第 25 节
作者:向前      更新:2021-02-18 21:59      字数:9322
  parents。  I think it was to visit some relative。  One day we went
  into the castle。  It was in ruins then; but has since been restored。
  We were in what was once the council chamber。  I stole away by
  myself to the other end of the great room and; not knowing why I did
  so; I touched a spring concealed in the masonry; and a door swung
  open with a harsh; grinding noise。  I remember peering round the
  opening。  The others had their backs towards me; and I slipped
  through and closed the door behind me。  I seemed instinctively to
  know my way。  I ran down a flight of steps and along dark corridors
  through which I had to feel my way with my hands; till I came to a
  small door in an angle of the wall。  I knew the room that lay the
  other side。  A photograph was taken of it and published years
  afterwards; when the place was discovered; and it was exactly as I
  knew it with its way out underneath the city wall through one of the
  small houses in the Aussermarkt。
  〃I could not open the door。  Some stones had fallen against it; and
  fearing to get punished; I made my way back into the council room。
  It was empty when I reached it。  They were searching for me in the
  other rooms; and I never told them of my adventure。〃
  At any other time I might have laughed。  Later; recalling his talk
  that evening; I dismissed the whole story as mere suggestion; based
  upon the imagination of a child; but at the time those strangely
  brilliant eyes had taken possession of me。  They remained still
  fixed upon me as I sat on the low rail of the veranda watching his
  white face; into which the hues of death seemed already to be
  creeping。
  I had a feeling that; through them; he was trying to force
  remembrance of himself upon me。  The man himselfthe very soul of
  himseemed to be concentrated in them。  Something formless and yet
  distinct was visualising itself before me。  It came to me as a
  physical relief when a spasm of pain caused him to turn his eyes
  away from me。
  〃You will find a letter when I am gone;〃 he went on; after a
  moment's silence。  〃I thought that you might come too late; or that
  I might not have strength enough to tell you。  I felt that out of
  the few people I have met outside business; you would be the most
  likely not to dismiss the matter as mere nonsense。  What I am glad
  of myself; and what I wish you to remember; is that I am dying with
  all my faculties about me。  The one thing I have always feared
  through life was old age; with its gradual mental decay。  It has
  always seemed to me that I have died more or less suddenly while
  still in possession of my will。  I have always thanked God for
  that。〃
  He closed his eyes; but I do not think he was sleeping; and a little
  later the nurse returned; and we carried him indoors。  I had no
  further conversation with him; though at his wish during the
  following two days I continued to read to him; and on the third day
  he died。
  I found the letter he had spoken of。  He had told me where it would
  be。  It contained a bundle of banknotes which he was giving meso
  he wrotewith the advice to get rid of them as quickly as possible。
  〃If I had not loved you;〃 the letter continued; 〃I would have left
  you an income; and you would have blessed me; instead of cursing me;
  as you should have done; for spoiling your life。〃
  This world was a school; so he viewed it; for the making of men; and
  the one thing essential to a man was strength。  One gathered the
  impression of a deeply religious man。  In these days he would; no
  doubt; have been claimed as a theosophist; but his beliefs he had
  made for; and adapted to; himselfto his vehement; conquering
  temperament。  God needed men to serve Himto help Him。  So; through
  many changes; through many ages; God gave men life:  that by contest
  and by struggle they might ever increase in strength; to those who
  proved themselves most fit the sterner task; the humbler beginnings;
  the greater obstacles。  And the crown of well…doing was ever
  victory。  He appeared to have convinced himself that he was one of
  the chosen; that he was destined for great ends。  He had been a
  slave in the time of the Pharaohs; a priest in Babylon; had clung to
  the swaying ladders in the sack of Rome; had won his way into the
  councils when Europe was a battlefield of contending tribes; had
  climbed to power in the days of the Borgias。
  To most of us; I suppose; there come at odd moments haunting
  thoughts of strangely familiar; far…off things; and one wonders
  whether they are memories or dreams。  We dismiss them as we grow
  older and the present with its crowding interests shuts them out;
  but in youth they were more persistent。  With him they appeared to
  have remained; growing in reality。  His recent existence; closed
  under the white sheet in the hut behind me as I read; was only one
  chapter of the story; he was looking forward to the next。
  He wondered; so the letter ran; whether he would have any voice in
  choosing it。  In either event he was curious of the result。  What he
  anticipated confidently were new opportunities; wider experience。
  In what shape would these come to him?
