第 65 节
作者:泰达魔王      更新:2024-07-17 14:41      字数:9322
  shall I bear witness against thee。〃
  Perceiving that Carwin did not obey; he continued; 〃Dost thou wish
  me to complete the catalogue by thy death?  Thy life is a worthless
  thing。  Tempt me no more。  I am but a man; and thy presence may
  awaken a fury which may spurn my control。  Begone!〃
  Carwin; irresolute; striving in vain for utterance; his complexion
  pallid as death; his knees beating one against another; slowly
  obeyed the mandate and withdrew。
  II
  A few words more and I lay aside the pen forever。  Yet why should I
  not relinquish it now?  All that I have said is preparatory to this
  scene; and my fingers; tremulous and cold as my heart; refuse any
  further exertion。  This must not be。  Let my last energies support
  me in the finishing of this task。  Then will I lay down my head in
  the lap of death。  Hushed will be all my murmurs in the sleep of
  the grave。
  Every sentiment has perished in my bosom。  Even friendship is
  extinct。  Your love for me has prompted me to this task; but I
  would not have complied if it had not been a luxury thus to feast
  upon my woes。  I have justly calculated upon my remnant of
  strength。  When I lay down the pen the taper of life will expire;
  my existence will terminate with my tale。
  Now that I was left alone with Wieland; the perils of my situation
  presented themselves to my mind。  That this paroxysm should
  terminate in havoc and rage it was reasonable to predict。  The
  first suggestion of my fears had been disproved by my experience。
  Carwin had acknowledged his offenses; and yet had escaped。  The
  vengeance which I had harbored had not been admitted by Wieland;
  and yet the evils which I had endured; compared with those
  inflicted on my brother; were as nothing。  I thirsted for his
  blood; and was tormented with an insatiable appetite for his
  destruction; but my brother was unmoved; and had dismissed him in
  safety。  Surely thou wast more than man; while I am sunk below the
  beasts。
  Did I place a right construction on the conduct of Wieland?  Was
  the error that misled him so easily rectified?  Were views so vivid
  and faith so strenuous thus liable to fading and to change?  Was
  there not reason to doubt the accuracy of my perceptions?  With
  images like these was my mind thronged; till the deportment of my
  brother called away my attention。
  I saw his lips move and his eyes cast up to heaven。  Then would he
  listen and look back; as if in expectation of some one's
  appearance。  Thrice he repeated these gesticulations and this
  inaudible prayer。  Each time the mist of confusion and doubt seemed
  to grow darker and to settle on his understanding。  I guessed at
  the meaning of these tokens。  The words of Carwin had shaken his
  belief; and he was employed in summoning the messenger who had
  formerly communed with him; to attest the value of those new
  doubts。  In vain the summons was repeated; for his eye met nothing
  but vacancy; and not a sound saluted his ear。
  He walked to the bed; gazed with eagerness at the pillow which had
  sustained the head of the breathless Catharine; and then returned
  to the place where I sat。  I had no power to lift my eyes to his
  face: I was dubious of his purpose; this purpose might aim at my
  life。
  Alas! nothing but subjection to danger and exposure to temptation
  can show us what we are。  By this test was I now tried; and found
  to be cowardly and rash。  Men can deliberately untie the thread of
  life; and of this I had deemed myself capable。  It was now that I
  stood upon the brink of fate; that the knife of the sacrificer was
  aimed at my heart; I shuddered; and betook myself to any means of
  escape; however monstrous。
  Can I bear to thinkcan I endure to relate the outrage which my
  heart meditated?  Where were my means of safety?  Resistance was
  vain。  Not even the energy of despair could set me on a level with
  that strength which his terrific prompter had bestowed upon
  Wieland。  Terror enables us to perform incredible feats; but terror
  was not then the state of my mind: where then were my hopes of
  rescue?
