Bulcher　eat　a　fricassee　of　diamonds；　or；　Cleopatra…like；　melt　down
  pearls　to　her　tea？　　Could　I；　careless　as　I　am　about　food；　with　a
  stomach　that　would　digest　anything（once；　in　Spain；　I　ate　the　leg
  of　a　horse　during　a　famine；　and　was　so　eager　to　swallow　this　morsel
  that　I　bolted　the　shoe；　as　well　as　the　hoof；　and　never　felt　the
  slightest　inconvenience　from　either；）could　I；　I　say；　expect　to
  live　long　and　well　upon　a　ragout　of　rupees；　or　a　dish　of　stewed
  emeralds　and　rubies？　　With　all　the　wealth　of　Croesus　before　me　I
  felt　melancholy；　and　would　have　paid　cheerfully　its　weight　in
  carats　for　a　good　honest　round　of　boiled　beef。　　Wealth；　wealth；
  what　art　thou？　　What　is　gold？Soft　metal。　　What　are　diamonds？
  Shining　tinsel。　　The　great　wealth…winners；　the　only　fame…achievers；
  the　sole　objects　worthy　of　a　soldier's　consideration；　are
  beefsteaks；　gunpowder；　and　cold　iron。
  The　two　latter　means　of　competency　we　possessed；　I　had　in　my　own
  apartments　a　small　store　of　gunpowder　（keeping　it　under　my　own　bed；
  with　a　candle　burning　for　fear　of　accidents）；　I　had　14　pieces　of
  artillery　（4　long　48's　and　4　carronades；　5　howitzers；　and　a　long
  brass　mortar；　for　grape；　which　I　had　taken　myself　at　the　battle　of
  Assaye）；　and　muskets　for　ten　times　my　force。　　My　garrison；　as　I
  have　told　the　reader　in　a　previous　number；　consisted　of　40　men；　two
  chaplains；　and　a　surgeon；　add　to　these　my　guests；　83　in　number；　of
  whom　nine　only　were　gentlemen　（in　tights；　powder；　pigtails；　and
  silk　stockings；　who　had　come　out　merely　for　a　dance；　and　found
  themselves　in　for　a　siege）。　　Such　were　our　numbers：
  Ladies　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　74
  Troops　and　artillerymen　　　　　　40
  Other　non…combatants　　　　　　　　　11
  MAJOR…GEN。　O'G。　GAHAGAN　　　　1000
  1；125
  I　count　myself　good　for　a　thousand；　for　so　I　was　regularly　rated　in
  the　army：　with　this　great　benefit　to　it；　that　I　only　consumed　as
  much　as　an　ordinary　mortal。　　We　were　then；　as　far　as　the　victuals
  went；　126　mouths；　as　combatants　we　numbered　1；040　gallant　men；　with
  12　guns　and　a　fort；　against　Holkar　and　his　12；000。　　No　such
  alarming　odds；　if
  IF！ay；　there　was　the　rubIF　we　had　SHOT；　as　well　as　powder　for
  our　guns；　IF　we　had　not　only　MEN　but　MEAT。　　Of　the　former　commodity
  we　had　only　three　rounds　for　each　piece。　　Of　the　latter；　upon　my
  sacred　honor；　to　feed　126　souls；　we　had　but
  Two　drumsticks　of　fowls；　and　a　bone　of　ham。
  Fourteen　bottles　of　ginger…beer。
  Of　soda…water；　four　ditto。
  Two　bottles　of　fine　Spanish　olives。
  Raspberry　creamthe　remainder　of　two　dishes。
  Seven　macaroons；　lying　in　the　puddle　of　a　demolished　trifle。
  Half　a　drum　of　best　Turkey　figs。
  Some　bits　of　broken　bread；　two　Dutch　cheeses　（whole）；　the　crust
  of　an　old　Stilton；　and　about　an　ounce　of　almonds　and　raisins。
  Three　ham…sandwiches；　and　a　pot　of　currant…jelly；　and　197　bottles
  of　brandy；　rum；　madeira；　pale　ale　（my　private　stock）；　a　couple
  of　hard　eggs　for　a　salad；　and　a　flask　of　Florence　oil。
