A　man　who　entertains　in　this　wayand；　alas；　how　few　do
  not！is　like　a　fellow　who　would　borrow　his　neighbour's
  coat　to　make　a　show　in；　or　a　lady　who　flaunts　in　the
  diamonds　from　next　doora　humbug；　in　a　word；　and　amongst
  the　Snobs　he　must　be　set　down。
  A　man　who　goes　out　of　his　natural　sphere　of　society　to
  ask　Lords；　Generals；　Aldermen；　and　other　persons　of
  fashion；　but　is　niggardly　of　his　hospitality　towards　his
  own　equals；　is　a　Dinner…giving　Snob。　　My　dear　friend；
  Jack　Tufthunt；　for　example；　knows　ONE　Lord　whom　he　met　at
  a　watering…place：　old　Lord　Mumble；　who　is　as　toothless　as
  a　three…months…old　baby；　and　as　mum　as　an　undertaker；　and
  as　dull　aswell；　we　will　not　particularise。　　Tufthunt
  never　has　a　dinner　now　but　you　see　this　solemn　old
  toothless　patrician　at　the　right…hand　of　Mrs。　Tufthunt
  Tufthunt　is　a　Dinner…giving　Snob。
  Old　Livermore；　old　Soy；　old　Chutney；　the　East　Indian
  Director；　old　Cutler；　the　Surgeon；　&c。；that　society　of
  old　fogies；　in　fine；　who　give　each　other　dinners　round
  and　round；　and　dine　for　the　mere　purpose　of　guttling
  these；　again；　are　Dinner…giving　Snobs。
  Again；　my　friend　Lady　MacScrew；　who　has　three　grenadier
  flunkeys　in　lace　round　the　table；　and　serves　up　a　scrag…
  of…mutton　on　silver；　and　dribbles　you　out　bad　sherry　and
  port　by　thimblefuls；　is　a　Dinner…giving　Snob　of　the　other
  sort；　and　I　confess；　for　my　part；　I　would　rather　dine
  with　old　Livermore　or　old　Soy　than　with　her　Ladyship。
  Stinginess　is　snobbish。　　Ostentation　is　snobbish。　　Too
  great　profusion　is　snobbish。　　Tuft…hunting　is　snobbish。
  But　I　own　there　are　people　more　snobbish　than　all　those
  whose　defects　are　above　mentioned：　viz。；　those
  individuals　who　can；　and　don't　give　dinners　at　all。　　The
  man　without　hospitality　shall　never　sit　SUB　IISDEM
  TRABIBUS　with　ME。　　Let　the　sordid　wretch　go　mumble　his
  bone　alone！
  What；　again；　is　true　hospitality？　　Alas；　my　dear　friends
  and　brother　Snobs！　how　little　do　we　meet　of　it　after　all！
  Are　the　motives　PURE　which　induce　your　friends　to　ask　you
  to　dinner？　　This　has　often　come　across　me。　　Does　your
  entertainer　want　something　from　you？　　For　instance；　I　am
  not　of　a　suspicious　turn；　but　it　IS　a　fact　that　when
  Hookey　is　bringing　out　a　new　work；　he　asks　the　critics
  all　round　to　dinner；　that　when　Walker　has　got　his　picture
  ready　for　the　Exhibition；　he　somehow　grows　exceedingly
  hospitable；　and　has　his　friends　of　the　press　to　a　quiet
  cutlet　and　a　glass　of　Sillery。　　Old　Hunks；　the　miser；　who
  died　lately　（leaving　his　money　to　his　housekeeper）　lived
  many　years　on　the　fat　of　the　land；　by　simply　taking　down；
  at　all　his　friends'；　the　names　and　Christian　names　OF　ALL
  THE　CHILDREN。　　But　though　you　may　have　your　own　opinion
  about　the　hospitality　of　your　acquaintances；　and　though
  men　who　ask　you　from　sordid　motives　are　most　decidedly
  Dinner…giving　Snobs；　it　is　best　not　to　inquire　into　their
  motives　too　keenly。　　Be　not　too　curious　about　the　mouth
  of　a　gift…horse。　　After　all；　a　man　does　not　intend　to
