第 107 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9257
  abound。 I have had constant work in the mill; though some of the
  other   hands      have   been    turned    off  for  a  time;   and   my    body    is
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                        432
  greatly     strengthened;       so  that   I  feel   little  weariness     after   long
  walking   and   speaking。   What   you   say   about   staying   in   your   own
  country with your mother and brother shows me that you have a
  true guidance; your lot is appointed there by a clear showing; and
  to  seek   a   greater  blessing   elsewhere   would   be   like   laying  a   false
  offering on the altar and expecting the fire from heaven to kindle
  it。 My work and my joy are here among the hills; and I sometimes
  think   I   cling   too   much   to   my   life  among   the     people     here;   and
  should be rebellious if I was called away。
  “I   was   thankful   for   your   tidings   about   the   dear   friends   at   the
  Hall   Farm;   for   though   I   sent   them   a   letter;   by   my   aunt’s   desire;
  after   I   came   back   from   my   sojourn   among   them;   I   have   had   no
  word from them。 My aunt has not the pen of a ready writer;   and
  the work of the house is sufficient for the day; for she is weak   in
  body。 My heart cleaves to her and her children as the nearest of all
  to me in the flesh—yea; and to all in that house。 I am carried away
  to  them   continually  in my  sleep; and   often   in   the   midst   of   work;
  and  even   of   speech;   the   thought  of   them   is   borne   in   on   me   as   if
  they were in need and trouble; which yet is dark to me。 There may
  be some leading here; but I wait to be taught。 You say they are all
  well。
  “We   shall  see   each  other  again   in   the   body;   I   trust;   though;   it
  may be; not for a long while; for the brethren and sisters at Leeds
  are   desirous   to   have   me   for   a   short   space   among   them;   when   I
  have a door opened me again to leave Snowfield。
  “Farewell;       dear    brother—and         yet   not   farewell。     For    those
  children of God whom it has been granted to see each other face to
  face; and to hold communion together; and to feel the same spirit
  working in both can never more be sundered though the hills may
  George Eliot                                                           ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                     433
  lie   between。   For   their   souls   are   enlarged   for   evermore     by   that
  union;     and    they   bear    one    another     about    in   their   thoughts
  continually   as   it   were   a   new   strength。—Your   faithful   Sister   and
  fellow…worker in Christ;
  DINAH MORRIS。”
  “I have not skill to write the words so small as you do and my
  pen moves slow。 And so I am straitened; and say but little of what
  is in my mind。 Greet your mother for me with a kiss。 She asked me
  to kiss her twice when we parted。”
  Adam had refolded the letter; and was sitting meditatively with
  his   head   resting   on   his   arm   at   the   head   of   the   bed;   when   Seth
  came upstairs。
  “Hast read the letter?” said Seth。
  “Yes;” said  Adam。   “I don’t  know  what  I   should   ha’   thought  of
  her   and   her   letter   if   I’d   never   seen   her:   I   daresay   I   should   ha’
  thought     a   preaching     woman      hateful。   But   she’s   one   as   makes
  everything seem right she says and does; and I seemed to see her
  and hear her speaking when I read the letter。 It’s wonderful how I
  remember   her   looks   and       her   voice。   She’d   make     thee  rare   and
  happy; Seth; she’s just the woman for thee。”
  “It’s   no   use   thinking   o’   that;”   said   Seth;   despondingly。   “She
  spoke so firm; and she’s not the woman to say one thing and mean
  another。”
  “Nay; but her feelings may grow different。 A woman may get to
  love by degrees—the best fire dosna flare up the soonest。 I’d have
  thee go and see her by…and…by: I’d make it convenient for thee to
  be away three or four  days; and   it  ’ud be no  walk  for  thee—only
  George Eliot                                                        ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                    434
  between twenty and thirty mile。”
  “I should like to see her again; whether or no; if she wouldna be
  displeased with me for going;” said Seth。
  “She’ll be none displeased;” said Adam emphatically; getting up
  and throwing off his coat。 “It might be a great happiness to us all if
  she’d have thee; for mother took to her so wonderful and seemed
  so contented to be with her。”
  “Aye;” said Seth; rather timidly; “and Dinah’s fond o’ Hetty too;
  she thinks a deal about her。”
  Adam   made   no   reply   to   that;   and   no   other   word   but   “good…
  night” passed between them。
  George Eliot                                                      ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                   435
  Chapter XXXI
  In Hetty’s Bed…Chamber
  T was no longer  light  enough  to  go  to  bed   without  a   candle;
  even in Mrs。 Poyser’s early household; and Hetty carried one
  I
  with   her   as   she   went   up   at   last   to   her   bedroom   soon   after
  Adam was gone; and bolted the door behind her。
  Now she would read her letter。 It must—it must have comfort in
  it。   How   was   Adam   to   know   the   truth?   It   was  always   likely   he
  should say what he did say。
  She set down the candle and took out the letter。 It had a faint
  scent of roses; which made her feel as if Arthur were close to her。
  She put it to her lips; and a rush of remembered sensations for a
  moment or two swept away all fear。 But her heart began to flutter
  strangely;   and   her   hands   to   tremble   as   she   broke   the   seal。   She
  read    slowly;   it  was   not   easy   for   her   to  read   a  gentleman’s
  handwriting; though Arthur had taken pains to write plainly。
  “DEAREST HETTY—I have spoken truly when I have said that I
  loved   you;   and   I   shall   never   forget   our   love。   I   shall   be   your   true
  friend as long as life lasts; and I hope to prove this to you in many
  ways。 If I say anything to pain you in this letter; do not believe it is
  for want of love and tenderness towards you; for there is nothing I
  would not do for you; if I knew it to be really for your happiness。 I
  cannot bear to think of my little Hetty shedding tears when I am
  not    there   to  kiss  them   away;    and   if  I  followed   only  my    own
  inclinations;     I  should   be   with   her  at  this  moment      instead    of
  George Eliot                                                     ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                      436
  writing。 It is very hard for me to part from her—harder still for me
  to write words which may seem unkind; though they spring from
  the truest kindness。
  “Dear; dear Hetty; sweet as our love has been to me; sweet as it
  would be to me for you to love me always; I feel that it would have
  been better  for  us   both  if  we   had never  had   that   happiness;   and
  that it is my duty to ask you to love me and care for me as little as
  you    can。   The   fault   has   all   been   mine;   for   though   I  have   been
  unable to resist the longing to be near you; I have felt all the while
  that your affection for me   might  cause   you  grief。   I   ought  to  have
  resisted my feelings。 I should have done so; if I had been a better
  fellow than I am; but now; since the past cannot be altered; I am
  bound to save you from any evil that I have power to prevent。 And
  I feel it would be a great evil for you if your affections continued so
  fixed   on me   that  you  could   think   of no  other  man  who  might   be
  able to make you happier by  his  love   than I   ever  can;   and  if  you
  continued   to  look   towards  something  in  the   future   which   cannot
  possibly happen。 For; dear Hetty; if I were to do what you one day
  spoke   of;   and   make   you   my   wife;   I   should   do   what   you   yourself
  would come to feel was for your misery instead of your welfare。 I
  know you can never be happy except by marrying a man in your
  own   station;   and   if   I   were   to   marry