rewards　them；　and　PUNCH；　the　universal　railer；　takes　off
  his　hat　and；　says；　Heaven　save　them！
  CHAPTER　XI
  ON　CLERICAL　SNOBS
  After　Snobs…Military；　Snobs…Clerical　suggest　themselves
  quite　naturally；　and　it　is　clear　that；　with　every　respect
  for　the　cloth；　yet　having　a　regard　for　truth；　humanity；
  and　the　British　public；　such　a　vast　and　influential　class
  must　not　be　omitted　from　our　notices　of　the　great　Snob
  world。
  Of　these　Clerics　there　are　some　whose　claim　to
  snobbishness　is　undoubted；　and　yet　it　cannot　be　discussed
  here；　for　the　same　reason　that　PUNCH　would　not　set　up　his
  show　in　a　Cathedral；　out　of　respect　for　the　solemn
  service　celebrated　within。　　There　are　some　places　where
  he　acknowledges　himself　not　privileged　to　make　a　noise；
  and　puts　away　his　show；　and　silences　his　drum；　and　takes
  off　his　hat；　and　holds　his　peace。
  And　I　know　this；　that　if　there　are　some　Clerics　who　do
  wrong；　there　are　straightway　a　thousand　newspapers　to
  haul　up　those　unfortunates；　and　cry；　'Fie　upon　them；　fie
  upon　them！'　while；　though　the　press　is　always　ready　to
  yell　and　bellow　excommunication　against　these　stray
  delinquent　parsons；　it　somehow　takes　very　little　count　of
  the　many　good　onesof　the　tens　of　thousands　of　honest
  men；　who　lead　Christian　lives；　who　give　to　the　poor
  generously；　who　deny　themselves　rigidly；　and　live　and　die
  in　their　duty；　without　ever　a　newspaper　paragraph　in
  their　favour。　　My　beloved　friend　and　reader；　I　wish　you
  and　I　could　do　the　same：　and　let　me　whisper　my　belief；
  ENTRE　NOUS　that　of　those　eminent　philosophers　who　cry　out
  against　parsons　the　loudest；　there　are　not　many　who　have
  got　their　knowledge　of　the　church　by　going　thither　often。
  But　you　who　have　ever　listened　to　village　bells；　or
  walked　to　church　as　children　on　sunny　Sabbath　mornings；
  you　who　have　ever　seen　the　parson's　wife　tending　the　poor
  man's　bedside；　or　the　town　clergyman　threading　the　dirty
  stairs　of　noxious　alleys　upon　his　business；do　not　raise
  a　shout　when　one　falls　away；　or　yell　with　the　mob　that
  howls　after　him。
  Every　man　can　do　that。　　When　old　Father　Noah　was
  overtaken　in　his　cups；　there　was　only　one　of　his　sons
  that　dared　to　make　merry　at　his　disaster；　and　he　was　not
  the　most　virtuous　of　the　family。　　Let　us　too　turn　away
  silently；　nor　huzza　like　a　parcel　of　school…boys；　because
  some　big　young　rebel　suddenly　starts　up　and　whops　the
  schoolmaster。
  I　confess；　though；　if　I　had　by　me　the　names　of　those
  seven　or　eight　Irish　bishops；　the　probates　of　whose　wills
  were　mentioned　in　last　year's　journals；　and　who　died
  leaving　behind　them　some　two　hundred　thousand　a…pieceI
  would　like　to　put　THEM　up　as　patrons　of　my　Clerical
  Snobs；　and　operate　upon　them　as　successfully　as　I　see
  from　the　newspapers　Mr。　Eisenberg；　Chiropodist；　has
  lately　done　upon　'His　Grace　the　Reverend　Lord　Bishop　of
  Tapioca。'
  I　confess　that　when　those　Right　Reverend　Prelates　come　up
  to　the　gates　of　Paradise　with　their　probates　of　wills　in
