〃I　always　told　the　old　man　that　a　suburban　chicken　coop　would　fall　on　him；〃　remarked　some　one。
  〃A　strange　pig　has　been　squealing　in　his　ear；〃　suggested　some　one　else。
  But　Uncle　Remus　remained　impassive。　He　seemed　to　have　lost　all　interest　in　what　was　going　on　around　him；　and　he　sighed　heavily　as　he　seated　himself　on　the　edge　of　the　trash…box　in　front　of　the　office。　Finally　some　one　asked；　in　a　sympathetic　tone：
  〃What　is　the　matter；　old　man？　You　look　like　you'd　been　through　the　mill。〃
  〃Now　you'er　knockin'　ain't　bin　thoo　de　mill　sence　day　'fo'　yis　tiddy；　den　dey　ain't　no　mills　in　de　lan'。　Ef　wunner　deze　yer　scurshun　trains　had　runned　over　me　I　　couldn't　er　bin　wuss　off。　I　bin　trompin'　'roun'　in　de　lowgroun's　now　givine　on　seventy…fl'　year；　but　I　ain't　see　no　sich　times　ez　dat　w'at　I　done　spe'unst　now。　Boss；　is　enny　er　you　all　ever　rastled　wid　de　toofache？〃
  〃Oh；　hundreds　of　times！　The　toothache　isn't　any…thing。〃
  〃Den　you　des　played　'roun'　de　aidges。　You　ain't　had　de　kine　w'at　kotch　me　on　de　underjaw。　You　mout　a　had　a　gum…bile；　but　you　ain't　bin　boddered　wid　de　toofache。　I　wnz　settin'　up　talkin'　wid　my　ole　'oman；　kinder　puzzlin'　'roun'　fer　ter　see　whar　de　nex'　meal's　vittles　wnz　a　gwineter　cum　fum；　an'　I　feel　a　little　ache　sorter　crawlin'　'long　on　my　jaw…bone；　kinder　feelin'　his　way。　But　de　ache　don't　stay　long。　He　sorter　hankered　'roun'　like；　en　den　crope　back　whar　he　come　fum。　Bimeby　I　feel　'im　comin'　agin；　an'　dis　time　hit　look　like　he　come　up　closer…kinder　skummishin'　'roun'　fer　ter　see　how　de　lan'　lay。　Den　he　went　off。　Present'y　I　feel　'im　comin'；　an'　dis　time　hit　look　like　he　kyar'd　de　news　unto　Mary；　fer　hit　feel　like　der　wuz　anudder　wun　wid　'im。　Dey　crep'　up　an'　crep'　'roun'；　an；　den　dey　crope　off。　Bimeby　dey　come　back；　an'　dis　time　dey　come　like　dey　wuzent　'fear'd　er　de　s'roundin's；　fer　dey　trot　right　up　unto　de　toof；　sorter　zamine　it　like；　an'　den　trot　all　roun'　it；　like　deze　yer　circuous　hosses。　I　sot　dar　mighty　ca'm；　but　I　spected　dat　sump'n'　wuz　givine　ter　happ'n。〃
  〃And　it　happened；　did　it？〃　asked　some　one　in　the　group　surrounding　the　old　man。
  〃Boss；　don't　you　fergit　it；〃　responded　Uncle　Remus；　fervidly。　〃W'en　dem　aches　gallop　back　dey　galloped　fer　ter　stay；　an'　dey　wuz　so　mixed　up　dat　I　couldn't　tell　one　fum　de　udder。　All　night　long　dey　racked　an'　dey　galloped；　an'　w'en　dey　got　tired　er　rackin'　an'　gallopin'；　dey　all　close　in　on　de　ole　toof　an'　thumped　it　an'　gouged　at　it　twel　it　'peared　unto　me　dat　dey　had　got　de　jaw…bone　loosened　up；　an'　wuz　tryin'　fer　ter　fetch　it　up　thoo　de　top　er　my　head　an'　out　at　der　back　er　my　neck。　An'　dey　got　wuss　nex'　day。　Mars　John；　he　seed　I　wnz　'stracted；　an'　he　tole　me　fer　ter　go　roun'　yere　an'　git　sump'n'　put　on　it；　an'　de　drug　man　he　lowed　dat　I　better　have　'er　draw'd；　an'　his　wuds　wuzent　more'n　cole　'fo'　wunner　deze　yer　watch…youmaycollums…wunner　deze　dentis'　mens…had　retched　fer　it　wid　a　pa'r　er　tongs　w'at　don't　tu'n　loose　w'en　dey　ketches　a　holt。　Leas'ways　dey　didn't　wid　me。　You　oughter　seed　dat　toof；　boss。　Hit　wuz　wunner　deze　yer　fo'…prong　fellers。　Ef　she'd　a　grow'd　wrong　eend　out'ard；　I'd　a　bin　a　bad　nigger　long　arter　I　jin'd　de　chu'ch。　You　year'd　my　ho'n！〃