  This　was　the　provision　for　the　whole　garrison！　　The　men　after
  supper　had　seized　upon　the　relics　of　the　repast；　as　they　were
  carried　off　from　the　table；　and　these　were　the　miserable　remnants　I
  found　and　counted　on　my　return；　taking　good　care　to　lock　the　door
  of　the　supper…room；　and　treasure　what　little　sustenance　still
  remained　in　it。
  When　I　appeared　in　the　saloon；　now　lighted　up　by　the　morning　sun；　I
  not　only　caused　a　sensation　myself；　but　felt　one　in　my　own　bosom；
  which　was　of　the　most　painful　description。　　Oh；　my　reader！　may　you
  never　behold　such　a　sight　as　that　which　presented　itself：　eighty…
  three　men　and　women　in　ball…dresses；　the　former　with　their　lank
  powdered　locks　streaming　over　their　faces；　the　latter　with　faded
  flowers；　uncurled　wigs；　smudged　rouge；　blear　eyes；　draggling
  feathers；　rumpled　satinseach　more　desperately　melancholy　and
  hideous　than　the　othereach；　except　my　beloved　Belinda　Bulcher；
  whose　raven　ringlets　never　having　been　in　curl；　could　of　course
  never　go　OUT　of　curl；　whose　cheek；　pale　as　the　lily；　could；　as　it
  may　naturally　be　supposed；　grow　no　paler；　whose　neck　and　beauteous
  arms；　dazzling　as　alabaster；　needed　no　pearl…powder；　and　therefore；
  as　I　need　not　state；　did　not　suffer　because　the　pearl…powder　had
  come　off。　　Joy　（deft　link…boy！）　lit　his　lamps　in　each　of　her　eyes
  as　I　entered。　　As　if　I　had　been　her　sun；　her　spring；　lo！　blushing
  roses　mantled　in　her　cheek！　　Seventy…three　ladies；　as　I　entered；
  opened　their　fire　upon　me；　and　stunned　me　with　cross…questions；
  regarding　my　adventures　in　the　campSHE；　as　she　saw　me；　gave　a
  faint　scream；　（the　sweetest；　sure；　that　ever　gurgled　through　the
  throat　of　a　woman！）　then　started　upthen　made　as　if　she　would　sit
  downthen　moved　backwardsthen　tottered　forwardsthen　tumbled
  into　myPsha！　why　recall；　why　attempt　to　describe　that　delicious
  that　passionate　greeting　of　two　young　hearts？　　What　was　the
  surrounding　crowd　to　US？　　What　cared　we　for　the　sneers　of　the　men；
  the　titters　of　the　jealous　women；　the　shrill　〃Upon　my　word！〃　of　the
  elder　Miss　Bulcher；　and　the　loud　expostulations　of　Belinda's　mamma？
  The　brave　girl　loved　me；　and　wept　in　my　arms。　　〃Goliah！　my　Goliah！〃
  said　she；　〃my　brave；　my　beautiful；　THOU　art　returned；　and　hope
  comes　back　with　thee。　　Oh！　who　can　tell　the　anguish　of　my　soul；
  during　this　dreadful；　dreadful　night！〃　　Other　similar　ejaculations
  of　love　and　joy　she　uttered；　and　if　I　HAD　perilled　life　in　her
  service；　if　I　DID　believe　that　hope　of　escape　there　was　none；　so
  exquisite　was　the　moment　of　our　meeting；　that　I　forgot　all　else　in
  this　overwhelming　joy！
  。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。
  ＇The　Major's　description　of　this　meeting；　which　lasted　at　the　very
  most　not　ten　seconds；　occupies　thirteen　pages　of　writing。　　We　have
  been　compelled　to　dock　off　twelve　and　a　half；　for　the　whole
  passage；　though　highly　creditable　to　his　feelings；　might　possibly
