第 21 节
作者:
京文 更新:2024-09-15 09:12 字数:9322
willingness to punish her through Clementina was akin to her own。 The
sick woman was easily flattered back into her first belief in Mrs。 Milray
and accepted her large civilities and small services as proof of her
virtues。 She began to talk them into Clementina; and to contrast them
with the wicked principles and actions of Miss Milray。
The girl had forgiven Mrs。 Milray; but she could not go back to any trust
in her; and she could only passively assent to her praise。 When Mrs。
Lander pressed her for anything more explicit she said what she thought;
and then Mrs。 Lander accused her of hating Mrs。 Milray; who was more her
friend than some that flattered her up for everything; and tried to make
a fool of her。
〃I undastand now;〃 she said one day; 〃what that recta meant by wantin' me
to make life ba'd for you; he saw how easy you was to spoil。 Miss Milray
is one to praise you to your face; and disgrace you be hind your back;
and so I tell you。 When Mrs。 Milray thought you done wrong she come and
said so; and you can't forgive her。〃
Clementina did not answer。 She had mastered the art of reticence in her
relations with Mrs。 Lander; and even when Miss Milray tempted her one day
to give way; she still had strength to resist。 But she could not deny
that Mrs。 Lander did things at times to worry her; though she ended
compassionately with the reflection: 〃She's sick。〃
〃I dont think she's very sick; now;〃 retorted her friend。
〃No; that's the reason she's so worrying。 When she's really sick; she's
betta。〃
〃Because she's frightened; I suppose。 And how long do you propose to
stand it?
〃I don't know;〃 Clementina listlessly answered。
〃She couldnt get along without me。 I guess I can stand it till we go
home; she says she is going home in the fall。〃
Miss Milray sat looking at the girl a moment。
〃Shall you be glad to go home?〃
〃Oh yes; indeed!〃
〃To that place in the woods?〃
〃Why; yes! What makes you ask?〃
〃Nothing。 But Clementina; sometimes I think you don't quite understand
yourself。 Don't you know that you are very pretty and very charming?
I've told you that often enough! But shouldn't you like to be a great
success in the world? Haven't you ever thought of that? Don't you care
for society?〃
The girl sighed。 〃Yes; I think that's all very nice I did ca'e; one
while; there in Florence; last winter!〃
〃My dear; you don't know how much you were admired。 I used to tell you;
because I saw there was no spoiling you; but I never told you half。 If
you had only had the time for it you could have been the greatest sort of
success; you were formed for it。 It wasn't your beauty alone; lots of
pretty girls don't make anything of their beauty; it was your
temperament。 You took things easily and naturally; and that's what the
world likes。 It doesn't like your being afraid of it; and you were not
afraid; and you were not bold; you were just right。〃 Miss Milray grew
more and more exhaustive in her analysis; and enjoyed refining upon it。
〃All that you needed was a little hard…heartedness; and that would have
come in time; you would have learned how to hold your own; but the chance
was snatched from you by that old cat! I could weep over you when I
think how you have been wasted on her;and now you're actually willing to
go back and lose yourself in the woods!〃
〃I shouldn't call it being lost; Miss Milray。〃
〃I don't mean that; and you must excuse me; my dear。 But surely your
peopleyour father and motherwould want to have you get on in the
worldto make a brilliant match〃
Clementina smiled to think how far such a thing was from their
imaginations。 〃I don't believe they would ca'e。 You don't undastand
about them; and I couldn't make you。 Fatha neva liked the notion of my
being with such a rich woman as Mrs。 Lander; because it would look as if
we wanted her money。〃
〃I never could have imagined that of you; Clementina!〃
〃I didn't think you could;〃 said the girl gratefully。 〃But now; if I
left her when she was sick and depended on me; it would look wohse; yet
as if I did it because she was going to give her money to Mr。 Landa's
family。 She wants to do that; and I told her to; I think that would be
right; don't you?〃
〃It would be right for you; Clementina; if you preferred itandI
should prefer it。 But it wouldn't be right for her。 She has given you
hopesshe has made promisesshe has talked to everybody。〃
〃I don't ca'e for that。 I shouldn't like to feel beholden to any one;
and I think it really belongs to his relations; it was HIS。〃