  VII　THE　PHONOGRAPH
  〃UNC　REMUS；〃　asked　a　tall；　awkward…looking　negro；　who　was　one　of　a　crowd　surrounding　the　old　man；　〃w'at's　dish　'ere　w'at　dey　calls　de　fonygraf…dish　yer　inst'ument　w'at　kin　holler　'roun'　like　little　chillun　in　de　back　yard？〃
  〃I　ain't　seed　um；〃　said　Uncle　Remus；　feeling　in　his　pocket　for　a　fresh　chew　of　tobacco。　〃I　ain't　seed　tim；　but　I　year　talk　un　um。　Miss　Sally　wuz　a　readin'　in　de　papers　las'　Chuseday；　an'　she　say　dat's　it's　a　mighty　big　watchyonmaycollum。〃
  'A　mighty　big　w'ich？〃　asked　one　of　the　crowd。
  〃A　mighty　big　w'atzisname；〃　answered　Uncle　Remus；　cautiously。　〃I　wuzent　up　dar　close　to　whar　Miss　Sarah　wuz　a　readin'；　but　I　kinder　geddered　in　dat　it　wuz　one　er　deze　'ere　w'atzisnames　w'at　you　hollers　inter　one　year　an　it　comes　out　er　de　udder。　　Hit's　　mighty　　　　　　　…funny　unter　me　how　dese　fokes　kin　go　an'　proguosticate　der　eckoes　inter　one　er　dez　yer　i'on　boxes；　an'　dar　hit'll　stay　on　twel　de　man　comes　long　an'　tu'ns　de　handle　an'　let's　de　fuss　come　pilin'　out。　Bimeby　deyll　git　ter　makin'　sho'　nuff　fokes；　an'　den　dere'll　be　a　racket　'roun'　here。　Dey　tells　me　dat　it　goes　off　like　one　er　deze　yer　torpedoes。〃
  〃You　year　dat；　don't　you？〃　said　one　or　two　of　the　younger　negroes。
  〃Dat's　w'at　dey　tells　me；〃　continued　Uncle　Remus。　〃Dat's　w'at　dey　sez。　Hit's　one　er　deze　yer　kinder　w'atzisnames　w'at　sasses　back　w'en　you　hollers　at　it。〃
  〃W'at　dey　fix　um　fer；　den？〃　asked　one　of　the　practical　negroes。
  'Dat's　w'at　I　wanter　know；〃　said　Uncle　Remus；　contemplatively。　〃But　dat's　w'at　Miss　Sally　wnz　a　readin'　in　de　paper。　All　you　gotter　do　is　ter　holler　at　de　box；　an'　dar's　yo'　remarks。　Dey　goes　in；　an'　dar　dey　er　tooken　and　dar　dey　hangs　on　twel　you　shakes　de　box；　an'　den　dey　draps　out　des　ez　fresh　ez　deze　yer　fishes　w'at　you　git　fum　Savannah；　an'　you　ain't　got　time　fer　ter　look　at　dere　gills；　nudder。〃
  VIII　RACE　IMPROVEMENT
  〃Dere's　a　kind　er　limberness　'bout　niggers　dese　days　dat's　mighty　cu'us；〃　remarked　Uncle　Remus　yesterday；　as　he　deposited　a　pitcher　of　fresh　water　upon　the　exchange　table。　〃I　notisses　it　in　de　alley…ways　an　on　de　street…cornders。　Dey　er　rackin'　up；　mon；　deze　yer　cullud　fokes　is。〃
  〃What　are　you　trying　to　give　us　now？〃　inquired　one　of　the　young　men；　in　a　bilious　tone。
  〃The　old　man's　mind　is　wandering；〃　said　the　society　editor；　smoothing　the　wrinkles　out　of　his　lavender　kids。
  Uncle　Remus　laughed。　I　speck　I　is　a　gittin'　mo　frailer　dan　I　wnz　'fo'　de　fahmin　days　wuz　over；　but　I　sees　wid　my　eyes　an'　I　years　wid　my　year；　same　ez　enny　er　dese　yer　young　bucks　w'at　goes　a　gallopin'　roun'　huntin'　up　devilment；　an'　w'en　I　sees　de　limberness　er　dese　yer　cullud　people；　an'　w'en　I　sees　how　dey　er　dancin'　up；　den　I　gits　sorter　hopeful。　Dey　er　kindcr　ketchin'　up　wid　me。〃
  〃How　is　that？〃
  〃Oh；　dey　er　movin'；〃　responded　Uncle　Remus。　〃Dey　er　sorter　comin'　'roun'。　Dey　er　gittin'　so　dey　bleeve　dat　dey　ain't　no　better　dan　de　w'ite　fokes。　W'en　freedom　come　out　de　niggers　sorter　got　dere　humps　up；　an'　dey　staid　dat　way；　twel　bimeby　dey　begun　fer　ter　git　hongry；　an'　den　dey　begun　fer　ter　drap　inter　line　right　smartually；　an'　now；　conhnued　the　old　man；　emphatically；　〃dey　er　des　ez　palaverous　ez　dey　wuz　befo'　de　war。　Dey　er　gittin'　on　solid　groun'；　mon。〃