  Methinks it is too much。  I stand aside; as it were; from myself; I
  estimate my own deservings; a hatred; immortal and inexorable; is
  my due。  I listen to my own pleas; and find them empty and false:
  yes; I acknowledge that my guilt surpasses that of mankind; I
  confess that the curses of a world and the frowns of a Deity are
  inadequate to my demerits。  Is there a thing in the world worthy of
  infinite abhorrence?  It is I。
  What shall I say?  I was menaced; as I thought; with death; and; to
  elude this evil; my hand was ready to inflict death upon the
  menacer。  In visiting my house; I had made provision against the
  machinations of Carwin。  In a fold of my dress an open penknife was
  concealed。  This I now seized and drew forth。  It lurked out of
  view; but I now see that my state of mind would have rendered the
  deed inevitable if my brother had lifted his hand。  This instrument
  of my preservation would have been plunged into his heart。
  O insupportable remembrance! hide thee from my view for a time;
  hide it from me that my heart was black enough to meditate the
  stabbing of a brother! a brother thus supreme in misery; thus
  towering in virtue!
  He was probably unconscious of my design; but presently drew back。
  This interval was sufficient to restore me to myself。  The madness;
  the iniquity; of that act which I had purposed rushed upon my
  apprehension。  For a moment I was breathless with agony。  At the
  next moment I recovered my strength; and threw the knife with
  violence on the floor。
  The sound awoke my brother from his reverie。  He gazed alternately
  at me and at the weapon。  With a movement equally solemn he stooped
  and took it up。  He placed the blade in different positions;
  scrutinizing it accurately; and maintaining; at the same time; a
  profound silence。
  Again he looked at me; but all that vehemence and loftiness of
  spirit which had so lately characterized his features were flown。
  Fallen muscles; a forehead contracted into folds; eyes dim with
  unbidden drops; and a ruefulness of aspect which no words can
  describe; were now visible。
  His looks touched into energy the same sympathies in me; and I
  poured forth a flood of tears。  This passion was quickly checked by
  fear; which had now no longer my own but his safety for their
  object。  I watched his deportment in silence。  At length he spoke:
  〃Sister;〃 said he; in an accent mournful and mild; 〃I have acted
  poorly my part in this world。  What thinkest thou?  Shall I not do
  better in the next?〃
  I could make no answer。  The mildness of his tone astonished and
  encouraged me。  I continued to regard him with wistful and anxious
  looks。
  〃I think;〃 resumed he; 〃I will try。  My wife and my babes have gone
  before。  Happy wretches!  I have sent you to repose; and ought not
  to linger behind。〃
  These words had a meaning sufficiently intelligible。  I looked at
  the open knife in his hand and shuddered; but knew not how to
  prevent the deed which I dreaded。  He quickly noticed my fears; and
  comprehended them。  Stretching toward me his hand; with an air of
  increasing mildness; 〃Take it;〃 said he; 〃fear not for thy own
  sake; nor for mine。  The cup is gone by; and its transient
  inebriation is succeeded by the soberness of truth。
  〃Thou angel whom I was wont to worship! fearest thou; my sister;
  for thy life?  Once it was the scope of my labors to destroy thee;
  but I was prompted to the deed by heaven; such; at least; was my
  belief。  Thinkest thou that thy death was sought to gratify
  malevolence?  No。  I am pure from all stain。  I believed that my
  God was my mover!
  〃Neither thee nor myself have I cause to injure。  I have done my
  duty; and surely there is merit in having sacrificed to that all
  that is dear to the heart of man。  If a devil has deceived me; he
  came in the habit of an angel。  If I erred; it was not my judgment
  that deceived me; but my senses。  In thy sight; Being of beings! I
  am still pure。  Still will I look for my reward in thy justice!〃
  Did my ears truly report these sounds?  If I did not err; my
  brother was restored to just perceptions。  He knew himself to have
  been betrayed to the murder of his wife and children; to have been
  the victim of infernal artifice; yet he found consolation in the
  rectitude of his motives。  He was not devoid of sorrow; for this
  was written on his countenance; but his soul was tranquil and
  sublime。
  Perhaps this was merely a transition of his former madness into a
  new shape。  Perhaps he had not yet awakened to the memory of the
  horrors which he had perpetrated。  Infatuated wretch that I was!
  To set myself up as a model by which to judge of my heroic brother!
  My reason taught me that his conclusions were right; but; conscious
  of the impotence of reason over my own conduct; conscious of my
  cowardly rashness and