第 126 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9275
  people   must   know;   and   she   could   no   more   rush   on   that   shame
  than she could rush on death。
  She   must   wander   on   and   on;   and   wait   for   a   lower   depth   of
  despair to give her courage。 Perhaps death would come to her; for
  she was getting less and less able to bear the day’s weariness。 And
  yet—such       is  the  strange    action    of  our  souls;   drawing     us   by  a
  lurking desire towards the very ends we dread—Hetty; when she
  set out again from Norton; asked the straightest road northwards
  towards Stonyshire; and kept it all that day。
  Poor wandering Hetty; with the rounded childish face and the
  hard; unloving; despairing soul looking out of it—with the narrow
  heart and narrow thoughts; no room in them for any sorrows but
  her own; and tasting that sorrow with the more intense bitterness!
  My   heart   bleeds   for   her   as   I   see   her   toiling   along   on   her   weary
  feet; or seated in a cart; with her eyes fixed vacantly on the   road
  before   her;   never  thinking  or  caring  whither  it  tends;   till   hunger
  comes and makes her desire that a village may be near。
  What will be the end; the end of her objectless wandering; apart
  from   all   love;   caring   for   human   beings   only   through   her   pride;
  clinging to life only as the hunted wounded brute clings to it?
  God   preserve   you   and   me   from   being   the   beginners   of   such
  misery!
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                      512
  Chapter XXXVIII
  The Quest
  he first ten days after Hetty’s departure passed as quietly
  as   any   other   days   with   the   family   at   the   Hall   Farm;   and
  T
  with Adam at his daily work。 They had expected Hetty to
  stay   away   a   week   or   ten   days   at   least;   perhaps   a   little   longer   if
  Dinah      came     back    with    her;    because     there    might     then    be
  something to detain them at Snowfield。 But when a fortnight had
  passed they began to feel a little surprise that Hetty did not return;
  she   must   surely   have   found   it   pleasanter   to   be   with   Dinah   than
  any one could have supposed。 Adam; for his part; was getting very
  impatient  to  see   her; and   he   resolved   that;   if   she   did   not   appear
  the next day (Saturday); he would set out on Sunday  morning  to
  fetch   her。   There   was   no   coach   on   a   Sunday;   but   by   setting   out
  before it was light; and perhaps getting a lift in a cart by the way;
  he   would   arrive   pretty   early   at   Snowfield;   and   bring   back   Hetty
  the   next   day—Dinah   too;   if   she   were   coming。   It   was   quite   time
  Hetty came home; and he would afford to lose his Monday for the
  sake of bringing her。
  His project was quite approved at the Farm when he went there
  on Saturday evening。 Mrs。 Poyser desired him emphatically not to
  come   back   without  Hetty;   for  she   had   been   quite   too   long   away;
  considering       the  things   she   had    to  get  ready    by   the  middle     of
  March;   and   a   week   was   surely   enough   for   any   one   to   go   out   for
  their   health。   As   for   Dinah;   Mrs。   Poyser   had   small   hope   of   their
  bringing     her;   unless    they   could   make     her   believe   the   folks  at
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                      513
  Hayslope       were    twice   as   miserable     as  the   folks   at  Snowfield。
  “Though;” said Mrs。 Poyser; by way of conclusion; “you might tell
  her she’s got but one   aunt  left; and she’s  wasted   pretty  nigh  to  a
  shadder; and we shall p’rhaps all be gone twenty mile farther off
  her    next    Michaelmas;      and    shall   die  o’  broken     hearts    among
  strange folks; and leave the children fatherless and motherless。”
  “Nay; nay;” said Mr。 Poyser; who certainly had the air of a man
  perfectly heart…whole; “it isna so bad as that。 Thee ’t looking rarely
  now; and getting flesh every day。 But I’d be glad for Dinah t’ come;
  for she’d help thee wi’ the little uns: they took t’ her wonderful。”
  So at daybreak; on Sunday; Adam set off。 Seth went with  him
  the    first  mile   or   two;   for  the   thought     of  Snowfield      and    the
  possibility   that   Dinah   might   come   again   made   him   restless;   and
  the   walk   with   Adam   in   the   cold   morning   air;   both   in   their   best
  clothes; helped to give him a sense of Sunday calm。 It was the last
  morning in February; with a low grey sky; and a slight hoar…frost
  on   the   green   border   of   the   road   and   on   the   black   hedges。   They
  heard the gurgling of the full brooklet hurrying down the hill; and
  the faint twittering of the early birds。 For they walked in silence;
  though with a pleased sense of companionship。
  “Good…bye; lad;” said Adam; laying his hand on Seth’s shoulder
  and   looking   at   him   affectionately   as   they   were   about   to   part。   “I
  wish thee wast going all the way wi’ me; and as happy as I am。”
  “I’m content; Addy;   I’m content;” said Seth  cheerfully。   “I’ll  be
  an old bachelor; belike; and make a fuss wi’ thy children。”
  They turned away from each other;   and Seth  walked leisurely
  homeward; mentally repeating one of his favourite hymns—he was
  very fond of hymns:
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
  … Page 514…
  Adam Bede                                    514
  Dark and cheerless is the morn
  Unaccompanied by thee:
  Joyless is the day’s return
  Till thy mercy’s beams I see:
  Till thou inward light impart;
  Glad my eyes and warm my heart。
  Visit; then; this soul of mine;
  Pierce the gloom of sin and grief—
  Fill me; Radiancy Divine;
  Scatter all my unbelief。
  More and more thyself display;
  Shining to the perfect day。
  Adam      walked     much    faster;   and   any   one   coming     along   the
  Oakbourne road at sunrise that morning must have had a pleasant
  sight in this tall broad…chested man; striding along with a carriage
  as upright and firm as any soldier’s; glancing with keen glad eyes
  at the dark…blue hills as they began to show themselves on his way。
  Seldom in Adam’s life had his face been so free from any cloud of
  anxiety as it was this morning; and   this   freedom   from   care;   as   is
  usual with constructive practical minds like his; made him all the
  more observant of the objects round him and all the more ready to
  gather suggestions from them towards his own favourite plans and
  ingenious   contrivances。   His   happy   love—the   knowledge   that   his
  steps were carrying him nearer and nearer  to  Hetty;   who  was   so
  soon   to   be   his—was   to   his   thoughts   what   the   sweet   morning   air
  was   to   his   sensations:   it   gave   him   a   consciousness   of   well…being
  that made activity delightful。 Every now and then there was a rush
  George Eliot                                                      ElecBook Classics
  … Page 515…
  Adam Bede                                      515
  of   more    intense    feeling   towards     her;  which   chased      away   other
  images than Hetty; and along with that would come a wondering
  thankfulness   that   all   this   happiness   was   given   to   him—that   this
  life of ours had such sweetness in it。 For Adam had a devout mind;
  though he was perhaps rather impatient of devout words; and his
  tenderness   lay  very  close   to  his   reverence;   so   that   the   one   could
  hardly be stirred without the other。 But after feeling had welled up
  and poured itself out in this way; busy thought would come back
  with the greater vigour; and this morning it was intent on schemes
  by which the roads might be improved that were so imperfect all
  through  the country; and on picturing all   the benefits  that  might
  come from the exertions of a single country gentleman; if he would
  set himself to getting the roads made good in his own district。
  It seemed a   very  short  walk;   the   ten miles   to  Oakbourne;   that
  pretty town   within   sight  of  the   blue   hills;   wh