第 42 节
作者:飘雪的季节      更新:2023-08-22 20:47      字数:9322
  tried to paint herwith a red flower in her hair; a pout on her
  lips; and her eyes fey; or languorous。  Goya could have painted
  her!
  And then; just as he had given her up; she came。
  After taking one look at his face; she slipped in ever so quietly;
  like a very good child。 。 。 。  Marvellous the instinct and finesse
  of the young when they are women! 。 。 。  Not a vestige in her of
  yesterday's seductive power; not a sign that there had been a
  yesterday at alljust confiding; like a daughter。  Sitting there;
  telling him about Ireland; showing him the little batch of drawings
  she had done while she was away。  Had she brought them because she
  knew they would make him feel sorry for her?  What could have been
  less dangerous; more appealing to the protective and paternal side
  of him than she was that morning; as if she only wanted what her
  father and her home could not give heronly wanted to be a sort of
  daughter to him!
  She went away demurely; as she had come; refusing to stay to lunch;
  manifestly avoiding Sylvia。  Only then he realized that she must
  have taken alarm from the look of strain on his face; been afraid
  that he would send her away; only then perceived that; with her
  appeal to his protection; she had been binding him closer; making
  it harder for him to break away and hurt her。  And the fevered
  aching began againworse than everthe moment he lost sight of
  her。  And more than ever he felt in the grip of something beyond
  his power to fight against; something that; however he swerved; and
  backed; and broke away; would close in on him; find means to bind
  him again hand and foot。
  In the afternoon Dromore's confidential man brought him a note。
  The fellow; with his cast…down eyes; and his well…parted hair;
  seemed to Lennan to be saying: 〃Yes; sirit is quite natural that
  you should take the note out of eyeshot; sirBUT I KNOW;
  fortunately; there is no necessity for alarmI am strictly
  confidential。〃
  And this was what the note contained:
  〃You promised to ride with me onceyou DID promise; and you never
  have。  Do please ride with me to…morrow; then you will get what you
  want for the statuette instead of being so cross with it。  You can
  have Dad's horsehe has gone to Newmarket again; and I'm so
  lonely。  Pleaseto…morrow; at half…past twostarting from here。
  NELL。〃
  To hesitate in view of those confidential eyes was not possible; it
  must be 'Yes' or 'No'; and if 'No;' it would only mean that she
  would come in the morning instead。  So he said:
  〃Just say 'All right!'〃
  〃Very good; sir。〃  Then from the door: 〃Mr。 Dromore will be away
  till Saturday; sir。〃
  Now; why had the fellow said that?  Curious how this desperate
  secret feeling of his own made him see sinister meaning in this
  servant; in Oliver's visit of last nightin everything。  It was
  vilethis suspiciousness!  He could feel; almost see; himself
  deteriorating already; with this furtive feeling in his soul。  It
  would soon be written on his face!  But what was the use of
  troubling?  What would come; wouldone way or the other。
  And suddenly he remembered with a shock that it was the first of
  NovemberSylvia's birthday!  He had never before forgotten it。  In
  the disturbance of that discovery he was very near to going and
  pouring out to her the whole story of his feelings。  A charming
  birthday present; that would make!  Taking his hat; instead; he
  dashed round to the nearest flower shop。  A Frenchwoman kept it。
  What had she?
  What did Monsieur desire?  〃Des oeillets rouges?  J'en ai de bien
  beaux ce soir。〃
  Nonot those。  White flowers!
  〃Une belle azalee?〃
  Yes; that would doto be sent at onceat once!
