第 51 节
作者:打倒一切      更新:2024-04-07 21:07      字数:9320
  to destroy the pleasure of a meeting with those she
  loved best; even after an absence such as hersan
  eleven weeks' absence。  What had she to say that would
  not humble herself and pain her family; that would not
  increase her own grief by the confession of it; extend an
  useless resentment; and perhaps involve the innocent
  with the guilty in undistinguishing ill will? She could
  never do justice to Henry and Eleanor's merit; she felt it
  too strongly for expression; and should a dislike be taken
  against them; should they be thought of unfavourably;
  on their father's account; it would cut her to the heart。
  With these feelings; she rather dreaded than sought
  for the first view of that well…known spire which would
  announce her within twenty miles of home。  Salisbury she
  had known to be her point on leaving Northanger; but after
  the first stage she had been indebted to the post…masters
  for the names of the places which were then to conduct
  her to it; so great had been her ignorance of her route。
  She met with nothing; however; to distress or frighten her。
  Her youth; civil manners; and liberal pay procured her all
  the attention that a traveller like herself could require;
  and stopping only to change horses; she travelled
  on for about eleven hours without accident or alarm;
  and between six and seven o'clock in the evening found
  herself entering Fullerton。
  A heroine returning; at the close of her career;
  to her native village; in all the triumph of recovered
  reputation; and all the dignity of a countess; with a long
  train of noble relations in their several phaetons;
  and three waiting…maids in a travelling chaise and four;
  behind her; is an event on which the pen of the contriver
  may well delight to dwell; it gives credit to every
  conclusion; and the author must share in the glory she
  so liberally bestows。  But my affair is widely different;
  I bring back my heroine to her home in solitude and disgrace;
  and no sweet elation of spirits can lead me into minuteness。
  A heroine in a hack post…chaise is such a blow upon sentiment;
  as no attempt at grandeur or pathos can withstand。
  Swiftly therefore shall her post…boy drive through
  the village; amid the gaze of Sunday groups; and speedy
  shall be her descent from it。
  But; whatever might be the distress of Catherine's mind;
  as she thus advanced towards the parsonage; and whatever
  the humiliation of her biographer in relating it;
  she was preparing enjoyment of no everyday nature
  for those to whom she went; first; in the appearance
  of her carriageand secondly; in herself。  The chaise
  of a traveller being a rare sight in Fullerton; the whole
  family were immediately at the window; and to have it
  stop at the sweep…gate was a pleasure to brighten every
  eye and occupy every fancya pleasure quite unlooked
  for by all but the two youngest children; a boy and girl
  of six and four years old; who expected a brother or
  sister in every carriage。  Happy the glance that first
  distinguished Catherine! Happy the voice that proclaimed
  the discovery! But whether such happiness were the lawful
  property of George or Harriet could never be exactly understood。
  Her father; mother; Sarah; George; and Harriet;
  all assembled at the door to welcome her with affectionate
  eagerness; was a sight to awaken the best feelings
  of Catherine's heart; and in the embrace of each; as she
  stepped from the carriage; she found herself soothed beyond
  anything that she had believed possible。  So surrounded;
  so caressed; she was even happy! In the joyfulness
  of family love everything for a short time was subdued;
  and the pleasure of seeing her; leaving them at first
  little leisure for calm curiosity; they were all seated
  round the tea…table; which Mrs。 Morland had hurried
  for the comfort of the poor traveller; whose pale and
  jaded looks soon caught her notice; before any inquiry
  so direct as to demand a positive answer was addressed to her。
  Reluctantly; and with much hesitation; did she then
  begin what might perhaps; at the end of half an hour;
  be termed; by the courtesy of her hearers; an explanation;
  but scarcely; within that time; could they at all discover
  the cause; or collect the particulars; of her sudden return。
  They were far from being an irritable race; far from
  any quickness in catching; or bitterness in resenting;
  affronts: but here; when the whole was unfolded;
  was an insult not to be overlooked; nor; for the first
  half hour; to be easily pardoned。  Without suffering any
  romantic alarm; in the consideration of their daughter's
  long and lonely journey; Mr。 and Mrs。 Morland could
  not but feel that it might have been productive of much
  unpleasantness to her; that it was what they could never
  have voluntarily suffered; and that; in forcing her on such
  a measure; General Tilney had acted neither honourably
  nor feelinglyneither as a gentleman nor as a parent。
  Why he had done it; what could have provoked him to such
  a breach of hospitality; and so suddenly turned all his
  partial regard for their daughter into actual ill will;
  was a matter which they were at least as far from
  divining as Catherine herself; but it did not oppress
  them by any means so long; and; after a due course
  of useless conjecture; that 〃it was a strange business;
  and that he must be a very strange man;〃 grew enough
  for all their indignation and wonder; though Sarah indeed
  still indulged in the sweets of incomprehensibility;
  exclaiming and conjecturing with youthful ardour。  〃My dear;
  you give yourself a great deal of needless trouble;〃
  said her mother at last; 〃depend upon it; it is something
  not at all worth understanding。〃
  〃I can allow for his wishing Catherine away;
  when he recollected this engagement;〃 said Sarah;
  〃but why not do it civilly?〃
  〃I am sorry for the young people;〃 returned Mrs。 Morland;
  〃they must have a sad time of it; but as for anything else;
  it is no matter now; Catherine is safe at home;
  and our comfort does not depend upon General Tilney。〃
  Catherine sighed。  〃Well;〃 continued her philosophic mother;
  〃I am glad I did not know of your journey at the time;
  but now it is an over; perhaps there is no great harm done。
  It is always good for young people to be put upon
  exerting themselves; and you know; my dear Catherine;
  you always were a sad little shatter…brained creature;
  but now you must have been forced to have your wits about you;
  with so much changing of chaises and so forth; and I hope
  it will appear that you have not left anything behind you
  in any of the pockets。〃
  Catherine hoped so too; and tried to feel an interest
  in her own amendment; but her spirits were quite worn down;
  and; to be silent and alone becoming soon her only wish;
  she readily agreed to her mother's next counsel of going early
  to bed。  Her parents; seeing nothing in her ill looks and
  agitation but the natural consequence of mortified feelings;
  and of the unusual exertion and fatigue of such a journey;
  parted from her without any doubt of their being soon
  slept away; and though; when they all met the next morning;
  her recovery was not equal to their hopes; they were still
  perfectly unsuspicious of there being any deeper evil。
  They never once thought of her heart; which; for the
  parents of a young lady of seventeen; just returned
  from her first excursion from home; was odd enough!
  As soon as breakfast was over; she sat down to fulfil
  her promise to Miss Tilney; whose trust in the effect
  of time and distance on her friend's disposition was
  already justified; for already did Catherine reproach
  herself with having parted from Eleanor coldly; with having
  never enough valued her merits or kindness; and never
  enough commiserated her for what she had been yesterday
  left to endure。  The strength of these feelings; however;
  was far from assisting her pen; and never had it been
  harder for her to write than in addressing Eleanor Tilney。
  To compose a letter which might at once do justice
  to her sentiments and her situation; convey gratitude
  without servile regret; be guarded without coldness;
  and honest without resentmenta letter which Eleanor
  might not be pained by the perusal ofand; above all;
  which she might not blush herself; if Henry should chance