  insult　you　by　asking　you　to　dinner。
  Though；　for　that　matter；　I　know　some　characters　about
  town　who　actually　consider　themselves　injured　and
  insulted　if　the　dinner　or　the　company　is　not　to　their
  liking。　　There　is　Guttleton；　who　dines　at　home　off　a
  shilling's…worth　of　beef　from　the　cookshop；　but　if　he　is
  asked　to　dine　at　a　house　where　there　are　not　pease　at　the
  end　of　May；　or　cucumbers　in　March　along　with　the　turbot；
  thinks　himself　insulted　by　being　invited。　　'Good　Ged！'
  says　he；　'what　the　deuce　do　the　Forkers　mean　by　asking　ME
  to　a　family　dinner？　　I　can　get　mutton　at　home；'　or　'What
  infernal　impertinence　it　is　of　the　Spooners　to　get
  ENTREES　from　the　pastrycook's；　and　fancy　that　I　am　to　be
  deceived　with　their　stories　about　their　French　cook！'
  Then；　again；　there　is　Jack　PuddingtonI　saw　that　honest
  fellow　t'other　day　quite　in　a　rage；　because；　as　chance
  would　have　it；　Sir　John　Carver　asked　him　to　meet　the　very
  same　party　he　had　met　at　Colonel　Cramley's　the　day
  before；　and　he　had　not　got　up　a　new　set　of　stories　to
  entertain　them。　　Poor　Dinner…giving　Snobs！　you　don't　know
  what　small　thanks　you　get　for　all　your　pains　and　money！
  How　we　Dining…out　Snobs　sneer　at　your　cookery；　and　pooh…
  pooh　your　old　hock；　and　are　incredulous　about　your　four…
  and…six…penny　champagne；　and　know　that　the　side…dishes　of
  to…day　are　RECHAUFFES　from　the　dinner　of　yesterday；　and
  mark　how　certain　dishes　are　whisked　off　the　table
  untasted；　so　that　they　may　figure　at　the　banquet
  tomorrow。　　Whenever；　for　my　part；　I　see　the　head　man
  particularly　anxious　to　ESCAMOTER　a　fricandeau　or　a
  blanc…mange；　I　always　call　out；　and　insist　upon
  massacring　it　with　a　spoon。　　All　this　sort　of　conduct
  makes　one　popular　with　the　Dinner…giving　Snob。　　One
  friend　of　mine；　I　know；　has　made　a　prodigious　sensation
  in　good　society；　by　announcing　apropos　of　certain　dishes
  when　offered　to　him；　that　he　never　eats　aspic　except　at
  Lord　Tittup's；　and　that　Lady　Jimmy's　CHEF　is　the　only　man
  in　London　who　knows　how　to　dressFILET　EN　SERPENTEAUor
  SUPREME　DE　VOLAILLE　AUX　TRUFFES。
  CHAPTER　XX
  DINNER…GIVING　SNOBS　FURTHER　CONSIDERED
  If　my　friends　would　but　follow　the　present　prevailing
  fashion；　I　think　they　ought　to　give　me　a　testimonial　for
  the　paper　on　Dinner…giving　Snobs；　which　I　am　now　writing。
  What　do　you　say　now　to　a　handsome　comfortable　dinner…
  service　of　plate　（NOT　including　plates；　for　I　hold　silver
  plates　to　be　sheer　wantonness；　and　would　almost　as　soon
  think　of　silver　teacups）；　a　couple　of　neat　teapots；　a
  coffeepot；　trays；　&c。；　with　a　little　inscription　to　my
  wife；　Mrs。　Snob；　and　a　half…score　of　silver　tankards　for
  the　little　Snoblings；　to　glitter　on　the　homely　table
  where　they　partake　of　their　quotidian　mutton？
  If　I　had　my　way；　and　my　plans　could　be　carried　out；
  dinner…giving　would　increase　as　much　on　the　one　hand　as
  dinner…giving　Snobbishness　would　diminish：to　my　mind
  the　most　amiable　part　of　the　work　lately　published　by　my
