seditious　members　of　that　assembly　by　giving　a　pledge　or　two；　but
  the　War　Office　takes　no　notice　of　such　things。
  THE　LADY　＇staring　at　him＇。　Then　you　think　this　list　of　gun
  emplacements　doesn't　matter！！
  AUGUSTUS。　By　no　means；　madam。　It　matters　very　much　indeed。　If
  this　spy　were　to　obtain　possession　of　the　list；　Blueloo　would
  tell　the　story　at　every　dinner…table　in　London；　and
  THE　LADY。　And　you　might　lose　your　post。　Of　course。
  AUGUSTUS　＇amazed　and　indignant＇。　I　lose　my　post！　What　are　you
  dreaming　about；　madam？　How　could　I　possibly　be　spared？　There　are
  hardly　Highcastles　enough　at　present　to　fill　half　the　posts
  created　by　this　war。　No：　Blueloo　would　not　go　that　far。　He　is　at
  least　a　gentleman。　But　I　should　be　chaffed；　and；　frankly；　I　don't
  like　being　chaffed。
  THE　LADY。　Of　course　not。　Who　does？　It　would　never　do。　Oh　never；
  never。
  AUGUSTUS。　I'm　glad　you　see　it　in　that　light。　And　now；　as　a
  measure　of　security；　I　shall　put　that　list　in　my　pocket。　＇He
  begins　searching　vainly　from　drawer　to　drawer　in　the
  writing…table。＇　Where　on　earth？　What　the　dickens　did　I？
  That's　very　odd：　IWhere　the　deuce？　I　thought　I　had　put　it　in
  theOh；　here　it　is！　No：　this　is　Lucy's　last　letter。
  THE　LADY　＇elegiacally＇。　Lucy's　Last　Letter！　What　a　title　for　a
  picture　play！
  AUGUSTUS　＇delighted＇。　Yes：　it　is；　isn't　it？　Lucy　appeals　to　the
  imagination　like　no　other　woman。　By　the　way　＇handing　over　the
  letter＇；　I　wonder　could　you　read　it　for　me？　Lucy　is　a　darling
  girl；　but　I　really　can't　read　her　writing。　In　London　I　get　the
  office　typist　to　decipher　it　and　make　me　a　typed　copy；　but　here
  there　is　nobody。
  THE　LADY　＇puzzling　over　it＇。　It　is　really　almost　illegible。　I
  think　the　beginning　is　meant　for　〃Dearest　Gus。〃
  AUGUSTUS　＇eagerly＇。　Yes：　that　is　what　she　usually　calls　me。
  Please　go　on。
  THE　LADY　＇trying　to　decipher　it＇。　〃What　a〃〃what　a〃oh　yes：
  〃what　a　forgetful　old〃something〃you　are！〃　I　can't　make　out
  the　word。
  AUGUSTUS　＇greatly　interested＇。　Is　it　blighter？　That　is　a　favorite
  expression　of　hers。
  THE　LADY。　I　think　so。　At　all　events　it　begins　with　a　B。
  ＇Reading。＇　〃What　a　forgetful　old〃＇she　is　interrupted　by　a　knock
  at　the　door。＇
  AUGUSTUS　＇impatiently＇。　Come　in。　＇The　clerk　enters；　clean　shaven
  and　in　khaki；　with　an　official　paper　and　an　envelope　in　his
  hand。＇　What　is　this　ridiculous　mummery　sir？
  THE　CLERK　＇coming　to　the　table　and　exhibiting　his　uniform　to
  both＇。　They've　passed　me。　The　recruiting　officer　come　for　me。
  I've　had　my　two　and　seven。
  AUGUSTUS　＇rising　wrathfully＇。　I　shall　not　permit　it。　What　do　they
  mean　by　taking　my　office　staff？　Good　God！　they　will　be　taking　our
  hunt　servants　next。　＇Confronting　the　clerk。＇　What　did　the　man
  mean？　What　did　he　say？
  THE　CLERK。　He　said　that　now　you　was　on　the　job　we'd　want　another
  million　men；　and　he　was　going　to　take　the　old…age　pensioners　or
  anyone　he　could　get。
  AUGUSTUS。　And　did　you　dare　to　knock　at　my　door　and　interrupt　my
  business　with　this　lady　to　repeat　this　man's　ineptitudes？
  THE　CLERK。　No。　I　come　because　the　waiter　from　the　hotel　brought
