第 14 节
作者:痛罚      更新:2024-04-07 11:54      字数:9321
  with him; though I did not like his appearance。
  He was a huge; muscular person; with a protruding
  jaw and a singularly evasive eye; but I reflected
  that his forbidding expression might be due; in part
  at least; to the prospect of the long night drive
  through the woods; to which possibly he objected
  as much as I did。
  It was already growing dark when we started;
  and within a few moments we were out of the little
  settlement and entering the woods。  With me I had
  a revolver I had long since learned to use; but which
  I very rarely carried。  I had hesitated to bring it
  nowhad even left home without it; and then; im…
  pelled by some impulse I never afterward ceased
  to bless; had returned for it and dropped it into
  my hand…bag。
  I sat on the back seat of the wagon; directly
  behind the driver; and for a time; as we entered
  the darkening woods; his great shoulders blotted out
  all perspective as he drove on in stolid silence。
  Then; little by little; they disappeared like a rapidly
  fading negative。  The woods were filled with Norway
  pines; hemlocks; spruce; and tamaracks…great;
  somber trees that must have shut out the light even
  on the brightest days。  To…night the heavens held
  no lamps aloft to guide us; and soon the darkness
  folded around us like a garment。  I could see neither
  the driver nor his horses。  I could hear only the
  sibilant whisper of the trees and the creak of our
  slow wheels in the rough forest road。
  Suddenly the driver began to talk; and at first
  I was glad to hear the reassuring human tones; for
  the experience had begun to seem like a bad dream。
  I replied readily; and at once regretted that I had
  done so; for the man's choice of topics was most
  unpleasant。  He began to tell me stories of the
  stockadesgrim stories with horrible details; re…
  peated so fully and with such gusto that I soon
  realized he was deliberately affronting my ears。
  I checked him and told him I could not listen to
  such talk。
  He replied with a series of oaths and shocking
  vulgarities; stopping his horses that he might turn
  and fling the words into my face。  He ended by
  snarling that I must think him a fool to imagine
  he did not know the kind of woman I was。  What
  was I doing in that rough country; he demanded;
  and why was I alone with him in those black woods
  at night?
  Though my heart missed a beat just then; I tried
  to answer him calmly。
  ‘‘You know perfectly well who I am;'' I reminded
  him。  ‘‘And you understand that I am making this
  journey to…night because I am to preach to…morrow
  morning and there is no other way to keep my
  appointment。''
  He uttered a laugh which was a most unpleasant
  sound。
  ‘‘Well;'' he said; coolly; ‘‘I'm damned if I'll take
  you。  I've got you here; and I'm going to keep you
  here!''
  I slipped my hand into the satchel in my lap; and
  it touched my revolver。  No touch of human fingers
  ever brought such comfort。  With a deep breath
  of thanksgiving I drew it out and cocked it; and
  as I did so he recognized the sudden click。
  ‘‘Here!  What have you got there?'' he snapped。
  ‘‘I have a revolver;'' I replied; as steadily as I
  could。  ‘‘And it is cocked and aimed straight at
  your back。  Now drive on。  If you stop again; or
  speak; I'll shoot you。''
  For an instant or two he blustered。
  ‘‘By God;'' he cried; ‘‘you wouldn't dare。''
  ‘‘Wouldn't I?'' I asked。  ‘‘Try me by speaking
  just once more。''
  Even as I spoke I felt my hair rise on my scalp
  with the horror of the moment; which seemed worse
  than any nightmare a woman could experience。
  But the man was conquered by the knowledge of
  the waiting; willing weapon just behind him。  He
  laid his whip savagely on the backs of his horses
  and they responded with a leap that almost knocked
  me out of the wagon。
  The rest of the night was a black terror I shall
  never forget。  He did not speak again; nor stop;
  but I dared not relax my caution for an instant。
  Hour after hour crawled toward day; and still I
  sat in the unpierced darkness; the revolver ready。
  I knew he was inwardly raging; and that at any
  instant he might make a sudden jump and try to
  get the revolver away from me。  I decided that
  at his slightest movement I must shoot。  But dawn
  came at last; and just as its bluish light touched
  the dark tips of the pines we drove up to the log
  hotel in the settlement that was our destination。
