第 15 节
作者:京文      更新:2024-09-15 09:12      字数:9322
  will let me。〃
  〃Oh; thank you!〃 she cried after him; gratefully; as if his forbearance
  were the greatest favor。
  When he was gone she tried to release herself from the kind of abeyance
  in which she seemed to have gone back and been as subject to him as in
  the first days when he had awed her and charmed her with his superiority
  at Middlemount; and he again older and freer as she had grown since。
  He came back late in the afternoon; looking jaded and distraught。
  Hinkle; who looked neither; was with him。  〃Well;〃 he began; 〃this is the
  greatest thing in my experience。  Belsky's not only alive and well; but
  Mr。 Gregory and I are both at large。  I did think; one time; that the
  police would take us into custody on account of our morbid interest in
  the thing; and I don't believe we should have got off; if the Consul
  hadn't gone bail for us; so to speak。  I thought we had better take the
  Consul in; on our way; and it was lucky we did。〃
  Clementina did not understand all the implications; but she was willing
  to take Mr。 Hinkle's fun on trust。  〃I don't believe you'll convince Mrs。
  Landa that Mr。 Belsky's alive and well; till you bring him back to say
  so。〃
  〃Is that so!〃 said Hinkle。  〃Well; we must have him brought back by the
  authorities; then。  Perhaps they'll bring him; anyway。  They can't try
  him for suicide; but as I understand the police; here; a man can't lose
  his hat over a bridge in Florence with impunity; especially in a time of
  high water。  Anyway; they're identifying Belsky by due process of law in
  Rome; now; and I guess Mr。 Gregory〃he nodded toward Gregory; who sat
  silent and absent 〃will be kept under surveillance till the whole mystery
  is cleared up。〃
  Clementina responded gayly still; but with less and less sincerity; and
  she let Hinkle go at last with the feeling that he knew she wished him to
  go。  He made a brave show of not seeing this; and when he was gone; she
  remembered that she had not thanked him for the trouble he had taken on
  her account; and her heart ached after him with a sense of his sweetness
  and goodness; which she had felt from the first through his quaint
  drolling。  It was as if the door which closed upon him shut her out of
  the life she had been living of late; and into the life of the past where
  she was subject again to the spell of Gregory's mood; it was hardly his
  will。
  He began at once: 〃I wished to make you say something this morning that I
  have no right to hear you say; yet; and I have been trying ever since to
  think how I could ask you whether you could share my life with me; and
  yet not ask you to do it。  But I can't do anything without knowing
  You may not care for what my life is to be; at all!〃
  Clementina's head drooped a little; but she answered distinctly; 〃I do
  ca'e; Mr。 Gregory。〃
  〃Thank you for that much; I don't count upon more than you have said。
  Clementina; I am going to be a missionary。  I think I shall ask to be
  sent to China; I've not decided yet。  My life will be hard; it will be
  full of danger and privation; it will be exile。  You will have to think
  of sharing such a life if you think〃
  He stopped; the time had come for her to speak; and she said; 〃I knew you
  wanted to be a missionary〃
  〃Andandyou would go with me?  You would〃 He started toward her; and
  she did not shrink from him; now; but he checked himself。  〃But you
  mustn't; you know; for my sake。〃
  〃I don't believe I quite undastand;〃 she faltered。
  〃You must not do it for me; but for what makes me do it。  Without that
  our life; our work; could have no consecration。〃
  She gazed at him in patient; faintly smiling bewilderment; as if it were
  something he would unriddle for her when he chose。
  〃We mustn't err in this; it would be worse than error; it would be sin。〃
  He took a turn about the room; and then stopped before her。  〃Will you
  will you join me in a prayer for guidance; Clementina?〃
  〃II don't know;〃 she hesitated。  〃I will; butdo you think I had
  betta?〃
  He began; 〃Why; surely〃After a moment he asked gravely; 〃You believe
  that our actions will be guided aright; if we seek help?〃
  〃Oh; yesyes〃
  〃And that if we do not; we shall stumble in our ignorance?〃
  〃I don't know。  I never thought of that。〃
  〃Never thought of it〃
  〃We never did it in our family。  Father always said that if we really
  wanted to do right we could find the way。〃  Gregory looked daunted; and
  then he frowned darkly。  〃Are you provoked with me?  Do you think what
  I have said is wrong?〃
  〃No; no!  You must say what you believe。  It would be double hypocrisy in
