第 33 节
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向前 更新:2021-02-18 21:59 字数:9320
him a shilling; and knew he would have paid it。 〃Same as silly
fool!〃 she called herself as she pocketed the money。
He gave them to her with a fine lordly air; and watched her while
she pinned them to her blouse; and a squirrel halting in the middle
of the walk watched her also with his head on one side; wondering
what was the good of them that she should store them with so much
care。 She did not thank him in words; but there were tears in her
eyes when she turned her face to his; and one of the little fawn
gloves stole out and sought his hand。 He took it in both his; and
would have held it; but she withdrew it almost hurriedly。
They appealed to him; her gloves; in spite of their being old and
much mended; and he was glad they were of kid。 Had they been of
cotton; such as girls of her class usually wore; the thought of
pressing his lips to them would have put his teeth on edge。 He
loved the little brown shoes; that must have been expensive when
new; for they still kept their shape。 And the fringe of dainty
petticoat; always so spotless and with never a tear; and the neat;
plain stockings that showed below the closely fitting frock。 So
often he had noticed girls; showily; extravagantly dressed; but with
red bare hands and sloppy shoes。 Handsome girls; some of them;
attractive enough if you were not of a finicking nature; to whom the
little accessories are almost of more importance than the whole。
He loved her voice; so different from the strident tones that every
now and then; as some couple; laughing and talking; passed them;
would fall upon him almost like a blow; her quick; graceful
movements that always brought back to his memory the vision of hill
and stream。 In her little brown shoes and gloves and the frock
which was also of a shade of brown though darker; she was strangely
suggestive to him of a fawn。 The gentle look; the swift; soft
movements that have taken place before they are seen; the haunting
suggestion of fear never quite conquered; as if the little nervous
limbs were always ready for sudden flight。 He called her that one
day。 Neither of them had ever thought to ask one another's names;
it did not seem to matter。
〃My little brown fawn;〃 he had whispered; 〃I am always expecting you
to suddenly dig your little heels into the ground and spring away〃;
and she had laughed and drawn a little closer to him。 And even that
was just the movement of a fawn。 He had known them; creeping near
to them upon the hill…sides when he was a child。
There was much in common between them; so they found。 Though he
could claim a few distant relatives scattered about the North; they
were both; for all practical purposes; alone in the world。 To her;
also; home meant a bed…sitting room〃over there;〃 as she indicated
with a wave of the little fawn glove embracing the north…west
district generally; and he did not press her for any more precise
address。
It was easy enough for him to picture it: the mean; close…smelling
street somewhere in the neighbourhood of Lisson Grove; or farther on
towards the Harrow Road。 Always he preferred to say good…bye to her
at some point in the Outer Circle; with its peaceful vista of fine
trees and stately houses; watching her little fawn…like figure
fading away into the twilight。
No friend or relative had she ever known; except the pale;
girlish…looking mother who had died soon after they had come to
London。 The elderly landlady had let her stay on; helping in the
work of the house; and when even this last refuge had failed her;
well…meaning folk had interested themselves and secured her
employment。 It was light and fairly well paid; but there were
objections to it; so he gathered; more from her halting silences
than from what she said。 She had tried for a time to find something
else; but it was so difficult without help or resources。 There was
nothing really to complain about it; except And then she paused
with a sudden clasp of the gloved hands; and; seeing the troubled
look in her eyes; he had changed the conversation。
It did not matter; he would take her away from it。 It was very
sweet to him; the thought of putting a protective arm about this
little fragile creature whose weakness gave him strength。 He was
not always going to be a clerk in an office。 He was going to write
poetry; books; plays。 Already he had earned a little。 He told her
of his hopes; and her great faith in him gave him new courage。 One
evening; finding a seat where few people ever passed; he read to
her。 And she had understood。 All unconsciously she laughed in the
right places; and when his own voice trembled; and he found it
difficult to continue for the lump in his own throat; glancing at
her he saw the tears were in her eyes。 It was the first time he had
tasted sympathy。
And so spring grew to summer。 And then one evening a great thing
happened。 He could not make out at first what it was about her:
some little added fragrance that made itself oddly felt; while she
herself seemed to be conscious of increased dignity。 It was not
until he took her hand to say good…bye that he discovered it。 There
was something different about the feel of her; and; looking down at
the little hand that lay in his; he found the reason。 She had on a
pair of new gloves。 They were still of the same fawn colour; but so
smooth and soft and cool。 They fitted closely without a wrinkle;
displaying the slightness and the gracefulness of the hands beneath。
The twilight had almost faded; and; save for the broad back of a
disappearing policeman; they had the Outer Circle to themselves;
and; the sudden impulse coming to him; he dropped on one knee; as
they do in plays and story books and sometimes elsewhere; and
pressed the little fawn gloves to his lips in a long; passionate
kiss。 The sound of approaching footsteps made him rise hurriedly。
She did not move; but her whole body was trembling; and in her eyes
was a look that was almost of fear。 The approaching footsteps came
nearer; but a bend of the road still screened them。 Swiftly and in
silence she put her arms about his neck and kissed him。 It was a
strange; cold kiss; but almost fierce; and then without a word she
turned and walked away; and he watched her to the corner of Hanover
Gate; but she did not look back。
It was almost as if it had raised a barrier between them; that kiss。
The next evening she came to meet him with a smile as usual; but in
her eyes was still that odd suggestion of lurking fear; and when;
seated beside her; he put his hand on hers it seemed to him she
shrank away from him。 It was an unconscious movement。 It brought
back to him that haunting memory of hill and stream when some soft…
eyed fawn; strayed from her fellows; would let him approach quite
close to her; and then; when he put out his hand to caress her;
would start away with a swift; quivering movement。
〃Do you always wear gloves?〃 he asked her one evening a little
later。
〃Yes;〃 she answered; speaking low; 〃when I'm out of doors。〃
〃But this is not out of doors;〃 he had pleaded。 〃We have come into
the garden。 Won't you take them off?〃
She had looked at him from under bent brows; as if trying to read
him。 She did not answer him then。 But on the way out; on the last
seat close to the gate; she had sat down; motioning him to sit
beside her。 Quietly she unbuttoned the fawn gloves; drew each one
off and laid them aside。 And then; for the first time; he saw her
hands。
Had he looked at her; seen the faint hope die out; the mute agony in
the quiet eyes watching him; he would have tried to hide the
disgust; the physical repulsion that showed itself so plainly in his
face; in the involuntary movement with which he drew away from her。
They were small and shapely with rounded curves; but raw and seared
as with hot irons; with a growth of red; angry…coloured warts; and
the nails all worn away。
〃I ought to have shown them to you before;〃 she said simply as she
drew the gloves on again。 〃It was silly of me。 I ought to have
known。〃
He tried to comfort her; but his phrases came meaningless and
halting。
It was the work; she explained as they walked on。 It made your
hands like that after a time。 If only she could have got out of it
earlier! But now! It was no good worrying about it now。
They parted near to the Hanover Gate; but to…night he did not stand
watching her as he had always done till she waved a last good…bye to
him just before disappearing; so whether she turned or not he never
knew。
He did not go to meet her the next evening。 A dozen times his
footsteps led him unconsciously almost to the gate。 Then he would
hurry away again; pace the mean streets; jostling stupidly against
the passers…by。 The pale; sweet face; the little nymph…like figure;
the little brown shoes kept calling to him。 If only there would
pass away the horror of those hands! All the artist in him
shuddered at the memory of them。 Always he had imagined them under
the neat; smooth gloves as fitting in with all the rest of her;
dreaming of the time when he would hold them in his own; caressing
them; kissing them。 Would it be possible to forget them; to