第 4 节
作者:泰达魔王      更新:2024-07-17 14:41      字数:9322
  at the mist and spray rising into mysterious shapes; moving
  mystically in the white light like living things。
  〃It's the Woman of the Water;〃 she used to say; and sometimes she
  would threaten that if I did not go to sleep the Woman of the Water
  would steal up to the high window and carry me away in her wet
  arms。
  The place was gloomy。  The broad basins of water and the tall
  evergreen hedges gave it a funereal look; and the damp…stained
  marble causeways by the pools might have been made of tombstones。
  The gray and weather…beaten walls and towers without; the dark and
  massively furnished rooms within; the deep; mysterious recesses and
  the heavy curtains; all affected my spirits。  I was silent and sad
  from my childhood。  There was a great clock tower above; from which
  the hours rang dismally during the day; and tolled like a knell in
  the dead of night。  There was no light nor life in the house; for
  my mother was a helpless invalid; and my father had grown
  melancholy in his long task of caring for her。  He was a thin; dark
  man; with sad eyes; kind; I think; but silent and unhappy。  Next to
  my mother; I believe he loved me better than anything on earth; for
  he took immense pains and trouble in teaching me; and what he
  taught me I have never forgotten。  Perhaps it was his only
  amusement; and that may be the reason why I had no nursery
  governess or teacher of any kind while he lived。
  I used to be taken to see my mother every day; and sometimes twice
  a day; for an hour at a time。  Then I sat upon a little stool near
  her feet; and she would ask me what I had been doing; and what I
  wanted to do。  I dare say she saw already the seeds of a profound
  melancholy in my nature; for she looked at me always with a sad
  smile; and kissed me with a sigh when I was taken away。
  One night; when I was just six years old; I lay awake in the
  nursery。  The door was not quite shut; and the Welsh nurse was
  sitting sewing in the next room。  Suddenly I heard her groan; and
  say in a strange voice; 〃Onetwoonetwo!〃  I was frightened;
  and I jumped up and ran to the door; barefooted as I was。
  〃What is it; Judith?〃 I cried; clinging to her skirts。  I can
  remember the look in her strange dark eyes as she answered:
  〃Onetwo leaden coffins; fallen from the ceiling!〃 she crooned;
  working herself in her chair。  〃Onetwoa light coffin and a
  heavy coffin; falling to the floor!〃
  Then she seemed to notice me; and she took me back to bed and sang
  me to sleep with a queer old Welsh song。
  I do not know how it was; but the impression got hold of me that
  she had meant that my father and mother were going to die very
  soon。  They died in the very room where she had been sitting that
  night。  It was a great room; my day nursery; full of sun when there
  was any; and when the days were dark it was the most cheerful place
  in the house。  My mother grew rapidly worse; and I was transferred
  to another part of the building to make place for her。  They
  thought my nursery was gayer for her; I suppose; but she could not
  live。  She was beautiful when she was dead; and I cried bitterly。
  The light one; the light onethe heavy one to come;〃 crooned the
  Welshwoman。  And she was right。  My father took the room after my
  mother was gone; and day by day he grew thinner and paler and
  sadder。
  〃The heavy one; the heavy oneall of lead;〃 moaned my nurse; one
  night in December; standing still; just as she was going to take
  away the light after putting me to bed。  Then she took me up again
  and wrapped me in a little gown; and led me away to my father's
  room。  She knocked; but no one answered。  She opened the door; and
  we found him in his easy chair before the fire; very white; quite
  dead。
  So I was alone with the Welshwoman till strange people came; and
  relations whom I had never seen; and then I heard them saying that
  I must be taken away to some more cheerful place。  They were kind
  people; and I will not believe that they were kind only because I
  was to be very rich when I grew to be a man。  The world never
  seemed to be a very bad place to me; nor all the people to be
  miserable sinners; even when I was most melancholy。  I do not
  remember that anyone ever did me any great injustice; nor that I
  was ever oppressed or ill treated in any way; even by the boys at
  school。  I was sad; I suppose; because my childhood was so gloomy;
  and; later; because I was unlucky in everything I undertook; till I
