第 125 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9260
  to face death; exultation; that she was still in life—that she might
  yet   know   light   and     warmth   again。      She   walked     backwards       and
  forwards   to  warm   herself; beginning  to  discern   something   of   the
  objects around her; as her eyes became accustomed to the night—
  the    darker    line   of  the  hedge;    the   rapid   motion     of  some     living
  creature—perhaps   a   field…mouse—rushing   across   the   grass。   She
  no  longer  felt  as if  the   darkness   hedged   her   in。   She   thought   she
  could walk back across the field; and get over the stile; and then;
  in   the   very   next   field;   she   thought   she   remembered   there   was   a
  hovel of furze near a sheepfold。 If she could get into that hovel; she
  would   be   warmer。   She   could   pass   the   night   there;   for   that   was
  what  Alick   did   at   Hayslope   in   lambing…time。   The   thought   of   this
  hovel brought the energy of a new hope。 She took   up   her  basket
  and walked across the field; but it was some time before she got in
  the right direction for the stile。 The exercise and the occupation of
  finding   the   stile   were   a   stimulus   to   her;   however;   and   lightened
  the horror of the darkness and solitude。 There were sheep in the
  next field; and she startled a group as she set down her basket and
  got over the stile; and the sound of their movement comforted her;
  for it assured her that her impression was right—this was the field
  where she had seen the hovel; for it was the field where the sheep
  were。     Right    on   along   the   path;   and    she   would     get  to   it。  She
  George Eliot                                                          ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                       508
  reached the opposite gate; and felt her way along its rails and the
  rails   of   the   sheep…fold;   till   her   hand   encountered   the   pricking   of
  the gorsy wall。 Delicious sensation! She had found the shelter。 She
  groped      her   way;    touching     the   prickly    gorse;   to  the   door;    and
  pushed it open。 It  was   an   ill…smelling  close   place;  but  warm;   and
  there was straw on the ground。 Hetty sank down on the straw with
  a   sense   of  escape。   Tears   came—she   had   never   shed   tears   before
  since   she   left   Windsor—tears   and   sobs   of   hysterical   joy   that   she
  had still hold of life; that she was still on   the   familiar  earth;   with
  the sheep near her。 The very consciousness of her own limbs was
  a   delight  to  her:   she   turned   up   her  sleeves;   and   kissed   her  arms
  with the passionate love of life。 Soon warmth and weariness lulled
  her in the midst of her sobs; and she fell continually into dozing;
  fancying herself at the brink of the pool again—fancying that she
  had   jumped   into   the   water;   and   then   awaking   with   a   start;   and
  wondering where she was。 But at last deep dreamless sleep came;
  her head; guarded by her bonnet; found a pillow against the gorsy
  wall;    and   the   poor    soul;  driven    to   and   fro  between      two   equal
  terrors;   found   the   one   relief   that   was   possible   to   it—the   relief   of
  unconsciousness。
  Alas!   That   relief   seems     to   end   the  moment   it   has   begun。   It
  seemed   to   Hetty   as   if   those   dozen   dreams   had   only   passed   into
  another      dream—that        she   was    in  the   hovel;   and    her   aunt    was
  standing over her with a candle in her hand。 She trembled under
  her aunt’s glance; and opened her eyes。 There was no candle; but
  there   was   light   in   the   hovel—the   light   of   early   morning   through
  the open door。 And there was a face looking  down   on   her;   but  it
  was   an   unknown   face;   belonging   to   an   elderly   man   in   a   smock…
  frock。
  George Eliot                                                           ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                     509
  “Why;     what   do   you   do   here;   young    woman?”      the   man    said
  roughly。
  Hetty trembled still worse under this real fear and shame than
  she   had done   in   her  momentary  dream   under   her   aunt’s   glance。
  She felt that she was like a beggar already—found sleeping in that
  place。 But in spite of her trembling; she was so eager to account to
  the man for her presence here; that she found words at once。
  “I lost my way;” she said。 “I’m travelling—north’ard; and I got
  away from the road into the fields; and was overtaken by the dark。
  Will you tell me the way to the nearest village?”
  She   got   up   as  she   was   speaking;    and   put   her   hands    to   her
  bonnet to adjust it; and then laid hold of her basket。
  The man looked at her with a slow bovine gaze; without giving
  her    any   answer;    for  some    seconds。    Then     he  turned    away    and
  walked   towards   the   door   of   the   hovel;   but   it   was   not   till   he   got
  there    that   he  stood    still;  and;  turning    his  shoulder     half…round
  towards her; said; “Aw; I can show you the way to Norton; if you
  like。  But  what  do  you  do  gettin’   out  o’   the   highroad?”   he   added;
  with a tone of gruff reproof。 “Y’ull be gettin’ into mischief; if you
  dooant mind。”
  “Yes;” said Hetty;   “I   won’t  do  it  again。   I’ll keep   in  the   road;   if
  you’ll be so good as show me how to get to it。”
  “Why dooant you keep where there’s a finger…poasses an’ folks
  to ax the way on?” the man said; still more gruffly。 “Anybody ’ud
  think you was a wild woman; an’ look at yer。”
  Hetty was frightened at this gruff old man; and still more at this
  last suggestion that she looked like a wild woman。 As she followed
  him out of the hovel she thought she would give him a sixpence for
  telling her the way; and then he would not suppose she was wild。
  George Eliot                                                        ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                       510
  As he stopped to point out the road to her; she put her hand in her
  pocket to get the six…pence ready; and when he was turning away;
  without   saying   good…morning;   she   held   it   out   to   him        and   said;
  “Thank you; will you please to take something for your trouble?”
  He looked slowly at the sixpence; and then said; “I want none o’
  your   money。   You’d   better   take   care   on   ’t;   else   you’ll   get   it   stool
  from yer; if you go trapesin’ about the fields like a mad woman a…
  that’n。”
  The man left her without further speech; and Hetty held on her
  way。   Another  day  had   risen; and   she must  wander  on。  It  was   no
  use to think of drowning herself—she could not do it; at least while
  she had money left to buy food and strength to journey on。 But the
  incident on her waking this morning heightened her dread of that
  time   when   her   money   would   be   all   gone;   she   would   have   to   sell
  her   basket   and     clothes    then;   and    she   would    really   look   like  a
  beggar or a wild woman; as the man had said。 The passionate joy
  in life she had felt in the night; after escaping from the brink of the
  black   cold    death   in   the   pool;   was   gone    now。    Life   now;   by   the
  morning light; with the impression of that man’s hard wondering
  look at her; was as full of  dread   as   death—it  was   worse;   it  was   a
  dread     to   which    she   felt  chained;     from    which    she   shrank     and
  shrank as she did from the black pool; and yet could find no refuge
  from it。
  She took out her money from her purse; and looked at  it。 She
  had   still   two…and…twenty   shillings;   it   would       serve    her   for   many
  days   more;   or   it   would   help   her   to   get   on   faster   to   Stonyshire;
  within   reach   of   Dinah。   The   thought   of   Dinah   urged   itself   more
  strongly   now;   since   the   experience   of   the   night   had   driven   her
  shuddering   imagination   away   from   the   pool。   If   it   had   been   only
  George Eliot                                                          ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                      511
  going to Dinah—if nobody besides Dinah would ever know—Hetty
  could   have   made   up   her   mind   to   go   to   her。   The   soft   voice;   the
  pitying   eyes;    would    have    drawn     her。  But   afterwards      the  other
  people   must   know;   and   she   could   no