and　mouth　from　ear　to　ear。　　His　Wife　was　a　sun…browned　but　well…featured　woman；　and　his　young　ones；　bare　and　chubby；　had　the　appetite　of　ravens。　　Of　their　Philosophical　or　Religious　tenets　or　observances；　no　notice　or　hint。
  〃But　now；　secondly；　of　the　Dandiacal　Household；　in　which；　truly；　that　often…mentioned　Mystagogue　and　inspired　Penman　himself　has　his　abode：
  DANDIACAL　HOUSEHOLD。
  〃'A　Dressing…room　splendidly　furnished；　violet…colored　curtains；　chairs　and　ottomans　of　the　same　hue。　　Two　full…length　Mirrors　are　placed；　one　on　each　side　of　a　table；　which　supports　the　luxuries　of　the　Toilet。　　Several　Bottles　of　Perfumes；　arranged　in　a　peculiar　fashion；　stand　upon　a　smaller　table　of　mother…of…pearl：　　opposite　to　these　are　placed　the　appurtenances　of　Lavation　richly　wrought　in　frosted　silver。　　A　Wardrobe　of　Buhl　is　on　the　left；　the　doors　of　which；　being　partly　open；　discover　a　profusion　of　Clothes；　Shoes　of　a　singularly　small　size　monopolize　the　lower　shelves。　Fronting　the　wardrobe　a　door　ajar　gives　some　slight　glimpse　of　a　Bath…room。　Folding…doors　in　the　background。Enter　the　Author；'　our　Theogonist　in　person；　'obsequiously　preceded　by　a　French　Valet；　in　white　silk　Jacket　and　cambric　Apron。'
  〃Such　are　the　two　Sects　which；　at　this　moment；　divide　the　more　unsettled　portion　of　the　British　People；　and　agitate　that　ever…vexed　country。　　To　the　eye　of　the　political　Seer；　their　mutual　relation；　pregnant　with　the　elements　of　discord　and　hostility；　is　far　from　consoling。　　These　two　principles　of　Dandiacal　Self…worship　or　Demon…worship；　and　Poor…Slavish　or　Drudgical　Earth…worship；　or　whatever　that　same　Drudgism　may　be；　do　as　yet　indeed　manifest　themselves　under　distant　and　nowise　considerable　shapes：　nevertheless；　in　their　roots　and　subterranean　ramifications；　they　extend　through　the　entire　structure　of　Society；　and　work　unweariedly　in　the　secret　depths　of　English　national　Existence；　striving　to　separate　and　isolate　it　into　two　contradictory；　uncommunicating　masses。
  〃In　numbers；　and　even　individual　strength；　the　Poor…Slaves　or　Drudges；　it　would　seem；　are　hourly　increasing。　　The　Dandiacal；　again；　is　by　nature　no　proselytizing　Sect；　but　it　boasts　of　great　hereditary　resources；　and　is　strong　by　union；　whereas　the　Drudges；　split　into　parties；　have　as　yet　no　rallying…point；　or　at　best　only　co…operate　by　means　of　partial　secret　affiliations。　　If；　indeed；　there　were　to　arise　a　_Communion　of　Drudges_；　as　there　is　already　a　Communion　of　Saints；　what　strangest　effects　would　follow　therefrom！　　Dandyism　as　yet　affects　to　look　down　on　Drudgism：　　but　perhaps　the　hour　of　trial；　when　it　will　be　practically　seen　which　ought　to　look　down；　and　which　up；　is　not　so　distant。
