第 31 节
作者:月寒      更新:2024-04-14 09:15      字数:9321
  mine is equally idiotic。 In fact; we are in many ways alike。 I also am her
  slave。 I also am devoted only to her service。 And I never sleep; at least not
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  since I met her。〃
  From   her    throne    among     the  pine   needles    Helen    looked    up  at  the
  sailorman and frowned。
  〃It is not a happy simile;〃 she objected。 〃For one thing; a sailorman has
  a sweetheart in every port。〃
  〃Wait and see;〃 said Latimer。
  〃And;〃 continued the girl with some asperity; 〃if there is anything on
  earth    that  changes     its  mind    as  often   as  a  weather…vane;      that   is  less
  CERTAIN; less CONSTANT〃
  〃Constant?〃   Latimer   laughed   at   her   in   open   scorn。   〃You   come   back
  here;〃 he challenged; 〃months from now; years from now; when the winds
  have beaten him; and the sun blistered him; and the snow frozen him; and
  you   will   find   him   smiling   at   you   just   as   he   is   now;   just   as   confidently;
  proudly;   joyously;   devotedly。   Because   those   who   are   your   slaves;   those
  who love YOU; cannot come to any harm; only if you disown them; only
  if you drive them away!
  The   sailorman;   delighted   at   such   beautiful   language;   threw   himself
  about in a delirium of joy。 His arms spun in their sockets like Indian clubs;
  his oars flashed in the sun; and his eyes and lips were fixed in one blissful;
  long…drawn…out; unalterable smile。
  When the golden…rod turned gray; and the leaves red and yellow; and it
  was   time   for   Latimer   to   return   to   his   work   in   the West;   he   came   to   say
  good…by。 But the best Helen could do to keep hope alive in him was to say
  that she was glad he cared。 She added it was very helpful to think that a
  man such as he believed you were so fine a person; and during the coming
  winter she would try to be like the fine person he believed her to be; but
  which; she assured him; she was not。
  Then he told her again she was the most wonderful being in the world;
  to which she said: 〃Oh; indeed no!〃 and then; as though he were giving her
  a cue; he said: 〃Good…by!〃 But she did not take up his cue; and they shook
  hands。 He waited; hardly daring to breathe。
  〃Surely; now that the parting has come;〃 he assured himself; 〃she will
  make   some   sign;   she   will   give   me   a   word;   a   look   that   will   write   'total'
  under the hours we have spent together; that will help to carry me through
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  the long winter。〃
  But   he   held   her   hand   so   long   and   looked   at   her   so   hungrily   that   he
  really forced her to say: 〃Don't miss your train;〃 which kind consideration
  for his comfort did not delight him as it should。 Nor; indeed; later did she
  herself recall the remark with satisfaction。
  With   Latimer   out   of   the   way   the   other   two   hundred   and   forty…nine
  suitor attacked with renewed hope。 Among other advantages they had over
  Latimer   was   that   they   were   on   the   ground。   They   saw   Helen   daily;   at
  dinners; dances; at the country clubs; in her own drawing…room。 Like any
  sailor   from   the   Charlestown   Navy   Yard   and   his   sweetheart;   they   could
  walk beside her in the park and throw peanuts to the pigeons; and scratch
  dates and initials on the green benches; they could walk with her up one
  side of Commonwealth Avenue and down the south bank of the Charles;
  when the sun was gilding the dome of the State House; when the bridges
  were   beginning   to   deck   themselves   with   necklaces   of   lights。   They   had
  known her since they wore knickerbockers; and they shared many interests
  and friends in common; they talked the same language。 Latimer could talk
  to her only in letters; for with her he shared no friends or interests; and he
  was forced to choose between telling her of his lawsuits and his efforts in
  politics or of his love。 To write to her of his affairs seemed wasteful and
  impertinent; and of his love for her; after she had received what he told of
  it in silence; he was too proud to speak。 So he wrote but seldom; and then
  only to say: 〃You know what I send you。〃 Had he known it; his best letters
