第 9 节
作者:
津鸿一瞥 更新:2023-08-28 11:47 字数:9322
eyes; to listen to her with my new ears; to study her secretly
with my new purposes; and my new hopes and fears。 To my dismay
(for I wanted the very weather itself to favor George's
interests); it was raining heavily that morning。 I knew;
therefore; that I should probably find her in her own
sitting…room。 When I knocked at her door; with George's letter
crumpled up in my hand; with George's hopes in full possession of
my heart; it is no exaggeration to say that my nerves were almost
as much fluttered; and my ideas almost as much confused; as they
were on a certain memorable day in the far past; when I rose; in
brand…new wig and gown; to set my future prospects at the bar on
the hazard of my first speech。
When I entered the room I found Jessie leaning back languidly in
her largest arm…chair; watching the raindrops dripping down the
window…pane。 The unfortunate box of novels was open by her side;
and the books were lying; for the most part; strewed about on the
ground at her feet。 One volume lay open; back upward; on her lap;
and her hands were crossed over it listlessly。 To my great
dismay; she was yawningpalpably and widely yawningwhen I came
in。
No sooner did I find myself in her presence than an irresistible
anxiety to make some secret discovery of the real state of her
feelings toward George took possession of me。 After the customary
condolences on the imprisonment to which she was subjected by the
weather; I said; in as careless a manner as it was possible to
assume:
〃I have heard from my son this morning。 He talks of being ordered
home; and tells me I may expect to see him before the end of the
year。〃
I was too cautious to mention the exact date of his return; for
in that case she might have detected my motive for asking her to
prolong her visit。
〃Oh; indeed?〃 she said。 〃How very nice。 How glad you must be。〃
I watched her narrowly。 The clear; dark blue eyes met mine as
openly as ever。 The smooth; round cheeks kept their fresh color
quite unchanged。 The full; good…humored; smiling lips never
trembled or altered their expression in the slightest degree。 Her
light checked silk dress; with its pretty trimming of
cherry…colored ribbon; lay quite still over the bosom beneath it。
For all the information I could get from her look and manner; we
might as well have been a hundred miles apart from each other。 Is
the best woman in the world little better than a fathomless abyss
of duplicity on certain occasions; and where certain feelings of
her own are concerned? I would rather not think that; and yet I
don't know how to account otherwise for the masterly manner in
which Miss Jessie contrived to baffle me。
I was afraidliterally afraidto broach the subject of
prolonging her sojourn with us on a rainy day; so I changed the
topic; in despair; to the novels that were scattered about her。
〃Can you find nothing there;〃 I asked; 〃to amuse you this wet
morning?〃
〃There are two or three good novels;〃 she said; carelessly; 〃but
I read them before I left London。〃
〃And the others won't even do for a dull day in the country?〃 I
went on。
〃They might do for some people;〃 she answered; 〃but not for me。
I'm rather peculiar; perhaps; in my tastes。 I'm sick to death of
novels with an earnest purpose。 I'm sick to death of outbursts of
eloquence; and large…minded philanthropy; and graphic
descriptions; and unsparing anatomy of the human heart; and all
that sort of thing。 Good gracious me! isn't it the original
intention or purpose; or whatever you call it; of a work of
fiction; to set out distinctly by telling a story? And how many
of these books; I should like to know; do that? Why; so far as
telling a story is concerned; the greater part of them might as
well be sermons as novels。 Oh; dear me! what I want is something
that seizes hold of my interest; and makes me forget when it is
time to dress for dinnersomething that keeps me reading;
reading; reading; in a breathless state to find out the end。 You
know what I meanat least you ought。 Why; there was that little
chance story you told me yesterday in the gardendon't you
remember?about your strange client; whom you never saw again: I
declare it was much more interesting than half these novels;
_because_ it was a story。 Tell me another about your young days;
when you were seeing the world; and meeting with all sorts of
remarkable people。 Or; nodon't tell it nowkeep it till the
evening; when we all want something to stir us up。 You old people
might amuse us young ones out of your own resources oftener than
