第 27 节
作者:
飘雪的季节 更新:2023-08-22 20:47 字数:9322
as to note the leathery look of the skin of his cheek and neck。
And she thought: 〃I pray that he will die! It is wicked; but I
pray that he will die!〃 Then; quietly; that he might not hear; she
mounted to her bedroom。 The door into his dressing…room was open;
and she went to shut it。 He was standing there at the window。
〃Ah! You're in! Been anywhere?〃
〃To the National Gallery。〃
It was the first direct lie she had ever told him; and she was
surprised to feel neither shame nor fear; but rather a sense of
pleasure at defeating him。 He was the enemy; all the more the
enemy because she was still fighting against herself; and; so
strangely; in his behalf。
〃Alone?〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Rather boring; wasn't it? I should have thought you'd have got
young Lennan to take you there。〃
〃Why?〃
By instinct she had seized on the boldest answer; and there was
nothing to be told from her face。 If he were her superior in
strength; he was her inferior in quickness。
He lowered his eyes; and said:
〃His line; isn't it?〃
With a shrug she turned away and shut the door。 She sat down on
the edge of her bed; very still。 In that little passage of wits
she had won; she could win in many such; but the full hideousness
of things had come to her。 Lies! lies! That was to be her life!
That; or to say farewell to all she now cared for; to cause despair
not only in herself; but in her lover; andfor what? In order
that her body might remain at the disposal of that man in the next
roomher spirit having flown from him for ever。 Such were the
alternatives; unless those words: 〃Then come to me;〃 were to be
more than words。 Were they? Could they be? They would mean such
happiness ifif his love for her were more than a summer love?
And hers for him? Was itwere theymore than summer loves? How
know? And; without knowing; how give such pain to everyone? How
break a vow she had thought herself quite above breaking? How make
such a desperate departure from all the traditions and beliefs in
which she had been brought up! But in the very nature of passion
is that which resents the intrusion of hard and fast decisions。 。 。 。
And suddenly she thought: If our love cannot stay what it is;
and if I cannot yet go to him for always; is there not still
another way?
She got up and began to dress for dinner。 Standing before her
glass she was surprised to see that her face showed no signs of the
fears and doubts that were now her comrades。 Was it because;
whatever happened; she loved and was beloved! She wondered how she
had looked when he kissed her so passionately; had she shown her
joy before she checked him?
In her garden by the river were certain flowers that; for all her
care; would grow rank and of the wrong colourwanting a different
soil。 Was she; then; like those flowers of hers? Ah! Let her but
have her true soil; and she would grow straight and true enough!
Then in the doorway she saw her husband。 She had never; till to…
day; quite hated him; but now she did; with a real blind horrible
feeling。 What did he want of her standing there with those eyes
fixed on herthose forceful eyes; touched with blood; that seemed
at once to threaten; covet; and beseech! She drew her wrapper
close round her shoulders。 At that he came up and said:
〃Look at me; Olive!〃
Against instinct and will she obeyed; and he went on:
〃Be careful! I say; be careful!〃
Then he took her by the shoulders; and raised her up to him。 And;
quite unnerved; she stood without resisting。
〃I want you;〃 he said; 〃I mean to keep you。〃
Then; suddenly letting her go; he covered his eyes with his hands。
That frightened her mostit was so unlike him。 Not till now had
she understood between what terrifying forces she was balancing。
She did not speak; but her face grew white。 From behind those
hands he uttered a sound; not quite like a human noise; turned
sharply; and went out。 She dropped back into the chair before her
mirror; overcome by the most singular feeling she had ever known;
as if she had lost everything; even her love for Lennan; and her
longing for his love。 What was it all worth; what was anything
worth in a world like this? All was loathsome; herself loathsome!
