第 7 节
作者:飘雪的季节      更新:2023-08-22 20:47      字数:9322
  conduct of the night before might well have upset them。  An Oxford
  man; fainting in an hotel!  Something wrong there! 。 。 。
  And then; when he reached her; he did find courage。
  〃Was it really moonlight?〃
  〃All moonlight。〃
  〃But it was warm!〃
  And; when she did not answer that; he had within him just the same
  light; intoxicated feeling as after he had won a race at school。
  But now came a dreadful blow。  His tutor's old guide had suddenly
  turned up; after a climb with a party of Germans。  The war…horse
  had been aroused in Stormer。  He wished to start that afternoon for
  a certain hut; and go up a certain peak at dawn next day。  But
  Lennan was not to go。  Why not?  Because of last night's faint; and
  because; forsooth; he was not some stupid thing they called 'an
  expert。'  As if!  Where she could go he could!  This was to treat
  him like a child。  Of course he could go up this rotten mountain。
  It was because she did not care enough to take him!  She did not
  think him man enough!  Did she think that he could not climb what
  her husbandcould?  And if it were dangerous SHE ought not to be
  going; leaving him behindthat was simply cruel!  But she only
  smiled; and he flung away from her; not having seen that all this
  grief of his only made her happy。
  And that afternoon they went off without him。  What deep; dark
  thoughts he had then!  What passionate hatred of his own youth!
  What schemes he wove; by which she might come back; and find him
  gone…up some mountain far more dangerous and fatiguing!  If people
  did not think him fit to climb with; he would climb by himself。
  That; anyway; everyone admitted; was dangerous。  And it would be
  her fault。  She would be sorry then。  He would get up; and be off
  before dawn; he put his things out ready; and filled his flask。
  The moonlight that evening was more wonderful than ever; the
  mountains like great ghosts of themselves。  And she was up there at
  the hut; among them!  It was very long before he went to sleep;
  brooding over his injuriesintending not to sleep at all; so as to
  be ready to be off at three o'clock。  At NINE o'clock he woke。  His
  wrath was gone; he only felt restless and ashamed。  If; instead of
  flying out; he had made the best of it; he could have gone with
  them as far as the hut; could have stayed the night there。  And now
  he cursed himself for being such a fool and idiot。  Some little of
  that idiocy he could; perhaps; retrieve。  If he started for the hut
  at once; he might still be in time to meet them coming down; and
  accompany them home。  He swallowed his coffee; and set off。  He
  knew the way at first; then in woods lost it; recovered the right
  track again at last; but did not reach the hut till nearly two
  o'clock。  Yes; the party had made the ascent that morningthey had
  been seen; been heard jodelling on the top。  Gewiss!  Gewiss!  But
  they would not come down the same way。  Oh; no!  They would be
  going home down to the West and over the other pass。  They would be
  back in house before the young Herr himself。
  He heard this; oddly; almost with relief。  Was it the long walk
  alone; or being up there so high?  Or simply that he was very
  hungry?  Or just these nice friendly folk in the hut; and their
  young daughter with her fresh face; queer little black cloth sailor
  hat with long ribbons; velvet bodice; and perfect simple manners;
  or the sight of the little silvery…dun cows; thrusting their broad
  black noses against her hand?  What was it that had taken away from
  him all his restless feeling; made him happy and content? 。 。 。  He
  did not know that the newest thing always fascinates the puppy in
  its gambols! 。 。 。  He sat a long while after lunch; trying to draw
  the little cows; watching the sun on the cheek of that pretty
  maiden; trying to talk to her in German。  And when at last he said:
  〃Adieu!〃 and she murmured 〃Kuss die Hand。  Adieu!〃 there was quite
  a little pang in his heart。 。 。 。  Wonderful and queer is the heart
  of a man! 。 。 。  For all that; as he neared home he hastened; till
  he was actually running。  Why had he stayed so long up there?  She
  would be backshe would expect to see him; and that young beast of
  a violinist would be with her; perhaps; instead!  He reached the
  hotel just in time to rush up and dress; and rush down to dinner。
  Ah!  They were tired; no doubtwere resting in their rooms。  He
  sat through dinner as best he could; got away before dessert; and
  flew upstairs。  For a minute he stood there doubtful; on which door
  should he knock?  Then timidly he tapped on hers。  No answer!  He
