第 18 节
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noticing her embarrassment。 〃I am come; Madam;〃 continued she; 〃to
request you will spend the day with me。 I shall be alone; and; as we are
both strangers in this country; we may hereafter be extremely happy in
each other's friendship。〃
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〃Your friendship; Madam;〃 said Charlotte blushing; 〃is an honour to
all who are favoured with it。 Little as I have seen of this part of the world;
I am no stranger to Mrs。 Beauchamp's goodness of heart and known
humanity: but my friendship〃 She paused; glanced her eye upon her own
visible situation; and; spite of her endeavours to suppress them; burst into
tears。
Mrs。 Beauchamp guessed the source from whence those tears flowed。
〃You seem unhappy; Madam;〃 said she: 〃shall I be thought worthy your
confidence? will you entrust me with the cause of your sorrow; and rest on
my assurances to exert my utmost power to serve you。〃 Charlotte returned
a look of gratitude; but could not speak; and Mrs。 Beauchamp continued
〃My heart was interested in your behalf the first moment I saw you; and I
only lament I had not made earlier overtures towards an acquaintance; but
I flatter myself you will henceforth consider me as your friend。〃
〃Oh Madam!〃 cried Charlotte; 〃I have forfeited the good opinion of all
my friends; I have forsaken them; and undone myself。〃
〃Come; come; my dear;〃 said Mrs。 Beauchamp; 〃you must not indulge
these gloomy thoughts: you are not I hope so miserable as you imagine
yourself: endeavour to be composed; and let me be favoured with your
company at dinner; when; if you can bring yourself to think me your friend;
and repose a confidence in me; I am ready to convince you it shall not be
abused。〃 She then arose; and bade her good morning。
At the dining hour Charlotte repaired to Mrs。 Beauchamp's; and during
dinner assumed as composed an aspect as possible; but when the cloth was
removed; she summoned all her resolution and determined to make Mrs。
Beauchamp acquainted with every circumstance preceding her unfortunate
elopement; and the earnest desire she had to quit a way of life so
repugnant to her feelings。
With the benignant aspect of an angel of mercy did Mrs。 Beauchamp
listen to the artless tale: she was shocked to the soul to find how large a
share La Rue had in the seduction of this amiable girl; and a tear fell;
when she reflected so vile a woman was now the wife of her father。 When
Charlotte had finished; she gave her a little time to collect her scattered
spirits; and then asked her if she had never written to her friends。
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〃Oh yes; Madam;〃 said she; 〃frequently: but I have broke their hearts:
they are either dead or have cast me off for ever; for I have never received
a single line from them。 〃
〃I rather suspect;〃 said Mrs。 Beauchamp; 〃they have never had your
letters: but suppose you were to hear from them; and they were willing to
receive you; would you then leave this cruel Montraville; and return to
them?〃
〃Would I!〃 said Charlotte; clasping her hands; 〃would not the poor
sailor; tost on a tempestuous ocean; threatened every moment with death;
gladly return to the shore he had left to trust to its deceitful calmness? Oh;
my dear Madam; I would return; though to do it I were obliged to walk
barefoot over a burning desart; and beg a scanty pittance of each traveller
to support my existence。 I would endure it all chearfully; could I but once
more see my dear; blessed mother; hear her pronounce my pardon; and
bless me before I died; but alas! I shall never see her more; she has blotted
the ungrateful Charlotte from her remembrance; and I shall sink to the
grave loaded with her's and my father's curse。〃
Mrs。 Beauchamp endeavoured to sooth her。 〃You shall write to them
again;〃 said she; 〃and I will see that the letter is sent by the first packet
that sails for England; in the mean time keep up your spirits; and hope
every thing; by daring to deserve it。〃
She then turned the conversation; and Charlotte having taken a cup of
tea; wished her benevolent friend a good evening。
CHAPTER XXII。
SORROWS OF THE HEART。
WHEN Charlotte got home she endeavoured to collect her thoughts;
and took up a pen in order to address those dear parents; whom; spite of
her errors; she still loved with the utmost tenderness; but vain was every
effort to write with the least coherence; her tears fell so fast they almost
blinded her; and as she proceeded to describe her unhappy situation; she
became so agitated that she was obliged to give over the attempt and retire
to bed; where; overcome with the fatigue her mind had undergone; she fell
into a slumber which greatly refreshed her; and she arose in the morning
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with spirits more adequate to the painful task she had to perform; and;
after several attempts; at length concluded the following letter to her
mother
TO MRS。 TEMPLE。 NEW…YORK。
〃Will my once kind; my ever beloved mother; deign to receive a letter
from her guilty; but repentant child? or has she; justly incensed at my
ingratitude; driven the unhappy Charlotte from her remembrance? Alas!
thou much injured mother! shouldst thou even disown me; I dare not
complain; because I know I have deserved it: but yet; believe me; guilty as
I am; and cruelly as I have disappointed the hopes of the fondest parents;
that ever girl had; even in the moment when; forgetful of my duty; I fled
from you and happiness; even then I loved you most; and my heart bled at
the thought of what you would suffer。 Oh! never; never! whilst I have
existence; will the agony of that moment be erased from my memory。 It
seemed like the separation of soul and body。 What can I plead in excuse
for my conduct? alas! nothing! That I loved my seducer is but too true! yet
powerful as that passion is when operating in a young heart glowing with
sensibility; it never would have conquered my affection to you; my
beloved parents; had I not been encouraged; nay; urged to take the fatally
imprudent step; by one of my own sex; who; under the mask of friendship;
drew me on to ruin。 Yet think not your Charlotte was so lost as to
voluntarily rush into a life of infamy; no; my dear mother; deceived by the
specious appearance of my betrayer; and every suspicion lulled asleep by
the most solemn promises of marriage; I thought not those promises would
so easily be forgotten。 I never once reflected that the man who could stoop
to seduction; would not hesitate to forsake the wretched object of his
passion; whenever his capricious heart grew weary of her tenderness。
When we arrived at this place; I vainly expected him to fulfil his
engagements; but was at last fatally convinced he had never intended to
make me his wife; or if he had once thought of it; his mind was now
altered。 I scorned to claim from his humanity what I could not obtain from
his love: I was conscious of having forfeited the only gem that could
render me respectable in the eye of the world。 I locked my sorrows in my
own bosom; and bore my injuries in silence。 But how shall I proceed? This
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man; this cruel Montraville; for whom I sacrificed honour; happiness; and
the love of my friends; no longer looks on me with affection; but scorns
the credulous girl whom his art has made miserable。 Could you see me;
my dear parents; without society; without friends; stung with remorse; and
(I feel the burning blush of shame die my cheeks while I write it) tortured
with the pangs of disappointed love; cut to the soul by the indifference of
him; who; having deprived me of every other comfort; no longer thinks it
worth his while to sooth the heart where he has planted the thorn of neve