  finally believed I was pursued by fate; and I used to dream that
  the old Welsh nurse and the Woman of the Water between them had
  vowed to pursue me to my end。  But my natural disposition should
  have been cheerful; as I have often thought。
  Among the lads of my age I was never last; or even among the last;
  in anything; but I was never first。  If I trained for a race; I was
  sure to sprain my ankle on the day when I was to run。  If I pulled
  an oar with others; my oar was sure to break。  If I competed for a
  prize; some unforeseen accident prevented my winning it at the last
  moment。  Nothing to which I put my hand succeeded; and I got the
  reputation of being unlucky; until my companions felt it was always
  safe to bet against me; no matter what the appearances might be。  I
  became discouraged and listless in everything。  I gave up the idea
  of competing for any distinction at the University; comforting
  myself with the thought that I could not fail in the examination
  for the ordinary degree。  The day before the examination began I
  fell ill; and when at last I recovered; after a narrow escape from
  death; I turned my back upon Oxford; and went down alone to visit
  the old place where I had been born; feeble in health and
  profoundly disgusted and discouraged。  I was twenty…one years of
  age; master of myself and of my fortune; but so deeply had the long
  chain of small unlucky circumstances affected me that I thought
  seriously of shutting myself up from the world to live the life of
  a hermit and to die as soon as possible。  Death seemed the only
  cheerful possibility in my existence; and my thoughts soon dwelt
  upon it altogether。
  I had never shown any wish to return to my own home since I had
  been taken away as a little boy; and no one had ever pressed me to
  do so。  The place had been kept in order after a fashion; and did
  not seem to have suffered during the fifteen years or more of my
  absence。  Nothing earthly could affect those old gray walls that
  had fought the elements for so many centuries。  The garden was more
  wild than I remembered it; the marble causeways about the pools
  looked more yellow and damp than of old; and the whole place at
  first looked smaller。  It was not until I had wandered about the
  house and grounds for many hours that I realized the huge size of
  the home where I was to live in solitude。  Then I began to delight
  in it; and my resolution to live alone grew stronger。
  The people had turned out to welcome me; of course; and I tried to
  recognize the changed faces of the old gardener and the old
  housekeeper; and to call them by name。  My old nurse I knew at
  once。  She had grown very gray since she heard the coffins fall in
  the nursery fifteen years before; but her strange eyes were the
  same; and the look in them woke all my old memories。  She went over
  the house with me。
  〃And how is the Woman of the Water?〃 I asked; trying to laugh a
  little。  〃Does she still play in the moonlight?〃
  〃She is hungry;〃 answered the Welshwoman; in a low voice。
  〃Hungry?  Then we will feed her。〃  I laughed。  But old Judith
  turned very pale; and looked at me strangely。
  〃Feed her?  Ayeyou will feed her well;〃 she muttered; glancing
  behind her at the ancient housekeeper; who tottered after us with
  feeble steps through the halls and passages。
  I did not think much of her words。  She had always talked oddly; as
  Welshwomen will; and though I was very melancholy I am sure I was
  not superstitious; and I was certainly not timid。  Only; as in a
  far…off dream; I seemed to see her standing with the light in her
  hand and muttering; 〃The heavy oneall of lead;〃 and then leading
  a little boy through the long corridors to see his father lying
  dead in a great easy chair before a smoldering fire。  So we went
  over the house; and I chose the rooms where I would live; and the
  servants I had brought with me ordered and arranged everything; and
  I had no more trouble。  I did not care what they did provided I was
  left in peace and was not expected to give directions; for I was
  more listless than ever; owing to the effects of my illness at
  college。
  I dined in solitary state; and the melancholy grandeur of the vast
  old dining…room pleased me。  Then I went to the room I had selected
  for my study; and sat down in a deep chair; under a bright light;
  to think; or to let my thoughts meander through labyrinths of their
  own choosing; utterly indifferent to the course they might take。
  The tal