第 8 节
作者:
老是不进球 更新:2024-04-07 11:51 字数:9321
innocent of any intention of doing it; but I felt no regret。 I even laughed
madman that I wasat the thought that there was the end of Bingo; at all
events; that impediment was removed; my weary task of conciliation was
over for ever!
But soon the reaction came; I realised the tremendous nature of my
deed; and shuddered。 I had done that which might banish me from Lilian's
side for ever! All unwittingly I had slaughtered a kind of sacred beast; the
animal around which the Currie household had wreathed their choicest
affections! How was I to break it to them? Should I send Bingo in; with a
card tied to his neck and my regrets and compliments? That was too much
like a present of game。 Ought I not to carry him in myself? I would
wreathe him in the best crape; I would put on black for him; the Curries
would hardly consider a taper and a white sheet; or sack…cloth and ashes;
an excessive form of atonement; but I could not grovel to quite such an
abject extent。
I wondered what the colonel would say。 Simple and hearty; as a
general rule; he had a hot temper on occasions; and it made me ill as I
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thought; would he and; worse still; would /Lilian/ believe it was really an
accident? They knew what an interest I had in silencing the deceased
poodlewould they believe the simple truth?
I vowed that they /should/ believe me。 My genuine remorse and the
absence of all concealment on my part would speak powerfully for me。 I
would choose a favourable time for my confession; that very evening I
would tell all。
Still I shrank from the duty before me; and; as I knelt down
sorrowfully by the dead form and respectfully composed his stiffening
limbs; I thought that it was unjust of fate to place a well…meaning man;
whose nerves were not of iron; in such a position。
Then; to my horror; I heard a well…known ringing tramp on the road
outside; and smelled the peculiar fragrance of a Burmese cheroot。 It was
the colonel himself; who had been taking out the doomed Bingo for his
usual evening run。
I don't know how it was; exactly; but a sudden panic came over me。 I
held my breath; and tried to crouch down unseen behind the laurels; but he
had seen me; and came over at once to speak to me across the hedge。
He stood there; not two yards from his favourite's body! Fortunately it
was unusually dark that evening。
〃Ha; there you are; eh!〃 he began; heartily; 〃don't rise; my boy; don't
rise。〃
I was trying to put myself in front of the poodle; and did not rise at
least; only my hair did。
〃You're out late; ain't you?〃 he went on; 〃laying out your garden; hey?〃
I could not tell him that I was laying out his poodle! My voice shook
as; with a guilty confusion that was veiled by the dusk; I said it was a fine
eveningwhich it was not。
〃Cloudy; sir;〃 said the colonel; 〃cloudy; rain before morning; I think。
By the way; have you seen anything of Bingo in here?〃
This was the turning…point。 What I /ought/ to have done was to say
mournfully; 〃Yes; I'm sorry to say I've had a most unfortunate accident
with him。 Here he is; the fact is; I'm afraid I've /shot/ him!〃
But I couldn't。 I could have told him at my own time; in a prepared
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form of wordsbut not then。 I felt I must use all my wits to gain time; and
fence with the questions。
〃Why;〃 I said; with a leaden airiness; 〃he hasn't given you the slip; has
he?〃
〃Never did such a thing in his life!〃 said the colonel; warmly; 〃he
rushed off after a rat or a frog or something a few minutes ago; and as I
stopped to light another cheroot I lost sight of him。 I thought I saw him
slip in under your gate; but I've been calling him from the front there and
he won't come out。〃
No; and he never /would/ come out any more。 But the colonel must not
be told that just yet。 I temporised again: 〃If;〃 I said; unsteadily 〃if he had
slipped in under the gate I should have seen him。 Perhaps he took it into
his head to run home?〃
〃Oh; I shall find him on the door…step; I expect; the knowing old
scamp! Why; what d' ye think was the last thing he did; now?〃
I could have given him the very latest intelligence; but I dared not。
However; it was altogether too ghastly to kneel there and laugh at
anecdotes of Bingo told across Bingo's dead body; I could not stand that。
〃Listen;〃 I said; suddenly; 〃wasn't that his bark? There; again; it seems to
come from the front of your house; don't you think?〃
〃Well;〃 said the colonel; 〃I'll go and fasten him up before he's off again。
How your teeth are chattering! You've caught a chill; man; go indoors at
once; and; if you feel equal to it; look in half an hour later; about grog…time;
and I'll tell you all about it。 Compliments to your mother。 Don't forget
about grog…time!〃
I had got rid of him at last; and I wiped my forehead; gasping with
relief。 I would go round in half an hour; and then I should be prepared to
make my melancholy announcement。 For; even then; I never thought of
any other course; until suddenly it flashed upon me with terrible clearness
that my miserable shuffling by the hedge had made it impossible to tell the
truth! I had not told a direct lie; to be sure; but then I had given the colonel
the impression that I had denied having seen the dog。 Many people can
appease their consciences by reflecting that; whatever may be the effect
their words produce; they did contrive to steer clear of a downright lie。 I
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never quite knew where the distinction lay morally; but there /is/ that
feelingI have it myself。
Unfortunately; prevarication has this drawback: that; if ever the truth
comes to light; the prevaricator is in just the same case as if he had lied to
the most shameless extent; and for a man to point out that the words he
used contained no absolute falsehood will seldom restore confidence。
I might; of course; still tell the colonel of my misfortune; and leave
him to infer that it had happened after our interview; but the poodle was
fast becoming cold and stiff; and they would most probably suspect the
real time of the occurrence。
And then Lilian would hear that I had told a string of falsehoods to her
uncle over the dead body of their idolised Bingoan act; no doubt; of
abominable desecration; of unspeakable profanity; in her eyes。
If it would have been difficult before to prevail on her to accept a
blood…stained hand; it would be impossible after that。 No; I had burned my
ships; I was cut off for ever from the straightforward course; that one
moment of indecision had decided my conduct in spite of me; I must go on
with it now; and keep up the deception at all hazards。
It was bitter。 I had always tried to preserve as many of the moral
principles which had been instilled into me as can be conveniently
retained in this grasping world; and it had been my pride that; roughly
speaking; I had never been guilty of an unmistakable falsehood。
But henceforth; if I meant to win Lilian; that boast must be
relinquished for ever。 I should have to lie now with all my might; without
limit or scruple; to dissemble incessantly; and 〃wear a mask;〃 as the poet
Bunn beautifully expressed it long ago; 〃over my hollow heart。〃 I felt all
this keenly; I did not think it was right; but what was I to do?
After thinking all this out very carefully; I decided that my only course
was to bury the poor animal where he fell; and say nothing about it。 With
some vague idea of precaution; I first took off the silver collar he wore;
and then hastily interred him with a garden… trowel; and succeeded in
removing all traces of the disaster。
I fancy I felt a certain relief in the knowledge that there would now be