第 8 节
作者:老是不进球      更新:2024-04-07 11:51      字数:9321
  innocent of any intention of doing it; but I felt no regret。 I even laughed
  madman that I wasat the thought that there was the end of Bingo; at all
  events; that impediment was removed; my weary task of conciliation was
  over for ever!
  But   soon   the   reaction   came;   I   realised   the   tremendous   nature   of   my
  deed; and shuddered。 I had done that which might banish me from Lilian's
  side for ever! All unwittingly I had slaughtered a kind of sacred beast; the
  animal   around   which   the   Currie   household   had   wreathed   their   choicest
  affections! How was I to break it to them? Should I send Bingo in; with a
  card tied to his neck and my regrets and compliments? That was too much
  like   a   present   of   game。   Ought   I   not   to   carry   him   in   myself?   I   would
  wreathe him in the best crape; I would put on black for him; the Curries
  would hardly consider a taper and a white sheet; or sack…cloth and ashes;
  an excessive form of atonement; but I could not grovel to quite such an
  abject extent。
  I   wondered      what   the   colonel    would    say。  Simple     and   hearty;   as   a
  general   rule;   he   had   a   hot   temper   on   occasions;   and   it   made   me   ill   as   I
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  thought; would he and; worse still; would /Lilian/ believe it was really an
  accident?   They   knew   what   an   interest   I   had   in   silencing   the   deceased
  poodlewould they believe the simple truth?
  I  vowed   that   they  /should/   believe   me。   My  genuine   remorse   and   the
  absence of all concealment on my part would speak powerfully for me。 I
  would   choose   a   favourable   time   for   my   confession;   that   very   evening   I
  would tell all。
  Still   I  shrank     from    the  duty    before    me;    and;   as   I  knelt   down
  sorrowfully   by   the   dead   form   and   respectfully   composed   his   stiffening
  limbs;   I   thought   that   it   was unjust   of   fate   to   place   a   well…meaning   man;
  whose nerves were not of iron; in such a position。
  Then; to my horror; I heard a well…known ringing tramp on the road
  outside; and smelled the peculiar fragrance of a Burmese cheroot。 It was
  the colonel   himself;  who had   been taking out the   doomed   Bingo   for   his
  usual evening run。
  I don't know how it was; exactly; but a sudden panic came over me。 I
  held my breath; and tried to crouch down unseen behind the laurels; but he
  had seen me; and came over at once to speak to me across the hedge。
  He stood there; not two yards from his favourite's body! Fortunately it
  was unusually dark that evening。
  〃Ha; there you are; eh!〃 he began; heartily; 〃don't rise; my boy; don't
  rise。〃
  I was trying to put myself in front of the poodle; and did not rise at
  least; only my hair did。
  〃You're out late; ain't you?〃 he went on; 〃laying out your garden; hey?〃
  I could not tell him that I was laying out his poodle! My voice shook
  as; with a guilty confusion that was veiled by the dusk; I said it was a fine
  eveningwhich it was not。
  〃Cloudy; sir;〃 said the colonel; 〃cloudy; rain before morning; I think。
  By the way; have you seen anything of Bingo in here?〃
  This   was   the   turning…point。   What   I   /ought/   to   have   done   was   to   say
  mournfully;   〃Yes;   I'm   sorry   to   say   I've   had   a   most   unfortunate   accident
  with him。 Here he is; the fact is; I'm afraid I've /shot/ him!〃
  But I  couldn't。 I  could have told him  at   my  own time;  in a  prepared
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  form of wordsbut not then。 I felt I must use all my wits to gain time; and
  fence with the questions。
  〃Why;〃 I said; with a leaden airiness; 〃he hasn't given you the slip; has
  he?〃
  〃Never   did   such   a   thing   in   his   life!〃   said   the   colonel;   warmly;   〃he
  rushed off after a rat or a frog or something a few minutes ago; and as I
  stopped to light another cheroot I lost sight of him。 I thought I saw him
  slip in under your gate; but I've been calling him from the front there and
  he won't come out。〃
  No; and he never /would/ come out any more。 But the colonel must not
  be told that just yet。 I temporised again: 〃If;〃 I said; unsteadily 〃if he had