  Next door was a jeweller's。  He had never really known if Sylvia
  cared for jewels; since one day he happened to remark that they
  were vulgar。  And feeling that he had fallen low indeed; to be
  trying to atone with some miserable gewgaw for never having thought
  of her all day; because he had been thinking of another; he went in
  and bought the only ornament whose ingredients did not make his
  gorge rise; two small pear…shaped black pearls; one at each end of
  a fine platinum chain。  Coming out with it; he noticed over the
  street; in a clear sky fast deepening to indigo; the thinnest slip
  of a new moon; like a bright swallow; with wings bent back; flying
  towards the ground。  That meantfine weather!  If it could only be
  fine weather in his heart!  And in order that the azalea might
  arrive first; he walked up and down the Square which he and Oliver
  had patrolled the night before。
  When he went in; Sylvia was just placing the white azalea in the
  window of the drawing…room; and stealing up behind her he clasped
  the little necklet round her throat。  She turned round and clung to
  him。  He could feel that she was greatly moved。  And remorse
  stirred and stirred in him that he was betraying her with his kiss。
  But; even while he kissed her; he was hardening his heart。
  XI
  Next day; still following the lead of her words about fresh air and
  his tired look; he told her that he was going to ride; and did not
  say with whom。  After applauding his resolution; she was silent for
  a littlethen asked:
  〃Why don't you ride with Nell?〃
  He had already so lost his dignity; that he hardly felt disgraced
  in answering:
  〃It might bore her!〃
  〃Oh; no; it wouldn't bore her。〃
  Had she meant anything by that?  And feeling as if he were fencing
  with his own soul; he said:
  〃Very well; I will。〃
  He had perceived suddenly that he did not know his wife; having
  always till now believed that it was she who did not quite know
  him。
  If she had not been out at lunch…time; he would have lunched out
  himselfafraid of his own face。  For feverishness in sick persons
  mounts steadily with the approach of a certain hour。  And surely
  his face; to anyone who could have seen him being conveyed to
  Piccadilly; would have suggested a fevered invalid rather than a
  healthy; middle…aged sculptor in a cab。
  The horses were before the doorthe little magpie horse; and a
  thoroughbred bay mare; weeded from Dromore's racing stable。  Nell;
  too; was standing ready; her cheeks very pink; and her eyes very
  bright。  She did not wait for him to mount her; but took the aid of
  the confidential man。  What was it that made her look so perfect on
  that little horseshape of limb; or something soft and fiery in
  her spirit that the little creature knew of?
  They started in silence; but as soon as the sound of hoofs died on
  the tan of Rotten Row; she turned to him。
  〃It was lovely of you to come!  I thought you'd be afraidyou ARE
  afraid of me。〃
  And Lennan thought: You're right!
  〃But please don't look like yesterday。  To…day's too heavenly。  Oh!
  I love beautiful days; and I love riding; and〃  She broke off and
  looked at him。  'Why can't you just be nice to me'she seemed to
  be saying'and love me as you ought!'  That was her powerthe
  conviction that he did; and ought to love her; that she ought to
  and did love him。  How simple!
  But riding; too; is a simple passion; and simple passions distract
  each other。  It was a treat to be on that bay mare。  Who so to be
  trusted to ride the best as Johnny Dromore?
  At the far end of the Row she cried out: 〃Let's go on to Richmond
  now;〃 and trotted off into the road; as if she knew she could do
  with him what she wished。  And; following meekly; he asked himself:
  Why?  What was there in her to make up to him for all that he was
  losinghis power of work; his dignity; his self…respect?  What was
  there?  Just those eyes; and lips; and hair?
  And as if she knew what he was thinking; she looked round and
  smiled。
  So they jogged on over the Bridge and across Barnes Common into
  Richmond Park。
  But the moment they touched turf; with one look back at him; she
  was off。  Had she all the time meant to give him this breakneck
  chaseor had the loveliness of that Autumn day gone to her head
  blue sky and coppery flames of bracken in the sun; and the beech
  leaves and the oak leaves; pure Highland colouring come South for
  once。
  When in the first burst he had tested the mare's wind; this chase
  of her; indeed; was sheer delight。  Through glades; over fallen
  tree…trunks; in bracken up to the hocks; out across the open; past
  a herd of amazed and solemn deer; over rotten ground all rabbit…
  burrows; till just as he thought he was up to her; she slipped away
  by a quick turn round trees。  Mischief incarnate; but something
  deeper than mischief; too!  He came up with her at last; and leaned
  over to seize her rein。  With a cut of her whip that missed his
  hand by a bare inch; and a wrench; she made him shoot past; wheeled
  in her tracks; and was off again like an arrow; back amongst the
  treeslying right forward under the boughs; along the neck of her
  little horse。  Then out from amongst the trees she shot downhill。
  Right down she went; full tilt; and after her went Lennan; lying
  back; and expecting the bay mare to come down at every stride。
  This was her idea of fun!  She switched round at the bottom and
  went galloping along the foot of the hill; and he thought: Now I've
  got her!  She could not break back up that hill; and there was no
  other cover for fully half a mile。
  Then