第 22 节
作者:老是不进球      更新:2024-04-07 11:52      字数:9322
  of meeting her again。 They told me I should see her in heaven; but I did
  not   care   about   heaven。   I   wanted   Beryl   on   earth;   as   I   knew   her;   a   merry
  laughing sister。 I think you are right: we don't forget; we become resigned
  in a dead; dull kind of way。〃
  Suddenly he said; 〃I don't know why I have told you all this。 And yet it
  has been such a pleasure to me。 You are the only person to whom I could
  have spoken about myself; for no one else but you would have cared。〃
  〃Don't you think;〃 she said gently; 〃that you made a mistake in letting
  your experiences embitter you? Because you had been unlucky in one or
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  two instances it did not follow that all the world was against you。 Perhaps
  you   unconsciously   put   yourself   against   all   the   world;   and   therefore   saw
  every one in an unfavourable light。 It   seems so   easy  to do that。 Trouble
  comes to most people; doesn't it? And your philosophy should have taught
  you   to   make   the   best   of   it。   At   least;   that   is   my   notion   of   the   value   of
  philosophy。〃
  She   spoke   hesitatingly;   as   though   she   gave   utterance   to   these   words
  against her will。
  〃I am sure you are right; child;〃 he said; eagerly。
  He put his hands to his eyes; but he could not keep back the tears。
  〃I have been such a lonely old man;〃 he sobbed; 〃no one can tell what
  a lonely; loveless life   mine has been。 If   I were not so old and so tired   I
  should like to begin all over again。〃
  He sobbed for many minutes; and she did not know what to say to him
  of comfort; but she took his hand within her own; and gently caressed it;
  as one might do to a little child in pain。 He looked up and smiled through
  his tears。
  〃You have been very good to me;〃 he said; 〃and I dare say you have
  thought me ungrateful。 You mended my coat for me one morning; and not
  a day has passed but that I have looked at that darn and thought of you。 I
  liked   to   remember   that   you   had   done   it   for   me。   But   you   have   done   far
  more     than   this   for  me:   you    have   put   some    sweetness      into  my    life。
  Whatever becomes of me hereafter; I shall never be able to think of my
  life on earth as anything but beautiful; because you thought kindly of me
  and acted kindly for me。 The other night; when this terrible pain came over
  me; I wished you were near me; I wished to hear your voice。 There is very
  beautiful music in your voice。〃
  〃I would have come to you gladly;〃 she said; smiling quietly at him。
  〃You must make a promise that when you feel ill again you will send for
  me。 Then you will see what a splendid nurse I am; and how soon you will
  become strong and well under my care; strong enough to paint many more
  pictures; each one better than the last。 Now will you promise?〃
  〃Yes;〃 he said; and he raised her hand reverently to his lips。
  〃You   are   not   angry   with   me   for   doing   that?〃   he   asked;   suddenly。   〃I
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  should not like to vex you。〃
  〃I am not vexed;〃 she answered; kindly。
  〃Then perhaps I may kiss it once more?〃 he asked。
  〃Yes;〃 she answered; and again he raised her hand to his lips。
  〃Thank you;〃 he said quietly; 〃that was kind of you。 Do you see that
  broken sun…ray yonder? Is it not golden? I find it very pleasant to sit here;
  and   I   am   quite   happy;   and   almost   free   from   pain。   Lately   I   have   been
  troubled with a dull thudding pain near my heart; but now I feel so strong
  that I believe I shall finish that Andrea del Sarto after all。〃
  〃Of   course   you   will;〃   she   answered;   cheerily;   〃and   I   shall   have   to
  confess that yours is better than mine! I am quite willing to yield the palm
  to you。〃
  〃I must alter the expression of the mouth;〃 he replied。 〃That is the part
  which     has   worried     me。   I  don't  think    I  told  you   that   I  have   had   a
  commission to copy Rembrandt's 'Old Jew。' I must set to work on that next
  week。〃
  〃But you have given me your palette and brushes!〃 she laughed。
  〃You must be generous enough to lend them to me;〃 he said; smiling。