you do。 It was very kind of you to get me these books; but; with
all respect to them; I would rather have the rummaging of your
memory than the rummaging of this box。 What's the matter? Are you
afraid I have found out the window in your bosom already?〃
I had half risen from my chair at her last words; and I felt that
my face must have flushed at the same moment。 She had started an
idea in my mindthe very idea of which I had been in search when
I was pondering over the best means of amusing her in the long
autumn evenings。
I parried her questions by the best excuses I could offer;
changed the conversation for the next five minutes; and then;
making a sudden remembrance of business my apology for leaving
her; hastily withdrew to devote myself to the new idea in the
solitude of my own room。
A little quiet thinking convinced me that I had discovered a
means not only of occupying her idle time; but of decoying her
into staying on with us; evening by evening; until my son's
return。 The new project which she had herself unconsciously
suggested involved nothing less than acting forthwith on her own
chance hint; and appealing to her interest and curiosity by the
recital of incidents and adventures drawn from my own personal
experience and (if I could get them to help me) from the
experience of my brothers as well。 Strange people and startling
events had connected themselves with Owen's past life as a
clergyman; with Morgan's past life as a doctor; and with my past
life as a lawyer; which offered elements of interest of a strong
and striking kind ready to our hands。 If these narratives were
written plainly and unpretendingly; if one of them was read every
evening; under circumstances that should pique the curiosity and
impress the imagination of our young guest; the very occupation
was found for her weary hours which would gratify her tastes;
appeal to her natural interest in the early lives of my brothers
and myself; and lure her insensibly into prolonging her visit by
ten days without exciting a suspicion of our real motive for
detaining her。
I sat down at my desk; I hid my face in my hands to keep out all
impressions of external and present things; and I searched back
through the mysterious labyrinth of the Past; through the dun;
ever…deepening twilight of the years that were gone。
Slowly; out of the awful shadows; the Ghosts of Memory rose about
me。 The dead population of a vanished world came back to life
round me; a living man。 Men and women whose earthly pilgrimage
had ended long since; returned upon me from the unknown spheres;
and fond; familiar voices burst their way back to my ears through
the heavy silence of the grave。 Moving by me in the nameless
inner light; which no eye saw but mine; the dead procession of
immaterial scenes and beings unrolled its silent length。 I saw
once more the pleading face of a friend of early days; with the
haunting vision that had tortured him through life by his side
againwith the long…forgotten despair in his eyes which had once
touched my heart; and bound me to him; till I had tracked his
destiny through its darkest windings to the end。 I saw the figure
of an innocent woman passing to and fro in an ancient country
house; with the shadow of a strange suspicion stealing after her
wherever she went。 I saw a man worn by hardship and old age;
stretched dreaming on the straw of a stable; and muttering in his
dream the terrible secret of his life。
Other scenes and persons followed these; less vivid in their
revival; but still always recognizable and distinct; a young girl
alone by night; and in peril of her life; in a cottage on a
dreary mooran upper chamber of an inn; with two beds in it; the
curtains of one bed closed; and a man standing by them; waiting;
yet dreading to draw them backa husband secretly following the
first traces of a mystery which his wife's anxious love had
fatally hidden from him since the day when they first met; these;
and other visions like them; shadowy reflections of the living
beings and the real events that had been once; peopled the
solitude and the emptiness around me。 They haunted me still when
I tried to break the chain of thought which my own efforts had
wound about my mind; they followed me to and fro in the room; and
they came out with me when I left it。 I had lifted the veil from
the Past for myself; and I was now to rest no more till I had
lifted it for others。
I went at once to my eldest brother and showed him my son's
letter; and told him all that I have written here。 His kind heart
was touched as mine had been。 He felt for my suspense; he shared
my anxiety; he l