  esteemed　friend　（if　upon　a　very　brief　acquaintance　he
  will　allow　me　to　call　him　so）；　Alexis　Soyer；　the
  regeneratorwhat　he　（in　his　noble　style）　would　call　the
  most　succulent；　savoury；　and　elegant　passagesare　those
  which　relate；　not　to　the　grand　banquets　and　ceremonial
  dinners；　but　to　his　'dinners　at　home。'
  The　'dinner　at　home'　ought　to　be　the　centre　of　the　whole
  system　of　dinner…giving。　　Your　usual　style　of　mealthat
  is；　plenteous；　comfortable；　and　in　its　perfectionshould
  be　that　to　which　you　welcome　your　friends；　as　it　is　that
  of　which　you　partake　yourself。
  For；　towards　what　woman　in　the　world　do　I　entertain　a
  higher　regard　than　towards　the　beloved　partner　of　my
  existence；　Mrs。　Snob？　　Who　should　have　a　greater　place　in
  my　affections　than　her　six　brothers　（three　or　four　of
  whom　we　are　pretty　sure　will　favour　us　with　their　company
  at　seven　o'clock）；　or　her　angelic　mother；　my　own　valued
  mother…in…law？for　whom；　finally；　would　I　wish　to　cater
  more　generously　than　for　your　very　humble　servant；　the
  present　writer？　　Now；　nobody　supposes　that　the　Birmingham
  plate　is　had　out；　the　disguised　carpet…beaters　introduced
  to　the　exclusion　of　the　neat　parlour…maid；　the　miserable
  ENTREES　from　the　pastrycook's　ordered　in；　and　the
  children　packed　off　（as　it　is　supposed）　to　the　nursery；
  but　really　only　to　the　staircase；　down　which　they　slide
  during　the　dinner…time；　waylaying　the　dishes　as　they　come
  out；　and　fingering　the　round　bumps　on　the　jellies；　and
  the　forced…meat　balls　in　the　soup；nobody；　I　say；
  supposes　that　a　dinner　at　home　is　characterized　by　the
  horrible　ceremony；　the　foolish　makeshifts；　the　mean　pomp
  and　ostentation　which　distinguish　our　banquets　on　grand
  field…days。
  Such　a　notion　is　monstrous。　　I　would　as　soon　think　of
  having　my　dearest　Bessy　sitting　opposite　me　in　a　turban
  and　bird　of　paradise；　and　showing　her　jolly　mottled　arms
  out　of　blond　sleeves　in　her　famous　red　satin　gown：　ay；　or
  of　having　Mr。　Toole　every　day；　in　a　white　waistcoat；　at
  my　back；　shouting；　'Silence　FAW　the　chair！'
  Now；　if　this　be　the　case；　if　the　Brummagem…plate　pomp　and
  the　processions　of　disguised　footmen　are　odious　and
  foolish　in　everyday　life；　why　not　always？　　Why　should
  Jones　and　I；　who　are　in　the　middle　rank；　alter　the　modes
  of　our　being　to　assume　an　ECLAT　which　does　not　belong　to
  usto　entertain　our　friends；　who　（if　we　are　worth
  anything　and　honest　fellows　at　bottom；）　are　men　of　the
  middle　rank　too；　who　are　not　in　the　least　deceived　by　our
  temporary　splendour；　and　who　play　off　exactly　the　same
  absurd　trick　upon　us　when　they　ask　us　to　dine？
  If　it　be　pleasant　to　dine　with　your　friends；　as　all
  persons　with　good　stomachs　and　kindly　hearts　will；　I
  presume；　allow　it　to　be；　it　is　better　to　dine　twice　than
  to　dine　once。　　It　is　impossible　for　men　of　small　means　to
  be　continually　spending　five…and…twenty　or　thirty
  shillings　on　each　friend　who　sits　down　to　their　table。
  People　dine　for　less。　　I　my