第 39 节
作者:飘雪的季节      更新:2023-08-22 20:47      字数:9322
  him that one hour of his astute existence; when the wind had swept
  him out to sea!
  Yes!  And that statuette would never be any good; try as he might。
  Oliver was rightit was her eyes!  How they had smokedin their
  childish angerif eyes could be said to smoke; and how they had
  drawn and pleaded when she put her face to his in her still more
  childish entreaty!  If they were like this now; what would they be
  when the woman in her woke?  Just as well not to think of her too
  much!  Just as well to work; and take heed that he would soon be
  forty…seven!  Just as well that next week she would be gone to
  Ireland!
  And the last evening before she went they took her to see 〃Carmen〃
  at the Opera。  He remembered that she wore a nearly high white
  frock; and a dark carnation in the ribbon tying her crinkly hair;
  that still hung loose。  How wonderfully entranced she sat; drunk on
  that opera that he had seen a score of times; now touching his arm;
  now Sylvia's; whispering questions: 〃Who's that?〃  〃What's coming
  now?〃  The Carmen roused her to adoration; but Don Jose was 'too
  fat in his funny little coat;' till; in the maddened jealousy of
  the last act; he rose superior。  Then; quite lost in excitement;
  she clutched Lennan's arm; and her gasp; when Carmen at last fell
  dead; made all their neighbours jump。  Her emotion was far more
  moving than that on the stage; he wanted badly to stroke; and
  comfort her and say: 〃There; there; my dear; it's only make…
  believe!〃  And; when it was over; and the excellent murdered lady
  and her poor fat little lover appeared before the curtain; finally
  forgetting that she was a woman of the world; she started forward
  in her seat and clapped; and clapped。  Fortunate that Johnny
  Dromore was not there to see!  But all things coming to an end;
  they had to get up and go。  And; as they made their way out to the
  hall; Lennan felt a hot little finger crooked into his own; as if
  she simply must have something to squeeze。  He really did not know
  what to do with it。  She seemed to feel this half…heartedness; soon
  letting it go。  All the way home in the cab she was silent。  With
  that same abstraction she ate her sandwiches and drank her
  lemonade; took Sylvia's kiss; and; quite a woman of the world once
  more; begged that they would not get up to see her offfor she was
  to go at seven in the morning; to catch the Irish mail。  Then;
  holding out her hand to Lennan; she very gravely said:
  〃Thanks most awfully for taking me to…night。  Good…bye!〃
  He stayed full half an hour at the window; smoking。  No street lamp
  shone just there; and the night was velvety black above the plane…
  trees。  At last; with a sigh; he shut up; and went tiptoe…ing
  upstairs in darkness。  Suddenly in the corridor the white wall
  seemed to move at him。  A warmth; a fragrance; a sound like a tiny
  sigh; and something soft was squeezed into his hand。  Then the wall
  moved back; and he stood listeningno sound; no anything!  But in
  his dressing…room he looked at the soft thing in his hand。  It was
  the carnation from her hair。  What had possessed the child to give
  him that?  Carmen!  Ah!  Carmen!  And gazing at the flower; he held
  it away from him with a sort of terror; but its scent arose。  And
  suddenly he thrust it; all fresh as it was; into a candle…flame;
  and held it; burning; writhing; till it blackened to velvet。  Then
  his heart smote him for so cruel a deed。  It was still beautiful;
  but its scent was gone。  And turning to the window he flung it far
  out into the darkness。
  VIII
  Now that she was gone; it was curious how little they spoke of her;
  considering how long she had been with them。  And they had from her
  but one letter written to Sylvia; very soon after she left; ending:
  〃Dad sends his best respects; please; and with my love to you and
  Mr。 Lennan; and all the beasts。NELL。
  〃Oliver is coming here next week。  We are going to some races。〃
  It was difficult; of course; to speak of her; with that episode of
  the flower; too bizarre to be toldthe sort of thing Sylvia would
  see out of all proportionas; indeed; any woman might。  Yetwhat
  had it really been; but the uncontrolled impulse of an emotional
  child longing to express feelings kindled by the excitement of that
  opera?  What but a child's feathery warmth; one of those flying
  peeps at the mystery of passion that young things take?  He could
  not give away that pretty foolishness。  And because he would not
  give it away; he was more than usually affectionate to Sylvia。
  They had made no holiday plans; and he eagerly fell in with her