  be　tedious　to　the　reader。＇
  。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。
  As　I　said；　the　ladies　and　gentlemen　were　inclined　to　sneer；　and
  were　giggling　audibly。　　I　led　the　dear　girl　to　a　chair；　and；
  scowling　round　with　a　tremendous　fierceness；　which　those　who　know
  me　know　I　can　sometimes　put　on；　I　shouted　out；　〃Hark　ye　men　and
  womenI　am　this　lady's　truest　knighther　husband　I　hope　one　day
  to　be。　　I　am　commander；　too；　in　this　fortthe　enemy　is　without　it；
  another　word　of　mockeryanother　glance　of　scornand；　by　heaven；　I
  will　hurl　every　man　and　woman　from　the　battlements；　a　prey　to　the
  ruffianly　Holkar！〃　　This　quieted　them。　　I　am　a　man　of　my　word；　and
  none　of　them　stirred　or　looked　disrespectfully　from　that　moment。
  It　was　now　MY　turn　to　make　THEM　look　foolish。　　Mrs。　Vandegobbleschroy
  （whose　unfailing　appetite　is　pretty　well　known　to　every　person　who
  has　been　in　India）　cried；　〃Well；　Captain　Gahagan；　your　ball　has　been
  so　pleasant；　and　the　supper　was　despatched　so　long　ago；　that　myself
  and　the　ladies　would　be　very　glad　of　a　little　breakfast。〃　　And　Mrs。
  Van　giggled　as　if　she　had　made　a　very　witty　and　reasonable　speech。
  〃Oh！　breakfast；　breakfast　by　all　means；〃　said　the　rest；　〃we　really
  are　dying　for　a　warm　cup　of　tea。〃
  〃Is　it　bohay　tay　or　souchong　tay　that　you'd　like；　ladies？〃　says　I。
  〃Nonsense；　you　silly　man；　any　tea　you　like；〃　said　fat　Mrs。　Van。
  〃What　do　you　say；　then；　to　some　prime　GUNPOWDER？〃　　Of　course　they
  said　it　was　the　very　thing。
  〃And　do　you　like　hot　rowls　or　cowldmuffins　or　crumpetsfresh
  butter　or　salt？　　And　you；　gentlemen；　what　do　you　say　to　some
  ilegant　divvled…kidneys　for　yourselves；　and　just　a　trifle　of
  grilled　turkeys；　and　a　couple　of　hundthred　new…laid　eggs　for　the
  ladies？〃
  〃Pooh；　pooh！　be　it　as　you　will；　my　dear　fellow；〃　answered　they　all。
  〃But　stop；〃　says　I。　　〃O　ladies；　O　ladies：　O　gentlemen；　gentlemen；
  that　you　should　ever　have　come　to　the　quarters　of　Goliah　Gahagan；
  and　he　been　without〃
  〃What？〃　said　they；　in　a　breath。
  〃Alas　I　alas！　I　have　not　got　a　single　stick　of　chocolate　in　the
  whole　house。〃
  〃Well；　well；　we　can　do　without　it。〃
  〃Or　a　single　pound　of　coffee。〃
  〃Never　mind；　let　that　pass　too。〃　　（Mrs。　Van　and　the　rest　were
  beginning　to　look　alarmed。）
  〃And　about　the　kidneysnow　I　remember；　the　black　divvles　outside
  the　fort　have　seized　upon　all　the　sheep；　and　how　are　we　to　have
  kidneys　without　them？〃　　（Here　there　was　a　slight　ooo！）
  〃And　with　regard　to　the　milk　and　crame；　it　may　be　remarked　that　the
  cows　are　likewise　in　pawn；　and　not　a　single　drop　can　be　had　for
  money　or　love：　but　we　can　beat　up　eggs；　you　know；　in　the　tay；　which
  will　be　just　as　good。〃
  〃Oh！　just　as　good。〃
  〃Only　the　divvle's　in　the　luck；　there's　not　a　fresh　egg　to　be　had
  no；　nor　a　fresh　chicken；〃　continued　I；　〃nor　a　stale　one　either；　nor
  a　tayspoonful　of　souchong；　nor　a　thimbleful　of　bohay；　nor　the　laste
  taste　in　life　of　butther；　salt　or　fresh；　nor　hot