第 29 节
作者:向前      更新:2021-02-18 21:59      字数:9322
  on。
  The book; he remembered; contained a reference to the magazine in
  which the sketches had first appeared。  She would be sure to have
  noticed this。  He would send her his answer。  He drew his chair up
  to the flimsy table; and all that night he wrote。
  He did not have to think。  It came to him; and for the first time
  since the beginning of things he had no fear of its not being
  accepted。  It was mostly about himself; and the rest was about her;
  but to most of those who read it two months later it seemed to be
  about themselves。  The editor wrote a charming letter; thanking him
  for it; but at the time the chief thing that worried him was whether
  〃Sylvia〃 had seen it。  He waited anxiously for a few weeks; and then
  received her second letter。  It was a more womanly letter than the
  first。  She had understood the story; and her words of thanks almost
  conveyed to him the flush of pleasure with which she had read it。
  His friendship; she confessed; would be very sweet to her; and still
  more delightful the thought that he had need of her:  that she also
  had something to give。  She would write; as he wished; her real
  thoughts and feelings。  They would never know one another; and that
  would give her boldness。  They would be comrades; meeting only in
  dreamland。
  In this way commenced the whimsical romance of Sylvia and Aston
  Rowant; for it was too late now to change the nameit had become a
  name to conjure with。  The stories; poems; and essays followed now
  in regular succession。  The anxiously expected letters reached him
  in orderly procession。  They grew in interest; in helpfulness。  They
  became the letters of a wonderfully sane; broad…minded; thoughtful
  womana woman of insight; of fine judgment。  Their praise was rare
  enough to be precious。  Often they would contain just criticism;
  tempered by sympathy; lightened by humour。  Of her troubles;
  sorrows; fears; she came to write less and less; and even then not
  until they were past and she could laugh at them。  The subtlest
  flattery she gave him was the suggestion that he had taught her to
  put these things into their proper place。  Intimate; self…revealing
  as her letters were; it was curious he never shaped from them any
  satisfactory image of the writer。
  A brave; kind; tender woman。  A self…forgetting; quickly…forgiving
  woman。  A many…sided woman; responding to joy; to laughter:  a merry
  lady; at times。  Yet by no means a perfect woman。  There could be
  flashes of temper; one felt that; quite often occasional
  unreasonableness; a tongue that could be cutting。  A sweet; restful;
  greatly loving woman; but still a woman:  it would be wise to
  remember that。  So he read her from her letters。  But herself; the
  eyes; and hair; and lips of her; the voice and laugh and smile of
  her; the hands and feet of her; always they eluded him。
  He was in Alaska one spring; where he had gone to collect material
  for his work; when he received the last letter she ever wrote him。
  They neither of them knew then it would be the last。  She was
  leaving London; so the postscript informed him; sailing on the
  following Saturday for New York; where for the future she intended
  to live。
  It worried him that postscript。  He could not make out for a long
  time why it worried him。  Suddenly; in a waste of endless snows; the
  explanation flashed across him。  Sylvia of the letters was a living
  woman!  She could travelwith a box; he supposed; possibly with two
  or three; and parcels。  Could take tickets; walk up a gangway;
  stagger about a deck feeling; maybe; a little seasick。  All these
  years he had been living with her in dreamland she had been; if he
  had only known it; a Miss Somebody…or…other; who must have stood
  every morning in front of a looking…glass with hairpins in her
  mouth。  He had never thought of her doing these things; it shocked
  him。  He could not help feeling it was indelicate of hercoming to
  life in this sudden; uncalled…for manner。
  He struggled with this new conception of her; and had almost
  forgiven her; when a further and still more startling suggestion
  arrived to plague him。  If she really lived why should he not see
  her; speak to her?  So long as she had remained in her hidden
  temple; situate in the vague recesses of London; S。E。; her letters
  had contented him。  But now that she had moved; now that she was no
  longer a voice but a woman!  Well; it would be interesting to see
  what she was like。  He imagined the introduction:  〃Miss Somebody…
  or…other; allow me to present you to Mr。 Matthew Pole。〃  She would
  have no idea he was Aston Rowant。  If she happened to be young;
  beautiful; in all ways satisfactory; he would announce himself。  How
  astonished; how delighted she would be。
  But if not!  If she were elderly; plain?  The wisest; wittiest of
  women have been known to have an incipient moustache。  A beautiful
  spirit can; and sometimes does; look out of goggle eyes。  Suppose
  she suffered from indigestion and had a shiny nose!  Would her
  letters ever again have the same charm for him?  Absurd that they
  should not。  But would they?