  me if I prevented you。〃
  〃But I would do it; if you wanted me to;〃 she said。
  〃Oh; for me; for ME!〃 he protested。  〃I will try to tell you what I mean;
  and why you must not; for that very reason。〃  But he had to speak of
  himself; of the miracle of finding her again by the means which should
  have lost her to him forever; and of the significance of this。  Then it
  appeared to him that he could not reject such a leading without error;
  without sin。  〃Such a thing could not have merely happened。〃
  It seemed so to Clementina; too; she eagerly consented that this was
  something they must think of; as well。  But the light waned; the dark
  thickened in the room before he left her to do so。  Then he said
  fervently; 〃We must not doubt that everything will come right;〃 and his
  words seemed an effect of inspiration to them both。
  XXVII。
  After Gregory was gone a misgiving began in Clementina's mind; which grew
  more distinct; through all the difficulties of accounting to Mrs。 Lander
  for his long stay; The girl could see that it was with an obscure
  jealousy that she pushed her questions; and said at last; 〃That Mr。
  Hinkle is about the best of the lot。  He's the only one that's eva had
  the mannas to ask after me; except that lo'd。  He did。〃
  Clementina could not pretend that Gregory had asked; but she could not
  blame him for a forgetfulness of Mrs。 Lander which she had shared with
  him。  This helped somehow to deepen the misgiving which followed her from
  Mrs。 Lander's bed to her own; and haunted her far into the night。  She
  could escape from it only by promising herself to deal with it the first
  thing in the morning。  She did this in terms much briefer than she
  thought she could have commanded。  She supposed she would have to write a
  very long letter; but she came to the end of all she need say; in a very
  few lines。
  DEAR MR。 GREGORY:
  〃I have been thinking about what you said yesterday; and I have to
  tell you something。  Then you can do what is right for both of us;
  you will know better than I can。  But I want you to understand that
  if I go with you in your missionary life; I shall do it for you; and
  not for anything else。  I would go anywhere and live anyhow for you;
  but it would be for you; I do not believe that I am religious; and I
  know that I should not do it for religion。
  〃That is all; but I could not get any peace till I let you know just
  how I felt。
  〃CLEMENTINA CLAXON。〃
  The letter went early in the morning; though not so early but it was put
  in Gregory's hand as he was leaving his hotel to go to Mrs。 Lander's。  He
  tore it open; and read it on the way; and for the first moment it seemed
  as if it were Providence leading him that he might lighten Clementina's
  heart of its doubts with the least delay。  He had reasoned that if she
  would share for his sake the life that he should live for righteousness'
  sake they would be equally blest in it; and it would be equally
  consecrated in both。  But this luminous conclusion faded in his thought
  as he hurried on; and he found himself in her presence with something
  like a hope that she would be inspired to help him。
  His soul lifted at the sound of the gay voice in which she asked; 〃Did
  you get my letta?〃 and it seemed for the instant as if there could be no
  trouble that their love could not overcome。
  〃Yes;〃 he said; and he put his arms around her; but with a provisionality
  in his embrace which she subtly perceived。
  〃And what did you think of it?〃 she asked。  〃Did you think I was silly?〃
  He was aware that she had trusted him to do away her misgiving。  〃No;
  no;〃 he answered; guiltily。  〃Wiser than I am; always。  II want to talk
  with you about it; Clementina。  I want you to advise me。〃
  He felt her shrink from him; and with a pang he opened his arms to free
  her。  But it was right; he must。  She had been expecting him to say that
  there was nothing in her misgiving; and he could not say it。
  〃Clementina;〃 he entreated; 〃why do you think you are not religious?〃
  〃Why; I have never belonged to chu'ch;〃 she answered simply。  He looked
  so daunted; that she tried to soften the blow after she had dealt it。
  〃Of course; I always went to chu'ch; though father and motha didn't。
  I went to the Episcopalto Mr。 Richling's。  But I neva was confirmed。〃
  〃But…you believe in God?〃
  〃Why; certainly!〃
  〃And in the Bible?〃
  〃Why; of cou'se!〃
  〃And that it is our duty to bear the truth to those who have never heard
  of it?〃
  〃I know that is the way you feel about it; but I am not certain that I
  should feel so myself