  〃By the way; I intend to give you my books; all of them。 Some day I must
  show them to you。 I especially value my philosophical books; they have
  been   my   faithful   companions   through   many   years。   I   believe   you   do   not
  read   Greek。   That   is   a   pity;   because   you   would   surely   enjoy Aristotle。   I
  think I must teach you Greek; it would be an agreeable legacy to leave you
  when I pass away into the Great Silence。〃
  〃I   should   like   to   learn;〃   she   said;   wondering   to   hear   him   speak   so
  unreservedly。 It seemed as if some vast barrier had been rolled aside; and
  as if she were getting to know him better; having been allowed to glance
  into his past life; to sympathise with his past mistakes; and with the failure
  of his ambitions; and with the deadening of his heart。
  〃You must read AEschylus;〃 he continued; enthusiastically; 〃and; if I
  mistake not; the Agamemnon will be an epoch in your life。 You will find
  that all these studies will serve to ennoble your art; and you will be able to
  put mind into your work; and not merely form and colour。 Do you know; I
  feel so well that I believe I shall not only live to finish Andrea del Sarto;
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  but also to smoke another pipe?〃
  〃You have been too rash to…day;〃 she laughed; 〃giving away your pipe
  and pouch; your palette and brushes; in this reckless manner! I must get
  you a new pipe to…morrow。 I wonder you did not part with your venerable
  Lucretius。〃
  〃That   reminds   me;〃   he   said;   fumbling   in   his   pocket;   〃I   think   I   have
  dropped my Lucretius。 I fancy I left it somewhere in the Poets' Corner。 It
  would grieve me to lose that book。〃
  〃Let me go and look for it;〃 she said; and she advanced a few steps;
  and then came back to him。
  〃You have been saying many kind words to me;〃 she said; as she put
  her hand on his arm; 〃and I have not told you that I value your friendship;
  and am grateful to you for letting me be more than a mere stranger to you。
  I have been very lonely in my life; for I am not one to make friends easily;
  and   it   has   been   a   great   privilege   to   me   to   talk   with   you。   I   want   you   to
  know this: for if I have been anything to you; you have been a great deal
  to me。 I have never met with much sympathy from those of my own age: I
  have   found   them   narrow   and   unyielding;   and   they   found   me   dull   and
  uninteresting。 They had passed through few experiences and knew nothing
  about   failure   or   success;   and   some   of   them  did   not   even   understand   the
  earnestness of endeavour; and laughed at me when I spoke of a high ideal。
  So   I   withdrew   into   myself;   and   should   probably   have   grown   still   more
  isolated than I was before; but that I met you; and; as time went on; we
  became friends。 I shall always remember your teaching; and I will try to
  keep to a high ideal of life and art and endeavour; and I will not let despair
  creep into my heart; and I will not lose my faith in humanity。〃
  As   she   spoke   a   lingering   ray   of   sunshine   lit   up   her   face   and   gently
  caressed her soft brown hair; slight though her form; sombre her clothes;
  and unlovely her features; she seemed a gracious presence because of her
  earnestness。
  〃Now;〃 she said; cheerily; 〃you rest here until I come back with your
  Lucretius; and then I think I must be getting on my way home。 But you
  must fix a time for our first Greek lesson; for we must begin to…morrow。〃
  When she had gone he walked in the cloisters; holding his hat in his
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  hand   and   his   stick   under   his   arm。   There   was   a   quiet   smile   on   his   face;
  which was called forth by pleasant thoughts in his mind; and he did not
  look quite so shrunken and shrivelled as usual。 His eyes were fixed on the
  ground; but he raised them; and observed a white cat creeping toward him。
  It came and rubbed itself against his foot; and; purring with all its might;
  seemed   determined   to   win   some   kind   of   notice   from   him。   The   old   man
  stooped down   to   stroke it;  and   was   just touching   its sleek   coat   when he
  s