第 22 节
作者:
老是不进球 更新:2024-04-07 11:52 字数:9322
of meeting her again。 They told me I should see her in heaven; but I did
not care about heaven。 I wanted Beryl on earth; as I knew her; a merry
laughing sister。 I think you are right: we don't forget; we become resigned
in a dead; dull kind of way。〃
Suddenly he said; 〃I don't know why I have told you all this。 And yet it
has been such a pleasure to me。 You are the only person to whom I could
have spoken about myself; for no one else but you would have cared。〃
〃Don't you think;〃 she said gently; 〃that you made a mistake in letting
your experiences embitter you? Because you had been unlucky in one or
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two instances it did not follow that all the world was against you。 Perhaps
you unconsciously put yourself against all the world; and therefore saw
every one in an unfavourable light。 It seems so easy to do that。 Trouble
comes to most people; doesn't it? And your philosophy should have taught
you to make the best of it。 At least; that is my notion of the value of
philosophy。〃
She spoke hesitatingly; as though she gave utterance to these words
against her will。
〃I am sure you are right; child;〃 he said; eagerly。
He put his hands to his eyes; but he could not keep back the tears。
〃I have been such a lonely old man;〃 he sobbed; 〃no one can tell what
a lonely; loveless life mine has been。 If I were not so old and so tired I
should like to begin all over again。〃
He sobbed for many minutes; and she did not know what to say to him
of comfort; but she took his hand within her own; and gently caressed it;
as one might do to a little child in pain。 He looked up and smiled through
his tears。
〃You have been very good to me;〃 he said; 〃and I dare say you have
thought me ungrateful。 You mended my coat for me one morning; and not
a day has passed but that I have looked at that darn and thought of you。 I
liked to remember that you had done it for me。 But you have done far
more than this for me: you have put some sweetness into my life。
Whatever becomes of me hereafter; I shall never be able to think of my
life on earth as anything but beautiful; because you thought kindly of me
and acted kindly for me。 The other night; when this terrible pain came over
me; I wished you were near me; I wished to hear your voice。 There is very
beautiful music in your voice。〃
〃I would have come to you gladly;〃 she said; smiling quietly at him。
〃You must make a promise that when you feel ill again you will send for
me。 Then you will see what a splendid nurse I am; and how soon you will
become strong and well under my care; strong enough to paint many more
pictures; each one better than the last。 Now will you promise?〃
〃Yes;〃 he said; and he raised her hand reverently to his lips。
〃You are not angry with me for doing that?〃 he asked; suddenly。 〃I
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should not like to vex you。〃
〃I am not vexed;〃 she answered; kindly。
〃Then perhaps I may kiss it once more?〃 he asked。
〃Yes;〃 she answered; and again he raised her hand to his lips。
〃Thank you;〃 he said quietly; 〃that was kind of you。 Do you see that
broken sun…ray yonder? Is it not golden? I find it very pleasant to sit here;
and I am quite happy; and almost free from pain。 Lately I have been
troubled with a dull thudding pain near my heart; but now I feel so strong
that I believe I shall finish that Andrea del Sarto after all。〃
〃Of course you will;〃 she answered; cheerily; 〃and I shall have to
confess that yours is better than mine! I am quite willing to yield the palm
to you。〃
〃I must alter the expression of the mouth;〃 he replied。 〃That is the part
which has worried me。 I don't think I told you that I have had a
commission to copy Rembrandt's 'Old Jew。' I must set to work on that next
week。〃
〃But you have given me your palette and brushes!〃 she laughed。
〃You must be generous enough to lend them to me;〃 he said; smiling。
〃By the way; I intend to give you my books; all of them。 Some day I must
show them to you。 I especially value my philosophical books; they have
been my faithful companions through many years。 I believe you do not
read Greek。 That is a pity; because you would surely enjoy Aristotle。 I
think I must teach you Greek; it would be an agreeable legacy to leave you
when I pass away into the Great Silence。〃
〃I should like to learn;〃 she said; wondering to hear him speak so
unreservedly。 It seemed as if some vast barrier had been rolled aside; and
as if she were getting to know him better; having been allowed to glance
into his past life; to sympathise with his past mistakes; and with the failure
of his ambitions; and with the deadening of his heart。
〃You must read AEschylus;〃 he continued; enthusiastically; 〃and; if I
mistake not; the Agamemnon will be an epoch in your life。 You will find
that all these studies will serve to ennoble your art; and you will be able to
put mind into your work; and not merely form and colour。 Do you know; I
feel so well that I believe I shall not only live to finish Andrea del Sarto;
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but also to smoke another pipe?〃
〃You have been too rash to…day;〃 she laughed; 〃giving away your pipe
and pouch; your palette and brushes; in this reckless manner! I must get
you a new pipe to…morrow。 I wonder you did not part with your venerable
Lucretius。〃
〃That reminds me;〃 he said; fumbling in his pocket; 〃I think I have
dropped my Lucretius。 I fancy I left it somewhere in the Poets' Corner。 It
would grieve me to lose that book。〃
〃Let me go and look for it;〃 she said; and she advanced a few steps;
and then came back to him。
〃You have been saying many kind words to me;〃 she said; as she put
her hand on his arm; 〃and I have not told you that I value your friendship;
and am grateful to you for letting me be more than a mere stranger to you。
I have been very lonely in my life; for I am not one to make friends easily;
and it has been a great privilege to me to talk with you。 I want you to
know this: for if I have been anything to you; you have been a great deal
to me。 I have never met with much sympathy from those of my own age: I
have found them narrow and unyielding; and they found me dull and
uninteresting。 They had passed through few experiences and knew nothing
about failure or success; and some of them did not even understand the
earnestness of endeavour; and laughed at me when I spoke of a high ideal。
So I withdrew into myself; and should probably have grown still more
isolated than I was before; but that I met you; and; as time went on; we
became friends。 I shall always remember your teaching; and I will try to
keep to a high ideal of life and art and endeavour; and I will not let despair
creep into my heart; and I will not lose my faith in humanity。〃
As she spoke a lingering ray of sunshine lit up her face and gently
caressed her soft brown hair; slight though her form; sombre her clothes;
and unlovely her features; she seemed a gracious presence because of her
earnestness。
〃Now;〃 she said; cheerily; 〃you rest here until I come back with your
Lucretius; and then I think I must be getting on my way home。 But you
must fix a time for our first Greek lesson; for we must begin to…morrow。〃
When she had gone he walked in the cloisters; holding his hat in his
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hand and his stick under his arm。 There was a quiet smile on his face;
which was called forth by pleasant thoughts in his mind; and he did not
look quite so shrunken and shrivelled as usual。 His eyes were fixed on the
ground; but he raised them; and observed a white cat creeping toward him。
It came and rubbed itself against his foot; and; purring with all its might;
seemed determined to win some kind of notice from him。 The old man
stooped down to stroke it; and was just touching its sleek coat when he
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