  this　paper。　You　left　it　on　the　coffeeroom　breakfast…table　this
  morning。
  THE　LADY　＇intercepting　it＇。　It　is　the　list。　Good　heavens！
  THE　CLERK　＇proffering　the　envelope＇。　He　says　he　thinks　this　is
  the　envelope　belonging　to　it。
  THE　LADY　＇snatching　the　envelope　also＇。　Yes！　Addressed　to　you；
  Lord　Augustus！　＇Augustus　comes　back　to　the　table　to　look　at　it。＇
  Oh；　how　imprudent！　Everybody　would　guess　its　importance　with　your
  name　on　it。　Fortunately　I　have　some　letters　of　my　own　here
  ＇opening　her　wallet。＇　Why　not　hide　it　in　one　of　my　envelopes？
  then　no　one　will　dream　that　the　enclosure　is　of　any　political
  value。　＇Taking　out　a　letter；　she　crosses　the　room　towards　the
  window；　whispering　to　Augustus　as　she　passes　him。＇　Get　rid　of
  that　man。
  AUGUSTUS　＇haughtily　approaching　the　clerk；　who　humorously　makes　a
  paralytic　attempt　to　stand　at　attention＇。　Have　you　any　further
  business　here；　pray？
  THE　CLERK。　Am　I　to　give　the　waiter　anything；　or　will　you　do　it
  yourself？
  AUGUSTUS。　Which　waiter　is　it？　The　English　one？
  THE　CLERK。　No：　the　one　that　calls　hisself　a　Swiss。　Shouldn't
  wonder　if　he'd　made　a　copy　of　that　paper。
  AUGUSTUS。　Keep　your　impertinent　surmises　to　yourself；　sir。
  Remember　that　you　are　in　the　army　now；　and　let　me　have　no　more　of
  your　civilian　insubordination。　Attention！　Left　turn！　Quick　march！
  THE　CLERK　＇stolidly＇。　I　dunno　what　you　mean。
  AUGUSTUS。　Go　to　the　guard…room　and　report　yourself　for　disobeying
  orders。　Now　do　you　know　what　I　mean？
  THE　CLERK。　Now　look　here。　I　ain't　going　to　argue　with　you
  AUGUSTUS。　Nor　I　with　you。　Out　with　you。
  He　seizes　the　clerk：　and　rushes　him　through　the　door。　The　moment
  the　lady　is　left　alone；　she　snatches　a　sheet　of　official　paper
  from　the　stationery　rack：　folds　it　so　that　it　resembles　the　list；
  compares　the　two　to　see　that　they　look　exactly　alike：　whips　the
  list　into　her　wallet：　and　substitutes　the　facsimile　for　it。　Then
  she　listens　for　the　return　of　Augustus。　A　crash　is　heard；　as　of
  the　clerk　falling　downstairs。
  Augustus　returns　and　is　about　to　close　the　door　when　the　voice　of
  the　clerk　is　heard　from　below。
  THE　CLERK。　I'll　have　the　law　of　you　for　this；　I　will。
  AUGUSTUS　＇shouting　down　to　him＇。　There's　no　more　law　for　you；　you
  scoundrel。　You're　a　soldier　now。　＇He　shuts　the　door　and　comes　to
  the　lady。＇　Thank　heaven；　the　war　has　given　us　the　upper　hand　of
  these　fellows　at　last。　Excuse　my　violence；　but　discipline　is
  absolutely　necessary　in　dealing　with　the　lower　middle　classes。
  THE　LADY。　Serve　the　insolent　creature　right！　Look　I　have　found
  you　a　beautiful　envelope　for　the　list；　an　unmistakable　lady's
  envelope。　＇She　puts　the　sham　list　into　her　envelope　and　hands　it
  to　him。＇
  AUGUSTUS。　Excellent。　Really　very　clever　of　you。　＇Slyly。＇　Come：
  would　you　like　to　have　a　peep　at　the　list　＇beginning　to　take　the
  blank　paper　from　the　envelope＇？
  THE　LADY　＇on　the　brink　of　detection＇。　No　no。　Oh；　please；　no。
  AUGUSTUS。　Why？　It　won't　bite　you　＇drawing　it　out　further。＇
  THE　LADY　＇snatching　at　his　hand＇。　Stop。　Remember：　if　there　should
  be　an　inquiry；　you　must　be　able　to　swear　that　you　never　showed