  〃You　think　they　are　improving；　then？〃
  〃Youer　chawin'　guv'nment　now；　boss。　You　slap　de　law　onter　a　nigger　a　time　er　two；　an'　lam　'im　dat　he's　got　fer　to　look　after　his　own　rashuns　an'　keep　out'n　udder　fokes's　chick'n…coops；　an'　sorter　coax　'im　inter　de　idee　dat　he's　got　ter　feed　'is　own　chilluns；　an'　I　be　blessed　ef　you　ain't　got　'im　on　risin'　groun'。　An'；　mo'n　dat；　w'en　he　gits　holt　er　de　fack　dat　a　nigger　k'n　have　yaller　fever　same　ez　w'ite　folks；　you　done　got　'im　on　de　mo'ners'　bench；　an'　den　ef　you　come　down　Strong　on　de　p'int　dat　he　oughter　stan'　fas'　by　de　fokes　w'at　hope　him　w'en　he　wnz　in　trouble　de　job's　done。　W'en　you　does　dat；　ef　you　ain't　got　yo'　han's　on　a　new…made　nigger；　den　my　name　ain't　Remus。　an'　ef　dat　name's　bin　changed　I　ain't　seen　her　abbertized；〃
  IX　IN　THE　ROLE　OF　A　TARTAR
  A　CHARLESTON　negro　who　was　in　Atlanta　on　the　Fourth　of　July　made　a　mistake。　He　saw　Uncle　Remus　edging　his　way　through　the　crowd；　and　thought　he　knew　him。
  〃Howdy；　Daddy　Ben？〃　the　stranger　exclaimed。　〃I　tink　I　nubber　see　you　no　mo'。　Wey　you　gwan？　He　hot　fer　true；　ain't　he？〃
  〃Daddy　who？〃　asked　Uncle　Remus；　straightening　himself　up　with　dignity。　〃W'ich？〃
  〃I　know　you　in　Charrson；　an'　den　in　Sewanny。　I　spec　I　dun　grow　away　from　'membrance。〃
  〃You　knowed　me　in　Charlstun；　and　den　in　Savanny？〃
  〃He　been　long　time；　ain't　he；　Daddy　Ben？〃
  〃Dat's　w'at's　a　pesterin'　un　me。　How　much　you　reckon　you　know'd　me？〃
  〃He　good　while　pas'；　when　I　wer'　pickaninny。　He　long　time　ago。　Wey　you　gwan；　Daddy　Ben？〃
  〃W'at　does　you　season　your　recollection　wid　fer　ter　make　it　hole　on　so？〃　inquired　the　old　man。
  〃I　dunno。　He　stick　hese'f。　I　see　you　comm'　'long　'n　I　say　'Dey　Daddy　Ben。'　I　tink　I　see　you　no　mo'；　an'　I　shaky　you　by　de　han'。　Wey　you　gwan？　Dey　no　place　yer　wey　we　git　wine？〃
  Uncle　Remus　stared　at　the　strange　darkey　curiously　for　a　moment；　and　then　he　seized　him　by　the　arm。
  〃Come　yer；　son；　whar　dey　ain't　no　folks　an'　lemme　drap　some　Jawjy　'intment　in　dem　years　er　yone。　Youer　mighty　fur　ways　fum　home；　an'　you　wanter　be　a　lookin'　out　fer　yo'se'f。　Fus　and　fo'mus；　youer　thumpin'　de　wrong　watermillion。　Youer　w'isslin'　up　de　wrong　chube。　I　ain't　tromped　roun'　de　country　much。　I　ain't　bin　to　Charlstun　an'　needer　is　I　tuck　in　Savanny；　but　you　couldn't　rig　up　no　game　on　me　dat　I　wouldn't　tumble　on　to　it　de　minit　I　laid　my　eyeballs　on　you。　W'en　hit　come　to　dat　I'm　ole　man　Tumbler；　fum　Tumblersville…I　is　dat。　Hit　takes　one　er　deze　yer　full…blooded　w'ite　men　fur　ter　trap　my　jedgment。　But　w'en　a　nigger　comes　a　jabberin'　'roun'　like　he　got　a　mouf　full　er　rice　straw；　he　ain't　got　no　mo'　chance　long　side　er　me　dan　a　sick　sparrer　wid　a　squinch…owl。　You　gutter　travel　wid　a　circus　'fo'　you　gits　away　wid　me。　You　better　go　long　an'　git　yo'　kyarpet…sack　and　skip　de　town。　Youer　de　freshest　nigger　w'at　I　seen　yit。〃
  The　Charleston　negro　passe