  their　hands；　I　think　that　their　chance　is。。。。　　But　the
  gates　of　Paradise　is　a　far　way　to　follow　their　Lordships；
  so　let　us　trip　down　again　lest　awkward　questions　be　asked
  there　about　our　own　favourite　vices　too。
  And　don't　let　us　give　way　to　the　vulgar　prejudice；　that
  clergymen　are　an　over…paid　and　luxurious　body　of　men。
  When　that　eminent　ascetic；　the　late　Sydney　Smith（by　the
  way；　by　what　law　of　nature　is　it　that　so　many　Smiths　in
  this　world　are　called　Sydney　Smith？）lauded　the　system
  of　great　prizes　in　the　Church；without　which　he　said
  gentlemen　would　not　be　induced　to　follow　the　clerical
  profession；　he　admitted　most　pathetically　that　the　clergy
  in　general　were　by　no　means　to　be　envied　for　their
  worldly　prosperity。　　From　reading　the　works　of　some
  modern　writers　of　repute；　you　would　fancy　that　a　parson's
  life　was　passed　in　gorging　himself　with　plum…pudding　and
  port…wine；　and　that　his　Reverence's　fat　chaps　were　always
  greasy　with　the　crackling　of　tithe　pigs。　　Caricaturists
  delight　to　represent　him　so：　round；　short…necked；　pimple…
  faced；　apoplectic；　bursting　out　of　waistcoat；　like　a
  black…pudding；　a　shovel…hatted　fuzz…wigged　Silenus。
  Whereas；　if　you　take　the　real　man；　the　poor　fellow's
  flesh…pots　are　very　scantily　furnished　with　meat。　　He
  labours　commonly　for　a　wage　that　a　tailor's　foreman　would
  despise：　he　has；　too；　such　claims　upon　his　dismal　income
  as　most　philosophers　would　rather　grumble　to　meet；　many
  tithes　are　levied　upon　HIS　pocket；　let　it　be　remembered；
  by　those　who　grudge　him　his　means　of　livelihood。　　He　has
  to　dine　with　the　Squire：　and　his　wife　must　dress　neatly；
  and　he　must　'look　like　a　gentleman；'　as　they　call　it；　and
  bring　up　six　great　hungry　sons　as　such。　　Add　to　this；　if
  he　does　his　duty；　he　has　such　temptations　to　spend　his
  money　as　no　mortal　man　could　withstand。　　Yes；　you　who
  can't　resist　purchasing　a　chest　of　cigars；　because　they
  are　so　good；　or　an　ormolu　clock　at　Howell　and　James's；
  because　it　is　such　a　bargain；　or　a　box　at　the　Opera；
  because　Lablache　and　Grisi　are　divine　in　the　PURITANI；
  fancy　how　difficult　it　is　for　a　parson　to　resist　spending
  a　half…crown　when　John　Breakstone's　family　are　without　a
  loaf；　or　'standing'　a　bottle　of　port　for　poor　old　Polly
  Rabbits；　who　has　her　thirteenth　child；　or　treating
  himself　to　a　suit　of　corduroys　for　little　Bob　Scarecrow；
  whose　breeches　are　sadly　out　at　elbows。　　Think　of　these
  temptations；　brother　moralists　and　philosophers；　and
  don't　be　too　hard　on　the　parson。
  But　what　is　this？　　Instead　of　'showing　up'　the　parsons；
  are　we　indulging　in　maudlin　praises　of　that　monstrous
  black…coated　race？　　O　saintly　Francis；　lying　at　rest
  under　the　turf；　O　Jimmy；　and　Johnny；　and　Willy；　friends
  of　my　youth！　　O　noble　and　dear　old　Elias！　how　should　he
  who　knows　you　not　respect　you　and　your　calling？　　May　this
  pen　never　write　a　pennyworth　again；　if　it　ever　casts
  ridicule　upon　either！
  CHAPTER　XII
  ON　CLERICAL　SNOBS　AND　SNOBBISHNESS