  〃To　me　it　seems　probable　that　the　two　Sects　will　one　day　part　England　between　them；　each　recruiting　itself　from　the　intermediate　ranks；　till　there　be　none　left　to　enlist　on　either　side。　　Those　Dandiacal　Manicheans；　with　the　host　of　Dandyizing　Christians；　will　form　one　body：　　the　Drudges；　gathering　round　them　whosoever　is　Drudgical；　be　he　Christian　or　Infidel　Pagan；　sweeping　up　likewise　all　manner　of　Utilitarians；　Radicals；　refractory　Pot…wallopers；　and　so　forth；　into　their　general　mass；　will　form　another。　　I　could　liken　Dandyism　and　Drudgism　to　two　bottomless　boiling　Whirlpools　that　had　broken　out　on　opposite　quarters　of　the　firm　land：　　as　yet　they　appear　only　disquieted；　foolishly　bubbling　wells；　which　man's　art　might　cover　in；　yet　mark　them；　their　diameter　is　daily　widening：　　they　are　hollow　Cones　that　boil　up　from　the　infinite　Deep；　over　which　your　firm　land　is　but　a　thin　crust　or　rind！　　Thus　daily　is　the　intermediate　land　crumbling　in；　daily　the　empire　of　the　two　Buchan…Bullers　extending；　till　now　there　is　but　a　foot…plank；　a　mere　film　of　Land　between　them；　this　too　is　washed　away：　　and　thenwe　have　the　true　Hell　of　Waters；　and　Noah's　Deluge　is　out…deluged！
  〃Or　better；　I　might　call　them　two　boundless；　and　indeed　unexampled　Electric　Machines　（turned　by　the　'Machinery　of　Society'）；　with　batteries　of　opposite　quality；　Drudgism　the　Negative；　Dandyism　the　Positive；　one　attracts　hourly　towards　it　and　appropriates　all　the　Positive　Electricity　of　the　nation　（namely；　the　Money　thereof）；　the　other　is　equally　busy　with　the　Negative　（that　is　to　say　the　Hunger）；　which　is　equally　potent。　　Hitherto　you　see　only　partial　transient　sparkles　and　sputters：　　but　wait　a　little；　till　the　entire　nation　is　in　an　electric　state：　　till　your　whole　vital　Electricity；　no　longer　healthfully　Neutral；　is　cut　into　two　isolated　portions　of　Positive　and　Negative　（of　Money　and　of　Hunger）；　and　stands　there　bottled　up　in　two　World…Batteries！　　The　stirring　of　a　child's　finger　brings　the　two　together；　and　thenWhat　then？　　The　Earth　is　but　shivered　into　impalpable　smoke　by　that　Doom's　thunder…peal；　the　Sun　misses　one　of　his　Planets　in　Space；　and　thenceforth　there　are　no　eclipses　of　the　Moon。Or　better　still；　I　might　liken〃
  Oh；　enough；　enough　of　likenings　and　similitudes；　in　excess　of　which；　truly；　it　is　hard　to　say　whether　Teufelsdrockh　or　ourselves　sin　the　more。
  We　have　often　blamed　him　for　a　habit　of　wire…drawing　and　over…refining；　from　of　old　we　have　been　familiar　with　his　tendency　to　Mysticism　and　Religiosity；　whereby　in　everything　he　was　still　scenting　out　Religion：　　but　never　perhaps　did　these　amaurosis…suffusions　so　cloud　and　distort　his　otherwise　most　piercing　vision；　as　in　this　of　the　_Dandiacal　Body_！　　Or　was　there　something　of　intended　satire；　is　the　Professor　and　Seer　not　quite　the　blinkard　he　affects　to　be？　　Of　an　ordinary　mortal　we　should　have　decisively　answered　in　the　affirmative；　but　with　a　Teufelsdrockh　there　ever　hovers　some　shade　of　doubt。　　In　the　mean　while；　if　satire　were　actually　intended；　the　case　is　little　better。　　There　are　not　wanting　men　who　will　answer：　Does　your　Professor　take　us　for　simpletons？　　His　irony　has　overshot　itself；　we　see　through　it；　and　perhaps　through　him。
  CHAPTER　XI。　TAILORS。
  Thus；　however；　has　our　first　Practical　Inference　from　the　Clothes…Philosophy；　that　which　respects　Dandies；　been　sufficiently　drawn；　and　we　come　now　to　the　second；　concerning　Tailors。　　On　this　latter　our　opinion　happily　quite　coincides　with　that　of　Teufelsdrockh　himself；　as　expressed　in　the　concluding　page　of　his　Volume；　to　whom；　therefore；　we　willingly　give　place。　　Let　him　speak　his　own　last　words；　in　his　own　way：
