My　class　at　the　theological　school　was　composed
  of　forty…two　young　men　and　my　unworthy　self；　and
  before　I　had　been　a　member　of　it　an　hour　I　realized
  that　women　theologians　paid　heavily　for　the　privilege
  of　being　women。　　The　young　men　of　my　class　who
  were　licensed　preachers　were　given　free　accommo…
  dations　in　the　dormitory；　and　their　board；　at　a　club
  formed　for　their　assistance；　cost　each　of　them　only
  one　dollar　and　twenty…five　cents　a　week。　　For　me
  no　such　kindly　provision　was　made。　　I　was　not
  allowed　a　place　in　the　dormitory；　but　instead　was
  given　two　dollars　a　week　to　pay　the　rent　of　a　room
  outside。　　Neither　was　I　admitted　to　the　economical
  comforts　of　the　club；　but　fed　myself　according　to
  my　income；　a　plan　which　worked　admirably　when
  there　was　an　income；　but　left　an　obvious　void　when
  there　was　not。
  With　characteristic　optimism；　however；　I　hired　a
  little　attic　room　on　Tremont　Street　and　established
  myself　therein。　　In　lieu　of　a　window　the　room
  offered　a　pale　skylight　to　the　February　storms；　and
  there　was　neither　heat　in　it　nor　running　water；
  but　its　possession　gave　me　a　pleasant　sense　of
  proprietorship；　and　the　whole　experience　seemed　a
  high　adventure。　　I　at　once　sought　opportunities　to
  preach　and　lecture；　but　these　were　even　rarer　than
  firelight　and　food。　　In　Albion　I　had　been　practically
  the　only　licensed　preacher　available　for　substitute
  and　special　work。　　In　Boston　University's　three
  theological　classes　there　were　a　hundred　men；　each
  snatching　eagerly　at　the　slightest　possibility　of
  employment；　and　when；　despite　this　competition；
  I　received　and　responded　to　an　invitation　to　preach；
  I　never　knew　whether　I　was　to　be　paid　for　my　services
  in　cash　or　in　compliments。　　If；　by　a　happy　chance；
  the　compensation　came　in　cash；　the　amount　was
  rarely　more　than　five　dollars；　and　never　more　than
  ten。　　There　was　no　help　in　sight　from　my　family；
  whose　early　opposition　to　my　career　as　a　minister
  had　hotly　flamed　forth　again　when　I　started　East。
  I　lived；　therefore；　on　milk　and　crackers；　and　for
  weeks　at　a　time　my　hunger　was　never　wholly　satis…
  fied。　　In　my　home　in　the　wilderness　I　had　often
  heard　the　wolves　prowling　around　our　door　at　night。
  Now；　in　Boston；　I　heard　them　even　at　high　noon。
  There　is　a　special　and　almost　indescribable　de…
  pression　attending　such　conditions。　　No　one　who
  has　not　experienced　the　combination　of　continued
  cold；　hunger；　and　loneliness　in　a　great；　strange；
  indifferent　city　can　realize　how　it　undermines　the
  victim's　nerves　and　even　tears　at　the　moral　fiber。
  The　self…humiliation　I　experienced　was　also　intense。
  I　had　worked　my　way　in　the　Northwest；　why　could
  I　not　work　my　way　in　Boston？　　Was　there；　per…
  haps；　some　lack　in　me　and　in　my　courage？　　Again
  and　again　these　questions　rose　in　my　mind　and
  poisoned　my　self…confidence。　　The　one　comfort　I
  had　in　those　black　days　was　the　knowledge　that　no
  one　suspected　the　depth　of　the　abyss　in　which　I
  dwelt。　　We　were　all　struggling；　to　the　indifferent
  glanceand　all　glances　were　indifferentmy　struggle
  was　no　worse　than　that　of　my　classmates　whose
  rooms　and　frugal　meals　were　given　them。
  After　a　few　months　of　this　existence　I　was　almost
  ready　to　believe　that　the　Lord's　work　for　me　lay
  outside　of　the　ministry；　and　while　this　fear　was
  gripping　me　a　serious　crisis　came　in　my　financial
  affairs。　　The　day　dawned　when　I　had　not　a　cent；
  nor　any　prospect　of　earning　one。　　My　stock　of
  provisions　consisted　of　a　box　of　biscuit；　and　my
  courage　was　flowing　from　me　like　blood　from　an
  opened　vein。　　Then　came　one　of　the　quick　turns
  of　the　wheel　of　chance　which　make　for　optimism。
  Late　in　the　afternoon　I　was　asked　to　do　a　week　of
  revival　work　with　a　minister　in　a　local　church；　and
  when　I　accepted　his　invitation　I　mentally　resolved
  to　let　that　week　decide　my　fate。　　My　shoes　had
  burst　open　at　the　sides；　for　lack　of　car…fare　I　had
  to　walk　to　and　from　the　scene　of　my　meetings；　though
  I　had　barely　strength　for　the　effort。　　If　my　week
  of　work　brought　me　enough　to　buy　a　pair　of　cheap
  shoes　and　feed　me　for　a　few　days　I　would；　I　decided；
  continue　my　theological　course。　　If　it　did　not；　I
  would　give　up　the　fight。
  Never　have　I　worked　harder　or　better　than　during
  those　seven　days；　when　I　put　into　the　effort　not
  only　my　heart　and　soul；　but　the　last　flame　of　my
  dying　vitality；　We　had　a　rousing　revivalone　of
  the　good　old…time　affairs　when　the　mourners'　benches