  Here my driver spoke。
  ‘‘Get down;'' he said; gruffly。  ‘‘This is the place。''
  I sat still。  Even yet I dared not trust him。
  Moreover; I was so stiff after my vigil that I was
  not sure I could move。
  ‘‘You get down;'' I directed; ‘‘and wake up the
  landlord。  Bring him out here。''
  He sullenly obeyed and aroused the hotel…owner;
  and when the latter appeared I climbed out of the
  wagon with some effort but without explanation。
  That morning I preached in my friend's pulpit as I
  had promised to do; and the rough building was
  packed to its doors with lumbermen who had come
  in from the neighboring camp。  Their appearance
  caused great surprise; as they had never attended
  a service before。  They formed a most picturesque
  congregation; for they all wore brilliant lumber…camp
  clothingblue or red shirts with yellow scarfs
  twisted around their waists; and gay…colored jackets
  and logging…caps。  There were forty or fifty of
  them; and when we took up our collection they
  responded with much liberality and cheerful shouts
  to one another。
  ‘‘Put in fifty cents!'' they yelled across the church。
  ‘‘Give her a dollar!''
  The collection was the largest that had been taken
  up in the history of the settlement; but I soon
  learned that it was not the spiritual comfort I
  offered which had appealed to the lumber…men。
  My driver of the night before; who was one of their
  number; had told his pals of his experience; and the
  whole camp had poured into town to see the woman
  minister who carried a revolver。
  ‘‘Her sermon?'' said one of them to my landlord;
  after the meeting。  ‘‘Huh!  I dunno what she
  preached。  But; say; don't make no mistake about
  one thing: the little preacher has sure got grit!''
  IV
  THE WOLF AT THE DOOR
  When I returned to Albion College in the
  autumn of 1875 I brought with me a problem
  which tormented me during my waking hours and
  chattered on my pillow at night。  Should I devote
  two more years of my vanishing youth to the com…
  pletion of my college course; or; instead; go at once
  to Boston University; enter upon my theological
  studies; take my degree; and be about my Father's
  business?
  I was now twenty…seven years old; and I had been
  a licensed preacher for three years。  My reputation
  in the Northwest was growing; and by sermons and
  lectures I could certainly earn enough to pay the
  expenses of the full college course。  On the other
  hand; Boston was a new world。  There I would be
  alone and practically penniless; and the oppor…
  tunities for work might be limited。  Quite possibly
  in my final two years at Albion I could even save
  enough money to make the experience in Boston
  less difficult; and the clear common sense I had
  inherited from my mother reminded me that in
  this course lay wisdom。  Possibly it was some in…
  heritance from my visionary father which made
  me; at the end of three months; waive these sage
  reflections; pack my few possessions; and start for
  Boston; where I entered the theological school of
  the university in February; 1876。
  It was an instance of stepping off a solid plank
  and into space; and though there is exhilaration
  in the sensation; as I discovered then and at later
  crises in life when I did the same thing; there was
  also an amount of subsequent discomfort for which
  even my lively imagination had not prepared me。
  I went through some grim months in Boston
  months during which I learned what it was to go
  to bed cold and hungry; to wake up cold and hungry;
  and to have no knowledge of how long these con…
  ditions might continue。  But not more than once or
  twice during the struggle there; and then only for
  an hour or two in the physical and mental depression
  attending malnutrition; did I regret coming。  At
  that period of my life I believed that the Lord had
  my small personal affairs very much on His mind。
  If I starved and froze it was His test of my worthi…
  ness for the ministry; and if He had really chosen
  me for one of His servants; He would see me through。
  The faith that sustained me then has still a place
  in my life; and existence without it would be an
  infinitely more dreary affair than it is。  But I admit
  that I now call upon the Lord less often and less
  imperatively than I did before the stern years taught
  me my unimportance in the great scheme of things。
  My class at the theological school was composed
  of forty…two young men and my unworthy self; and