All was a void! Hateful; hateful; hateful! It was like having no
heart at all! And that same evening; when her husband had gone
down to the House; she wrote to Lennan:
〃Our love must never turn to earthiness as it might have this
afternoon。 Everything is black and hopeless。 HE suspects。 For
you to come here is impossible; and too dreadful for us both。 And
I have no right to ask you to be furtive; I can't bear to think of
you like that; and I can't bear it myself。 I don't know what to do
or say。 Don't try to see me yet。 I must have time; I must think。〃
XIII
Colonel Ercott was not a racing man; but he had in common with
others of his countrymen a religious feeling in the matter of the
Derby。 His remembrances of it went back to early youth; for he had
been born and brought up almost within sound of the coaching…road
to Epsom。 Every Derby and Oaks day he had gone out on his pony to
watch the passing of the tall hats and feathers of the great; and
the pot…hats and feathers of the lowly; and afterwards; in the
fields at home; had ridden races with old Lindsay; finishing
between a cow that judged and a clump of bulrushes representing the
Grand Stand。
But for one reason or another he had never seen the great race; and
the notion that it was his duty to see it had now come to him。 He
proposed this to Mrs。 Ercott with some diffidence。 She read so
many bookshe did not quite know whether she would approve。
Finding that she did; he added casually:
〃And we might take Olive。〃
Mrs。 Ercott answered dryly:
〃You know the House of Commons has a holiday?〃
The Colonel murmured:
〃Oh! I don't want that chap!〃
〃Perhaps;〃 said Mrs。 Ercott; 〃you would like Mark Lennan。〃
The Colonel looked at her most dubiously。 Dolly could talk of it
as a tragedy; and aa grand passion; and yet make a suggestion
like that! Then his wrinkles began slowly to come alive; and he
gave her waist a squeeze。
Mrs。 Ercott did not resist that treatment。
〃Take Olive alone;〃 she said。 〃I don't really care to go。〃
When the Colonel went to fetch his niece he found her ready; and
very half…heartedly he asked for Cramier。 It appeared she had not
told him。
Relieved; yet somewhat disconcerted; he murmured:
〃He won't mind not going; I suppose?〃
〃If he went; I should not。〃
At this quiet answer the Colonel was beset again by all his fears。
He put his white 'topper' down; and took her hand。
〃My dear;〃 he said; 〃I don't want to intrude upon your feelings;
butbut is there anything I can do? It's dreadful to see things
going unhappily with you!〃 He felt his hand being lifted; her face
pressed against it; and; suffering acutely; with his other hand;
cased in a bright new glove; he smoothed her arm。 〃We'll have a
jolly good day; sweetheart;〃 he said; 〃and forget all about it。〃
She gave the hand a kiss and turned away。 And the Colonel vowed to
himself that she should not be unhappylovely creature that she
was; so delicate; and straight; and fine in her pearly frock。 And
he pulled himself together; brushing his white 'topper' vigorously
with his sleeve; forgetting that this kind of hat has no nap。
And so he was tenderness itself on the journey down; satisfying all
her wants before she had them; telling her stories of Indian life;
and consulting her carefully as to which horse they should back。
There was the Duke's; of course; but there was another animal that
appealed to him greatly。 His friend Tabor had given him the tip
Tabor; who had the best Arabs in all Indiaand at a nice price。 A
man who practically never gambled; the Colonel liked to feel that
his fancy would bring him in something really substantialif it
won; the idea that it could lose not really troubling him。
However; they would see it in the paddock; and judge for
themselves。 The paddock was the place; away from all the dust and
racketOlive would enjoy the paddock! Once on the course; they
neglected the first race; it was more important; the Colonel
thought; that they should lunch。 He wanted to see more colour in
her cheeks; wanted to see her laugh。 He had an invitation to his
old regiment's drag; where the champagne was sure to be good。 And
he was so proud of herwould not have missed those young fellows'
admiration of her for the world; though to take a lady amongst them
was; in fact; against the rules。 It was not; then; till the second
race was due to start that they made their way into the paddock。
Here the Derby horses were being led solemnly; attended each by a
little posse of persons; looking up their legs and down their ribs
to see whether they were worthy of support; together with a few who
liked to see a whole horse at a time。 Presently they found the
animal which had been recommended to the Colonel。 It was a
chestnut; with a starred forehead; parading in a far corner。 The
Colonel; who really loved a horse; was deep in admiration。 He
liked its head and he liked its hocks; a