  knocked loud on his tutor's door。  No answer!  They were not back;
  then。  Not back?  What could that mean?  Or could it be that they
  were both asleep?  Once more he knocked on her door; then
  desperately turned the handle; and took a flying glance。  Empty;
  tidy; untouched!  Not back!  He turned and ran downstairs again。
  All the guests were streaming out from dinner; and he became
  entangled with a group of 'English Grundys' discussing a climbing
  accident which had occurred in Switzerland。  He listened; feeling
  suddenly quite sick。  One of them; the short grey…bearded Grundy
  with the rather whispering voice; said to him: 〃All alone again to…
  night?  The Stormers not back?〃  Lennan did his best to answer; but
  something had closed his throat; he could only shake his head。
  〃They had a guide; I think?〃 said the 'English Grundy。'
  This time Lennan managed to get out: 〃Yes; sir。〃
  〃Stormer; I fancy; is quite an expert!〃 and turning to the lady
  whom the young 'Grundys' addressed as 'Madre' he added:
  〃To me the great charm of mountain…climbing was always the freedom
  from peoplethe remoteness。〃
  The mother of the young 'Grundys;' looking at Lennan with her half…
  closed eyes; answered:
  〃That; to me; would be the disadvantage; I always like to be mixing
  with my own kind。〃
  The grey…bearded 'Grundy' murmured in a muffled voice:
  〃Dangerous thing; that; to sayin an hotel!〃
  And they went on talking; but of what Lennan no longer knew; lost
  in this sudden feeling of sick fear。  In the presence of these
  'English Grundys;' so superior to all vulgar sensations; he could
  not give vent to his alarm; already they viewed him as unsound for
  having fainted。  Then he grasped that there had begun all round him
  a sort of luxurious speculation on what might have happened to the
  Stormers。  The descent was very nasty; there was a particularly bad
  traverse。  The 'Grundy;' whose collar was not now crumpled; said he
  did not believe in women climbing。  It was one of the signs of the
  times that he most deplored。  The mother of the young 'Grundys'
  countered him at once: In practice she agreed that they were out of
  place; but theoretically she could not see why they should not
  climb。  An American standing near threw all into confusion by
  saying he guessed that it might be liable to develop their
  understandings。  Lennan made for the front door。  The moon had just
  come up over in the South; and exactly under it he could see their
  mountain。  What visions he had then!  He saw her lying dead; saw
  himself climbing down in the moonlight and raising her still…
  living; but half…frozen; form from some perilous ledge。  Even that
  was almost better than this actuality of not knowing where she was;
  or what had happened。  People passed out into the moonlight;
  looking curiously at his set face staring so fixedly。  One or two
  asked him if he were anxious; and he answered: 〃Oh no; thanks!〃
  Soon there would have to be a search party。  How soon?  He would;
  he must be; of it!  They should not stop him this time。  And
  suddenly he thought: Ah; it is all because I stayed up there this
  afternoon talking to that girl; all because I forgot HER!
  And then he heard a stir behind him。  There they were; coming down
  the passage from a side doorshe in front with her alpenstock and
  rucksacksmiling。  Instinctively he recoiled behind some plants。
  They passed。  Her sunburned face; with its high cheek…bones and its
  deep…set eyes; looked so happy; smiling; tired; triumphant。
  Somehow he could not bear it; and when they were gone by he stole
  out into the wood and threw himself down in shadow; burying his
  face; and choking back a horrible dry sobbing that would keep
  rising in his throat。
  IX
  Next day he was happy; for all the afternoon he lay out in the
  shade of that same wood at her feet; gazing up through larch…
  boughs。  It was so wonderful; with nobody but Nature near。  Nature
  so alive; and busy; and so big!
  Coming down from the hut the day before; he had seen a peak that
  looked exactly like the figure of a woman with a garment over her
  head; the biggest statue in the world; from further down it had
  become the figure of a bearded man; with his arm bent over his
  eyes。  Had she seen it?  Had she noticed how all the mountains in
  moonlight or very early morning took the shape of beasts?  What he
  wanted most in life was to be able to make images of beasts and
  creatures of all sorts; that were likethat hadthat gave out the
  spirit ofNature; so that by just looking at them one could have
  all those jolly feelings one had when one was watching trees; and
  beasts; and rocks; and even some sorts of menbut not 'Engli