vague　hope　that　my　understanding　would　prove　clear；　after　all；　and　my
  misgivings　groundless。
  Artemus　dropped　an　unimportant　remark　or　two；　and　then　assumed　a　look　of
  superhuman　earnestness；　and　made　the　following　astounding　speech。　　He
  said：
  〃Now　there　is　one　thing　I　ought　to　ask　you　about　before　I　forget　it。　　You
  have　been　here　in　Silver　landhere　in　Nevadatwo　or　three　years；　and；
  of　course；　your　position　on　the　daily　press　has　made　it　necessary　for　you
  to　go　down　in　the　mines　and　examine　them　carefully　in　detail；　and
  therefore　you　know　all　about　the　silver…mining　business。　　Now　what　I　want
  to　get　at　isis；　well；　the　way　the　deposits　of　ore　are　made；　you　know。
  For　instance。　　Now；　as　I　understand　it；　the　vein　which　contains　the
  silver　is　sandwiched　in　between　casings　of　granite；　and　runs　along　the
  ground；　and　sticks　up　like　a　curb　stone。　　Well；　take　a　vein　forty　feet
  thick；　for　example；　or　eighty；　for　that　matter；　or　even　a　hundredsay
  you　go　down　on　it　with　a　shaft；　straight　down；　you　know；　or　with　what　you
  call　'incline'　maybe　you　go　down　five　hundred　feet；　or　maybe　you　don't　go
  down　but　two　hundredanyway；　you　go　down；　and　all　the　time　this　vein
  grows　narrower；　when　the　casings　come　nearer　or　approach　each　other；　you
  may　saythat　is；　when　they　do　approach；　which；　of　course；　they　do　not
  always　do；　particularly　in　cases　where　the　nature　of　the　formation　is
  such　that　they　stand　apart　wider　than　they　otherwise　would；　and　which
  geology　has　failed　to　account　for；　although　everything　in　that　science
  goes　to　prove　that；　all　things　being　equal；　it　would　if　it　did　not；　or
  would　not　certainly　if　it　did；　and　then；　of　course；　they　are。　　Do　not　you
  think　it　is？〃
  I　said　to　myself：
  〃Now　I　just　knew　how　it　would　bethat　whisky　cocktail　has　done　the
  business　for　me；　I　don't　understand　any　more　than　a　clam。〃
  And　then　I　said　aloud：
  〃IIthat　isif　you　don't　mind；　would　youwould　you　say　that　over
  again？　　I　ought〃
  〃Oh；　certainly；　certainly！　　You　see　I　am　very　unfamiliar　with　the
  subject；　and　perhaps　I　don't　present　my　case　clearly；　but　I〃
  〃No；　no…no；　no…you　state　it　plain　enough；　but　that　cocktail　has　muddled
  me　a　little。　　But　I　will　no；　I　do　understand　for　that　matter；　but　I　would
  get　the　hang　of　it　all　the　better　if　you　went　over　it　again…and　I'll　pay
  better　attention　this　time。
  He　said；　〃Why；　what　I　was　after　was　this。〃
  ＇Here　he　became　even　more　fearfully　impressive　than　ever；　and　emphasized
  each　particular　point　by　checking　it　off　on　his　finger…ends。＇
  〃This　vein；　or　lode；　or　ledge；　or　whatever　you　call　it；　runs　along
  between　two　layers　of　granite；　just　the　same　as　if　it　were　a　sandwich。
  Very　well。　　Now　suppose　you　go　down　on　that；　say　a　thousand　feet；　or
  maybe　twelve　hundred　（it　don't　really　matter）　before　you　drift；　and　then
  you　start　your　drifts；　some　of　them　across　the　ledge；　and　others　along
  the　length　of　it；　where　the　sulphuretsI　believe　they　call　them
  sulphurets；　though　why　they　should；　considering　that；　so　far　as　I　can
  see；　the　main　dependence　of　a　miner　does　not　so　lie；　as　some　suppose；　but
