第 55 节
作者:小秋      更新:2024-01-16 22:39      字数:9320
  As Ladd had said; one of their greatest problems was the passing of time。  The nights were interminably long; but they had to be passed in work or play or dreamanything except sleep。  That was Ladd's most inflexible command。  He gave no reason。  But not improbably the ranger thought that the terrific heat of the day spend in slumber lessened a wear and strain; if not a real danger of madness。
  Accordingly; at first the occupations of this little group were many and various。  They worked if they had something to do; or could invent a pretext。  They told and retold stories until all were wearisome。  They sang songs。  Mercedes taught Spanish。  They played every game they knew。  They invented others that were so trivial children would scarcely have been interested; and these they played seriously。  In a word; with intelligence and passion; with all that was civilized and human; they fought the ever…infringing loneliness; the savage solitude of their environment。
  But they had only finite minds。  It was not in reason to expect a complete victory against this mighty Nature; this bounding horizon of death and desolation and decay。  Gradually they fell back upon fewer and fewer occupations; until the time came when the silence was hard to break。
  Gale believed himself the keenest of the party; the one who thought most; and he watched the effect of the desert upon his companions。 He imagined that he saw Ladd grow old sitting round the campfire。 Certain it was that the ranger's gray hair had turned white。  What had been at times ahrd and cold and grim about him had strangely vanished in sweet temper and a vacant…mindedness that held him longer as the days passed。  For hours; it seemed; Ladd would bend over his checkerboard and never make a move。  It mattered not now whether or not he had a partner。  He was always glad of being spoken to; as if he were called back from vague region of mind。 Jim Lash; the calmest; coolest; most nonchalant; best…humored Westerner Gale had ever met; had by slow degrees lost that cheerful character which would have been of such infinite good to his companions; and always he sat broding; silently brooding。  Jim had no ties; few memories; and the desert was claiming him。
  Thorne and Mercedes; however; were living; wonderful proof that spirit; mind; and heart were freefree to soar in scorn of the colossal barrenness and silence and space of that terrible hedging prison of lava。  They were young; they loved; they were together; and the oasis was almost a paradise。 Gale believe he helped himself by watching them。  Imagination had never pictured real happiness to him。  Thorne and Mercedes had forgotten the outside world。  If they had been existing on the burned…out desolate moon they could hardly have been in a harsher; grimmer; lonelier spot than this red…walled arroyo。  But it might have been statelier Eden than that of the primitive day。
  Mercedes grew thinner; until she was a slender shadow of her former self。  She became hard; brown as the rangers; lithe and quick as a panther。  She seemed to live on water and the airperhaps; indeed; on love。  For of the scant fare; the best of which was continually urged upon her; she partook but little。  She reminded Gale of a wild brown creature; free as the wind on the lava slopes。  Yet; despite the great change; her beauty remained undiminished。  Her eyes; seeming so much larger now in her small face; were great black; starry gulfs。  She was the life of that camp。  Her smiles; her rapid speech; her low laughter; her quick movements; her playful moods with the rangers; the dark and passionate glance; which rested so often on her lover; the whispers in the dusk as hand in hand they paced the campfire beatthese helped Gale to retain his loosening hold on reality; to resist the lure of a strange beckoning life where a man stood free in the golden open; where emotion was not; nor trouble; nor sickness; nor anything but the savage's rest and sleep and action and dream。
  Although the Yaqui was as his shadow; Gale reached a point when he seemed to wander alone at twilight; in the night; at dawn。  Far down the arroyo; in the deepening red twilight; when the heat rolled away on slow…dying wind; Blanco Sol raised his splendid head and whistled for his master。  Gale reproached himself for neglect of the noble horse。  Blanco Sol was always the same。  He loved four thingshis master; a long drink of cool water; to graze at will; and to run。  Time and place; Gale thought; meant little to Sol if he could have those four things。  Gale put his arm over the great arched neck and laid his cheek against the long white mane; and then even as he stood there forgot the horse。  What was the dull; red…tinged; horizon…wide mantle creeping up the slope? Through it the copper sun glowed; paled; died。  Was it only twilight? Was it gloom?  If he thought about it he had a feeling that it was the herald of night and the night must be a vigil; and that made him tremble。