  that　list　to　a　mortal　soul。
  AUGUSTUS。　Oh；　that　is　a　mere　form。　If　you　are　really　curious
  THE　LADY。　I　am　not。　I　couldn't　bear　to　look　at　it。　One　of　my
  dearest　friends　was　blown　to　pieces　by　an　aircraft　gun；　and　since
  then　I　have　never　been　able　to　think　of　one　without　horror。
  AUGUSTUS。　You　mean　it　was　a　real　gun；　and　actually　went　off。　How
  sad！　how　sad！　＇He　pushes　the　sham　list　back　into　the　envelope；
  and　pockets　it。＇
  THE　LADY。　Ah！　＇Great　sigh　of　relief＇。　And　now；　Lord　Augustus；　I
  have　taken　up　too　much　of　your　valuable　time。　Goodbye。
  AUGUSTUS。　What！　Must　you　go？
  THE　LADY。　You　are　so　busy。
  AUGUSTUS。　Yes；　but　not　before　lunch；　you　know。　I　never　can　do
  much　before　lunch。　And　I'm　no　good　at　all　in　the　afternoon。　From
  five　to　six　is　my　real　working　time。　Must　you　really　go？
  THE　LADY。　I　must；　really。　I　have　done　my　business　very
  satisfactorily。　Thank　you　ever　so　much　＇she　proffers　her　hand＇。
  AUGUSTUS　＇shaking　it　affectionately　as　he　leads　her　to　the　door；
  but　fast　pressing　the　bell　button　with　his　left　hand＇。　Goodbye。
  Goodbye。　So　sorry　to　lose　you。　Kind　of　you　to　come；　but　there　was
  no　real　danger。　You　see；　my　dear　little　lady；　all　this　talk　about
  war　saving；　and　secrecy；　and　keeping　the　blinds　down　at　night；
  and　so　forth；　is　all　very　well；　but　unless　it's　carried　out　with
  intelligence；　believe　me；　you　may　waste　a　pound　to　save　a　penny；
  you　may　let　out　all　sorts　of　secrets　to　the　enemy；　you　may　guide
  the　Zeppelins　right　on　to　your　own　chimneys。　That's　where　the
  ability　of　the　governing　class　comes　in。　Shall　the　fellow　call　a
  taxi　for　you？
  THE　LADY。　No；　thanks：　I　prefer　walking。　Goodbye。　Again；　many；
  many　thanks。
  She　goes　out。　Augustus　returns　to　the　writing…table　smiling；　and
  takes　another　look　at　himself　in　the　mirror。　The　clerk　returns；
  with　his　head　bandaged；　carrying　a　poker。
  THE　CLERK。　What　did　you　ring　for？　＇Augustus　hastily　drops　the
  mirror＇。　Don't　you　come　nigh　me　or　I'll　split　your　head　with　this
  poker；　thick　as　it　is。
  AUGUSTUS。　It　does　not　seem　to　me　an　exceptionally　thick　poker。　I
  rang　for　you　to　show　the　lady　out。
  THE　CLERK。　She's　gone。　She　run　out　like　a　rabbit。　I　ask　myself
  why　was　she　in　such　a　hurry？
  THE　LADY'S　VOICE　＇from　the　street＇。　Lord　Augustus。　Lord　Augustus。
  THE　CLERK。　She's　calling　you。
  AUGUSTUS　＇running　to　the　window　and　throwing　it　up＇。　What　is　it？
  Won't　you　come　up？
  THE　LADY。　Is　the　clerk　there？
  AUGUSTUS。　Yes。　Do　you　want　him？
  THE　LADY。　Yes。
  AUGUSTUS。　The　lady　wants　you　at　the　window。
  THE　CLERK　＇rushing　to　the　window　and　putting　down　the　poker＇。
  Yes；　ma'am？　Here　I　am；　ma'am。　What　is　it；　ma'am？
  THE　LADY。　I　want　you　to　witness　that　I　got　clean　away　into　the
  street。　I　am　coming　up　now。
  The　two　men　stare　at　one　another。
  THE　CLERK。　Wants　me　to　witness　that　she　got　clean　away　into　the
  street！
  AUGUSTUS。　What　on　earth　does　she　mean？
  The　lady　returns。
  THE　LADY。　May　I　use　your　telephone？
  AUGUSTUS。　Certainly。　Certainly。　＇Taking　the　receiver　down。＇　What
  number　shall　I　get　you？
  THE　LADY。　The　War　Office；　please。