  The letter ended with a strange request。  It was that; on returning
  to England; I should continue to think of him:  not of the dead man
  I had known; the Jewish banker; the voice familiar to me; the trick
  of speech; of mannerall such being but the changing clothesbut
  of the man himself; the soul of him; that would seek and perhaps
  succeed in revealing itself to me。
  A postscript concluded the letter; to which at the time I attached
  no importance。  He had made a purchase of the hut in which he had
  died。  After his removal it was to remain empty。
  I folded the letter and placed it among other papers; and passing
  into the hut took a farewell glance at the massive; rugged face。
  The mask might have served a sculptor for the embodiment of
  strength。  He gave one the feeling that having conquered death he
  was sleeping。
  I did what he had requested of me。  Indeed; I could not help it。  I
  thought of him constantly。  That may have been the explanation of
  it。
  I was bicycling through Norfolk; and one afternoon; to escape a
  coming thunderstorm; I knocked at the door of a lonely cottage on
  the outskirts of a common。  The woman; a kindly bustling person;
  asked me in; and hoping I would excuse her; as she was busy ironing;
  returned to her work in another room。  I thought myself alone; and
  was standing at the window watching the pouring rain。  After a
  while; without knowing why; I turned。  And then I saw a child seated
  on a high chair behind a table in a dark corner of the room。  A book
  of pictures was open before it; but it was looking at me。  I could
  hear the sound of the woman at her ironing in the other room。
  Outside there was the steady thrashing of the rain。  The child was
  looking at me with large; round eyes filled with a terrible pathos。
  I noticed that the little body was misshapen。  It never moved; it
  made no sound; but I had the feeling that out of those strangely
  wistful eyes something was trying to speak to me。  Something was
  forming itself before menot visible to my sight; but it was there;
  in the room。  It was the man I had last looked upon as; dying; he
  sat beside me in the hut below the Jungfrau。  But something had
  happened to him。  Moved by instinct I went over to him and lifted
  him out of his chair; and with a sob the little wizened arms closed
  round my neck and he clung to me cryinga pitiful; low; wailing
  cry。
  Hearing his cry; the woman came back。  A comely; healthy…looking
  woman。  She took him from my arms and comforted him。
  〃He gets a bit sorry for himself at times;〃 she explained。  〃At
  least; so I fancy。  You see; he can't run about like other children;
  or do anything without getting pains。〃
  〃Was it an accident?〃 I asked。
  〃No;〃 she answered; 〃and his father as fine a man as you would find
  in a day's march。  Just a visitation of God; as they tell me。  Sure
  I don't know why。  There never was a better little lad; and clever;
  too; when he's not in pain。  Draws wonderfully。〃
  The storm had passed。  He grew quieter in her arms; and when I had
  promised to come again and bring him a new picture…book; a little
  grateful smile flickered across the drawn face; but he would not
  talk。
  I kept in touch with him。  Mere curiosity would have made me do
  that。  He grew more normal as the years went by; and gradually the
  fancy that had come to me at our first meeting faded farther into
  the background。  Sometimes; using the very language of the dead
  man's letter; I would talk to him; wondering if by any chance some
  flash of memory would come back to him; and once or twice it seemed
  to me that into the mild; pathetic eyes there came a look that I had
  seen before; but it passed away; and indeed; it was difficult to
  think of this sad little human oddity; with its pleading
  helplessness; in connection with the strong; swift; conquering
  spirit that I had watched passing away amid the silence of the
  mountains。
  The one thing that brought joy to him was his art。  I cannot help
  thinking that; but for his health; he would have made a name for
  himself。  His work was always clever and original; but it was the
  work of an invalid。