第 21 节
作者:老是不进球      更新:2024-04-07 11:52      字数:9321
  falling to the ground。 At last Helen spoke to her companion。
  〃What do you mean by saying that you will not be able to finish your
  picture? Perhaps you are not well。 Indeed; you don't look well。 You make
  me anxious; for I have a great regard for you。〃
  〃I am ill and suffering;〃 he answered; quietly。 〃I thought I should have
  died yesterday; but I made up my mind to live until I saw you again; and I
  thought I would ask you to spend the afternoon with me; and go with me
  to Westminster Abbey; and sit with me in the cloisters。 I do not feel able to
  go by myself; and I know of no one to ask except you; and I believed you
  would not refuse me; for you have been very kind to me。 I do not quite
  understand why you have been kind to me; but I am wonderfully grateful
  to you。 Today I heard some one in the gallery say that you were plain。 I
  turned round and I said; 'I beg your pardon; /I/ think she is very beautiful。'
  I think they laughed; and that puzzled me; for you have always seemed to
  me a very beautiful person。〃
  At that moment the little clay pipe fell from the workman's mouth and
  was broken into bits。 He awoke with a start; gazed stupidly at the old man
  and his companion; and at the broken clay pipe。
  〃Curse my luck!〃 he said; yawning。 〃I was fond of that damned little
  pipe。〃
  The old man drew his own pipe and his own tobacco…pouch from his
  pocket。
  〃Take these; stranger;〃 he said。 〃I don't want them。 And good luck to
  you。〃
  The man's face brightened up as he took the pipe and pouch。
  〃You're uncommon kind;〃 he said。 〃Can you spare them?〃 he added;
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  holding them out half reluctantly。
  〃Yes;〃   answered   the   old   man;   〃I   shall not   smoke   again。 You   may  as
  well have these matches too。〃
  The   labourer   put   them   in   his   pocket;   smiled   his   thanks;   and   walked
  some   little   distance   off;   and   Helen   watched   him   examine   his   new   pipe;
  and then fill it with tobacco and light it。
  Mr。    Lindall   proposed      that  they   should    be  getting    on  their   way   to
  Westminster;       and   they   soon    found    themselves     in  the   abbey。   They    sat
  together in the Poets' Corner; a smile of quiet happiness broke over the old
  man's tired face as he looked around and took in all the solemn beauty and
  grandeur of the resting…place of the great。
  〃You know;〃 he said; half to himself; half to his companion; 〃I have no
  belief of any kind; and no hopes and no fears; but all through my life it has
  been a comfort to me to sit quietly in a church or a cathedral。 The graceful
  arches; the sun shining through the stained windows; the vaulted roof; the
  noble columns; have helped me to understand the mystery which all our
  books of philosophy cannot make clear; though we bend over them year
  after   year;   and   grow   old   over   them;   old   in   age   and   in   spirit。   Though   I
  myself   have   never   been   outwardly   a   worshipper;   I   have   never   sat   in   a
  place of worship but that; for the time being; I have felt a better man。 But
  directly the voice of doctrine or dogma was raised the spell was broken for
  me; and that which I hoped was being made clear had no further meaning
  for me。 There was only one voice which ever helped me; the voice of the
  organ;   arousing   me;   thrilling   me;   filling   me   with   strange   longing;   with
  welcome sadness; with solemn gladness。 I have always thought that music
  can   give   an   answer   when   everything   else   is   of   no   avail。   I   do   not   know
  what you believe。〃
  〃I am so young to have found out;〃 she said; almost pleadingly。
  〃Don't   worry   yourself;〃   he   answered;   kindly。   〃Be   brave   and   strong;
  and let the rest go。 I should like to live long enough to see what you will
  make of your life。 I believe you will never be false to yourself or to any
  one。 That is rare。 I believe you will not let any lower ideal take the place
  of your high ideal of what is beautiful and noble in art; in life。 I believe
  that you will never let despair get the upper hand of you。 If it does you
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  may as well die; yes; you may as well。 And I entreat you not to lose your