  in　which　it　cannot　be　successfully　maintained；　wherein　the　same　should
  not　continue；　while　part　and　parcel　of　the　same　ore　not　committed　to
  either　in　the　sense　referred　to；　whereas；　under　different　circumstances；
  the　most　inexperienced　among　us　could　not　detect　it　if　it　were；　or　might
  overlook　it　if　it　did；　or　scorn　the　very　idea　of　such　a　thing；　even
  though　it　were　palpably　demonstrated　as　such。　　Am　I　not　right？〃
  I　said；　sorrowfully：　〃I　feel　ashamed　of　myself；　Mr。　　Ward。　　I　know　I
  ought　to　understand　you　perfectly　well；　but　you　see　that　treacherous
  whisky　cocktail　has　got　into　my　head；　and　now　I　cannot　understand　even
  the　simplest　proposition。　　I　told　you　how　it　would　be。〃
  〃Oh；　don't　mind　it；　don't　mind　it；　the　fault　was　my　own；　no　doubtthough
  I　did　think　it　clear　enough　for〃
  〃Don't　say　a　word。　　Clear！　　Why；　you　stated　it　as　clear　as　the　sun　to
  anybody　but　an　abject　idiot；　but　it's　that　confounded　cocktail　that　has
  played　the　mischief。〃
  〃No；　now　don't　say　that。　　I'll　begin　it　all　over　again；　and〃
  〃Don't　nowfor　goodness'　sake；　don't　do　anything　of　the　kind；　because　I
  tell　you　my　head　is　in　such　a　condition　that　I　don't　believe　I　could
  understand　the　most　trifling　question　a　man　could　ask　me。
  〃Now　don't　you　be　afraid。　　I'll　put　it　so　plain　this　time　that　you　can't
  help　but　get　the　hang　of　it。　　We　will　begin　at　the　very　beginning。〃
  ＇Leaning　far　across　the　table；　with　determined　impressiveness　wrought
  upon　his　every　feature；　and　fingers　prepared　to　keep　tally　of　each　point
  enumerated；　and　I；　leaning　forward　with　painful　interest；　resolved　to
  comprehend　or　perish。＇　　〃You　know　the　vein；　the　ledge；　the　thing　that
  contains　the　metal；　whereby　it　constitutes　the　medium　between　all　other
  forces；　whether　of　present　or　remote　agencies；　so　brought　to　bear　in
  favor　of　the　former　against　the　latter；　or　the　latter　against　the　former
  or　all；　or　both；　or　compromising　the　relative　differences　existing　within
  the　radius　whence　culminate　the　several　degrees　of　similarity　to　which〃
  I　said：　〃Oh；　hang　my　wooden　head；　it　ain't　any　use！it　ain't　any　use　to
  tryI　can't　understand　anything。　　The　plainer　you　get　it　the　more　I
  can't　get　the　hang　of　it。〃
  I　heard　a　suspicious　noise　behind　me；　and　turned　in　time　to　see　Hingston
  dodging　behind　a　newspaper；　and　quaking　with　a　gentle　ecstasy　of
  laughter。　　I　looked　at　Ward　again；　and　he　had　thrown　off　his　dread
  solemnity　and　was　laughing　also。　　Then　I　saw　that　I　had　been　soldthat　I
  had　been　made　a　victim　of　a　swindle　in　the　way　of　a　string　of　plausibly
  worded　sentences　that　didn't　mean　anything　under　the　sun。　　Artemus　Ward
  was　one　of　the　best　fellows　in　the　world；　and　one　of　the　most
  companionable。　　It　has　been　said　that　he　was　not　fluent　in　conversation；
  but；　with　the　above　experience　in　my　mind；　I　differ。
  CANNIBALISM　IN　THE　CARS　＇Written　abort　1867。＇
  I　visited　St。　Louis　lately；　and　on　my　way　West；　after　changing　cars　at
  Terre　Haute；　Indiana；　a　mild；　benevolent…looking　gentleman　of　about
  forty…five；　or　maybe　fifty；　came　in　at　one　of　the　way…stations　and　sat