  The risk was too great。  Giving the matter long and careful
  consideration; he decided to send her back into dreamland。
  But somehow she would not go back into dreamland; would persist in
  remaining in New York; a living; breathing woman。
  Yet even so; how could he find her?  He might; say; in a poem convey
  to her his desire for a meeting。  Would she comply?  And if she did;
  what would be his position; supposing the inspection to result
  unfavourably for her?  Could he; in effect; say to her:  〃Thank you
  for letting me have a look at you; that is all I wanted。  Good…bye〃?
  She must; she should remain in dreamland。  He would forget her
  postscript; in future throw her envelopes unglanced at into the
  wastepaper basket。  Having by this simple exercise of his will
  replaced her in London; he himself started for New Yorkon his way
  back to Europe; so he told himself。  Still; being in New York; there
  was no reason for not lingering there a while; if merely to renew
  old memories。
  Of course; if he had really wanted to find Sylvia it would have been
  easy from the date upon the envelope to have discovered the ship
  〃sailing the following Saturday。〃  Passengers were compelled to
  register their names in full; and to state their intended movements
  after arrival in America。  Sylvia was not a common Christian name。
  By the help of a five…dollar bill or two。  The idea had not
  occurred to him before。  He dismissed it from his mind and sought a
  quiet hotel up town。
  New York was changed less than he had anticipated。  West Twentieth
  Street in particular was precisely as; leaning out of the cab
  window; he had looked back upon it ten years ago。  Business had more
  and more taken possession of it; but had not as yet altered its
  appearance。  His conscience smote him as he turned the corner that
  he had never once written to Ann。  He had meant to; it goes without
  saying; but during those first years of struggle and failure his
  pride had held him back。  She had always thought him a fool; he had
  felt she did。  He would wait till he could write to her of success;
  of victory。  And then when it had slowly; almost imperceptibly;
  arrived!  He wondered why he never had。  Quite a nice little girl;
  in some respects。  If only she had been less conceited; less
  self…willed。  Also rather a pretty girl she had shown signs of
  becoming。  There were times  He remembered an evening before the
  lamps were lighted。  She had fallen asleep curled up in Abner's easy
  chair; one small hand resting upon the arm。  She had always had
  quite attractive handsa little too thin。  Something had moved him
  to steal across softly without waking her。  He smiled at the memory。
  And then her eyes; beneath the level brows!  It was surprising how
  Ann was coming back to him。  Perhaps they would be able to tell him;
  the people of the house; what had become of her。  If they were
  decent people they would let him wander round a while。  He would
  explain that he had lived there in Abner Herrick's time。  The room
  where they had sometimes been agreeable to one another while Abner;
  pretending to read; had sat watching them out of the corner of an
  eye。  He would like to sit there for a few moments; by himself。
  He forgot that he had rung the bell。  A very young servant had
  answered the door and was staring at him。  He would have walked in
  if the small servant had not planted herself deliberately in his
  way。  It recalled him to himself。
  〃I beg pardon;〃 said Matthew; 〃but would you please tell me who
  lives here?〃
  The small servant looked him up and down with growing suspicion。
  〃Miss Kavanagh lives here;〃 she said。  〃What do you want?〃
  The surprise was so great it rendered him speechless。  In another
  moment the small servant would have slammed the door。
  〃Miss Ann Kavanagh?〃 he inquired; just in time。
  〃That's her name;〃 admitted the small servant; less suspicious。
  〃Will you please tell her Mr。 PoleMr。 Matthew Pole;〃 he requested。
  〃I'll see first if she is in;〃 said the small servant; and shut the
  door。
  It gave Matthew a few minutes to recover himself; for which he was
  glad。  Then the door opened again sudden