  suggestion that they should go down to Hayle。  There; if anywhere;
  this curious restlessness would leave him。  They had not been down
  to the old place for many years; indeed; since Gordy's death it was
  generally let。
  They left London late in August。  The day was closing in when they
  arrived。  Honeysuckle had long been improved away from that station
  paling; against which he had stood twenty…nine years ago; watching
  the train carrying Anna Stormer away。  In the hired fly Sylvia
  pressed close to him; and held his hand beneath the ancient dust…
  rug。  Both felt the same excitement at seeing again this old home。
  Not a single soul of the past days would be there nowonly the
  house and the trees; the owls and the stars; the river; park; and
  logan stone!  It was dark when they arrived; just their bedroom and
  two sitting…rooms had been made ready; with fires burning; though
  it was still high summer。  The same old execrable Heatherleys
  looked down from the black oak panellings。  The same scent of
  apples and old mice clung here and there about the dark corridors
  with their unexpected stairways。  It was all curiously unchanged;
  as old houses are when they are let furnished。
  Once in the night he woke。  Through the wide…open; uncurtained
  windows the night was simply alive with stars; such swarms of them
  swinging and trembling up there; and; far away; rose the
  melancholy; velvet…soft hooting of an owl。
  Sylvia's voice; close to him; said:
  〃Mark; that night when your star caught in my hair?  Do you
  remember?〃
  Yes; he remembered。  And in his drowsy mind just roused from
  dreams; there turned and turned the queer nonsensical refrain: 〃I
  neverneverwill desert Mr。 Micawber。 。 。 。〃
  A pleasant month thatof reading; and walking with the dogs the
  country round; of lying out long hours amongst the boulders or
  along the river banks; watching beasts and birds。
  The little old green…house temple of his early masterpieces was
  still extant; used now to protect watering pots。  But no vestige of
  impulse towards work came to him down there。  He was marking time;
  not restless; not bored; just waitingbut for what; he had no
  notion。  And Sylvia; at any rate; was happy; blooming in these old
  haunts; losing her fairness in the sun; even taking again to a
  sunbonnet; which made her look extraordinarily young。  The trout
  that poor old Gordy had so harried were left undisturbed。  No gun
  was fired; rabbits; pigeons; even the few partridges enjoyed those
  first days of autumn unmolested。  The bracken and leaves turned
  very early; so that the park in the hazy September sunlight had an
  almost golden hue。  A gentle mellowness reigned over all that
  holiday。  And from Ireland came no further news; save one picture
  postcard with the words: 〃This is our house。NELL。〃
  In the last week of September they went back to London。  And at
  once there began in him again that restless; unreasonable aching
  that sense of being drawn away out of himself; so that he once more
  took to walking the Park for hours; over grass already strewn with
  leaves; always lookingcravingand for what?
  At Dromore's the confidential man did not know when his master
  would be back; he had gone to Scotland with Miss Nell after the St。
  Leger。  Was Lennan disappointed?  Not sorelieved; rather。  But
  his ache was there all the time; feeding on its secrecy and
  loneliness; unmentionable feeling that it was。  Why had he not
  realized long ago that youth was over; passion done with; autumn
  upon him?  How never grasped the fact that 'Time steals away'?
  And; as before; the only refuge was in work。  The sheepdogs and
  'The Girl on the Magpie Horse' were finished。  He began a fantastic
  'relief'a nymph peering from behind a rock; and a wild…eyed man
  creeping; through reeds; towards her。  If he could put into the
  nymph's face something of this lure of Youth and Life and Love that
  was dragging at him; into the man's face the state of his own
  heart; it might lay that feeling to rest。  Anything to get it out
  of himself!  And he worked furiously; laboriously; all October;
  making no great progress。 。 。 。  What could he expect when Life was
  all the time knocking with that muffled tapping at his door?
  It was on the Tuesday; after the close of the last Newmarket
  meeting; and just getting dusk; when Life opened the door and
  walked in。  She wore a dark…red dress; a new one; and surely her
  faceher figurewere very different from what he had remembered!
  They had quickened and become poignant。  She was no longer a child
  that was at once plain。  Cheeks; mouth; neck; waistall seemed
  fined; shaped; the crinkly; light…brown hair was coiled up now