  'Dear　Mr。　Snob；'　an　amiable　young　correspondent　writes；
  who　signs　himself　Snobling；　'ought　the　clergyman　who；　at
  the　request　of　a　noble　Duke；　lately　interrupted　a
  marriage　ceremony　between　two　persons　perfectly
  authorised　to　marry；　to　be　ranked　or　not　among　the
  Clerical　Snobs？'
  This；　my　dear　young　friend；　is　not　a　fair　question。　　One
  of　the　illustrated　weekly　papers　has　already　seized　hold
  of　the　clergyman；　and　blackened　him　most　unmercifully；　by
  representing　him　in　his　cassock　performing　the　marriage
  service。　　Let　that　be　sufficient　punishment；　and；　if　you
  please；　do　not　press　the　query。
  It　is　very　likely　that　if　Miss　Smith　had　come　with　a
  licence　to　marry　Jones；　the　parson　in　question；　not
  seeing　old　Smith　present；　would　have　sent　off　the　beadle
  in　a　cab　to　let　the　old　gentleman　know　what　was　going　on；
  and　would　have　delayed　the　service　until　the　arrival　of
  Smith　senior。　　He　very　likely　thinks　it　his　duty　to　ask
  all　marriageable　young　ladies；　who　come　without　their
  papa；　why　their　parent　is　absent；　and；　no　doubt；　ALWAYS
  sends　off　the　beadle　for　that　missing　governor。
  Or；　it　is　very　possible　that　the　Duke　of　Coeurdelion　was
  Mr。　What…d'ye…call'im's　most　intimate　friend；　and　has
  often　said　to　him；　'What…d'ye…call'im；　my　boy；　my
  daughter　must　never　marry　the　Capting。　　If　ever　they　try
  at　your　church；　I　beseech　you；　considering　the　terms　of
  intimacy　on　which　we　are；　to　send　off　Rattan　in　a　hack
  cab　to　fetch　me。'
  In　either　of　which　cases；　you　see；　dear　Snobling；　that
  though　the　parson　would　not　have　been　authorised；　yet　be
  might　have　been　excused　for　interfering。　　　He　has　no　more
  right　to　stop　my　marriage　than　to　stop　my　dinner；　to　both
  of　which；　as　a　free…born　Briton；　I　am　entitled　by　law；　if
  I　can　pay　for　them。　　But；　consider　pastoral　solicitude；　a
  deep　sense　of　the　duties　of　his　office；　and　pardon　this
  inconvenient；　but　genuine　zeal。
  But　if　the　clergyman　did　in　the　Duke's　case　what　be　would
  NOT　do　in　Smith's；　if　be　has　no　more　acquaintance　with
  the　Coeurdelion　family　than　I　have　with　the　Royal　and
  Serene　House　of　Saxe…Coburg　Gotha；THEN；　I　confess；　my
  dear　Snobling；　your　question　might　elicit　a　disagreeable
  reply；　and　one　which　I　respectfully　decline　to　give。　　I
  wonder　what　Sir　George　Tufto　would　say；　if　a　sentry　left
  his　post　because　a　noble　lord　（not　the　least　connected
  with　the　service）　begged　the　sentinel　not　to　do　his　duty！
  Alas！　that　the　beadle　who　canes　little　boys　and　drives
  them　out；　cannot　drive　worldliness　out　too；　what　is
  worldliness　but　snobbishness？　　When；　for　instance；　I　read
  in　the　newspapers　that　the　Right　Reverend　the　Lord
  Charles　James　administered　the　rite　of　confirmation　to　a
  PARTY　OF　THE　JUVENILE　NOBILITY　at　the　Chapel　Royal；as
  if　the　Chapel　Royal　were　a　sort　of　ecclesiastical
  Almack's；　and　young　people　were　to　get　ready　for　the　next
  world　in　little　exclusive　genteel　knots　of　the
  aristocracy；　who　were　not　to　be　disturbe