  slipped in under the gate I should have seen him。 Perhaps he took it into
  his head to run home?〃
  〃Oh;   I   shall   find   him   on   the   door…step;   I   expect;   the   knowing   old
  scamp! Why; what d' ye think was the last thing he did; now?〃
  I   could   have   given   him   the   very   latest   intelligence;   but   I   dared   not。
  However;       it  was   altogether    too   ghastly    to  kneel    there   and   laugh    at
  anecdotes of Bingo told across Bingo's dead body; I could not stand that。
  〃Listen;〃 I said; suddenly; 〃wasn't that his bark? There; again; it seems to
  come from the front of your house; don't you think?〃
  〃Well;〃 said the colonel; 〃I'll go and fasten him up before he's off again。
  How your teeth are chattering! You've caught a chill; man; go indoors at
  once; and; if you feel equal to it; look in half an hour later; about grog…time;
  and I'll tell you all about it。 Compliments to your mother。 Don't forget
  about grog…time!〃
  I   had   got   rid   of   him  at   last;   and   I   wiped   my   forehead;  gasping   with
  relief。 I would go round in half an hour; and then I should be prepared to
  make   my   melancholy  announcement。   For;   even   then;   I   never  thought   of
  any other course; until suddenly it flashed upon me with terrible clearness
  that my miserable shuffling by the hedge had made it impossible to tell the
  truth! I had not told a direct lie; to be sure; but then I had given the colonel
  the impression that   I   had denied   having   seen  the   dog。  Many  people   can
  appease   their   consciences by  reflecting that;   whatever   may  be   the   effect
  their words produce; they did contrive to steer clear of a downright lie。 I
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  never   quite   knew   where   the   distinction   lay   morally;   but   there   /is/   that
  feelingI have it myself。
  Unfortunately; prevarication has this drawback: that; if ever the truth
  comes to light; the prevaricator is in just the same case as if he had lied to
  the most shameless extent; and for a man to point out that the words he
  used contained no absolute falsehood will seldom restore confidence。
  I   might;   of   course;   still   tell   the   colonel   of   my   misfortune;   and   leave
  him to infer that it had happened after our interview; but the poodle was
  fast   becoming   cold   and   stiff;   and   they  would   most   probably  suspect   the
  real time of the occurrence。
  And then Lilian would hear that I had told a string of falsehoods to her
  uncle   over   the   dead   body   of   their   idolised   Bingoan   act;   no   doubt;   of
  abominable desecration; of unspeakable profanity; in her eyes。
  If   it   would   have   been   difficult   before   to   prevail   on   her   to   accept   a
  blood…stained hand; it would be impossible after that。 No; I had burned my
  ships;   I   was   cut   off   for   ever   from   the   straightforward   course;   that   one
  moment of indecision had decided my conduct in spite of me; I must go on
  with it now; and keep up the deception at all hazards。
  It   was   bitter。   I   had   always   tried   to   preserve   as   many   of   the   moral
  principles      which    had    been    instilled   into   me    as   can   be   conveniently
  retained   in   this   grasping   world;   and   it   had   been   my   pride   that;   roughly
  speaking; I had never been guilty of an unmistakable falsehood。
  But     henceforth;      if  I  meant     to   win    Lilian;    that   boast    must     be
  relinquished for ever。 I should have to lie now with all my might; without
  limit or scruple; to dissemble incessantly; and 〃wear a mask;〃 as the poet
  Bunn beautifully expressed it long ago; 〃over my hollow heart。〃 I felt all
  this keenly; I did not think it was right; but what was I to do?
  After thinking all this out very carefully; I decided that my only course
  was to bury the poor animal where he fell; and say nothing about it。 With
  some vague idea of precaution; I first took off the silver collar he wore;
  and   then   hastily   interred   him   with   a   garden…   trowel;   and   succeeded   in
  removing all traces of the disaster。
  I fancy I felt a certain relief in the knowledge that there would now be