  down　beside　me。　　We　talked　together　pleasantly　on　various　subjects　for　an
  hour；　perhaps；　and　I　found　him　exceedingly　intelligent　and　entertaining。
  When　he　learned　that　I　was　from　Washington；　he　immediately　began　to　ask
  questions　about　various　public　men；　and　about　Congressional　affairs；　and
  I　saw　very　shortly　that　I　was　conversing　with　a　man　who　was　perfectly
  familiar　with　the　ins　and　outs　of　political　life　at　the　Capital；　even　to
  the　ways　and　manners；　and　customs　of　procedure　of　Senators　and
  Representatives　in　the　Chambers　of　the　national　Legislature。　　Presently
  two　men　halted　near　us　for　a　single　moment；　and　one　said　to　the　other：
  〃Harris；　if　you'll　do　that　for　me；　I'll　never　forget　you；　my　boy。〃
  My　new　comrade's　eye　lighted　pleasantly。　　The　words　had　touched　upon　a
  happy　memory；　I　thought。　　Then　his　face　settled　into　thoughtfulness
  almost　into　gloom。　　He　turned　to　me　and　said；
  〃Let　me　tell　you　a　story；　let　me　give　you　a　secret　chapter　of　my　life
  a　chapter　that　has　never　been　referred　to　by　me　since　its　events
  transpired。　　Listen　patiently；　and　promise　that　you　will　not　interrupt
  me。〃
  I　said　I　would　not；　and　he　related　the　following　strange　adventure；
  speaking　sometimes　with　animation；　sometimes　with　melancholy；　but　always
  with　feeling　and　earnestness。
  THE　STRANGER'S　NARRATIVE
  〃On　the　19th　of　December；　1853；　I　started　from　St。　Louis　on　the　evening
  train　bound　for　Chicago。　　There　were　only　twenty…four　passengers；　all
  told。　　There　were　no　ladies　and　no　children。　　We　were　in　excellent
  spirits；　and　pleasant　acquaintanceships　were　soon　formed。　　The　journey
  bade　fair　to　be　a　happy　one；　and　no　individual　in　the　party；　I　think；　had
  even　the　vaguest　presentiment　of　the　horrors　we　were　soon　to　undergo。
  〃At　11　P。m。　　it　began　to　snow　hard。　　Shortly　after　leaving　the　small
  village　of　Welden；　we　entered　upon　that　tremendous　prairie　solitude　that
  stretches　its　leagues　on　leagues　of　houseless　dreariness　far　away　toward
  the　jubilee　Settlements。　　The　winds；　unobstructed　by　trees　or　hills；　or
  even　vagrant　rocks；　whistled　fiercely　across　the　level　desert；　driving
  the　falling　snow　before　it　like　spray　from　the　crested　waves　of　a　stormy
  sea。　　The　snow　was　deepening　fast；　and　we　knew；　by　the　diminished　speed
  of　the　train；　that　the　engine　was　plowing　through　it　with　steadily
  increasing　difficulty。　　Indeed；　it　almost　came　to　a　dead　halt　sometimes；
  in　the　midst　of　great　drifts　that　piled　themselves　like　colossal　graves
  across　the　track。　　Conversation　began　to　flag。　　Cheerfulness　gave　place
  to　grave　concern。　　The　possibility　of　being　imprisoned　in　the　snow；　on
  the　bleak　prairie；　fifty　miles　from　any　house；　presented　itself　to　every
  mind；　and　extended　its　depressing　influence　over　every　spirit。
  〃At　two　o'clock　in　the　morning　I　was　aroused　out　of　an　uneasy　slumber　by
  the　ceasing　of　all　motion　about　me。　　The　appalling　truth　flashed　upon　me
  instantlywe　were　captives　in　a　snow…drift！　　'All　hands　to　the　rescue！'
  Every　man　sprang　to　obey。　　Out　into　the　wild　night；　the　pitchy　darkness；
  the　billowy　snow；