AUGUSTUS。　Certainly。　Certainly。　＇Taking　the　receiver　down。＇　What
  number　shall　I　get　you？
  THE　LADY。　The　War　Office；　please。
  AUGUSTUS。　The　War　Office！？
  THE　LADY。　If　you　will　be　so　good。
  AUGUSTUS。　ButOh；　very　well。　＇Into　the　receiver。＇　Hallo。　This　is
  the　Town　Hall　Recruiting　Office。　Give　me　Colonel　Bogey；　sharp。
  A　pause。
  THE　CLERK　＇breaking　the　painful　silence＇。　I　don't　think　I'm
  awake。　This　is　a　dream　of　a　movie　picture；　this　is。
  AUGUSTUS　＇his　ear　at　the　receiver＇。　Shut　up；　will　you？　＇Into　the
  telephone。＇　What？。。。＇To　the　lady。＇　Whom　do　you　want　to　get　on　to？
  THE　LADY。　Blueloo。
  AUGUSTUS　＇into　the　telephone＇。　Put　me　through　to　Lord　Hungerford
  Highcastle。。。I'm　his　brother；　idiot。。。That　you；　Blueloo？　Lady
  here　at　Little　Pifflington　wants　to　speak　to　you。　Hold　the　line。
  ＇To　the　lady。＇　Now；　madam　＇he　hands　her　the　receiver＇。
  THE　LADY　＇sitting　down　in　Augustus's　chair　to　speak　into　the
  telephone＇。　Is　that　Blueloo？。。。Do　you　recognize　my　voice？。。。I've
  won　our　bet。。。。
  AUGUSTUS。　Your　bet！
  THE　LADY　＇into　the　telephone＇。　Yes：　I　have　the　list　in　my　wallet
  。。。。
  AUGUSTUS。　Nothing　of　the　kind；　madam。　I　have　it　here　in　my
  pocket。　＇He　takes　the　envelope　from　his　pocket：　draws　out　the
  paper：　and　unfolds　it。＇
  THE　LADY　＇continuing＇。　Yes：　I　got　clean　into　the　street　with　it。
  I　have　a　witness。　I　could　have　got　to　London　with　it。　Augustus
  won't　deny　it。。。。
  AUGUSTUS　＇contemplating　the　blank　paper＇。　There's　nothing　written
  on　this。　Where　is　the　list　of　guns？
  THE　LADY　＇continuing＇。　Oh；　it　was　quite　easy。　I　said　I　was　my
  sister…in…law　and　that　I　was　a　Hun。　He　lapped　it　up　like　a　kitten
  。。。。
  AUGUSTUS。　You　don't　mean　to　say　that
  THE　LADY　＇continuing＇。　I　got　hold　of　the　list　for　a　moment　and
  changed　it　for　a　piece　of　paper　out　of　his　stationery　rack：　it
  was　quite　easy　＇she　laughs：　and　it　is　clear　that　Blueloo　is
  laughing　too＇。
  AUGUSTUS。　What！
  THE　CLERK　＇laughing　slowly　and　laboriously；　with　intense
  enjoyment＇。　Ha　ha！　Ha　ha　ha！　Ha！　＇Augustus　rushes　at　him；　he
  snatches　up　the　poker　and　stands　on　guard。＇　No　you　don't。
  THE　LADY　＇still　at　the　telephone；　waving　her　disengaged　hand
  behind　her　impatiently　at　them　to　stop　making　a　noise＇。　Sh…sh…sh…
  sh…sh！！！　＇Augustus；　with　a　shrug；　goes　up　the　middle　of　the　room。
  The　lady　resumes　her　conversation　with　the　telephone。＇　What？。。。Oh
  yes：　I'm　coming　up　by　the　1。35：　why　not　have　tea　with　me　at
  Rumpelmeister's？。。。Rum…pel…meister's。　You　know：　they　call　it
  Robinson's　now。。。Right。　Ta　ta。　＇She　hangs　up　the　receiver；　and　is
  passing　round　the　table　on　her　way　towards　the　door　when　she　is
  confronted　by　Augustus。＇
  AUGUSTUS。　Madam；　I　consider　your　conduct　most　unpatriotic。　You
  make　bets　and　abuse　the　confidence　of　the　hardworked　officials
  who　are　doing　their　bit　for　their　country　whilst　our　gallant
  fellows　are　perishing　in　the　trenches
  THE　LADY。　Oh；　the　gallant　fellows　are　not　all　in　the　trenches；
  Augustus。　Some　of　them　have　come　home　for　a　few　days'　hard…earned
  leave；　and　I　am　sure　you　won't　grudge　them　a　little　fun　at　your
  expense。
  THE　CLERK。　Hear！　hear！
  AUGUSTUS　＇amiably＇。　Ah；　well！　For　my　country's　sake！
  End