  entire   faith   in   humanity。   There   is   nothing   like   that   for   withering   up   the
  very  core   of the   heart。  I tell   you;  humanity  and nature   have   so   much   in
  common with each other that if you lose part of your pleasure in the latter;
  you   will   see   less   beauty   in   the   trees;   the   flowers;   and   the   fields;   less
  grandeur in the mighty mountains and the sea。 The seasons will come and
  go; and you will scarcely heed their coming and going: winter will settle
  over your soul; just as it settled over mine。 And you see what I am。〃
  They had now passed into the cloisters; and they sat down in one of
  the recesses of   the  windows;  and   looked   out upon the  rich   plot of   grass
  which the cloisters enclose。 There was not a soul there except themselves;
  the cool and the quiet and the beauty of the spot refreshed these pilgrims;
  and they rested in calm enjoyment。
  Helen was the first to break the silence。
  〃I am glad you have brought me here;〃 she said; 〃I shall never grumble
  now at   not being   able  to   afford   a  fortnight in the country。 This   is   better
  than anything else。〃
  〃It has always been my summer holiday to come here;〃 he said。 〃When
  I   first   came   I   was   like   you;   young   and   hopeful;   and   I   had   wonderful
  visions of what I intended to do and to be。 Here it was I made a vow that I
  would become a great painter; and win for myself a resting place in this
  very abbey。 There is humour in the situation; is there not?〃
  〃I   don't   like   to   hear   you   say   that;〃   she   answered。   〃It   is   not   always
  possible for us to fulfil all our ambitions。 Still; it is better to have had them;
  and failed of them; than not to have had them at all。〃
  〃Possibly;〃 he replied; coldly。 Then he added; 〃I wish you would tell
  me about yourself。 You have always interested me。〃
  〃I have nothing to tell you about myself;〃 she answered; frankly。 〃I am
  alone in the world; without friends and without relations。 The very name I
  use is   not   a   real name。   I   was   a   foundling。 At   times   I   am   sorry  I   do   not
  belong to any one; and at other times I am glad。 You know I am fond of
  books and of art; so my life is not altogether empty; and I find my pleasure
  in hard work。 When I saw you at the gallery I wished to know you; and I
  asked     one   of   the   students    who    you   were。    He    told  me    you   were    a
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  misanthrope。 Then I did not care so much about knowing you; until one
  day you spoke to me about my painting; and that was the beginning of our
  friendship。〃
  〃Forty years ago;〃 he said; sadly; 〃the friend of my boyhood deceived
  me。 I had not thought it possible that he could be false to me。 He screened
  himself behind me; and became prosperous and respected at the expense
  of my honour。 I vowed I would never again make a friend。 A few years
  later; when I was beginning to hold up my head; the woman whom I loved
  deceived me。 Then I put from me all affection and all love。 Greater natures
  than mine are better able to bear these troubles; but my heart contracted
  and withered up。〃
  He paused for a moment; many recollections overpowering him。 Then
  he went on telling her the history of his life; unfolding to her the story of
  his hopes and ambitions; describing to her the very home where he   was
  born; and the dark…eyed sister whom he had loved; and with whom he had
  played   over   the   daisied   fields;   and   through   the   carpeted   woods;   and   all
  among the richly tinted bracken。 One day he was told she was dead; and
  that he must never speak her name; but he spoke it all the day and all the
  night;Beryl; nothing but Beryl; and he looked for her in the fields and
  in the woods and among the bracken。 It seemed as if he had unlocked the
  casket of his heart; closed for so many years; and as if all the memories of
  the past and all the secrets of his life were rushing out; glad to be free once
  more; and grateful for the open air of sympathy。
  〃Beryl    was    as  swift  as  a  deer!〃   he   exclaimed。    〃You    would    have
  laughed to see her on the moor。 Ah; it was hard to give up all the thoughts
  of meeting her again。 They told me I should see