  were　constantly　filled　and　the　air　resounded　with
  alleluias。　　The　excitement　and　our　success；　mildly
  aided　by　the　box　of　biscuit；　sustained　me　through　the
  week；　and　not　until　the　last　night　did　I　realize　how
  much　of　me　had　gone　into　this　final　desperate　charge
  of　mine。　　Then；　the　service　over　and　the　people
  departed；　I　sank；　weak　and　trembling；　into　a　chair；
  trying　to　pull　myself　together　before　hearing　my
  fate　in　the　good…night　words　of　the　minister　I　had
  assisted。　　When　he　came　to　me　and　began　to　com…
  pliment　me　on　the　work　I　had　done；　I　could　not
  rise。　　I　sat　still　and　listened　with　downcast　eyes；
  afraid　to　lift　them　lest　he　read　in　them　something
  of　my　need　and　panic　in　this　moment　when　my　whole
  future　seemed　at　stake。
  At　first　his　words　rolled　around　the　empty　church
  as　if　they　were　trying　to　get　away　from　me；　but
  at　last　I　began　to　catch　them。　　I　was；　it　seemed；
  a　most　desirable　helper。　　It　had　been　a　privilege
  and　a　pleasure　to　be　associated　with　me。　　Beyond
  doubt；　I　would　go　far　in　my　career。　　He　heartily
  wished　that　he　could　reward　me　adequately。　　I
  deserved　fifty　dollars。
  My　tired　heart　fluttered　at　this。　　Probably　my
  empty　stomach　fluttered；　too；　but　in　the　next
  moment　something　seemed　to　catch　my　throat　and
  stop　my　breath。　　For　it　appeared　that；　notwith…
  standing　the　enthusiasm　and　the　spiritual　uplift
  of　the　week；　the　collections　had　been　very　disap…
  pointing　and　the　expenses　unusually　heavy。　　He
  could　not　give　me　fifty　dollars。　　He　could　not　give
  me　anything　at　all。　　He　thanked　me　warmly　and
  wished　me　good　night。
  I　managed　to　answer　him　and　to　get　to　my　feet；
  but　that　journey　down　the　aisle　from　my　chair　to
  the　church　door　was　the　longest　journey　I　have　ever
  made。　　During　it　I　felt　not　only　the　heart…sick
  disappointment　of　the　moment；　but　the　cumulative
  unhappiness　of　the　years　to　come。　　I　was　friend…
  less；　penniless；　and　starving；　but　it　was　not　of　these
  conditions　that　I　thought　then。　　The　one　over…
  whelming　fact　was　that　I　had　been　weighed　and
  found　wanting。　　I　was　not　worthy。
  I　stumbled　along；　passing　blindly　a　woman　who
  stood　on　the　street　near　the　church　entrance。　　She
  stopped　me；　timidly；　and　held　out　her　hand。　　Then
  suddenly　she　put　her　arms　around　me　and　wept。
  She　was　an　old　lady；　and　I　did　not　know　her；　but　it
  seemed　fitting　that　she　should　cry　just　then；　as　it
  would　have　seemed　fitting　to　me　if　at　that　black
  moment　all　the　people　on　the　earth　had　broken　into
  sudden　wailing。
  ‘‘Oh；　Miss　Shaw；''　she　said；　‘‘I'm　the　happiest
  woman　in　the　world；　and　I　owe　my　happiness　to
  you。　　To…night　you　have　converted　my　grandson。
  He's　all　I　have　left；　but　he　has　been　a　wild　boy；
  and　I've　prayed　over　him　for　years。　　Hereafter　he
  is　going　to　lead　a　different　life。　　He　has　just　given
  me　his　promise　on　his　knees。''
  Her　hand　fumbled　in　her　purse。
  ‘‘I　am　a　poor　woman；''　she　went　on；　‘‘but　I　have
  enough；　and　I　want　to　make　you　a　little　present。
  I　know　how　hard　life　is　for　you　young　students。''
  She　pressed　a　bill　into　my　fingers。　　‘‘It's　very
  little；''　she　said；　humbly；　‘‘it　is　only　five　dollars。''
  I　laughed；　and　in　that　exultant　moment　I　seemed
  to　hear　life　laughing　with　me。　　With　the　passing
  of　the　bill　from　her　hand　to　mine　existence　had
  become　a　new　experience；　wonderful　and　beautiful。
  ‘‘It's　the　biggest　gift　I　have　ever　had；''　I　told　her。
  ‘‘This　little　bill　is　big　enough　to　carry　my　future
  on　its　back！''
  I　had　a　good　meal　that　night；　and　I　bought　the
  shoes　the　next　morning。　　Infinitely　more　sustaining
  than　the　food；　however；　was　the　conviction　that
  the　Lord　was　with　me　and　had　given　me　a　sign　of
  His　approval。　　The　experience　was　the　turning…
  point　of　my　theological　career。　　When　the　money
  was　gone　I　succeeded　in　obtaining　more　work　from
  time　to　timeand　though　the　grind　was　still　cruelly
  hard；　I　never　again　lost　hope。　　The　theological　school
  was　on　Bromfield　Street；　and　we　students　climbed
  three　flights　of　stairs　to　reach　our　class…rooms。
  Through　lack　of　proper　food　I　had　become　too
  weak　to　ascend　these　stairs　without　sitting　down
  once　or　twice　to　rest；　and　within　a　month　after　my
  experience　with　the　appreciative　grandmother　I
  was　discovered　during　one　of　these　resting　periods
  by　Mrs。　Barrett；　the　superintendent　of　the　Woman's
  Foreign　Missionary　Society；　which　had　offices　in
  our　building。　　She　stopped；　looked　me　over；　and
  then　invited　me　into　her　room；　where　she　asked
  me