  were  those  he  did not   send。 When   in the  morning   mail   Helen   found   his
  familiar handwriting; that seemed to stand out like the face of a friend in a
  crowd; she would pounce upon the letter; read it; and; assured of his love;
  would   go   on   her   way   rejoicing。   But   when   in   the   morning   there   was   no
  letter;   she   wondered   why;   and   all   day   she   wondered   why。 And   the   next
  morning   when   again   she   was   disappointed;  her   thoughts   of   Latimer   and
  her doubts and speculations concerning him shut out every other interest。
  He became a perplexing; insistent problem。 He was never out of her mind。
  And then he would spoil it all by writing her that he loved her and that of
  all the women in the world she was the only one。 And; reassured upon that
  point; Helen happily and promptly would forget all about him。
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  But when she remembered him; although months had passed since she
  had   seen   him;   she   remembered   him   much   more   distinctly;   much   more
  gratefully; than that one of the two hundred and fifty with whom she had
  walked that same afternoon。 Latimer could not know it; but of that anxious
  multitude   he   was   first;   and   there   was   no   second。 At   least   Helen   hoped;
  when she was ready to marry; she would love Latimer enough to want to
  marry him。 But as yet she assured herself she did not want to marry any
  one。    As    she   was;   life  was    very   satisfactory。    Everybody       loved   her;
  everybody invited her  to be of his party;   or invited   himself  to   join hers;
  and the object of each seemed to be to see that she enjoyed every hour of
  every day。 Her nature was such that to make her happy was not difficult。
  Some   of   her   devotees   could   do   it   by  giving   her   a   dance   and   letting   her
  invite   half   of   Boston;   and   her   kid   brother   could   do   it   by   taking   her   to
  Cambridge to watch the team at practice。
  She thought she was happy because she was free。 As a matter of fact;
  she was happy because she loved some one and that particular some one
  loved her。 Her being 〃free〃 was only her mistaken way of putting it。 Had
  she thought she had lost Latimer and his love; she would have discovered
  that; so far from being free; she was bound hand and foot and heart and
  soul。
  But she did not know that; and Latimer did not know that。
  Meanwhile; from the branch of the tree in the sheltered; secret hiding…
  place   that   overlooked   the   ocean;  the   sailorman   kept   watch。 The   sun   had
  blistered him; the storms had buffeted him; the snow had frozen upon his
  shoulders。 But his loyalty never relaxed。 He spun to the north; he spun to
  the south; and so rapidly did he scan the surrounding landscape that no one
  could hope to creep upon him unawares。 Nor; indeed; did any one attempt
  to do so。 Once a fox stole into the secret hiding…place; but the sailorman
  flapped his oars and frightened him away。 He was always triumphant。 To
  birds;   to   squirrels;   to   trespassing   rabbits   he   was   a   thing   of   terror。   Once;
  when the air was still; an impertinent crow perched on the very limb on
  which he stood; and with scornful; disapproving eyes surveyed his white
  trousers; his blue reefer; his red cheeks。 But when the wind suddenly drove
  past them the sailorman sprang into action and the crow screamed in alarm
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  and   darted   away。   So;   alone   and   with   no   one   to   come   to   his   relief;   the
  sailorman stood his watch。 About him the branches bent with the snow; the
  icicles   froze  him  into   immobility;   and   in   the   tree…tops   strange  groanings
  filled   him    with   alarms。    But   undaunted;      month    after   month;    alert  and
  smiling; he   waited the   return   of the   beautiful lady  and   of the   tall   young
  man who had devoured her with such beseeching; unhappy eyes。
  Latimer found that to love a woman like Helen Page as he loved her
  was the best thing that could come into his life。 But to sit down and lament
  over    the   fact  that   she   did  not   love   him    did  not;   to  use   his  favorite