  〃Upwards　of　a　century；〃　says　he；　〃must　elapse；　and　still　the　bleeding　fight　of　Freedom　be　fought；　whoso　is　noblest　perishing　in　the　van；　and　thrones　be　hurled　on　altars　like　Pelion　on　Ossa；　and　the　Moloch　of　Iniquity　have　his　victims；　and　the　Michael　of　Justice　his　martyrs；　before　Tailors　can　be　admitted　to　their　true　prerogatives　of　manhood；　and　this　last　wound　of　suffering　Humanity　be　closed。
  〃If　aught　in　the　history　of　the　world's　blindness　could　surprise　us；　here　might　we　indeed　pause　and　wonder。　　An　idea　has　gone　abroad；　and　fixed　itself　down　into　a　wide…spreading　rooted　error；　that　Tailors　are　a　distinct　species　in　Physiology；　not　Men；　but　fractional　Parts　of　a　Man。　　Call　any　one　a　_Schneider_　（Cutter；　Tailor）；　is　it　not；　in　our　dislocated；　hoodwinked；　and　indeed　delirious　condition　of　Society；　equivalent　to　defying　his　perpetual　fellest　enmity？　　The　epithet　_schneidermassig_　（tailor…like）　betokens　an　otherwise　unapproachable　degree　of　pusillanimity；　we　introduce　a　_Tailor's…Melancholy_；　more　opprobrious　than　any　Leprosy；　into　our　Books　of　Medicine；　and　fable　I　know　not　what　of　his　generating　it　by　living　on　Cabbage。　　Why　should　I　speak　of　Hans　Sachs　（himself　a　Shoemaker；　or　kind　of　Leather…Tailor）；　with　his　_Schneider　mit　dem　Panier_？　Why　of　Shakspeare；　in　his　_Taming　of　the　Shrew_；　and　elsewhere？　　Does　it　not　stand　on　record　that　the　English　Queen　Elizabeth；　receiving　a　deputation　of　Eighteen　Tailors；　addressed　them　with　a　'Good　morning；　gentlemen　both！'　　Did　not　the　same　virago　boast　that　she　had　a　Cavalry　Regiment；　whereof　neither　horse　nor　man　could　be　injured；　her　Regiment；　namely；　of　Tailors　on　Mares？　　Thus　everywhere　is　the　falsehood　taken　for　granted；　and　acted　on　as　an　indisputable　fact。
  〃Nevertheless；　need　I　put　the　question　to　any　Physiologist；　whether　it　is　disputable　or　not？　　Seems　it　not　at　least　presumable；　that；　under　his　Clothes；　the　Tailor　has　bones　and　viscera；　and　other　muscles　than　the　sartorius？　　Which　function　of　manhood　is　the　Tailor　not　conjectured　to　perform？　　Can　he　not　arrest　for　debt？　　Is　he　not　in　most　countries　a　taxpaying　animal？
  〃To　no　reader　of　this　Volume　can　it　be　doubtful　which　conviction　is　mine。　Nay　if　the　fruit　of　these　long　vigils；　and　almost　preternatural　Inquiries；　is　not　to　perish　utterly；　the　world　will　have　approximated　towards　a　higher　Truth；　and　the　doctrine；　which　Swift；　with　the　keen　forecast　of　genius；　dimly　anticipated；　will　stand　revealed　in　clear　light：　　that　the　Tailor　is　not　only　a　Man；　but　something　of　a　Creator　or　Divinity。　　Of　Franklin　it　was　said；　that　'he　snatched　the　Thunder　from　Heaven　and　the　Sceptre　from　Kings：'　　but　which　is　greater；　I　would　ask；　he　that　lends；　or　he　that　snatches？　　For；　looking　away　from　individual　cases；　and　how　a　Man　is　by　the　Tailor　new…created　into　a　Nobleman；　and　clothed　not　only　with　Wool　but　with　Dignity　and　a　Mystic　Dominion；is　not　the　fair　fabric　of　Society　itself；　with