第 50 节
作者:
泰达魔王 更新:2024-07-17 14:41 字数:9322
seating myself at a window; consumed the day in alternately looking
out upon the storm and gazing at the picture which lay upon a table
before me。 You will perhaps deem this conduct somewhat singular;
and ascribe it to certain peculiarities of temper。 I am not aware
of any such peculiarities。 I can account for my devotion to this
image no otherwise than by supposing that its properties were rare
and prodigious。 Perhaps you will suspect that such were the first
inroads of a passion incident to every female heart; and which
frequently gains a footing by means even more slight and more
improbable than these。 I shall not controvert the reasonableness
of the suspicion; but leave you at liberty to draw from my
narrative what conclusions you please。
Night at length returned; and the storm ceased。 The air was once
more clear and calm; and bore an affecting contrast to that uproar
of the elements by which it had been preceded。 I spent the
darksome hours; as I spent the day; contemplative and seated at the
window。 Why was my mind absorbed in thoughts ominous and dreary?
Why did my bosom heave with sighs and my eyes overflow with tears?
Was the tempest that had just passed a signal of the ruin which
impended over me? My soul fondly dwelt upon the images of my
brother and his children; yet they only increased the mournfulness
of my contemplations。 The smiles of the charming babes were as
bland as formerly。 The same dignity sat on the brow of their
father; and yet I thought of them with anguish。 Something
whispered that the happiness we at present enjoyed was set on
mutable foundations。 Death must happen to all。 Whether our
felicity was to be subverted by it to…morrow; or whether it was
ordained that we should lay down our heads full of years and of
honor; was a question that no human being could solve。 At other
times these ideas seldom intruded。 I either forbore to reflect
upon the destiny that is reserved for all men; or the reflection
was mixed up with images that disrobed it of terror; but now the
uncertainty of life occurred to me without any of its usual and
alleviating accompaniments。 I said to myself; We must die。 Sooner
or later; we must disappear forever from the face of the earth。
Whatever be the links that hold us to life; they must be broken。
This scene of existence is; in all its parts; calamitous。 The
greater number is oppressed with immediate evils; and those the
tide of whose fortunes is full; how small is their portion of
enjoyment; since they know that it will terminate!
For some time I indulged myself; without reluctance; in these
gloomy thoughts; but at length the delection which they produced
became insupportably painful。 I endeavored to dissipate it with
music。 I had all my grandfather's melody as well as poetry by
rote。 I now lighted by chance on a ballad which commemorated the
fate of a German cavalier who fell at the siege of Nice under
Godfrey of Bouillon。 My choice was unfortunate; for the scenes of
violence and carnage which were here wildly but forcibly portrayed
only suggested to my thoughts a new topic in the horrors of war。
I sought refuge; but ineffectually; in sleep。 My mind was thronged
by vivid but confused images; and no effort that I made was
sufficient to drive them away。 In this situation I heard the
clock; which hung in the room; give the signal for twelve。 It was
the same instrument which formerly hung in my father's chamber; and
which; on account of its being his workmanship; was regarded by
everyone of our family with veneration。 It had fallen to me in the
division of his property; and was placed in this asylum。 The sound
awakened a series of reflections respecting his death。 I was not
allowed to pursue them; for scarcely had the vibrations ceased;
when my attention was attracted by a whisper; which; at first;
appeared to proceed from lips that were laid close to my ear。
No wonder that a circumstance like this startled me。 In the first
impulse of my terror; I uttered a slight scream and shrunk to the
opposite side of the bed。 In a moment; however; I recovered from
my trepidation。 I was habitually indifferent to all the causes of
fear by which the majority are afflicted。 I entertained no
apprehension of either ghosts or robbers。 Our security had never
been molested by either; and I made use of no means to prevent or
counterwork their machinations。 My tranquillity on this occasion
was quickly retrieved。 The whisper evidently proceeded from one
who was posted at my bedside。 The first idea that suggested itself
was that it was uttered by the girl who lived with me as a servant。
Perhaps somewhat had alarmed her; or she was sick; and had come to
request my assistance。 By whispering in my ear she intended to
rouse without alarming me。
Full of this persuasion; I called; 〃Judith; is it you? What do you
want? Is there anything the matter with you?〃 No answer was
returned。 I repeated my inquiry; but equally in vain。 Cloudy as
was the atmosphere; and curtained as my bed was; nothing was
visible。 I withdrew the curtain; and; leaning my head on my elbow;
I listened with the deepest attention to catch some new sound。
Meanwhile; I ran over in my thoughts every circumstance that could
assist my conjectures。
My habitation was a wooden edifice; consisting of two stories。 In
each story were two rooms; separated by an entry; or middle
passage; with which they communicated by opposite doors。 The
passage on the lower story had doors at the two ends; and a
staircase。 Windows answered to the doors on the upper story。
Annexed to this; on the eastern side; were wings; divided in like
manner into an upper and lower room; one of them comprised a
kitchen; and chamber above it for the servant; and communicated on
both stories with the parlor adjoining it below and the chamber
adjoining it above。 The opposite wing is of smaller dimensions;
the rooms not being above eight feet square。 The lower of these
was used as a depository of household implements; the upper was a
closet in which I deposited my books and papers。 They had but one
inlet; which was from the room adjoining。 There was no window in
the lower one; and in the upper a small aperture which communicated
light and air; but would scarcely admit the body。 The door which
led into this was close to my bed head; and was always locked but
when I myself was within。 The avenues below were accustomed to be
closed and bolted at nights。
The maid was my only companion; and she could not reach my chamber
without previously passing through the opposite chamber and the
middle passage; of which; however; the doors were usually
unfastened。 If she had occasioned this noise; she would have
answered my repeated calls。 No other conclusion; therefore; was
left me; but that I had mistaken the sounds; and that my
imagination had transformed some casual noise into the voice of a
human creature。 Satisfied with this solution; I was preparing to
relinquish my listening attitude; when my ear was again saluted
with a new and yet louder whispering。 It appeared; as before; to
issue from lips that touched my pillow。 A second effort of
attention; however; clearly showed me that the sounds issued from
within the closet; the door of which was not more than eight inches
from my pillow。
This second interruption occasioned a shock less vehement than the
former。 I started; but gave no audible token of alarm。 I was so
much mistress of my feelings as to continue listening to what
should be said。 The whisper was distinct; hoarse; and uttered so
as to show that the speaker was desirous of being heard by some one
near; but; at the same time; studious to avoid being overheard by
any other:
〃Stop! stop; I say; madman as you are! there are better means than
that。 Curse upon your rashness! There is no need to shoot。〃
Such were the words uttered; in a tone of eagerness and anger;
within so small a distance of my pillow。 What construction could I
put upon them? My heart began to palpitate with dread of some
unknown danger。 Presently; another voice; but equally near me; was
heard whispering in answer; 〃Why not? I will draw a trigger in
this business; but perdition be my lot if I do more!〃 To this the
first voice returned; in a tone which rage had heightened in a
small degree above a whisper; 〃Coward! stand aside; and see me do
it。 I will grasp her throat; I will do her business in an instant;
she shall not have time so much as to groan。〃 What wonder that I
was petrified by sounds so dreadful! Murderers lurked in my
closet。 They were planning the means of my destruction。 One
resolved to shoot; and the other menaced suffocation。 Their means
being chosen; they would forthwith break the door。 Flight
instantly suggested itself as most eligible in circumstances so
perilous。 I deliberated not a moment; but; fea