the　Evergreens　not
  unpleasantly。'
  Only　these；　thought　Iwhat　an　education！　　But　I　looked
  in　one　of　Miss　Ponto's　manuscript　song…books　and　found
  five　faults　of　French　in　four　words；　and　in　a　waggish
  mood　asking　Miss　Wirt　whether　Dante　Algiery　was　so　called
  because　he　was　born　at　Algiers；　received　a　smiling　answer
  in　the　affirmative；　which　made　me　rather　doubt　about　the
  accuracy　of　Miss　Wirt's　knowledge。
  When　the　above　little　morning　occupations　are　concluded；
  these　unfortunate　young　women　perform　what　they　call
  Calisthenic　Exercises　in　the　garden。　　I　saw　them　to…day；
  without　any　crinoline；　pulling　the　garden…roller。
  Dear　Mrs。　Ponto　was　in　the　garden　too；　and　as　limp　as　her
  daughters；　in　a　faded　bandeau　of　hair；　in　a　battered
  bonnet；　in　a　holland　pinafore；　in　pattens；　on　a　broken
  chair；　snipping　leaves　off　a　vine。　　Mrs。　Ponto　measures
  many　yards　about　in　an　evening。　　Ye　heavens！　what　a　guy
  she　is　in　that　skeleton　morning…costume！
  Besides　Stripes；　they　keep　a　boy　called　Thomas　or　Tummus。
  Tummus　works　in　the　garden　or　about　the　pigsty　and
  stable；　Thomas　wears　a　page's　costume　of　eruptive
  buttons。
  When　anybody　calls；　and　Stripes　is　out　of　the　way；　Tummus
  flings　himself　like　mad　into　Thomas's　clothes；　and　comes
  out　metamorphosed　like　Harlequin　in　the　pantomime。　　To…
  day；　as　Mrs。　P。　was　cutting　the　grapevine；　as　the　young
  ladies　were　at　the　roller；　down　comes　Tummus　like　a
  roaring　whirlwind；　with　'Missus；　Missus；　there's　company
  coomin'！'　　Away　skurry　the　young　ladies　from　the　roller；
  down　comes　Mrs。　P。　from　the　old　chair；　off　flies　Tummus
  to　change　his　clothes；　and　in　an　incredibly　short　space
  of　time　Sir　John　Hawbuck；　my　Lady　Hawbuck；　and　Master
  Hugh　Hawbuck　are　introduced　into　the　garden　with　brazen
  effrontery　by　Thomas；　who　says；　'Please　Sir　Jan　and　my
  Lady　to　walk　this　year　way：　I　KNOW　Missus　is　in　the　rose…
  garden。'
  And　there；　sure　enough；　she　was！
  In　a　pretty　little　garden　bonnet；　with　beautiful　curling
  ringlets；　with　the　smartest　of　aprons　and　the　freshest　of
  pearl…coloured　gloves；　this　amazing　woman　was　in　the　arms
  of　her　dearest　Lady　Hawbuc