Miss Milray did not say anything to this。 She asked; 〃And if you went
back; what would you do there? Labor in the fields; as poor little
Belsky advised?〃
Clementina laughed。 〃No; but I expect you'll think it's almost as crazy。
You know how much I like dancing? Well; I think I could give dancing
lessons at the Middlemount。 There are always a good many children; and
girls that have not grown up; and I guess I could get pupils enough; as
long as the summa lasted; and come winter; I'm not afraid but what I
could get them among the young folks at the Center。 I used to teach them
before I left home。〃
Miss Milray sat looking at her。 〃I don't know about such things; but it
sounds sensiblelike everything about you; my dear。 It sounds queer;
perhaps because you're talking of such a White Mountain scheme here in
Venice。〃
〃Yes; don't it?〃 said Clementina; sympathetically。 〃I was thinking of
that; myself。 But I know I could do it。 I could go round to different
hotels; different days。 Yes; I should like to go home; and they would be
glad to have me。 You can't think how pleasantly we live; and we're
company enough for each other。 I presume I should miss the things I've
got used to ova here; at fust; but I don't believe I should care a great
while。 I don't deny but what the wo'ld is nice; but you have to pay for
it; I don't mean that you would make me〃
〃No; no! We understand each other。 Go on!〃
Miss Milray leaned towards her and pressed the girl's arm reassuringly。
As often happens with people when they are told to go on; Clementina
found that she had not much more to say。 〃I think I could get along in
the wo'ld; well enough。 Yes; I believe I could do it。 But I wasn't bohn
to it; and it would be a great deal of troublea great deal moa than if
I had been bohn to it。 I think it would be too much trouble。 I would
rather give it up and go home; when Mrs。 Landa wants to go back。〃
Miss Milray did not speak for a time。 〃I know that you are serious;
Clementina; and you're wise always; and good〃
〃It isn't that; exactly;〃 said Clementina。 〃But is itI don't know how
to express it very wellis it wo'th while?
Miss Milray looked at her as if she doubted the girl's sincerity。 Even
when the world; in return for our making it our whole life; disappoints
and defeats us with its prizes; we still question the truth of those who
question the value of these prizes; we think they must be hopeless of
them; or must be governed by some interest momentarily superior。
Clementina pursued; 〃I know that you have had all you wanted of the
wo'ld〃
〃Oh; no!〃 the woman broke out; almost in anguish。 〃Not what I wanted!
What I tried for。 It never gave me what I wanted。 Itcouldn't!〃
〃Well?〃
〃It isn't worth while in that sense。 But if you can't have what you
want;if there's been a hollow left in your lifewhy the world goes a
great way towards filling up the aching void。〃 The tone of the last
words was lighter than their meaning; but Clementina weighed them aright。
〃Miss Milray;〃 she said; pinching the edge of the table by which she sat;
a little nervously; and banging her head a little; 〃I think I can have
what I want。〃 Then; give the whole world for it; child!〃
〃There is something I should like to tell you。〃
〃Yes!〃
For you to advise me about。〃
I will; my dear; gladly and truly!
〃He was here before you came。 He asked me〃
Miss Milray gave a start of alarm。 She said; to gain time: 〃How did he
get here? I supposed he was in Germany with his〃
〃No; he was here the whole of May。〃
〃Mr。 Gregory!〃
〃Mr。 Gregory?〃 Clementina's face flushed and drooped Still lower。
〃I meant Mr。 Hinkle。 But if you think I oughtn't〃
〃I don't think anything; I'm so glad! I supposed from what you said
about the world; that it must be But if it isn't; all the better。 If
it's Mr。 Hinkle that you can have〃
〃I'm not sure I can。 I should like to tell you just how it is; and then
you will know。〃 It needed fewer words for this than she expected; and
then Clementina took a letter from her pocket; and gave it to Miss
Milray。 〃He wrote it on the train; going away; and it's not very plain;
but I guess you can make it out。〃
Miss Milray received the penciled leaves; which seemed to be pages torn
out of a note…book。 They were dated the day Hinkle left Venice; and the
envelope bore the postmark of Verona。 They were not addressed; but began
abruptly: 〃I believe I have made a mistake; I ought not to have given you
up till I knew something that no one but you can tell me。 You are not
bound to any body unless you wish to be so。 That is what I