  At night he had formed a habit of climbing up the lava slope as far as the smooth trail extended; and there on a promontory he paced to and fro; and watched the stars; and sat stone…still for hours looking down at the vast void with its moving; changing shadows。  From that promontory he gazed up at a velvet…blue sky; deep and dark; bright with millions of cold; distant; blinking stars; and he grasped a little of the meaning of infinitude。  He gazed down into the shadows; which; black as they were and impenetrable; yet have a conception of immeasurable space。
  Then the silence!  He was dumb; he was awed; he bowed his head; he trembled; he marveled at the desert silence。  It was the one thing always present。  Even when the wind roared there seemed to be silence。  But at night; in this lava world of ashes and canker; he waited for this terrible strangeness of nature to come to him with the secret。  He seemed at once a little child and a strong man; and something very old。  What tortured him was the incomprehensibility that the vaster the space the greater the silence!  At one moment Gale felt there was only death here; and that was the secret; at another he heard the slow beat of a mighty heart。
  He came at length to realize that the desert was a teacher。  He did not realize all that he had learned; but he was a different man。  And when he decided upon that; he was not thinking of the slow; sure call to the primal instincts of man; he was thinking that the desert; as much as he had experienced and no more; would absolutely overturn the whole scale of a man's values; break old habits; form new ones; remake him。 More of desert experience; Gale believe; would be too much for intellect。 The desert did not breed civilized man; and that made Gale ponder over a strange thought: after all; was the civilized man inferior to the savage?
  Yaqui was the answer to that。  When Gale acknowledged this he always remembered his present strange manner of thought。  The past; the old order of mind; seemed as remote as this desert world was from the haunts of civilized men。  A man must know a savage as Gale knew Yaqui before he could speak authoritatively; and then something stilled his tongue。  In the first stage of Gale's observation of Yaqui he had marked tenaciousness of life; stoicism; endurance; strength。  These were the attributes of the desert。  But what of that second stage wherein the Indian had loomed up a colossal figure of strange honor; loyalty; love?  Gale doubted his convictions and scorned himself for doubting。
  There in the gloom sat the silent; impassive; inscrutable Yaqui。 His dark face; his dark eyes were plain in the light of the stars。 Always he was near Gale; unobtrusive; shadowy; but there。  Why? Gale absolutely could not doubt that the Indian had heart as well as mind。  Yaqui had from the very first stood between Gale and accident; toil; peril。  It was his own choosing。  Gale could not change him or thwart him。  He understood the Indian's idea of obligation and sacred duty。  But there was more; and that baffled Gale。  In the night hours; alone on the slope; Gale felt in Yaqui; as he felt the mighty throb of that desert pulse; a something that drew him irresistibly to the Indian。  Sometimes he looked around to find the Indian; to dispel these strange; pressing thoughts of unreality; and it was never in vain。
  Thus the nights passed; endlessly long; with Gale fighting for his old order of thought; fighting the fascination of the infinite sky; and the gloomy insulating whirl of the wide shadows; fighting for belief; hope; prayer; fighting against that terrible ever…recurring idea of being lost; lost; lost in the desert; fighting harder than any other thing the insidious; penetrating; tranquil; unfeeling self that was coming between him and his memory。
  He was losing the battle; losing his hold on tangible things; losing his power to stand up under this ponderous; merciless weight of desert space and silence。
  He acknowledged it in a kind of despair; and the shadows of the night seemed whirling fiends。  Lost!  Lost!  Lost!  What are you waiting for?  Rain!。 。 。 Lost!  Lost!  Lost in the desert!  So the shadows seemed to scream in voiceless mockery。
  At the moment he was alone on the promontory。  The night was far spent。