第 15 节
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CHAPTER I。
My earliest impressions are of a huge; misshapen rock; against which
the hoarse waves beat unceasingly。 On this rock three pelicans are
standing in a defiant attitude。 A dark sky lowers in the background; while
two sea…gulls and a gigantic cormorant eye with extreme disfavor the
floating corpse of a drowned woman in the foreground。 A few bracelets;
coral necklaces; and other articles of jewelry; scattered around loosely;
complete this remarkable picture。
It is one which; in some vague; unconscious way; symbolizes; to my
fancy; the character of a man。 I have never been able to explain exactly
why。 I think I must have seen the picture in some illustrated volume; when
a baby; or my mother may have dreamed it before I was born。
As a child I was not handsome。 When I consulted the triangular bit of
looking…glass which I always carried with me; it showed a pale; sandy; and
freckled face; shaded by locks like the color of seaweed when the sun
strikes it in deep water。 My eyes were said to be indistinctive; they were a
faint; ashen gray; but above them rose my only beautya high; massive;
domelike forehead; with polished temples; like door…knobs of the purest
porcelain。
Our family was a family of governesses。 My mother had been one; and
my sisters had the same occupation。 Consequently; when; at the age of
thirteen; my eldest sister handed me the advertisement of Mr。 Rawjester;
clipped from that day's 〃Times;〃 I accepted it as my destiny。 Nevertheless;
a mysterious presentiment of an indefinite future haunted me in my
dreams that night; as I lay upon my little snow…white bed。 The next
morning; with two bandboxes tied up in silk handkerchiefs; and a hair
trunk; I turned my back upon Minerva Cottage forever。
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CHAPTER II。
Blunderbore Hall; the seat of James Rawjester; Esq。; was encompassed
by dark pines and funereal hemlocks on all sides。 The wind sang weirdly
in the turrets and moaned through the long…drawn avenues of the park。 As
I approached the house I saw several mysterious figures flit before the
windows; and a yell of demoniac laughter answered my summons at the
bell。 While I strove to repress my gloomy forebodings; the housekeeper; a
timid; scared… looking old woman; showed me into the library。
I entered; overcome with conflicting emotions。 I was dressed in a
narrow gown of dark serge; trimmed with black bugles。 A thick green
shawl was pinned across my breast。 My hands were encased with black
half…mittens worked with steel beads; on my feet were large pattens;
originally the property of my deceased grandmother。 I carried a blue
cotton umbrella。 As I passed before a mirror; I could not help glancing at it;
nor could I disguise from myself the fact that I was not handsome。
Drawing a chair into a recess; I sat down with folded hands; calmly
awaiting the arrival of my master。 Once or twice a fearful yell rang
through the house; or the rattling of chains; and curses uttered in a deep;
manly voice; broke upon the oppressive stillness。 I began to feel my soul
rising with the emergency of the moment。
〃You look alarmed; miss。 You don't hear anything; my dear; do you?〃
asked the housekeeper nervously。
〃Nothing whatever;〃 I remarked calmly; as a terrific scream; followed
by the dragging of chairs and tables in the room above; drowned for a
moment my reply。 〃It is the silence; on the contrary; which has made me
foolishly nervous。〃
The housekeeper looked at me approvingly; and instantly made some
tea for me。
I drank seven cups; as I was beginning the eighth; I heard a crash; and
the next moment a man leaped into the room through the broken window。
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CHAPTER III。
The crash startled me from my self…control。 The housekeeper bent
toward me and whispered:
〃Don't be excited。 It's Mr。 Rawjester;he prefers to come in sometimes
in this way。 It's his playfulness; ha! ha! ha!〃
〃I perceive;〃 I said calmly。 〃It's the unfettered impulse of a lofty soul
breaking the tyrannizing bonds of custom。〃 And I turned toward him。
He had never once looked at me。 He stood with his back to the fire;
which set off the herculean breadth of his shoulders。 His face was dark and
expressive; his under jaw squarely formed; and remarkably heavy。 I was
struck with his remarkable likeness to a Gorilla。
As he absently tied the poker into hard knots with his nervous fingers;
I watched him with some interest。 Suddenly he turned toward me:
〃Do you think I'm handsome; young woman?〃
〃Not classically beautiful;〃 I returned calmly; 〃but you have; if I may
so express myself; an abstract manliness;a sincere and wholesome
barbarity which; involving as it does the naturalness〃 But I stopped; for
he yawned at that moment;an action which singularly developed the
immense breadth of his lower jaw;and I saw he had forgotten me。
Presently he turned to the housekeeper:
〃Leave us。〃
The old woman withdrew with a courtesy。
Mr。 Rawjester deliberately turned his back upon me and remained
silent for twenty minutes。 I drew my shawl the more closely around my
shoulders and closed my eyes。
〃You are the governess?〃 at length he said。
〃I am; sir。〃
〃A creature who teaches geography; arithmetic; and the use of the
globesha!a wretched remnant of femininity;a skimp pattern of
girlhood with a premature flavor of tea…leaves and morality。 Ugh!〃
I bowed my head silently。
〃Listen to me; girl!〃 he said sternly; 〃this child you have come to
teachmy wardis not legitimate。 She is the offspring of my mistress;a
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common harlot。 Ah! Miss Mix; what do you think of me now?〃
〃I admire;〃 I replied calmly; 〃your sincerity。 A mawkish regard for
delicacy might have kept this disclosure to yourself。 I only recognize in
your frankness that perfect community of thought and sentiment which
should exist between original natures。〃
I looked up; he had already forgotten my presence; and was engaged in
pulling off his boots and coat。 This done; he sank down in an arm…chair
before the fire; and ran the poker wearily through his hair。 I could not help
pitying him。
The wind howled dismally without; and the rain beat furiously against
the windows。 I crept toward him and seated myself on a low stool beside
his chair。
Presently he turned; without seeing me; and placed his foot absently in
my lap。 I affected not to notice it。 But he started and looked down。
〃You here yetCarrothead? Ah; I forgot。 Do you speak French?〃
〃Oui; Monsieur〃
〃Taisez…vous!〃 he said sharply; with singular purity of accent。 I
complied。 The wind moaned fearfully in the chimney; and the light burned
dimly。 I shuddered in spite of myself。 〃Ah; you tremble; girl!〃
〃It is a fearful night。〃
〃Fearful! Call you this fearful; ha! ha! ha! Look! you wretched little
atom; look!〃 and he dashed forward; and; leaping out of the window; stood
like a statue in the pelting storm; with folded arms。 He did not stay long;
but in a few minutes returned by way of the hall chimney。 I saw from the
way that he wiped his feet on my dress that he had again forgotten my
presence。
〃You are a governess。 What can you teach?〃 he asked; suddenly and
fiercely thrusting his face in mine。
〃Manners!〃 I replied; calmly。
〃Ha! teach ME!〃
〃You mistake yourself;〃 I said; adjusting my mittens。 〃Your manners
require not the artificial restraint of society。 You are radically polite; this
impetuosity and ferociousness is simply the sincerity which is the basis of
a proper deportment。 Your instincts are moral; your better nature; I see; is